Lizzie's Secret

by Rosie Clarke

  ‘You’re busy, and what could you do?’ Beth said, leaning in to kiss her cheek. ‘It will be a doctor I need. Don’t worry, Lizzie. I dare say I’ll have plenty of time to get to the hospital when the time comes. I just felt like a moan.’

  ‘What does your mum say?’

  ‘She says she’ll be coming round all the time when the birth is imminent and that there’s nothing to worry about.’

  ‘Well, I suppose she’s had four children…’

  ‘Yes.’ Beth’s throat caught and she struggled to hold in the emotion. ‘Mum has been a brick. I know she won’t let me down – even though Dad hasn’t forgiven me.’

  Saying her farewells to Lizzie, Beth went downstairs and out of the side door. She looked back at her friend and waved, feeling the uncertainty and loneliness sweep over her. It was so much better when she was with Lizzie or her mother. Madge and Ed were kind and treated her as family; she was grateful, but she dreaded the times when she was alone in her small room and had nothing to do but think of Mark.

  Beth shook her head as she walked slowly back to Madge and Ed’s home. If she married Bernie she would have to leave their house, but she really didn’t know if she wanted to be his wife. How could she sleep next to him at night and accept his kisses, the touch of his hands on her body, when she still longed for Mark? It wouldn’t be fair to Bernie or her. Sometimes she thought it would be worth it to be safe and comfortable, to have someone take care of her – and then she thought again and realised she wasn’t ready to marry anyone but Mark yet, perhaps she never would be.

  Her throat was tight and she struggled to keep the tears back. Why did Mark have to die? She still loved him so much… still longed to see his face and touch him. Yet she knew he was lost to her.

  ‘Oh Mum,’ she whispered as the tears trickled slowly down her cheeks. ‘Mum, I want to come home…’

  *

  Beth was feeling very sorry for herself, and Lizzie could understand why. It must be awful to be in her position. Lizzie sometimes felt fed up because Harry’s aunt and uncle fussed over her too much, reminding her to keep her appointments at the clinic and asking if she was eating properly. Lizzie was working harder than ever. She’d thought their supplies of material might have started to run out by now, but Uncle Bertie seemed to have plenty. She was finding that most women were going for plainer hats at the moment. They admired the frivolous ones but then put them back and said there was a war on and they mustn’t be wasteful. She felt wistful sometimes as she added just a ribbon or a feather, missing the yards of tulle, net and silk flowers she’d used on most of her special designs. She could still sell a cloche with a ribbon and a single flower, but the fussy big-brimmed hats were not as popular at the moment.

  Sebastian’s manager had not been to see her for three months. She sometimes thought it wasn’t worth keeping the bespoke business going. Uncle Bertie would love it if she just concentrated on his end of the business. Well, did it matter if she no longer had the freedom to design beautiful hats? With men dying and the news from abroad looking grimmer all the time, silk hats seemed less important than they once had. She would have a child in a few months and perhaps Harry would come home for the birth and things would be better. They could never be the same as they were once, but perhaps they could find a way to be at least friends…

  It was her fault he didn’t come home much, Lizzie knew, because when he’d tried to take her in his arms and kiss her she’d held back. Seeing the hurt in his eyes, she’d felt sorry and tried to overcome her feelings but she couldn’t help the shudder that went through her.

  Harry had apologised more than once and she knew he’d been in a state that night. She sometimes lay and thought of him up there in the plane with the others, knowing that he was terrified and trying not to show it – not to be a coward. The least she could do was to be a loving wife when he came home – and yet she couldn’t. Harry should not have taken his anger and resentment out on her, and even though she wanted to forgive him it wasn’t possible to forget.

  Thinking about her own problems wouldn’t help anyone, Lizzie knew – but perhaps she might be able to help Beth. At least it was worth a try…

  *

  ‘I don’t know if you’re aware of how Beth is living, Mr Court,’ Lizzie said. She heard Beth’s mother’s indrawn breath. ‘The lady she lives with is a semi-invalid and if the baby starts Madge wouldn’t be able to do much – or even run for the doctor…’

  ‘In that case she should look for somewhere else to live,’ Beth’s father said harshly. ‘There must be plenty of lodging houses in London.’

  ‘Not all of them want a young baby,’ Lizzie said. ‘Beth’s manager at work asked her to marry him but I don’t think she will.’

  ‘More fool him. She doesn’t deserve to be a decent man’s wife after the way she behaved.’

  ‘No!’ Mrs Court cried. ‘I won’t let you say such things about your own daughter. Beth isn’t wicked; she just made a mistake. Is that any reason she should be punished forever? She ought to be here with her family…’

  ‘I told you I won’t have her here, bringing shame on me.’

  ‘She’s my baby, my youngest, and I want to look after her.’ Mrs Court looked at Lizzie. ‘If Lizzie hadn’t come here and told us, I wouldn’t have done anything but I can’t leave her there with that poor woman at a time like this…’

  ‘She doesn’t come into my house…’

  ‘Then I shall move out and find somewhere for us to live until the baby is born,’ Mrs Court said defiantly.

  Lizzie felt awful as she realised she’d caused a tremendous row. ‘I’m sorry,’ she apologised as Beth’s father stared furiously at his wife. ‘I shouldn’t have come round, but I’m worried for Beth… I thought if you understood that both she and the baby might be in danger…’

  ‘So am I worried,’ Mrs Court said. ‘I’m glad you did come, Lizzie. It’s been on my mind, but I was too much of a coward to say. Now, I’m not going to keep quiet. Beth needs my help and I’m going to be with her.’

  ‘All right, you win,’ her husband said, capitulating to the amazement of both of them. ‘You can bring Beth here until she’s over the birth – but after that she can find somewhere to live. And I don’t want to see her. She can stay in her room while I’m in the house; those are my terms.’

  Mrs Court met his angry gaze. ‘Thank you, Derek,’ she said. ‘It’s all I ask of you – just until she’s well enough to go back to work.’

  He turned his dark gaze on Lizzie. ‘You are a good friend to my daughter, Mrs Oliver. Her mother will bring her here until after the birth, but don’t ask me to be responsible for her bastard.’

  With that he turned and slammed out of the kitchen.

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause a row, but Beth is really miserable, even though she pretends not to be – and she’s worried about having the baby and causing Madge a lot of worry. I don’t think Madge thought things through before she offered – and it was my fault for letting her ask. If Beth is here I know she will be all right.’

  ‘My husband is right about one thing. You are a good friend to Beth – you said the things I wanted to say and dared not.’

  ‘Beth wouldn’t want to cause trouble between you – but now she’s really nervous and I think she needs your help. There’s no one like a mother.’

  Mrs Court smiled at her. ‘When it’s your turn, I’ll be glad to do whatever I can, Lizzie.’

  ‘I’ve already got people worrying about me,’ Lizzie said. ‘At least now, I can stop worrying about Beth for a while…’

  *

  It was Lizzie’s afternoon off and she spent most of it wandering around the marketplace, looking for things she could use to make baby clothes and nappies. Lizzie’s resentment had gone now and sometimes now she looked forward to holding the child in her arms.

  ‘Lizzie, that basket looks heavy,’ a voice said and she turned in surprise as Tilly came to stand beside her. ‘Let me carry it hom
e for you. I wanted to have a chat. We never can at work, without Mr Oliver havin’ a go at us.’

  Lizzie handed over her burden with a sigh of relief. ‘I’ve got ages to go yet, but my back is aching like mad.’

  ‘Tell me about it. I had it for ages when I was carrying my daughter,’ Tilly said as their bus arrived. They found a seat at the front, Tilly sitting by the window with Lizzie’s basket on her knees. ‘Mind you, I’d go through it all again like a shot to have another child, but I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant again.’

  ‘I didn’t realise you were trying for another baby?’

  ‘We can’t really afford it,’ Tilly said with a shrug. ‘I suppose it’s just as well I haven’t fallen again – but I get broody when I see other women with babies.’

  ‘We couldn’t do without you at the workshops.’

  ‘Oh, Oliver would soon replace me,’ Tilly said. ‘I’m just another seamstress to him.’

  ‘Well, you’re not to me,’ Lizzie said. ‘If I ever have my own business I’d employ you as a stylist…’

  ‘You won’t leave Oliver, will you?’ Tilly looked shocked.

  ‘No, I don’t suppose I shall,’ Lizzie said. ‘Sometimes, I wish I could please myself what I make, that’s all…’

  Tilly laughed and shook her head. ‘You wait for another few months and then you’ll have too much to think about to worry about designing hats…’

  Chapter 36

  ‘What did you think you were doing, going to my parents behind my back?’ Beth demanded as she came barging into Lizzie’s flat that afternoon. ‘I would never have begged him…’

  ‘Don’t be such a fool. I just told him the truth, and even though he wouldn’t admit it, he realised he couldn’t leave you exposed to danger. If Ed was at work, Madge couldn’t cope. Go home for now and have the baby, and then you can look for a house somewhere. It is silly to stay with Madge when your father has given permission.’

  ‘It’s not just that – how can I leave Madge when she’s been so kind?’

  ‘And you’ve repaid her. Look at how much better the house looks since you took over the cleaning.’

  ‘Madge’s back hurts more again and she won’t tell Ed… so I’ve been doing all the cooking and washing.’

  ‘She isn’t your responsibility, Beth. You should think of yourself and the child – you can still visit Madge and so shall I, but I think you should be with your mother for the birth.’

  ‘I’ll think about it,’ Beth said. ‘I’ve told Mum I shan’t go for a few days anyway. I have to get Madge used to the idea gradually. It would be cruel to just leave like that…’

  ‘Yes, I agree, but don’t leave it too long, Beth.’

  ‘No…’ Beth smiled ruefully. ‘I really want to be with Mum for the birth. Afterwards, I’ll manage somehow – but I feel nervous sometimes and I do want my mum.’

  ‘Of course you do. I’d feel the same if I had a mother like yours. You tell Madge that your mum needs you home she won’t make a fuss then.’

  ‘I don’t want to lie to her,’ Beth smiled oddly. ‘I’m fond of Madge – but I do know she couldn’t cope if I suddenly gave birth and Ed wasn’t around.’

  ‘Well then what alternative do you have? I didn’t mean to go behind your back, Beth. I was just trying to help you.’

  ‘I know…’ Beth sighed and arched her back. ‘It’s just that I don’t want my father thinking I’m crawling…’

  ‘Forgive me?’

  ‘Of course,’ Beth said. ‘I’d better go then…’

  Leaving Lizzie, Beth was sunk in thought as she walked back to Madge’s house. She knew it would distress Madge more than Lizzie realised if Beth left her, and she didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

  She stopped walking as she realised something was going on. Seeing the fire engines and police vans, people milling around, she suddenly noticed that the smoke was rising from a house near the end of the road. Beth’s heart jerked. Had there been a bomb? Everyone was certain it had to start soon. Yet surely they would have heard something before this… She hadn’t heard the sirens, but perhaps it had just been this area… and then she saw it was Madge’s house that was on fire and she began to run.

  ‘What happened?’ she asked a woman who was standing watching all the activity. ‘Is Madge all right?’

  ‘They say it was a gas explosion. Probably a leak or something. I don’t know if anyone was hurt, I only just got here…’

  Beth ran towards the house. Everything she owned was inside and the house was almost demolished and what was left of it was burning, but all she could think about was Madge.

  ‘You can’t go in there, missus.’ The policeman held her arm, preventing Beth from rushing into the burning house.

  ‘I live there – my friend, was she hurt? Was anyone still inside?’

  ‘It’s your house?’

  ‘It belongs to Madge and Ed. I’m their lodger.’

  ‘There was a woman inside. She was lying at the foot of the stairs and they think she’d had a fall. She was unconscious when they brought her out and they’ve taken her to the infirmary.’

  The tears trickled down Beth’s cheeks. She had no choice but to follow Lizzie’s suggestion now, but it wasn’t so much her own predicament that haunted her it was Madge and Ed. She couldn’t imagine why Madge should have tried to go upstairs, , but she wished she’d been there when Madge needed her, because she knew how much Ed cared for his wife and if she died it would devastate the kindly man.

  *

  ‘Beth has nothing left,’ Lizzie said to Aunt Miriam. ‘And it’s even worse for Madge and Ed; they’ve lost their home, furniture, photos, all their memories.’

  ‘That is a terrible shame,’ Aunt Miriam said. ‘We’ll raid my wardrobe and see what we can use. Some of my dresses can be made to fit Beth for now. As for Madge and Ed…’ she shook her head sorrowfully. ‘I’m sure Bertie will find something that fits Ed…’

  ‘Ed doesn’t care about anything but Madge,’ Lizzie said. ‘He’s sitting up the hospital and won’t budge even to come home and shave or rest – and I don’t think he’s eaten a thing.’

  ‘When he does come out of it, he can home here for a while, just until he gets on his feet again,’ Aunt Miriam said. ‘I know Bertie would say that was right. We have to look after him…’

  ‘If he’ll let us…’ Lizzie was worried. ‘Madge hasn’t come round yet. After all she’s suffered, I’m frightened she’s hurt too badly…’

  ‘Do we know what actually happened yet?’

  ‘The doctors think she fell before the gas explosion. Perhaps she slipped or fainted…’

  She was probably unconscious and knew nothing about it, Lizzie.’

  ‘I hope that was the case. Have the police said what caused the gas leak?’

  ‘They think it was due to some faulty work on the pipes when workmen were doing repairs in the road a few weeks back.’

  Lizzie nodded. ‘I’m going to take a clean nightie up to the infirmary for Madge and some things for Ed and then I shall go round to Beth’s home. I’m going to give her some of the baby things I’ve prepared. ’

  ‘I’d offer her a bed here, but you said she’d gone to her mother’s house. Will her father object?’

  ‘He will let her stay until the baby is born and then she has to find her own place…’

  ‘Well, you know we have more than enough room, Lizzie. Beth is your friend and I’m happy to help if she’s stuck. It’s entirely your choice, my dear. Our house is your house; you know that…’

  ‘You’re so kind,’ Lizzie said. ‘We’ll see how Beth gets on at home. She was going to the infirmary to see Madge today.’

  ‘I am so very sorry for all of them…’

  ‘I can hardly believe it has happened – and caused by careless workmanship. They ought to lock those workmen up…’

  ‘But they won’t, because there’s no way to prove they caused the problem, and they need all the skilled men they have.
It might have been a cracked pipe in Madge’s house. Didn’t anyone notice the smell of gas?’

  ‘Beth never mentioned it and she would have…’ Lizzie shook her head. ‘It was just an accident I suppose, but why did it have to happen to two of the nicest people I know?’

  ‘There’s no answer to that, Lizzie.’ Aunt Miriam looked sad. ‘I suppose you haven’t heard from Harry recently? It seems a long time since he came home on leave.’

  ‘No, I haven’t heard,’ Lizzie said. ‘He’s busy…’

  ‘You two haven’t fallen out, have you?’

  ‘No, of course not,’ she lied, but she couldn’t look at Aunt Miriam, because to be honest she had no idea how things stood between her and Harry…

  *

  Her visit to the Infirmary left Lizzie feeling close to tears. She’d given the nurse the things she’d brought for Madge and asked how she was, but the answer was the same. It was touch and go and even if Madge recovered consciousness they didn’t know if she would ever walk again; her spine had been cracked in the fall and she would probably never use her legs again.

  Lizzie hadn’t known how to hold back the tears. Madge had already suffered so much and if she was a permanent invalid, it would break both her and Ed’s hearts.

  She’d found Ed sitting in the cream-painted, dark corridor outside the ward; everywhere smelled of strong disinfectant and the small windows were high up, letting in very little daylight, the faded linoleum on the floor looking in need of a good polish. She’d given him a cup of tea, but talking to him elicited only a nod or a shake of the head. It was impossible to reach the silent stranger he’d become and Lizzie left the infirmary feeling close to breaking point. Whatever happened, she would find a way to help them. Lizzie didn’t have much spare money, though she was comfortable in her little flat and never went short of the necessities, but Ed was going to need a lot more than that to get back on his feet. His house was a write-off and he would need to look for new lodgings for them – if Madge came out of hospital. Lizzie couldn’t even imagine what he would do it his wife died…