Least Likely To Survive

by Lisa Biesiada

  I stood up. For some reason I couldn’t stand just sitting there anymore. “I’m gonna take a walk, catch you later.” I didn’t give Jack time to object as I rushed to the door and thrust myself into the hallway. Alone now, and moving, the fog in my head started to clear, and I began processing the millions of thoughts that were circling like vultures.

  Once I cleared the hall, and passed the guard with barely a glance, I started aimlessly down the galley, and soon found myself back on the roof, where the weapons training this morning had gone so sideways.

  I took a few steps onto the patio, towards the wall on the edge of the roof, but stopped when I heard gunshots. I peered a little harder, and recognized Austin standing at the edge, taking aim below. Damn, I was hoping to avoid him, for I don’t know, how about forever? No such luck. I steeled my nerves and walked over to stand next to him. He pulled his head from the scope when he caught sight of me, and I didn’t miss the surprise on his face.

  “Hey, Angie. Didn’t think I’d see you out here again, are you okay?” His face seemed to be colored with genuine concern, but I couldn’t trust my instincts with anyone in this damn place, so I made sure to keep my expression guarded. I stopped next to him and leaned casually against the railing.

  “Hey, no it’s cool. I just don’t believe in killing out of anything but necessity.” I shrugged at him, and gazed out into the parking lot, and was instantly sick at the sight of the crowd of zombies just milling about. And of course the bodies just laid out. I don’t think the bodies would have bothered me so much if zombies weren’t eating them. There are just some things you can never un-see.

  He looked down at me and smiled gently. “I get that, and I can respect that.” He put his hand on my shoulder, probably so I would know he was sincere. When I didn’t return his smile, he pulled his hand away and turned his attention back to the crowd while fiddling with his rifle. “So what brings you to the roof?”

  Leaning down over the edge, I let it take my weight as I rested my chin over my arms. I wasn’t sure how to answer, or what to say for that matter. I didn’t even know why I was up here. “I dunno, just went for a walk and ended up here. Not really sure I meant to.” I could feel my face scrunch with my own confusion, and apparently it was comical as he smiled again and chuckled at me.

  “Yeah, that can happen I guess.” He started to remove the shoulder strap from the rifle and set the gun down before he continued. “It just surprised me to see you wandering about without your boyfriend.”

  I’m pretty sure I peed a little when those words sunk in. What the fuck was he talking about? Could he mean me and Jack? Fuck, were we that obvious? “What are you talking about?” I stood upright to face him, crossing my arms in challenge. Seems I was doing a lot of that lately.

  He held his hands up in surrender, “Calm down killer, I just thought, well, ya know, the way you and Jack are so close, I thought, well…” He trailed off and looked at me in question while rubbing the back of his neck. I searched his face for any clue that he might just be digging for dirt to pass on, but only found concern in those sparkly blues.

  That was the question, wasn’t it? Hmm, well considering I hadn’t even really decided where I stood on the topic, I decided denial was my best bet.

  “Oh, no, we’re just friends,” I played the indifference card and shrugged a little. “We’ve just been through some shit, and surviving the apocalypse while trying to keep some random kids alive causes people to get tight, I guess.” I looked at him, hoping he got my point and dropped the subject.

  He smiled knowingly back down at me. Fuck, this guy was tall. “Yeah, I get that.” Give the man a cookie; he knew when to butt the fuck out.

  He didn’t say anything else, and the silence was weighing on me as I twisted an errant curl around my finger and glanced back to the freak show meandering below. I briefly wondered what I was going to do when my roots came in; a natural redhead I was not. Oh well, guess I was going to have to rediscover my natural color. Although I hadn’t seen it in so many years I wasn’t even sure what it was at this point.

  I knew I was letting inconsequential bullshit keep me from thinking about what I was really feeling, but I didn’t know Austin well enough to trust him, and I wasn’t 100% sure I trusted myself with those thoughts yet.

  I looked over at Austin and watched quietly as he took apart his gun and began cleaning it. The speed and the skill at which he went about his task impressed me. So far I had figured out how to operate one, but hadn’t given much thought to cleaning them as I just disposed of one when it was out of ammo. I tried to pay closer attention, thinking the skill may come in handy later.

  After a few more minutes of this, he broke the silence. “So are you planning to join the scouting team?” He looked up from his gun.

  “What scouting team? Scouting for what?”

  He looked back down at his task as he continued. “We have a team that goes out for supplies. Food, clothes, medicine, things like that. You interested?”

  No. Emphatically no. “Uh, probably not.” I looked back over at the crowd of feasting zombies below. “Not really a big fan of being out there unless I have to.”

  Bumping his shoulder into mine with a playful wink, “Yeah, you’re probably a crap shot anyway.”

  I didn’t mean to, but I took the bait. “Fuck that, I’m awesome.” I sneered at him and bristled.

  He handed me the rifle he had just finished cleaning. “Prove it.”

  Shaking my head, “I don’t have to prove anything to you.” I crossed my arms again and took a step backwards. I really didn’t want to fall into this trap.

  “No worries, I’m sure they’ll find something for you to do in the kitchen, or something.” He pulled the gun back and started to put it back down. Before it touched the concrete, I snatched it out of his hands. He didn’t even have a chance to say something as I glared at him and fit the rifle against my shoulder, looking down the scope. When I had a zombie at the far edge of the parking lot in my sights, I took aim and fired, scoring a direct head it; we both stared as it went down. I didn’t say anything as I calmly handed the rifle back.

  He stood staring at the fallen body for a second, and then looked back at me in wonder. “Damn, that was wicked!” The excitement in his eyes creeped me out; how could anyone get so excited about murder?

  I was about to turn and leave when he spoke again. “Angie, seriously, you’re an awesome shot, you really should think about joining us, we could use someone like you on the team.” I still wasn’t sold. This guy was disturbed if he thought I would enjoy pillaging for food while trying not to get eaten.

  Apparently he caught the look on my face, and his features softened as he turned it down a notch. He put a hand on my shoulder again, and smiled down at me. I caught the slight dimple in his right cheek, and the way the impending twilight shone in his eyes.

  Wait, was he flirting with me?! Seriously, what the fuck was going on the last few days? Men rarely looked at me a week ago, now suddenly I’m what? The last eligible female over 18 and under 30 left on the planet? Maybe it was an inherent male trait to always have breeding on the brain to ensure survival of the species. Now I wished I had spent more time watching The Discovery Channel, or whatever.

  “I’ll think about it. Gotta go.” I didn’t let him say anything else and practically ran back to the door, leaving him staring in wonder after me. When in doubt: bolt. I was hauling ass back inside and didn’t stop until I reached the box we were temporarily living in. I ran inside, slammed the door shut, and stood with my back against it, just trying to catch my breath. Had the whole world gone mad? Maybe I was wrong about the flirting, and he was just trying to cozy up to me so that I would join the dark side. I heard they have cookies.

  I shook my ridiculous thoughts out of my head and as my breathing slowed, so did my head. I shook it to clear it, and decided a long hot shower was just the thing to bring me back to reality. I walked into the room Jack and I was sharing, and grabbe
d the clothes I had been wearing yesterday since they were clean again. Once I had what I needed gathered I started my pilgrimage to the showers.

  Chapter 16: Rock Stars and Scotch.

  Once I was clean and wearing my own clothes, I felt miles better. My head was still a mess, but the hot water had done wonderful things for the knots in my back. After I finished stuffing my dirty clothes back into the bag I had brought down with me, it occurred to me that if we were leaving tomorrow, we could all use another set of clothes. There was just no telling how long we would be on the road before would could shower and change again. I decided to head back the store we had been in the day before and pick us each up another set of clothes. I knew Chloe’s size, and could speculate well enough for Ty and Jack.

  I tossed the bag over my shoulder and headed out the door of the locker room, and started back down the nondescript hall towards the makeshift galleria. I rounded the corner, and stopped trying to remember which way the shops were. After looking around for a minute, I caught sight of the garish lights off to the left in distance, and continued in that direction. I was checking out all the little stores on the way, and almost stopped to browse through the random crap, but decided not to waste my time. As much as I loved trinkets, being on the run was not an ideal situation to be bogged down with crap.

  I entered the store where Ian had taken us yesterday and stopped to figure out who to shop for first. Thinking the boys would be easier, I headed to the Men’s Department, or ‘cubby’, I should say, and got to work.

  I started grabbing shirts, pants, socks and boxers in what I guessed to be good sizes, and once I had two complete sets, headed back to the girl stuff. I stopped in the lingerie area, puzzled for a moment trying to remember what size Chloe needed, then as my gaze settled on it, I knew I had the right one and grabbed sets for us each. Now that that was out of the way, I wandered back over to where the festive track suits were lined up, complaining under my breath the whole time. I swear, if I get a chance to stop and not get eaten, I was hitting a Torrid.

  Still mumbling to myself, I almost missed Private Winters with the woman my age, and the haggard mom from my group this morning walking over to me. Winters smiled at me in greeting, which made her whole face light up and I had to stamp down the jealously over how incredibly pretty she was. “Hi Angie, what are you up to?”

  Okay, I knew she said this in all innocence, but after the day I just had, everyone was now a suspect. I plastered a big fake smile on my face, and acknowledged the three women now standing in front of me. “Oh, ya, know, just picking some things up. You can only wear the same outfit so long before it starts to grow legs and walk away without you,” I giggled a little, letting the merriment catch on. On it did, as all three laughed in agreement.

  “I was just telling Kim that,” said the woman my age whose name completely escaped me, as she gestured to the slightly older woman standing next to her. Kim apparently agreed as she smiled in return, and shook her head as she held up an armful of children’s sized track suits.

  “I have no idea what my kids got into today, but I know those stains are never coming out,” Kim added still smiling conspiratorially at the other woman. “Erin’s kids were in the daycare all day, and stayed cleaner than mine did in training with us!” She shook her head in the apparent amazement of the dirt attracting ability her children seemed to possess. I smiled back; grateful she reminded me the other woman’s name was Erin.

  After a few more minutes of the most pointless and politically correct back and forth I’d ever been party to, I politely excused myself and made my way back to the club box. It seemed wrong that we would all probably die soon, and had been standing around discussing how best to get chocolate pudding stains out.

  It also seemed wrong that this place was filled with so many families, and they were keeping the infected in here with us. I really did want the satisfaction of watching this place burn before I left, as long as it took the evil housed within down too. However much this idea intrigued me though, I thought back to the families I was angry for, and decided to leave it be. Besides, I had somewhere else to go, but did they? Probably not, or else they wouldn’t be here in the first place.

  I dumped all the new clothes in the box, leaving each set for its new owner, and decided it was time to eat. Well, it wasn’t really a decision, more like my stomach decided it would leave me no choice but to feed it or it would eat itself. I started for the restaurant on the roof where we went for every meal. With as big as this place was, I was getting pretty good at figuring out where shit was. Now that I had a general idea of how to get around, it seemed smaller somehow.

  I got there in no time, and paused just inside the door to take inventory. It was quickly apparent there was no point to this as the place was deserted and most of the food had been put away. I sighed and walked over to the salad bar where there were still a few items out, and grabbed a couple of rolls, an apple and a stray brownie, then made my way to the patio where Jack and I had been the night before.

  Stepping out into the crisp night air, I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, grateful to see the stars through the clearing smoke. Most of the fires had stopped burning and the night was left calm and almost peaceful, save for the zombies still causing a little raucous in the parking lot. I went over to the bench by the ledge, and caught sight of Jack sitting there, cigarette dangling from his lips, and a guitar in his hands.

  I sat down beside him, and set my food on the little table to my left. “Where’d you find that?”

  “In a storage room off the arena,” he said as he gently strummed out a few notes. I watched his fingers expertly pluck the strings and shivered thinking of those hands on my skin. It was getting hard to ignore my feelings for him when he sat here like this, beautiful and mysterious and just plain sexy.

  “Oh, cool.” I picked up a roll and started picking at it, putting little pieces in my mouth and chewing slowly. He didn’t say anything else, just sat there strumming some nameless little melody into the night. I stared off into the skyline, and let the music ease my mind. I didn’t want to talk; I knew we needed to talk about what was developing between us, but just couldn’t bring myself to do so.

  Jack rested his guitar on his lap and pulled the cigarette from between his lips and handed it to me. I started to ask if we were out or something when I realized what it was.

  “Holy fuck! How’d you get the weed in?” I had truly never been so happy to see a joint in my whole life. It had been a rough couple of days and I welcomed the brief mental vacation it would allow.

  He pulled his guitar back up and continued to strum. “Went down to the Hummer. No one asked what I was doing.” He looked over at me with his award-winning mischievous grin and winked.

  I smiled back and put the joint to my lips, lighting it and inhaling deeply. The moment the smoke reached my lungs I could feel it entering my bloodstream and the whole world slowed down. I took a few more puffs and passed it back.

  Leaning back into the seat, I let every muscle in my body relax and focused on just breathing. Damn, I had missed this. I didn’t have to smoke all the time, but when I could, welcomed the distraction. It seemed like so long ago I was getting high to distract from the lack of people in my life and my innate misery, but now it was to forget how truly awful things had become.

  My eyes traced the outlines of the buildings still standing and it seemed off that everything was bathed in such darkness. I suppose it wasn’t too weird, considering we were in the only building with electricity, or people for that matter, yet it still didn’t sit well. I had never seen a city so dark now that the fires were out. I’d only ever seen this kind of true night in the mountains or driving some no-name road in some no-name state.

  Looking down into the parking lot, I noticed there was now more dead milling about than there had been earlier. It had to be the lights. My pulse sped a little thinking about the fact that we were basically a shining lighthouse on the verizon, guiding the ships home. E
xcept replace the ships with flesh eating maniacs and the whole thing became a bit more terrifying.

  The breeze picked up and caught one of my curls, forcing it to tickle my neck. I started to put down the apple I was now working on to move it, but Jack beat me to it. He brushed it back into the messy topknot I had assembled on top of my head, and I shivered as he traced his thumb back down my neck.

  “Angie…” I turned a pained expression on him, and he swallowed his next words.

  “I can’t Jack. Not now at least.” I looked down at the half eaten apple in my hand, hoping it had the answers I needed, but it just stared back up at me blankly. I turned back to him, aware of his hand still on my neck. “I know we need to talk about this, thing, between us, but it doesn’t feel right to do that now. At least not until I have a chance to breath and don’t have the feeling of impending doom hovering in the back of my mind.”

  He pulled his hand away, his mouth tightening into a line as his eyes narrowed at me. “And when exactly do you think that will end? Look around us,” he raised his arm and made a wave, encompassing the view of the demolished city before us. “The world is now a war zone, and you’re never going to have time again to sit and ponder the universe while knitting, or something. This is it, Angie. This is the new reality, and it would be stupid to stop being human and living just because we could die.” My heart lurched at the fire in his eyes, and I knew he was right. Fuck. The world would never be the same, but that didn’t mean we had to stop being human. Wasn’t that the point of surviving anyway? To carry on with our crazy and messy human lives? Wasn’t that what made being alive worth it in the first place?

  I held his gaze for another minute, before dropping my gaze to my lap and the forgotten apple. “I know,” I whispered to it, but it didn’t answer. Looking back up at Jack, I couldn’t keep the desperation out of my voice, “I agree with you, but how about a compromise?”