The Price of Freedom

by Every, Donna

  I need to see Deborah and hopefully be able to persuade her of my feelings, trusting that hers have not changed, although she never actually said that she loved me. I do not know of the laws in Barbados concerning marriage between races but it is my deepest desire to marry her and if the laws do not permit, then I am prepared to move to England to do so; if she will have me that is. You see how this girl has bewitched me. I hope therefore that she has not met anyone else; otherwise I would have turned my whole life upside down for nothing. Fate surely cannot be that cruel.

  Please do not tell her of my plans as I would like to surprise her when I get there, hoping that I am not the one who will receive an unpleasant surprise.

  Give my regards to Aunt Elizabeth and the girls and I look forward to seeing you all when I reach Barbados.

  Your faithful nephew

  Richard

  When he had left Carolina for Barbados six months ago, he had never anticipated this. In fact if anyone had told him he would fall in love with a slave, granted that she was now a free woman, and leave everything to pursue her, he would have laughed in their face. He had only known Deborah for three months. How had she made such an impression on him that he would give up everything he was familiar with to be with her?

  His mother was still lamenting the fact that he had just come home and was going to be leaving again, this time for good. Only the realization that she was not losing Ann as a daughter-in-law and that she would soon have another wedding to plan, soothed some of her distress.

  Richard was happy that her attention had turned from him. As it was, he didn’t want to answer too many questions about Deborah, but he could honestly say that she was the daughter of a plantation owner. That she was once a slave and Thomas’ daughter, they didn’t have to know yet. Needless to say, if she did agree to marry him they would eventually find out about her ancestry. He wondered what they would think of his uncle when they knew.

  Now that he had written the letter to his uncle and started putting things into motion, anticipation filled him so that he could hardly contain himself. If all went according to plan, he would see Deborah in less than two months. He was taking a huge gamble and he could only pray that it would pay off.

  He was not even sure what he would say to her. Suppose she did not feel the same way? Then again she could have left as soon as he had given her the manumission papers but she stayed. Surely that counted for something. But he’d been gone for more than three months. What if she thought that he was married by now and was involved with someone else, or worse yet, even married? The very thought of Deborah with another man was enough to make him ill.

  What a hypocrite he was! When he was with her in Barbados, he was betrothed to Ann and Anise was still his mistress and here he was sick at the thought of her with someone else. How love had transformed him. He had no interest in Anise or any other woman; only Deborah and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, if she would have him.

  November 6, 1696

  The Acreage

  Barbados

  Thomas read Richard’s letter again in disbelief, then he chuckled to himself. He was happy that Richard was returning to Barbados but he wasn’t sure how successful he would be in courting Deborah, given how she and Sarah had changed. There were no laws prohibiting them from getting married in Barbados and while marriage between races was rare, theirs would not be the first, if Deborah accepted him that is. He knew of at least one documented marriage between a black man and a white woman which had taken place several years before in the ‘80s, if he remembered rightly.

  From the date of the letter he worked out that Richard should arrive in about two weeks barring any delays. William would also have set sail from England and would reach Barbados by the end of the month. He didn’t hold out much hope for a close friendship between them because William would no doubt resent Richard’s relationship with Deborah who had been forbidden to him and Richard probably would not forgive him for taking Deborah’s innocence.

  So much had changed in the last month since Sarah had ended their physical relationship. He had given much thought to what she had said about his treatment of the slaves and the way Elizabeth must have felt about their relationship. It had caused him to stop sleeping with Hattie and Cassie and instead he was now thinking about acquiring a free colored mistress near Town. The habit was hard to break, but at least Elizabeth would no longer be humiliated in her own house. He had even found the desire to visit her room one night and she had not turned him away.

  As for the slaves, he would try not to separate families but he didn’t see how they could get them to work without the threat of the whip. It wasn’t as if they overdid it anyway, not like some of the other plantations. Surely Sarah didn’t expect him to change something that had been a part of plantation life for years.

  He would have to go into town next week to hire an agent to start looking for a house for Richard so he would pay a visit to Sarah and let her know the changes he had made. He would feel out Deborah as well and see if she still had any feelings for Richard or if she was seeing someone else. It was the least he could do for the poor boy.

  November 13, 1696

  The last business Thomas carried out in Town was with the housing agent who he gave instructions to find a few comfortable and attractive houses, either in or within a reasonable distance from Town, to show Richard when he came. Outside of Town might be better so that the lot could be of a size to allow Deborah to plant herbs and other things if they married. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, he thought as he headed for Sarah and Deborah’s shop.

  He was looking forward to seeing Sarah even if there could be nothing physical between them and he enjoyed talking to Deborah who he had found to be quite an astute business woman, as he had known she could be given the opportunity. People only needed a chance to use their talents and with a little education they could do anything they put their minds to, provided they were willing to work hard. He hoped that William had found his talent and that he would use what he had learned to benefit the plantation. After all, it would be his someday.

  Sarah and Deborah welcomed him warmly and he was quick to let Sarah know that he was staying at a boarding house. He was happy to see her and couldn’t help but give her a hug which she returned but quickly pulled away.

  “And how is business?” he asked as they all sat together in the parlor.

  “It is growing steadily,” reported Deborah with a pleased smile.

  “I may soon need someone to help me sew because I’m getting real busy,” Sarah said happily.

  “That is good news indeed. You’ll be glad to hear that I took what you said to heart and I will not bed any of the house slaves, out of respect for Elizabeth.”

  Sarah’s eyes misted up to hear that Thomas actually listened to her and had acted on what she said. “I’m glad to hear that Thomas. You know the good book says that a foolish son is his father’s ruin and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping so the mistress should not be quarrelsome anymore.”

  Thomas laughed. “Thankfully the constant dripping has stopped and I don’t want it to start back. William is coming back soon and that should make Elizabeth happy. I only hope that he is no longer foolish.”

  Deborah tensed at the news and then forced herself to relax. After all she was free now; William had no power over her.

  “What about you, Deborah? Have the men in Town been accosting you?”

  She smiled and said, “I’m not interested in getting into a relationship with anyone right now. Anyway any man that I get involved with will have to share my beliefs and I have not come across any of them yet.” She would have liked to ask him if he had heard from Richard and if he was married yet but she could not bring herself to do it; she would rather not know.

  “And you Sarah?” Thomas asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

  “I’m not interested in that kind of thing,” she said. “I’m happy doing what I’m doing right now.” Thoma
s was selfishly glad to hear that. If he couldn’t have her, he didn’t want anyone else to either.

  He couldn’t help but feel Deborah out so he casually said, “I recently got a letter from Richard.” Deborah’s head flew up but then she caught herself and carefully arranged a blank look on her face, seeming to brace herself for what he would say next. “He has not married as yet,” he added, carefully watching her face. Although her expression did not change, her body relaxed as if that news had brought some measure of relief.

  “I would have thought he would have been married by now,” commented Deborah quietly.

  “He didn’t say but maybe they’re planning a Christmas wedding,” Thomas said, again watching her face closely.

  Deborah forced a smile and said, “That would be nice.” Thomas was sure she was lying but he said nothing; he had found out all that he needed to know. Richard appeared to be still very much in Deborah’s heart but he was going to have to make some changes to his life if he wanted to stay there.

  Chapter 29

  November 16, 1696

  Somewhere on the Caribbean Sea

  The small cabin was lit up by a flash of lightning seconds before a crack of thunder shook the ship that was already being tossed around like driftwood on the sea. Richard sat up abruptly, disoriented and unsure what had awakened him. Before he could figure out what was happening, the boat was tossed almost on its side by a massive wave, slamming him against the wall. Pain shot down his arm from his shoulder that had taken the brunt of the impact.

  Rain and sea water pelted the porthole and as another flash of lightning lit up the sky he could see the rain pouring down in sheets from the turbulent sky. Tugging on a pair of boots he lurched towards the door as the ship continued to buck and weave under the pounding of the merciless sea.

  The cabin door was wrenched from his hand by the sudden roll of the ship and he had to grab the doorjamb before he fell back. He stepped out cautiously into the dark corridor and braced himself against the walls. The floor was slippery from sea water that had forced its way down the companionway as waves broke over the ship.

  He struggled to keep his balance as another wave hit the ship and he had just begun to climb up the ladder when water poured down on his face. Spewing salt water from his nose and mouth, he briefly released one hand to wipe his eyes and push his now sopping hair from his face. The sway of the ship made him grab the ladder quickly and he managed to climb onto the deck which was like a cold, wet version of hell.

  The men were just blurry shapes in the driving rain, struggling to batten down whatever they could without being blown overboard. As another flash illuminated the sky he could see that the masts been stripped of their sails and looked like skeletons. He could just make out the captain as he shouted orders hoarsely over the howling wind and the driving rain.

  Richard strained against the wind which fought to suck him overboard, and clinging to the rigging he struggled over to the captain. Sea water surged over the side of the ship, stinging his eyes and dousing him afresh, while trying to dislodge his hold from the rigging. He shivered in his thin, saturated clothes. Who would have thought that just hours ago they were sailing under a hot Caribbean sun?

  “Captain,” he shouted above the wind, “What’s the damage? Are all the men accounted for?”

  “You shouldn’t be up here, boss,” he shouted. “The men are fine and we managed to get most of the sails in before it hit hard but the mizzen was ripped and the mast is broken. But if we get through this we should be alright with the rest of sails. You best go below deck. There’s nothing you can do now but pray.”

  Richard slapped him on his back in encouragement and fought his way back to the ladder. The stairs were slippery from the sea water and as he climbed down, the ship slipped into a deep trough between two waves and the sudden drop caused Richard’s hands to slip. He tried in vain to reclaim his grip on the stairs but he slid the rest of the way, landing in a painful heap at the bottom of the stairs after hitting his shoulders several times of the way down. He groaned in agony as the shoulder which had been bruised before was subjected to further injury. Pulling himself up with one hand he leaned against the side of the hallway to catch his breath before easing his way back to his cabin where he collapsed on the bed.

  Was he to die on this ship? Would he ever see Deborah again? As the ship bucked and tossed from side to side, he began to pray for deliverance from the torture of the storm and for the safety of the crew and to see Deborah one more time. A picture of the first time he had seen her flitted through his mind. He had wanted her then. He still wanted her.

  The boat lurched again, tossing him around and making him feel helpless and trapped. He had no control over the wind and waves that were battering the boat. Was that how Deborah felt as a slave? As if she had no control over her life? He had not really understood how she felt, until now.

  He remembered how he had demanded that she get him a meal on her day off when he had found her reading by the grove. How could he have been so selfish? But then when had he not been selfish? When had he not pursued what he wanted, at all costs? He had pushed Deborah until he finally got her into his bed and he knew, initially anyway, that it was only because he had held the keys to her freedom. He had asked her if it would be so bad to be owned by him, as if she was a horse or a mule. No wonder she had hated him. He had seen nothing wrong with owning another person, as if they did not have the same soul as he did. What a detestable creature he was.

  “Forgive me,” he whispered to God. “Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me.” Parts of a psalm he had heard before came back to him as he sat on his bed, head hung in shame, drenched from the rain and from guilt. “Give me a chance to see Deborah again so that I can beg her forgiveness.”

  The only answer he got was the sudden illumination of the room by another bolt of lightning and a crash of thunder that felt as if it would tear the boat in pieces.

  November 23, 1696

  St. Michael’s Town

  Barbados

  Thomas was glad that he had chosen to ride his horse into Town rather than take the coach or cart. The rainy season was drawing to an end and it was as if the heavens were pouring out the last rains all at once. The rain had been incessant over the last few days and the roads were muddy and impassable in some places. The only reason that he had ventured into Town was because the week before he had been told by the Fairfax’s shipping agent that he was expecting a ship to come in around the 20th and according to the time that Richard had told him he would be leaving Carolina, he would probably be on that ship.

  Elizabeth had been very happy to hear of Richard’s plans to take over the agency in Barbados and he was wise enough not to mention the role Deborah had played in that decision. He had been quite vague in answering her questions about his fiancée and whether she would be coming as well. He had left her preparing to write a letter to Mary and no doubt she would eventually find out about Deborah.

  He now rode his horse towards Carlisle Bay to see if the Adventurer had come in yet. He had been kept in town for three days now by torrential rains and there was no sign of the boat. Thankfully, the sun had broken out at last. He tried not to be anxious but even the agent had begun to look worried when the boat had not come in.

  While he was still quite a distance away he saw a sloop sailing towards the Bay and heading for the Careenage. He rode his horse towards the Careenage and as the boat drew closer he could see that one of the masts was broken and it looked battered and damaged. As it turned, the name on the side became visible and he was relieved to see the word “Adventurer”.

  Richard feasted his eyes on the Barbadian landscape as the boat sailed closer to the shore. He had never been so glad to see land, and Barbados in particular, after the ordeal which had lasted about twelve hours before the sea had eventually returned to more comfortable swells.

  He was surprised to see his un
cle waving to him from the wharf and he vaguely wondered how he knew that he would be arriving today. He waved back and impatiently waited for the boat to pull up next to the dock. He almost kissed the ground when his feet touched land, so glad was he to have been delivered from a watery grave.

  “Richard, my boy, it’s good to see you.” His uncle enfolded him in a hearty hug which he returned enthusiastically. “What happened? You’re three days late and the boat looks damaged.” Boats were only allowed into the Careenage for cleaning and repairs and this one was badly in need of repairs.

  “We ran into a storm that made a believer out of me. I did not think I would live to make it to Barbados but I thank God that he delivered us here safely with no loss of life or limb.”

  “I was getting very worried when you didn’t come in on the day your agent had said so I’m glad to see you here alive and well. I’ll arrange for you to be taken to the boarding house that I’m staying at and if you want to, you can come out to the plantation to stay for a while when I go home tomorrow.”

  “Thanks Uncle but I think I’ll stay in town rather than answer any awkward questions from Aunt Elizabeth right now. I don’t even have any answers to give her.” Thomas nodded.

  They hired a carriage to take them to the boarding house while Richard’s trunks were loaded on to a cart to which Thomas’ horse was tied.

  Once they were on their way, Thomas wasted no time in telling Richard: “In your letter you asked if it was legal for races to intermarry here,” Richard unconsciously held his breath. “There’s no law against it but of course it’s quite rare. I do recall a black man and a white woman marrying several years ago and there may have been others since then. I personally don’t have anything against you getting married and I will support you all I can. However I don’t know how Deborah will be accepted by the planters’ wives if you do get married.”