In Your Heart

by Micalea Smeltzer

  Ezra crooked his elbow and I slid my hand inside the space.

  Someone handed me my bouquet and went over a few more instructions, but I couldn’t hear a word they said, because Ezra chose that moment to lower his head and brush his lips against my ear. “We need to talk. You can’t avoid me forever.”

  “I’m not avoiding you.” I was surprised by how evenly I was able to say the words.

  He made a noise in the back of his throat. “Bullshit. You need to give me a chance to explain. After the ceremony, please talk to me.”

  “No,” I said firmly, “there’s nothing to say. Besides, I won’t ruin Maddox and Emma’s wedding by arguing with you.”

  “Dammit, Sadie,” he growled, anger lacing his words. I’d never heard him sound so pissed and hurt in all the time I’d known him. Ezra was always even-tempered. “You will talk to me.”

  I shook my head as the French doors opened.

  Hayes and Arden walked out first, and then Mathias and Remy, leaving Ezra and I to take our places.

  He straightened then and we both plastered on fake smiles.

  I counted the steps in my head, trying not to think about how tense Ezra’s arm felt against my hand or the words he’d spoken.

  As soon as I could let go of him, I did, and took my place beside the altar.

  The backyard had been transformed into a magical wonderland. Small fairy lights glimmered everywhere and fake walls decorated in green foliage and flowers hid the guesthouse and surrounding homes. The pool was decorated with glowing orbs that floated on the water. I knew when the sun went down it would be even more beautiful.

  I giggled when I saw what came out behind us.

  Sonic, Maddox’s hedgehog, scampered down the aisle in a bow tie with the rings tied around his body.

  “Come here.” Maddox crouched down when Sonic veered off the path. At the sound of his voice Sonic righted himself and scurried into Maddox’s empty hands.

  Maddox untied the rings and handed them to Ezra to hold.

  He sat the hedgehog on his shoulder and then turned towards the doors.

  I felt, rather than heard, Maddox’s intake of breath when he saw Emma. It was like with that one single inhale he stole all of the air around us.

  I glanced over at him and saw tears shimmering in his eyes, but he was trying to play it cool. Ezra clapped him on his shoulder and said something under his breath.

  It must’ve done the trick, because Maddox let go, letting the tears flow freely.

  Since Emma’s dad wasn’t in the picture her mom was the one that walked her down the aisle.

  She placed Emma’s hand in Maddox’s and kissed each of their cheeks. “I love you,” she whispered to the two of them before taking her seat.

  Emma handed me her bouquet and flashed a smile as she turned to face Maddox.

  The preacher began to speak and I tried to focus on what he was saying, but it was impossible when I could feel the weight of Ezra’s eyes on me.

  I heard the preacher say it was time to kiss the bride, and Maddox grabbed Emma’s face between his hands and gave her a very dramatic kiss before the two of them headed back down the aisle.

  “Take these.” I shoved the two bouquets I held at Remy and took off away from the ceremony.

  I hurried behind the fake walls and ran over to the guesthouse where I grabbed the spare key from underneath the mat and let myself inside.

  I knew I couldn’t run away from my problems forever, but tonight I had to. I was afraid if I spoke to Ezra I’d either scream at him or throw myself at him. Neither of which was an appropriate option at the moment.

  I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands, trying to compose myself.

  I hadn’t seen him since that day I walked away in the hospital and I stupidly thought that the time apart would have desensitized me to his affect. Wrong. So, very wrong. If anything it had made things worse.

  The door to the guesthouse opened and I immediately jumped into a standing position, turning around sharply. I was braced for a fight, but it wasn’t Ezra.

  Instead Arden stared back at me with wide eyes. “Are you okay?” She asked, stepping forward hesitantly like I was a wounded animal that might snap and bite her hand off. “You ran away so fast…I was worried.”

  “I’m fine.”

  She raised her brows, urging me to be honest.

  “Okay, I’m not fine,” my shoulders sagged, “but I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Fair enough.” She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I know you really want to hide in here, but they need you for pictures.”

  I closed my eyes and my teeth snapped together.

  “Come on,” Arden urged, stepping around the couch to take my hand, “it won’t be that bad.”

  “You have no idea.”

  If this wedding hadn’t been planned for months in advance, I’d be convinced Emma was doing everything she could to torture me.

  While we were taking an endless amount of photos the wedding organizers were busy setting up tables and chairs in the backyard.

  I found my name written elegantly on a piece of parchment and looked beside my plate to see Ezra’s name written down.

  Fuck my life.

  I sat down just as Ezra appeared. He’d ditched his tux jacket and if anything he looked even more lickable. The sleeves of his white dress shirt were rolled up to his elbows and his slick black tie lay flat.

  I quickly turned my head away when he saw me looking.

  The chair to my left slid out and he sat down.

  “You keep running from me,” he drawled, “and yet we keep ending up together. Think there’s something to that?” He propped his elbows on the table and tipped his head in my direction, a dark curl tumbled forward across his forehead refusing to be tamed.

  “Yes,” I agreed and he smirked, “the world hates me.”

  His smile fell. He leaned forward, his eyes flicking all across my body before he ever so slightly drew his bottom lip in between his teeth. Fuck me. He wasn’t playing fair.

  His lashes lowered, fanning across his cheekbones, and his breath tickled the skin of my neck. “I’ll leave you alone…tonight. But soon I’m going to talk and you will listen.”

  I swallowed thickly, hoping he couldn’t see the way my pulse fluttered in my throat.

  “Is that a threat?”

  His lips quirked up into a crooked smile and he leaned impossibly closer. “No, sweetheart, that’s a promise.”

  I suddenly felt light-headed. Even when he sat back, out of my personal space, I still couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen into my lungs.

  Our food was served to us, but I merely picked at mine. My appetite was completely gone. I wished I could bow out, but since I was the Maid of Honor I was stuck here.

  The tables were cleared away to make room for a stage and room to dance.

  Emma and Maddox had their customary dance together before Hayes and Maddox took the stage.

  “Emma,” Maddox spoke into the microphone, “you haven’t heard this song yet and I’ve been hiding it for a while. This is for you. Only you.”

  She smiled up at him from the edge of the stage.

  He sat down on a stool beside Hayes. He tipped his head in Hayes’ direction and the soft sounds of the acoustic guitar filled the air.

  With a small smile Maddox began to sing. His voice was similar to Mathias’, but softer.

  Emma swayed to the song, looking up at her new husband with love shining in her eyes.

  I was so happy for her, but that happiness didn’t fill the ache in my heart.

  “Dance with me.”

  I turned and looked up at Ezra. I said nothing as I quickly looked away.

  He moved to stand in front of me and held out his hand. Other couples were already filling the dance floor.

  I saw Hayes dragging a giggling Arden out onto the dance floor.

  “Take my hand, Sadie.” His eyes pleaded with me. “If you don’t you’ll regret it.” />
  I wanted to be mean and tell him that I already regretted everything between us and that I could handle one more, but the words would be a lie, and I was done with all of the lying. It was exhausting.

  He crooked his fingers, beckoning me to trust him for the moment and to put my hand in his.

  Exhaling a deep breath, I somehow found the courage to give him my hand.

  He smiled triumphantly and pulled me onto the dance floor.

  I couldn’t help the blush that colored my cheeks when I thought about what happened the last time we danced together.

  He held my one hand and his other settled on my waist, above the curve of my butt, and I stiffened. “Relax,” he coaxed. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “You already have.” I whispered the words so softly that I thought he might not hear them, but he did.

  He pressed a kiss to my forehead and I closed my eyes. “I’m going to make this up to you,” he vowed, “you’ll see.”

  I wasn’t going to hold my breath.

  I CLOSED THE door to my shop and locked it behind me.

  The night sky glittered above me with a thousand shining stars and a brief smile touched my lips. It had been three days since the wedding, and I was feeling surprisingly good. It was one of the first days where I’d actually felt like my normal self.

  I adjusted my purse strap on my shoulder and walked in the direction of my apartment. The weather had been perfect today, so I’d wanted to walk. Walking helped me to clear my head. It was helping me to gain a new perspective, and maybe the next time I saw Ezra I wouldn’t feel quite so angry. After all, none of this was his fault.

  I crooked my head back, enjoying the evening breeze tickling the bare skin of my neck. Fall was in the air and I couldn’t wait to wear fuzzy pajamas, and drink pumpkin spice lattes every chance I got.

  My building came into view, the old brick glowing with a golden hue from the old fashioned streetlights.

  My strides quickened and I hurried up the steps, passing one of my neighbors. “Hey, Frankie.” I waved at him before grabbing my key and unlocking the door to my place.

  I stepped inside and immediately knew something wasn’t right.

  The floor lamp beside the couch was turned on and I knew it had been off when I left.

  I turned slowly, circling the room with my eyes, and stopped when I reached my bed.

  My breath was sucked out of me and my whole body shook at the sight of the boy perched on the end of my bed.

  “What are you doing here?” I gasped, my purse and keys falling from my hands onto the floor. “How are you here?”

  He shoved his dark unruly hair away from his eyes and stood with a gentle grace as he untangled his long legs.

  He held up a key. “Maddox and Emma let me borrow this.”

  “They’re on their honeymoon,” I said stupidly.

  “I know.” He took a step forward, his boots crunching something. “I’ve been planning this for a little while.”

  “Planning what?”

  “This?” He spread his arms to encompass the space.

  I finally allowed my eyes to leave his face and I looked around me in awe. Everywhere I looked pieces of paper littered the floor.

  I bent down, picking up the piece of paper nearest my shoe.

  I gasped, my hand flying up to cover my mouth. “Ezra.” It was only one word, but I knew he could hear the surprise and overwhelming love behind the word.

  On the piece of paper was a drawing of the first time we met. He’d sketched every little detail, and while he wasn’t the best artist it was flawless in my eyes.

  I clutched the piece of paper to my heart, hugging it against me, wishing that I could squeeze it tight enough to melt inside of me.

  A tear brushed against my cheek and I reached up to wipe it away. In the process, my eyes met his.

  “You wouldn’t let me explain.” His voice was soft, hesitant, almost scared. “So I thought I could show you.”

  “Show me what?” My voice was thick with the threat of tears.

  “That I’ve loved you from the beginning.” He pointed to the drawing I held so protectively against me. “There’s not been one single moment that I’ve known you where I haven’t loved you. And somewhere along the way, that love became something bigger, something so undeniable that the force of it scared me more than anything else ever has.” He took a measured step towards me. “Somewhere along the way I fell in love with you. I think I fell in love with you a long time ago and I was too fucking stupid to admit it, because the thought of loving you and losing you was too painful to contemplate. I would rather have you as a friend than not at all.” Another step. “But I realized something when you walked away from me in the hospital. No matter what, I was still going to lose you, because being your friend isn’t enough anymore, Sadie. I know now that falling in love with you isn’t wrong. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. And I’m so, so sorry that it took me so long to see that.” He took yet another step towards me and now no more than three feet separated us. “I’ve made a mess of things. Please, tell me it’s not too late to fix this. I love you. I’m in love with you. And I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you if that’s what it takes. Forgive me, please.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed and he suddenly seemed unsure. He clasped his hands in front of his body and rocked back on his heels, waiting for my response.

  “How long?” I questioned.

  “How long what?”

  “How long have you been planning this?” I waved my hand around to encompass all the drawings. There had to be at least a hundred of them, if not more. Some appeared to be larger and more detailed while some were smaller. From where I stood I could see one with Toby drawn on it in his goldfish bowl.

  “Since the moment you walked away from me and I realized how in love I am with you. I would’ve told you then, but you were gone so fast, and I also knew that it was going to take a lot more than pretty words to make you believe me.” He shrugged, his hair tumbling forward across his forehead. I itched to run my fingers through its softness, but so much still needed to be said.

  “You hurt me.” I whispered the words, handing them to him like they were a grenade. “I told you that I was in love with you and you just stood there.”

  “I know,” he said sadly, nodding his head, “and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for a lot of things. But even if you tell me to walk out that door right now,” he pointed behind me, “and tell me you never want to see me again, I’ll never apologize for every moment I spent with you.” He motioned to the drawings around us. “Not just this summer, but every single time I smiled or laughed with you. I’ll cherish all of it forever.” He closed his hand into a fist and placed it over his heart.

  “I don’t want you to walk out that door,” I confessed, wiping away more tears.

  Damn that boy for making me cry.

  A slow smile crept onto his face. “You don’t?”

  I shook my head. “I want you to stay.” I pointed to my heart and I hoped he got my meaning.

  “In your heart?”

  I nodded. “I couldn’t get you out of there if I wanted to. You’re too much of a part of me.”

  He crept closer to me and touched his heart. “You’re in mine too, sweetheart. You’re in me so deep that I don’t know what to do when you’re gone. I feel like half of a person.”

  I took a deep breath and finally I made that final step, the one that closed the distance between us. I leaned my head back to look up at him.

  “So what does this mean for us?”

  He tilted his head to the side. “I hope it means that you’re my girlfriend…” He paused. “Although, I really hate that word, because I feel like it diminishes how much you mean to me.”

  I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck and we both sighed at the contact. “No more hiding?” I questioned. “This is real?”

  “It was always real, sweetheart.” He cupped my cheek. “We were only
trying to pretend that it wasn’t.”

  A question glimmered in his eyes and he must have found the answer in mine, because he lowered his head, slanting his lips over mine.

  I moaned into his mouth, my body relaxing at the contact. I stood on my tiptoes and my fingers tangled in the curls of his hair as I tried to get closer.

  His hands pressed into my waist, moving lower, and I startled when he grabbed my legs to lift me up.

  He carried me over to my bed and laid me down. Paper crinkled beneath my back and I pulled away enough to breathe, “Don’t mess up the drawings. I want to look at all of them later.”

  “Later?” He chuckled, brushing his lips so lightly against mine it couldn’t even be called a kiss. “How about now?”

  I leaned up, finding his ear. “I was kind of hoping my boyfriend would fuck me first.”

  He framed my face with his hands and shook his head. Before I had a chance to be upset he said, “I’m not going to fuck you, Sadie. Not right now, at least.” His voice lowered to a husky whisper and his lips ghosted against my neck over the spot where my pulse raced. “I’m going to make love to you the way I’ve always wanted to.”

  I shivered at his words. “I like the sound of that.”

  He grinned and kissed me again, deeply, with a hunger that could never be filled. I kissed him back just as urgently and with no less passion. As hot as all our other encounters had been we’d both been holding back on the emotion part, and now it was here in full force and couldn’t be denied anymore.

  He slanted my head back with one hand and his tongue pressed against mine. I gasped into his mouth and the sound was drowned out by his groan. His other hand slid down the side of my waist and over my thigh. He grabbed my knee, lifting my leg so that he could fit himself more firmly against my center. His hips ground into mine and I gasped again, my hands sliding down his chest until I found the bottom of his shirt.