In Your Heart

by Micalea Smeltzer

  I was sitting at the table eating breakfast when the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it!” My dad called from his den.

  My body had completely frozen over.

  Could it be?

  “Emma!” I heard my dad boom and my shoulders sagged. It wasn’t him. Of course it wasn’t, but I’d dared to hope.

  Footsteps sounded towards the kitchen and then Emma and my dad appeared in the doorway.

  “You look a lot better.” And she did. Her skin was back to its normal color and there was some pink in her cheeks. She didn’t look as tired either.

  “I feel better.” She pulled out a chair and sat down.

  My dad quietly left the room.

  “So…” She tapped her fingers restlessly against the tabletop. “I was right about you and Ezra?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure he told you everything.”

  “He didn’t say too much,” she shrugged, “but it was impossible not to hear you yelling in the hallway.”

  “Oh, right.” I winced.

  She gave me a sympathetic look.

  “I really made a fool of myself, didn’t I?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think so. I think it’s about time you stood up for your feelings instead of burying them.”

  I stared up at the ceiling, my bowl of cereal forgotten. “I tried so hard not to fall in love with him,” I whispered.

  “We can’t control who we love. We just do.”

  “It just sucks when the person you love doesn’t love you back.”

  Her lips pressed into a thin line, but she said nothing.

  “Anyway,” I stood up, emptying my uneaten cereal into the sink, “I’m going shopping today for my place. Do you want to come with me? I could always use your opinion.”

  When I turned back around Emma was smiling. “I’d love to help. And maybe while we’re shopping you could tell me all about what’s been going on this summer that you tried so hard to hide.” She stood and bumped her shoulder against mine.

  “We were pretty obvious, huh?”

  “You think?” She laughed. “I’ve always been rooting for you guys though. I just…I guess I always thought you’d be the stubborn one about a relationship, not him. It’s always been clear to me how he feels about you.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, padding down the hall to the tiny guestroom. It had a futon instead of a bed, and my back was aching today from how uncomfortable it had been.

  “He loves you. I think he’s scared, though.”

  “He doesn’t love me,” I protested, shaking my head as I searched through my suitcase for something to wear.

  Emma sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. When I looked over my shoulder at her she seemed torn about something.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” she responded quickly, too quickly.

  I arched a brow.

  “It’s nothing,” she repeated.

  “Whatever.” I wasn’t in the mood to argue with her. We’d done far too much of that the last few months. It was time to put everything in the past.

  I dressed in a pair of shorts and a loose top. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and grabbed my purse.

  “I’m ready.”

  We drove around to the various furniture stores in town and I was able to find everything I needed.

  From there we headed to Target so I could get things for the kitchen and bathroom. I had nothing of my own to take to my place, so it was fun to be able to pick out new things. It gave me something to smile about when it felt like my life had gone to shit around me.

  All while we shopped I explained to Emma about my arrangement with Ezra, and why I hadn’t wanted to tell her. She seemed to see where I was coming from and gave me much needed support.

  “I feel like such an idiot,” I confessed to her, when we sat down at a little café to get a bite to eat.

  She stayed mysteriously quiet, perusing the menu like it was the most fascinating thing she’d ever seen.

  “Come on, Emma. You have to have some sort of opinion on my idiocy.”

  She shook her head and finally lowered the menu. “I think you’re both idiots.”

  “What?” I laughed.

  “He’s a dumb boy that was too stupid to realize his feelings until it was too late, and you’re stupid to have walked away without giving him a chance to explain where he was coming from.” She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest, leveling me with a glare.

  “What do you mean about that first part?” I asked hesitantly.

  She waved away my words. “I said I wouldn’t say anything. And Ezra’s my friend too, so my lips are sealed.” She mimed zipping her lips. “You need to talk to him though.”

  I shook my head and picked up my glass of water the waiter had left. “I’m not ready. I need some space to clear my head.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Y’all better not mess up my wedding. You do remember that he’s supposed to escort you down the aisle?”

  “Unfortunately, I hadn’t forgotten that tidbit of information.”

  “No fighting at my wedding. I mean it,” she warned. “I’ll kick you both. Don’t doubt me.”

  I managed to laugh. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

  Ezra might get the silent treatment, but I’d never do anything to jeopardize Emma’s special day.

  “Promise me you’ll talk to him.”

  “I promise,” I whispered, but we both knew those words were a lie.

  WE NEED TO TALK.

  The four words glared up at me from the screen of my phone.

  Please Sadie.

  Don’t ignore me.

  I stuffed my phone in my back pocket. I didn’t have time for this. I didn’t need him to tell me to my face how he was sorry for everything, and that he’d never meant for any of this to happen, that everything was supposed to be simple until I had to go and ruin it.

  I set the shopping bags down on the kitchen counter in my new place. All the furniture had been delivered and Emma had come by to help me unpack. Not that there was really anything to unpack. I think she just didn’t want me to be alone.

  I rifled through the bags until I found the one with the plates. Once I located it I sat it on the dining room table and took a seat to start peeling off the price stickers.

  “This place is nice,” Emma commented, looking out one of the tall windows.

  “Thanks. I really like it.”

  She took a seat and grabbed half of the plates.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket and her brows rose in interest. “Is that him?”

  “Possibly.”

  She slapped her palms against the table. “I’m getting married in a week. Fix this,” she hissed.

  I rolled my eyes. “I promise that my love life will not interfere with your wedding.”

  She groaned. “Forget messing up my wedding, think of this as a gift instead. You two working out your problems would be the best wedding gift you could give me.”

  I eyed her. “Better than your dress?”

  “Yep, that would be even better than my dress.”

  “I don’t even know what to say to him.” I dropped my head in my hands, the plates lying forgotten on the table.

  “Then don’t say anything to him. Let him do all the talking.”

  I nearly rolled my eyes out of my head. “Ezra? Talking?”

  “It’s true that he’s a man of few words, but when he does have something to say it’s usually important and you should listen.”

  “When did you become my therapist?” I jested.

  She tucked a piece of unruly blonde hair behind her ear. “When you started being so blind.”

  I grumbled under my breath. I wasn’t blind. I saw what was right in front of me and it was blatantly obvious that he didn’t love me. Or, he did, but not in the way I wanted him to.

  I finished peeling off the stickers and set the plates in the sink to wash them later.

  “C
an you do these?” I asked Emma, handing her the bag with the cups.

  “Sure.”

  “Oh, and here’s this.” I grabbed a spare key off the counter. “I wanted you to have this just in case.”

  She smiled and tucked the key into her pocket.

  While she was helping me with the cups I made my bed since it’d been lying bare.

  The place was starting to look better. Even still, I missed Ezra’s cozy little cottage on the lake. It felt like home. This still didn’t feel quite right, and I was reminded of a quote I’d once seen that said it’s the people that make the place, not the things.

  After another hour of unpacking shopping bags and putting things away, Emma and I walked the two blocks over to my store for her final fitting.

  Remy and Arden were already waiting, because they needed to try on their bridesmaid dresses.

  I put Emma in her dress and stood back to admire my handiwork. I might have to add custom wedding dresses as something I offered in my store. It had been hard, but worth it.

  Emma spun around, admiring her reflection. “This dress is so beautiful, Sadie. I can’t thank you enough.” She hugged me fiercely. Into my ear she whispered, “You’re going to get your happily ever after too. You’ll see.”

  I wanted to believe her, I really did, but at some point you have to grow up and stop believing in fairytales.

  She patted my cheek in a gesture similar to something my mother would do.

  “Chin up, buttercup.”

  I giggled and she smiled at having had her intended effect.

  I helped her out of her dress and put it away in its garment bag.

  “Alright ladies, you next.” I motioned Arden and Remy over.

  Originally Hayes wasn’t going to escort anyone down the aisle since Emma didn’t have another bridesmaid in mind, but after our vacation she’d asked Arden to be in the wedding. Arden had been surprised at first, but quickly agreed. Arden fit into our group seamlessly.

  “Don’t forget you have to try on your dress too!” Emma warned.

  “I burned my dress.” I said it as straight-faced as I could.

  Her mouth fell open. “Sadie! You better not have!”

  I began to laugh and she eased. “You know I would never do that.”

  “You scared me there for a second. I think my heart stopped.” She put a hand to her chest.

  “You’re feeling okay, right?” I asked, suddenly worried as I pulled the dresses out of the closet in my office.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve been a lot better since I was in the hospital.”

  “I’m so excited that our kids will be the same age,” Remy beamed, taking the dress from my hands.

  “Me too,” Emma agreed. “I hope they’ll be really close.”

  “Best friends,” Remy agreed.

  It was a happy moment, but my heart sagged. I’d once dreamed of having that same conversation with Emma. Only we’d been older and both married. Now she was moving on and starting a whole new chapter of her life without me.

  I handed Arden her dress and grabbed mine. We didn’t bother with modesty as we all stripped down and slipped into our dresses.

  Emma clapped her hands giddily. “You all look beautiful!”

  “I feel fat,” Remy grumbled, putting a hand over her swollen stomach.

  “How far along are you now?” I asked her.

  She fanned herself with a spare piece of paper. “Almost eight months.”

  “You’re getting close then,” I commented.

  “Not close enough,” she sighed. “I’m ready to get this baby out. He’s killing my back.”

  “If you’re trying to scare me,” Emma gulped, “it’s working.”

  Remy laughed. “It’s not that bad…sometimes.”

  Emma took a deep breath. “No more baby talk. I have enough anxiety at the moment.”

  I looked over Remy and Arden’s dresses and everything seemed fine. I hadn’t made these, but I had done the tailoring.

  I stood so the three of us were lined up in front of Emma. “Do they get the bride’s approval?”

  She clapped her hands giddily. “They’re perfect!” Standing, she threw her arms around us in a group hug. “Guys! I’m getting married in three days! This is it!”

  “I still think you should have a bachelorette party,” Remy said, grinning widely. “We could go to the bar where I used to work. I’m sure I could bribe Tanner into doing a striptease.” She cackled.

  Emma wrinkled her nose. “I never wanted a party, and definitely not any stripping.”

  “You suck.” Remy stuck out her tongue and then reached for the zipper on the back of the dress. When her arms didn’t reach Arden slid it down for her.

  “Maddox and I wanted to keep everything low key.” Emma reminded us. “You know us. We don’t like to cause a fuss.”

  “That’s okay,” I piped in, trying to be positive, “when I get married I’ll have the strippers.”

  Emma rolled her eyes. “Then I’m not coming.”

  “More strippers for me then.” I laughed heartily. I hadn’t laughed this much, or this genuinely, since everything blew up with Ezra.

  “Amen to that.”

  I glanced over at Arden in surprise. “What?” She batted her eyes innocently. “Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I’m dead.”

  We all laughed at that and I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face if I wanted to. Everybody needed girl time now and then.

  CHAOS.

  That was the only way to describe the mess surrounding me.

  For a “small” wedding there sure were a lot of people running around.

  I sat in a chair, trying not to wiggle so much as the makeup artist expertly applied my makeup. Across the room someone was doing Emma’s hair. Beyond this room people ran through the Wade’s house trying to get everything set up in time. The wedding was being held in the backyard, but they were decorating the interior for the event as well.

  “I’m so nervous,” Emma confessed, her fingers dancing along the arm of the chair. “What if they tell me to say ‘I do’ and I say ‘I don’t’ by accident?”

  I wanted to laugh, but the makeup artist was applying false lashes and I really didn’t want to incur her wrath.

  “That’s not going to happen, Emmie.” Her mom breezed into the room already dressed with her hair and makeup done.

  “Looking good.” I told her mom.

  “Thanks, Sadie.” She smiled in my direction.

  “I’m sweating so bad right now,” Emma continued, “I’m going to look like a hot mess, literally, when I walk down the aisle. Oh my God, what was I thinking telling that boy I’d marry him?” She rattled. “We would’ve been fine without all of this.” She waved her hands wildly and the hair stylist scolded her.

  Emma’s mom pulled out a chair across from her. “Honey,” she took Emma’s hand, “he loves you and you love him. Stop worrying so much about everything else and focus on that fact, okay?”

  Emma nodded. “I think I can do that.”

  “Alright,” she stood, “I’m going to go find Karen and see what I can help with.” She turned towards me. “Keep her calm.”

  “I can do that,” I assured her.

  The woman doing my makeup finished and went on to Remy.

  I’d already done my own hair and the other girl’s in a simple fishtail braid.

  I slipped into my dress and went to sit beside Emma. Her hair was being styled back in a simple bun with a few strands framing her face.

  “Have you talked to Ezra yet?”

  I glared at her. “Today is your wedding, Ezra and I should be the last thing on your mind.”

  “I’m worried about you guys,” she confessed with a frown.

  “Don’t be. Seriously, don’t waste your time worrying about us.”

  “I’ll try,” she mumbled, but I doubted she’d be able to let it go.

  “Think about that cute little baby you’re going to have soon.” I pointed to h
er still flat stomach. “And just so you know, I’m going to spoil that kid silly.”

  She laughed and began to relax. “Yeah, this will be one spoiled baby.” She stroked her fingers over her stomach. “You know, this wasn’t expected, and I would’ve liked to have waited a few more years, but…I’m really excited.”

  “You should be,” I assured her. “You and Maddox will be the best parent’s ever. And hey,” I grinned, “think of all the cute baby clothes Maddox can knit.”

  She snorted. “He was already going crazy making things for baby Liam,” she pointed towards Remy, “he’s going to be even worse now.”

  “I guess this means you guys will be moving out of the guesthouse?” I raised a brow.

  She wrinkled her nose and groaned. “Don’t remind me. Normally Maddox and I are on the same page, but not when it comes to what kind of house we want. It seems like neither of us will get our way now. With the baby coming, we don’t have time to build a house or remodel.”

  “I’m sure you guys will figure it out.”

  “Thirty minutes ladies,” Karen, Maddox’s foster mom, poked her head through the doorway.

  “I’m going to be sick.” Emma paled.

  “You can do this,” I assured her.

  She took a deep breath. “I feel like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest.”

  “That’s normal.” I assured her.

  The woman finished her hair, accenting it with a few small white flowers pinned into her hair.

  Before Emma could freak out too much I managed to get her in her dress and then gave her a pep talk before it was show time.

  We lined up at the French doors in the kitchen that led out into the backyard. All of the windows were lined with lavender tulle and string lights, thick enough that we couldn’t see out and no one could see in.

  I was acutely aware of Ezra standing in the corner. Even though I told myself not to look every few seconds my eyes flicked in his direction anyway. He was always looking at me too.

  He looked amazing in the black tuxedo with his hair tamed away from his forehead. He’d shaved, so he wasn’t as scruffy as normal, but there was still a little bit of stubble dotting his cheeks and chin.

  Somebody yelled for us to get lined up and he started towards me.

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat, hating how my heart sped up the closer he got to me. We were to walk out last since I was Emma’s Maid of Honor and he was Maddox’s Best Man. You would’ve thought Mathias might have been pissed that his twin didn’t choose him as his Best Man, but he didn’t care. He was still too busy flying high about his epic love with Remy to care about anything else.