Masked Indulgence

by Michelle Love

  ‘You did a drug test on him?’

  Charlie sat forward. ‘He volunteered one.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘A few weeks ago.’

  ‘And none of you thought to tell me?’

  ‘You’re not the only one with secrets, Lila. He didn’t want you to be mad at me, so he decided to prove he wasn’t a junkie. Never mentioned the sister, though.’

  Lila sighed and put her head in her hands. ‘You boys drive me crazy.’

  Riley squeezed her arm. ‘We’re all good now, though, Lila, right?’

  Lila looked away from Charlie’s gaze. ‘Right.’

  Later, Charlie gave Lila a ride home. Richard was in Washington at a conference, and so Lila invited Charlie in to hang out.

  She handed him a cold beer from the fridge. ‘What’s been happening with you?’

  Charlie grinned. ‘Nice of you to ask. I’ve been seeing someone.’

  The bottle stopped halfway to Lila’s mouth. ‘No way, really? Who?’

  Charlie made a big deal of taking a drink before he answered her. ‘Tinsley.’

  Lila smiled. ‘Oh, Charlie, that’s great, how long?’

  ‘Couple of weeks. She’s a good girl.’

  ‘And drop dead gorgeous. Oh, I’m so happy for you.’ She clinked her glass against his. ‘To love.’

  ‘To really great and long overdue sex,’ Charlie shot back, and Lila laughed.

  ‘Definitely.’

  She felt so much better now; for the last couple of months, Charlie, and their friendship seemed to be slipping, his distrust of Richard marring their time together. She sighed happily now.

  ‘Chuck, my old friend, I have this feeling things are going to be great for both of us.’

  Then…Woods, Carnegie Compound, Westchester

  It didn’t last, of course. A few months later, just as Richard and Lila were celebrating a year of being together, Cora, to whom Lila had been growing closer, had a meltdown and smoked a joint at a local music festival. A paparazzo bored out of his brain at the gathering, got a few shots of her, and that was that. Front page news. The daughter of tech scion, Richard Carnegie Sr. was a junkie – they managed to find out everything, even confidential files from the place she had attended rehab.

  Cora was destroyed, and Richard was losing his mind from worry. Lila, at first, didn’t know how to help, but then, when she was alone with Cora one day, Cora asked her a simple question.

  ‘How did you…I mean, what was it like growing up without a family?’

  Lila looked surprised. They were walking in the woods near the Carnegie mansion in Westchester, with Richard Sr.’s beloved spaniels racing ahead of them. The day was warm for fall, and Cora was throwing tennis balls for the dogs to chase. Lila considered her question.

  ‘It’s strange; I never knew family life at all so it’s hard for me to say or make a comparison. I can tell you what it was like being in a children’s home; sometimes fun, sometimes awful.’

  Cora nodded. ‘Same with family. Sometimes I love them all to distraction; other times…I wish I were alone, without all the weight of expectation, responsibility. Without being judged.’ She looked away from Lila’s gaze.

  Lila suddenly understood. ‘Is it Judith again?’

  Cora nodded. ‘She won’t leave me alone. Keeps telling me I’m destroying Mom, that I’m reckless and selfish – and I know I am but it’s almost a daily thing now. Texts, phone calls.’

  Lila stopped her with a hand on her arm. ‘You mean, she’s waging a campaign? Seriously, C-Belle, that isn’t right. What’s her problem?’

  Cora smiled sadly. ‘I’m an easy target. She hates Richard too, but she knows he’ll fight back. I’m not good at that.’

  Lila shook her head. ‘I don’t understand what she gets out of behaving like that.’

  ‘She hates us, plain and simple, and by bullying me, she gets a cheap thrill. She hates that she’s not in Daddy’s will – why would she be? Mom told them when she married him that his money was his money. Mom’s not even in his will – at her own insistence. He doesn’t like it, but that’s what she wanted. She’s not exactly poor herself, and they agreed that she would provide for Judith and Flora out of her own money. But then the crash happened, and Mom lost a lot of money. Judith doesn’t earn her own money – she believes she can gad around, doing her ‘self-improvement’ and Mom will keep on funding it.’

  ‘I do hope one of her self-improvement courses deals with how not to be an absolute fucking bitch,’ Lila was angry now. She hugged Cora. ‘Cora Belle, I will deal with Judith, I promise you that. You just concentrate on recovery.’

  Cora hugged her tightly. ‘You’ve been more like a sister to me than they’ve ever been, Lila Belle.’

  Lila kept her promise. So incensed was she, she didn’t tell Richard, or Delphine what she was going to do. She confronted Judith at her holistic spa – a front for Judith’s catty friends to gather and bitch about how unfulfilled and empty their lives were and how their husbands didn’t understand them.

  Lila walked straight past reception, ignoring the woman who called to her and marched straight to Judith’s office. She didn’t bother to knock. Judith looked up shocked as the door slammed open. The woman sitting opposite her looked vaguely scared. Lila pointed at her. ‘You. Out. Now.’

  The woman cast a quick look at Judith and fled, Lila slamming the door behind her and leaning back against it. She stared Judith down.

  ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Lila?’ Judith’s voice was pure ice, and she stood up and walked around the other side of her desk to show Lila she wasn’t scared of her. Judith was a tall woman, dwarfing Lila, but the smaller woman didn’t back down.

  ‘I’ve come to tell you, Judith, that you will stop your harassment of Cora this minute. That if you ever, ever try to bully her again, I will personally see to it that you are punished.’

  Judith threw her head back and laughed. ‘This is about the little junkie? Oh, for goodness sake, what has she told you? Are you so stupid you don’t realize you can’t trust a drug addict?’

  Lila stepped towards her and to her satisfaction; a flicker of fear came into Judith’s eyes. ‘I’ve been in situations you wouldn’t dream of, Judith. Unlike you, I grew up in children’s homes and when I was sixteen, on the streets. You have no idea who you’re dealing with, or what I know, and I’m telling you, leave Cora alone. Do you understand?’

  ‘Who the hell do you think you are? Just because you’re fucking Richard does not mean you are a part of this family. The Carnegie’s don’t need a whoring little gold-digger like you, Tierney.’

  Lila’s smile was cold. ‘Like I said, you don’t know who you’re dealing with, and you forget Judith, you’re not a Carnegie.’

  ‘Get the fuck out of my office, you little tramp, or I’ll have security throw you out.’

  Lila snorted. ‘I’d like to see you try. Anyway, I’ve said what I came to say. Leave Cora alone.’

  She walked out of Judith’s office, slamming the door behind her, and smiled grimly to herself. She knew she had gotten to Judith, she had seen it in her eyes.

  She walked to the nearest subway station and rode the rail back to the Village. Her cellphone rang. Delphine. Well, Judith had run to Mommy fast. Steeling herself, she answered the call.

  At first, she thought the older woman was crying, all she could hear was gasps and squeaks but then, she realized, Delphine was laughing. ‘Oh, Lila Belle, I just keep thinking of you and your tiny fists waving in Judith’s face.’

  Lila chuckled. ‘I’m sorry, Delphine, I had to do something.’

  ‘Oh don’t apologize…how stupid of Judith to tell me…now, of course, I know the whole story. I hope you don’t mind, Lila, but I double-downed on your threat. If Judith doesn’t leave Cora alone, then she’s going to find her life very difficult. Honestly, I think the thought of having to get a job frightens her more than anything.’

  ‘I’m glad. Bullying doesn’t sit well
with me.’

  Delphine sighed. ‘Cora doesn’t really have any girlfriends, so I am so grateful you and she have bonded. Come over for dinner tonight, you and Richard, and we’ll thank you properly.’

  The dinner was a riot, and Cora really did seem better. Judith had sent her a huge bunch of flowers with a simple note apologizing – in a roundabout way. Lila had rolled her eyes, but Cora laughed. ‘For Judith, that’s practically rubbing gravel in her hair.’

  Richard had taken Lila in his arms when he heard. ‘I can’t thank you enough, but I think I may have come up with a way. Tell you about it later.’

  She laughed, thinking he meant sex. ‘If that’s what you’re offering, I’ll take it.’

  He just grinned, and when they were at dinner, he tapped his wine glass for his attention. ‘Hey folks, I have a couple of things I want to say. First off, I’d like to propose a toast to my sister, Cora – Cora Belle, I love you so much, we all do, and I can’t tell you how proud we are that you’re battling your demons and winning. Everyone falls sometimes, but not everyone has the courage to pick themselves up.’

  ‘Hear, hear!’ Lila said, and they all raised their glasses to the blushing Cora.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said and smiled gratefully at her brother. A look passed between then, and he gave her a small nod that the others couldn’t decipher. She grinned excitedly.

  Richard cleared his throat. ‘And to my Lila…my little warrior woman. To have stood in front of my sister like that, to go up against Judith, who, quite frankly, terrifies four-star generals…Lila, you amaze me. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You might not think it was much because I know you, but to us, to Cora, it proved one thing. You are our family and we, yours.’

  It was Lila’s turn to color, and she waved their thanks away. ‘My pleasure, really, it was nothing.’

  Richard hadn’t finished. He walked around to Lila and offered her his hand. She took it and stood, slightly confused about what was happening. Next moment, no more confusion.

  Richard dropped to one knee, and Lila wobbled. He grinned up at her. ‘Lila, you are the love of my life. I know I’m not worthy of you…yet. But I want to spend my life trying to be. Lila…would you, please marry me?’

  Now…Lenox Hill Hospital

  ‘Okay, two more minutes and then rest. I don’t want you pushing yourself too hard.’ Noah fixed her with a look that meant business. ‘Lila Belle, I mean it.’ He’d picked up Delphine’s nickname for her; it suited her.

  Lila grumbled but grinned at him. During the six weeks of her rehabilitation, she and Noah Applebaum had become good friends; their friendship flirtatious and teasing. The doctor was thorough, he pushed her, but lately, as she had improved, she had been eager to push herself…and he was worried that she might hurt herself.

  ‘Make your mind up, Noah,’ she chided him now, somewhat breathlessly, as she pounded on the treadmill. Her leg movement had improved, the pain diminishing as her muscle tone got better. She had admitted to him that she ached after their sessions but that it was ‘a good ache, rather than a searing ache.’

  He admired her commitment, never questioning his methods. ‘Right, now, as you slow, I want you to concentrate on your abdominal muscles, feel for any pain.’ He put his splayed hand on her belly as she ran, trying not to think of her warm skin under his fingers. ‘Move my hand to where you feel the most pain.’

  Lila was flushed but seemed to color an even darker scarlet when he touched her. He couldn’t take his eyes off her mouth, her pink, bee-stung lips. She slowed her pace then tentatively moved his hand to where she felt the most pain – her right side. Noah swallowed as he felt the muscles contracting under his skin. ‘The good news is that it’s more than likely a side-stitch from cramping.’

  He went to move his hand away, but Lila grabbed it and held it against her belly again. ‘I’m getting better…can you feel?’ Her voice was soft and their gazes held and locked. One beat. Two. He couldn’t help but let his fingers stroke her soft skin and Lila gave a little gasp of pleasure, closing her eyes.

  You are a professional…Noah reluctantly took his hand away and went to his notes, willing his erection to go down. God, he wanted her so badly, but she was his patient…and she was engaged to be married.

  ‘Noah?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘They’re discharging me on Monday.’

  He nodded. ‘I know. That’s good news, right?’

  ‘Right.’ A silence where they couldn’t take their eyes from each other then Lila gave a small smile.

  ‘I’ll miss you.’

  Oh god. ‘Lila, I will miss you too…but if I don’t get back to Seattle, they’ll get rid of me. You’re doing great, the aftercare service is phenomenal.’ No, no, stop it, stop pretending that the last six weeks with her haven’t been the best of your life, that she isn’t the first person you think of in the morning when you wake, the last at night.

  Lila wiped down her arms with a towel and stepped from the treadmill. She went to the door and locked it, pulling down the shade.

  ‘Richard cheated on me,’ she said, ‘A few times.’

  ‘He’s a fool.’

  She nodded. ‘I’m telling you this because I finally know how he felt when he was with those other women. The love I have for him has changed, become friendly rather than romantic and I believe with all my heart that he wasn’t the one who tried to kill me. But these last six weeks…I can’t get you out of my head, Noah. Every time you touch me, my entire body screams out for you…I hate that I feel this way, and I know what you’re going to say, that it’s not uncommon for patients to get crushes on their doctors. This isn’t that.’

  So many thoughts ran through Noah’s head at that moment but instead he went to her and took her face in his hands. ‘I’ve tried so hard to be professional about you,’ he murmured, ‘but you drive me crazy, Lila. I can’t get involved with a patient…but…’

  ‘You’re going back to Seattle,’ she said, softly, ‘and I’m engaged to Richard. And I truly am not a slut. But right here, right now…’

  She didn’t get to finish as Noah pulled her lips to his and kissed her thoroughly, his hands tangling in her hair, his mouth hard against hers. Lila kissed him back, moaning with excitement as he slid his hands under her t-shirt. Soon they were pulling each other’s clothes off, desperate to get at each other. Noah stroked her naked body, marveling over the soft, lush curves of her. ‘If you feel any pain…’

  She grinned up at him. ‘Stop being a doctor, Noah…’

  He laughed and gathered her to him, kissing her passionately as he lowered her to the floor. He kissed her full breasts, down her stomach and kissed each one of her still bright pink scars. ‘No-one sane would do this to you,’ he murmured as he lifted her leg and buried his face in her sex. Lila moaned softly as he licked and tasted her, as his tongue teased and made her clit harden. As he climbed on her body to kiss her mouth again, she could feel his huge, rock-hard cock against her thigh and reached down to guide it into her. Noah thrust into her, still careful, but she urged him on, wrapping her legs around his waist.

  They moved together as if their bodies had always been made for each other, their gazes locked. ‘Noah…,’ she whispered, looking up at him in wonder. Noah felt his heart burst as he saw the love, the tenderness in her eyes. You are all I have ever wanted, he wanted to tell her, but he said nothing.

  After they’d come, Noah’s cock shooting deep into her leaving them both shuddering and gasping, they dressed, stopping to kiss every minute. She placed her hand against Noah’s cheek. ‘You’re wonderful,’ she said softly, ‘I will never, ever forget you. You gave me back my life…in so many ways.’

  As soon as she had left the room, Noah Applebaum knew he was in big trouble. Not from the hospital – there was no way they could find out unless either of them said anything and he trusted Lila with his life -, not from Richard Carnegie, or his family but from his own heart. They might have had a silent agreement t
hat this was a one-time thing but his emotions right now…

  Calm. Breathe. Relish the moment…and let her go…

  Then…Upper East Side, Manhattan

  Lila looked down at the ring on her finger. At her request, it wasn’t the huge bauble Richard at first had suggested, more a simple, classic solitaire diamond, but it still felt wrong on her hand. It was a symbol of ownership to her mind. At work and college, she had a good excuse not to wear it, but everywhere else, she had none.

  The night he had proposed, Lila had been shocked – and more disconcerted than delighted. Her heart had warmed at his words and the love in his eyes, but the way the rest of his family had looked at her – she had felt obliged to say yes and perform the role of a delighted fiancé.

  And the thing was…she loved Richard, with all her heart, she loved him, but something still didn’t fit right. She couldn’t pinpoint it either. They liked the same music, books, their intellect was pretty much on a level, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was waiting around the corner, something that would hit them full-force, that they wouldn’t recover from.

  She tried to talk to him about it, but Richard would think she was referring to his infidelity and shut the subject down - pleasantly but with finality.

  It was Delphine who noticed she was quieter than normal and the older woman, taking Lila out to lunch in a high-end restaurant in Manhattan, asked her directly.

  ‘Lila, do you want to marry Richard? No recriminations, just the truth, please.’

  Lila sighed. ‘I do, truly, Delphine. It’s just I feel…that we don’t know each well enough yet, and I’m still only twenty-six. I haven’t had time to do my own thing yet, you know?’

  Delphine nodded and sipped her wine. ‘Darling, I do know. I made the mistake of marrying before I did my own thing – the first time. Thankfully, Richard Sr. was a completely different man to my first husband; we spend as much time apart as we do together, without recrimination and in perfect trust. I get the best of both worlds with him.’