Killer Kale Chips

by Patrice Lyle

  I smiled. That was so Tex.

  Then it hit me. The helium balloons!

  "Veronica had helium balloons tied to her display, and what do you want to bet that Ruby suggested the balloons, which gave her access to helium to alter her voice?"

  "I think we need to report that to the detective. Malone can't ignore what we've discovered or what I found." He angled his screen toward me.

  I read the story, which reported that Esther Dale's lawsuit against Veronica was dismissed for lack of evidence.

  Tex let out a low whistle. "That gives Ruby motive."

  I nodded. "It's sad that Ruby's husband died, but she didn't have to resort to murder. Why couldn't she just have gotten another lawyer?"

  "Maybe she was out of money?"

  "Perhaps Callie was blackmailing Ruby? Callie obviously knew about Ruby's secret," I said, as I folded the newspaper article and slid back it into the album. "Let's call Detective Malone. She needs to hear this." Even if she doesn't want to.

  We rose to report our findings and strode to the door with Tex clutching me and me clutching the photo album. Tex pressed a kiss on my lips that said let's get this case over with. I couldn't have agreed more. Once we came up for air, Tex gave flashed me the sweetest smile that made me want to marry him right then.

  He lifted my chin. "I've been thinking about our wedding, Doc. Do you think we should move the date up? As much as I hate that we're involved in another crime scene, it sure does prove how short life is. Why do we need to wait a few months to get married?"

  Tears stung my eyes as I realized I felt the same. "I don't want to wait anymore either. And Cooter was right about the destination being about the heart."

  "Maybe we ought to have a Manhattan wedding?"

  My heart leapt with excitement but then came crashing down. "But I don't have a dress, Tex, remember? And life's way too short to get married in that shredded gown."

  A devilish sparkle shone from Tex's eyes. "What if you did have one?"

  My pulse raced. Had he found me a dress? "You mean an actual floor-length wedding gown? Not some gnawed-off-at-the-knee tulle disaster?"

  He smiled. "I saw that your shredded gown was a size four, so I've been doing a little online shopping of my own. I found a bling-covered dress perfect for my gorgeous bride. I took a leap of faith and ordered it. The dress will be delivered to the hotel tomorrow."

  Butterflies stirred inside. "Aw, Tex, you're so sweet. But you're not supposed to see my gown. It's bad luck, remember?"

  He shook his head. "What's bad luck is waiting another day to make you my wife. I love you, Dr. Piper Meadows."

  His soft kiss sealed the deal.

  "I love you Tex, and I don't want to wait to get married either." My mind raced with ideas for the rest of the bridal party. "We can find Aunt Alfa a dress easily enough, but Brownie's tux could be a bit of a challenge."

  He grinned. "I got Brownie covered. I found a cool shop here in Manhattan that specializes in pet wedding apparel."

  I beamed. "You think of everything, don't you?"

  "When it comes to you, Doc, yes."

  My heart swelled, and I kissed him. "Want to go to Macy's and find Aunt Alfa a dress? We could call Detective Malone on the way and tell her about the photo album? She might not believe us anyway, so it might be a moot point."

  He tugged open the door. "Works for me. I'm done dealing with murder and mayhem. I'd rather spend our time figuring out when and where we want to get married."

  "I totally agree, Tex. I'm done with murder and mayhem too."

  But, unfortunately, they weren't done with us.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Pizza, Dresses, and China! Oh My!

  I wedged the photo album next to my favorite Tranquility essential oil spray (made by Aunt Alfa) into my hobo bag as I settled into the backseat of the cab. Tex and I were bound for a store I'd longed dreamed of visiting.

  The Manhattan Macy's.

  There I'd find the perfect petite size-zero dress for Aunt Alfa. My shopping instinct told me so. I could hardly wait to see her surprised face when I presented her wedding outfit plus the news that we were going to get married sooner.

  In Manhattan.

  I was giddy when I leaned into Tex and pulled out my cell phone. "You know how happy I am that we decided to get married now? It's like a burst of sunlight has filled me, and I can't stop smiling."

  He tugged me tighter and kissed my cheek. "I reckon there's never been a happier groom. I can't wait for you to be my wife."

  "I can't wait for you to be my husband." I dialed the detective while I stared at my handsome groom and thought about our future. We were going to be deliriously healthy and happy. I could feel it.

  "Hi, Dr. Piper. I'm sorry, but we haven't located Callie yet. I told you I'd call once we did." Detective Malone sounded irked.

  "I know, and I promise that's not why I'm calling." Honestly! She made me out to be such a pain. "We found a compelling piece of evidence that I believe proves that Ruby's the killer. Of course, this same piece of evidence also suggests that Callie's psychotically obsessed with Ken, but in all honestly, my PI vibe tells me it's Ruby."

  She snickered. "Your PI vibe? You're a doctor, not a professional investigator, all right? You gave me some great health tips, and I'm grateful, but stay out of this case. It's closed."

  "I risked my life obtaining this evidence." Now I sounded irked. "The least you could do is hear me out."

  In the ensuing silence, I wondered if I'd said too much. What were the implications of busting into Callie's room if I were wrong?

  "You did what, Dr. Piper?"

  "Um, I was being a bit dramatic," I said quickly. "I just wanted you to listen to me, but I really did find a news article about Ruby that you might be interested in reviewing."

  The cab slid to a stop at the curb outside of Macy's. I looked up and felt like I'd just eaten a pound of dark chocolate. Tex paid the fare as I stepped onto the sidewalk, cradling my phone to my ear.

  "Ruby's real name is Esther Dale, and she used to be married to Wilbur Dale. If you search for the story online," I said, hoping to negate my earlier statement, "you'll find that Ruby-slash-Esther blamed Veronica for her husband's death. Apparently, Veronica whacked Wilbur's glasses with a tuning fork and cracked them, which resulted in Wilbur being run over and killed by a Juana Burrito truck. I'd say that gives Ruby a real motive, don't you?"

  "Actually, yes." Detective Malone let out a breath. "Now how'd you really find out about this?"

  Darn, busted. "I happen to have a photo album of Callie's that contains a multitude of pictures of Ken plus the cutout newspaper article. This all went down more than five years ago."

  Tex joined me on the sidewalk and nodded toward Macy's. His smile was brighter than the fluorescent lights that flooded the store.

  The detective cleared her throat. "When can I get this photo album? Are you at the hotel?"

  "No, I'm at Macy's." I eyed the window displays and couldn't wait to shop. I planned to look for a sexy nightgown for our honeymoon too.

  Oh no! I'd been so excited about getting married sooner that I'd forgotten about the honeymoon. We'd planned on a cruise, but now what?

  "Good luck, Dr. Piper," the detective said. "Macy's is a zoo. Call me when you get back to the hotel, and I'll send someone to fetch the album."

  "Sure." I hung up and felt a sense of relief. I'd done my PI duty by alerting the police about Ruby's identity and her possible motive for murder. Hopefully, now Detective Malone would do her duty and follow up on the lead.

  "You ready, Doc?" Tex tugged open the door, and we walked inside.

  The shopper-haven energy inside the store was contagious. My inner crazy shopping girl awoke, making it hard to know where to start with ten floors of options. But one place was critically important.

  I grabbed Tex's arm as we edged toward the store directory. My gaze landed on the women's dresses section on the seventh floor. "Floor seven is where we'
ll find something for Aunt Alfa, but we have a bigger problem, Tex."

  His jaw tightened. "What?"

  "What about our honeymoon? How will we ever find a cruise this fast?" Would we be jinxed if we waited a while to embark on the traditional trip?

  "You think I'd let us pass on a honeymoon?" The softness in his smile told me that he'd already thought about this. Maybe even planned something.

  "No, I was being silly." Then I waited to see what he'd offer up.

  But all he offered up was an adorable smile followed by the growling of his stomach. It had been a while since breakfast, but I wasn't stopping to eat. Not when so many shopping possibilities lay ahead.

  "The honeymoon's planned, Doc, and it's a surprise." He edged us away from a group of women who rushed by, eager to start their shopping expedition. "I'm kind of hungry. You want to get a bite to eat first?"

  Um, that would be a huge no! But I smiled politely and rubbed his arm.

  "You get something to eat, and then meet me on the seventh floor." I pointed at the store directory. "Looks like there are lots of options, like the Cellar Bar and Grill."

  "Naw, that will take too long," he said, giving the menu a predatory look. "I was thinking about the pizza place on four."

  Even though he knew my stance against dairy and gluten, I smiled. "Go enjoy, and then come to women's dresses on floor seven. Text me if you can't find me."

  He gave me a peck on the cheek as we headed for the elevators. An elevator door slid open, and we got on. I bid him farewell at the fourth floor and cherished my rear view of his cowboy hat and physique as the doors shut. I was a lucky gal! When the elevator stopped at the seventh floor, I got off and headed to women's dresses.

  I did a round-one swoop to scope out the offerings. It was easy to jump on the first thing you saw—a lesson I'd learned early in my shopping life—so now I preferred to review everything before moving in. As usual, the petite area was smaller than the regular-sized area, but I located a rack of gorgeous tiny dresses after snagging a cute work dress for me.

  One dress in particular stood out. A knee-length chiffon shift in warm teal decorated with sequins on the bodice. It looked just like something Aunt Alfa would love. A pale yellow fitted dress and a periwinkle dress with a pencil skirt were options too.

  I headed to the petite dressing room and took a room in the back near the three-way mirror. I slipped into the pink dress. Nice cotton fabric and generous skirt. My favorite kind. Aunt Alfa could wear pencil skirts but not me. I was an A-line girl.

  I stepped out into the aisle and peered at myself in the three-way mirror. Hmm. The pink was a tad light. My favorite color was hot pink, and this dress wasn't quite cutting it. I stared at my reflection again. Behind me, a woman darted into a dressing room near the entrance.

  Her dark hair reminded me of Esther-slash-Ruby's picture in the article.

  A chill rippled across my neck. Then I decided I was being a drama queen, which was so unlike me. Ruby hadn't been anywhere near the hotel when we departed, and she didn't have dark hair.

  Tex would be done with his pizza soon. Unless he asked them to make a garlic bread crust like he had last time.

  To be safe, I returned to my dressing room and put my regular clothes on. Staying put was probably the best option until Tex was done with lunch, so I reviewed the dress choices for Aunt Alfa. The teal sequined one seemed best. But the yellow one was gorgeous too.

  I was deep in decision-mode when footsteps quietly padded toward me.

  It was probably a fellow shopper heading for the three-way mirror, but my heart raced. The smart thing to do was face my fear head-on and make sure I was fine.

  I took a deep breath and peered outside my dressing room. No one was in front of the three-way mirror, and no one was loitering in the aisle. I was sure I'd heard someone though. Looking braver than I felt, I stepped outside of my dressing room and crouched to peer under the doors of the other rooms. Hopefully no one would walk in and see me.

  They'd think I was a pervert.

  Not a foot or leg was in sight. I checked the other side and found those rooms empty too. Phew. Coast was clear. I took a much-needed breath. I returned to my room and grabbed the teal dress. I'd pay for the dress, and then Tex and I could shop for a pair of shoes for Aunt Alfa.

  And maybe browse china sets too.

  I hoisted my hobo bag over my shoulder and strode down the aisle, lost in thoughts of china shopping with Tex. It made me realize how amazing this was. I was actually going to marry the love of my life.

  Holy chocolate babka…in a good way!

  Tex would probably like a simple-patterned china set. Not anything too fancy. Or maybe he would want a solid-colored set. Before I could ponder what color he'd want, a dressing room door creaked open as I passed by.

  Someone grabbed my arm and yanked me inside!

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Kale Chip Killer Revealed

  "Ow!" I yelled as I was flung like a human Frisbee against the wall as the dressing door slammed shut.

  "Be quiet, Dr. Piper," a woman's low gravelly voice said.

  I bet that's Ruby after all the helium's worn off. My pulse skyrocketed. I turned around and confirmed my suspicions. Gone were Ruby's red locks. Shoe-polish black hair pressed against her pale cheeks. Her eyes were dark. Her jaw was tighter than Veronica's spandex dress.

  Play it cool, I told myself.

  "Ruby, fancy meeting you here." I hoped I sounded as though it were completely normal to be dragged into a dressing room on the seventh floor of the famous department store. "Have you shopped at Macy's before?"

  She reached into her coat pocket and removed the gun I'd seen her with on the corner of I Kidnapped Callie and Probably Murdered Her Too in Addition to Veronica. "Don't act like you don't know what this is. I'm not stupid."

  "I never said you were dumb." I quickly took in my surroundings. The dressing room was small, and the only opportunity for escape was the door.

  Which was being blocked by Ruby.

  "I saw you and your fiancé leave Callie's room." She crooked her head at my hobo bag. "Give me the photo album."

  "I'll give it to you, but I already told the detective about your real identity of Esther Dale." Hopefully that would prevent her from murdering me too.

  She scowled. "I don't care, all right? I'm so sick of being screwed over by other chicks. First, Veronica's scam tuning-fork session kills my beloved Wilbur. Then, Callie finds out who I am because she overheard bigmouthed Helena. And now you're trying to ruin me too."

  I removed the photo album from my bag and gave it to her. "I'm not trying to ruin anyone, Ruby. All I want is to get married." I lifted Aunt Alfa's dress on the hanger. "See? This is for my auntie to wear to the ceremony. She's ninety-one years old, and she needs me." Not to mention Tex and Brownie.

  Ruby shoved the album into her purse and tightened her grip on the gun. "I don't care what old biddy needs you."

  "That wasn't nice." How dare she! First the rude cabbie and now a gun-wielding psycho? My cheeks heated, and my fists curled, but I told myself to calm down. Taunting an emotionally unstable woman with a bad dye job and a weapon wasn't a good idea.

  "You're going to come with me." Ruby's gruff voice sent a wave of fear through me. "I can't have any loose ends."

  I let out a casual laugh. "But the police have already arrested Ken for Veronica's murder. You're home free."

  "Oh yeah? Then how come the police were asking about Callie's whereabouts at the hotel today?" Ruby's gaze darted nervously around.

  My mind calculated the reality of her dragging me through Macy's department store. That wouldn't happen. There were too many witnesses. And speaking of witnesses, where was another shopper—a non-psychotic shopper, that was—when you needed one? And why wasn't Tex finished with his pizza?

  The odds were in my favor, however. She couldn't flash the gun in the open. And since that was the case, I might as well interrogate her.

  Casually
, of course.

  I looked at her coolly. "Who cares if the police are looking for Callie? I mean, it's not like anything bad happened to her?" I paused. "Right?"

  The implication of my words hung between us.

  Ruby gulped and nodded toward the door. "You're coming with me."

  I smiled sweetly. "You're not going to hold a gun on me outside this dressing room. You'll get caught."

  "Doesn't matter now that the police know who I really am. Won't take them long to get my prints from the system or find them on the cyanide bag."

  "You admit to killing Veronica?"

  She scowled. "I had to. My jig was up. Veronica found out who I was."

  My first thought was why wasn't I recording this? Then another thought came to me. "But if Veronica knew it was you, why wouldn't she alert the authorities the night before the expo? Why would she take a chance?"

  "Because she didn't think I'd kill her." Ruby's voice was frosted with a sentiment of duh. "She told her lawyer to review my employment paperwork and see if there was anything she could nail me on for false identity."

  "Makes sense." Why would Veronica automatically assume that Ruby would kill her just because she'd faked a new personality and gotten a job at Veronica's company? I did have another question though.

  I braced myself, but I had to know. "You used the helium for your voice, didn't you?"

  She nodded. "She'd remember me otherwise, even with the wig."

  I stared at her and wondered what else I could ask. The interrogation was a good distraction and was keeping Ruby from doing anything crazy.

  "I'm just glad I made Veronica pay." Ruby glanced at her gun and leveled her gaze on me. "Wouldn't you kill for the man you love? The man you want to marry?"

  I mulled over her questions. I loved Tex more than anything in the universe. What if Veronica had somehow destroyed Tex's hat with her tuning fork, causing Tex so much anguish that he was run over by a burrito truck and killed? I'd be devastated, but murder meant prison time, which meant complexion death.

  The whole prison skin care issue probably wasn't something to bring up now though.