Lizzie's Secret

by Rosie Clarke

  Forcing back her desire to weep, Lizzie caught the bus to Beth’s home. At least she was safe and with her family. She might have been caught in the explosion too had she not been drinking tea at Lizzie’s home…

  *

  ‘Are you settling in all right?’ Lizzie looked around Beth’s room. ‘I’ve brought you a dress and hat for after you’ve had the baby, and Aunt Miriam sent a couple of her dresses to wear for now. They’re big and shapeless, but you can alter them to fit just until the baby comes, can’t you?’

  ‘Yes, of course, thanks. That’s a lovely hat, Lizzie. I’ve always liked it.’

  ‘Good, because you’ll enjoy wearing it. I’ve brought a few things for the baby, too.’

  ‘Mum’s going to give me all her old baby things,’ Beth said. ‘I hadn’t bought much because I was afraid that something would go wrong with the birth if I did…’ She laughed. ‘Silly, isn’t it? I’m glad now, because what money I’d saved was in the Post Office and I had the book with me in my bag.’

  ‘It’s still rotten luck – and there’s no insurance either. Ed didn’t believe in it…’

  ‘He probably couldn’t afford it, and I didn’t think of it,’ Beth said. ‘I’m more worried about Madge than my situation, to be honest. At least I’ve got a home for the time being.’

  ‘Aunt Miriam has offered them a bed,’ Lizzie said. ‘Ed will probably manage with second-hand things for a while and I’ll make Madge some dresses when she comes out – if she does…’ She caught her breath. ‘I visited them at the infirmary. She’s still unconscious and Ed looks like death warmed up.’

  ‘All we can do is pray for her,’ Beth said. ‘Mum says she’s got some things that Madge can have – and Ed is more my dad’s size than Oliver’s. Don’t worry, Lizzie. We’ll all help them – but we can’t give Madge her health back.’

  ‘No and that’s the awful thing,’ Lizzie said. ‘She was getting a little better. I can’t think why she went upstairs – she never does…’

  ‘She said something about giving me the clothes she’d bought for her son – the baby who died and left her an invalid – I think they were upstairs. Ed told her he would bring them down for her when he had time.’

  ‘And she couldn’t wait, so she went after them herself and fell on the way back…’

  ‘Yes, probably,’ Beth looked miserable. ‘I feel guilty, as if I caused it all…’

  ‘Of course you didn’t,’ Lizzie told her. ‘Madge made her own decision – and the gas leak wasn’t your fault or hers. You never smelled gas when you were there?’

  ‘No, not once,’ Beth gasped suddenly. ‘Oh, it’s the baby kicking again. He’s so restless now.’

  ‘You haven’t got much longer to go, have you?’

  ‘Any day now…’ Beth gave another cry and then doubled over. ‘Oh, hell, Lizzie! That one really hurt…’

  ‘Shall I run down and get your mother?’

  ‘I’ve got my bag packed,’ Beth said. ‘Here’s the number for the taxi and the hospital. Can you tell them I’m coming in and then…’? She let out a little scream. ‘Hurry, Lizzie. I need to get there fast…’

  ‘Yes, I know. I’ll be as quick as I can,’ Lizzie said and took the number from her. As she ran downstairs, Mrs Court came into the hall. ‘I’m phoning for a taxi to take Beth to the hospital – she’s starting the baby…’

  ‘I thought I heard her call out. You get off, Lizzie. I’ll go up to her now.’

  Lizzie rushed out of the house and ran down the lane to the phone box. She fumbled with her change in her haste and rang through to the hospital and then the ambulance. When she returned to the house, she discovered that Mrs Court had got her daughter down into the hall.

  ‘The taxi will be here soon. You’ll be all right, Beth. These things take hours. You’ll be in bed soon with a nurse to look after you…’

  ‘I hope it won’t take hours,’ Beth said between gritted teeth. ‘It hurts too damned much.’

  *

  Lizzie sat in the corridor and waited through the long night. Beth’s mother had been allowed inside the delivery ward with her daughter but Lizzie had been asked to stay outside. She could hear the screams coming from inside; they seemed to go on and on for ages. Beth was having a terrible time and Lizzie felt as if her own baby moved in sympathy.

  It was getting on for four in the morning when Beth’s father came along the corridor. He looked down at Lizzie and then sat on the seat next to her, twisting his hat in his hands and looking miserable.

  ‘Is that Beth?’ he asked as they heard a particularly loud scream.

  ‘Yes. We’ve been here since seven last evening. I didn’t know how to let you know.’

  ‘One of the neighbours saw you leave in a taxi. I knew it had to be the infirmary. Beth was so close to her time.’

  ‘Yes. I don’t know how much longer it can go on for…’

  ‘Her mother was twelve hours with the twins. I thought I was going to lose her…’ his eyes reflected his fear. ‘Beth’s just like her mother…’

  ‘Beth’s strong. She’ll be all right.’

  ‘Yes.’ He looked awkward. ‘I just wanted to know if she was all right…’

  Suddenly they heard the sound of a baby crying and a moment or two later the door opened and the doctor came out. He walked up to Beth’s father and smiled at him.

  ‘Are you Mr Allen? Your wife has given birth to beautiful twins, sir.’

  ‘She’s my daughter. ’ He looked pale and shaken. ‘Her mother had twins – I suppose that’s why…’ he shook his head as if to clear it. ‘The children’s father is dead…’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ the doctor said. ‘Well, she’s lucky to have such devoted friends and family. You’ll be able to see her soon.’

  Mr Court waited until the doctor had walked off and then stood up.

  ‘I’ll be off then. There’s no need to tell anyone that I was here.’

  ‘Won’t you wait and see Beth and the twins?’

  ‘No, I shall not see them – and I would prefer you didn’t tell her I was here. I just wanted to know she was all right…’

  *

  ‘Oh, they are beautiful, and you’ve got a boy and a girl, Beth,’ Lizzie said when she bent over the cots. ‘I can’t believe that you were in such pain. It must have been awful for you.’

  ‘It was pretty awful, but the midwife said I was lucky, because she’s never seen twins born so quickly.’ Beth laughed. ‘I must have been in labour all day, but worrying over Madge, well, I didn’t realise it.’

  ‘Yes, you’re very lucky. When will they let you bring them home?’

  ‘Probably in a day or so if I’m fit, but it’s going to make a lot of work for mum looking after me and doing all the washing, especially with two of them. I’m going to get up as soon as I can.’

  ‘You must have a rest for a bit. We don’t want you getting ill so you can’t feed the twins, do we?’

  ‘No, I suppose not…’ she sighed.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about Bernie. He sent me a gorgeous bunch of flowers, some chocolates and a lovely letter – I think he really wants to marry me, Lizzie – and I might…’

  ‘Are you sure, Beth? Don’t rush into anything just yet. You’re in no fit state to be making a big decision right now. I’ll help as much as I can – we all will.’

  ‘I know, but I can’t expect you or Mum to cope with my twins as well as your own lives. If I married Bernie, he would provide a home and I wouldn’t need to work until they’re at school – though I’d like to go back to work one day.’

  ‘What about Tony?’

  Beth looked down at her children. ‘Tony told me once not to come crying to him, Lizzie. Bernie says all I have to do is say the word.’

  Well, I still think you should wait a bit,’ Lizzie cautioned.

  ‘I just wish Mark had lived long enough to know…’

  ‘Yes, of course you do, love,’ Lizzie
squeezed her hand, knowing nothing she said could ease that pain. ‘I wish I could make it happen for you.’

  ‘I wish my father had come,’ Beth said and the sadness in her eyes tempted Lizzie to tell her that he’d been there in the corridor and known she was safe, but she’d been asked not to and perhaps it was best. Mr Court still hadn’t forgiven his daughter for getting pregnant without a husband.

  ‘Give him time,’ she said and squeezed Beth’s hand. ‘I shall have to go, love, because it will be dark soon and I don’t like being out in the blackout – even though I’ve got one of those new shaded torches.’

  ‘You’ll come and see me again soon?’

  ‘Of course I shall,’ Lizzie said and bent to kiss her and then touched the babies' soft cheeks. Seeing Beth’s twins had made her realise how much she really wanted to hold her own baby. ‘They are really gorgeous, Beth. Think about them and don’t worry, love.’

  She was anxious as she left her friend. Life was so precarious at the moment and people died suddenly. Beth had no hope of marrying the man she loved, but Lizzie still had a chance to make her marriage work. It was ridiculous to still care about what had happened one night when Harry had had too much to drink. Lizzie should make the most of her life while she could. She would write to Harry and tell him she loved him and was looking forward to seeing him, even if she wasn’t sure in her heart that it was true. Yet for the sake of their child, she had to try to heal the breach between them.

  Chapter 37

  All through the summer the news had been dire as the Germans continued their relentless progress through Holland and Belgium. At the end of May, the British troops had been driven back to the beaches of Dunkirk, and the marvellous evacuation by the little ships and pleasure boats saved thousands of men that would have otherwise perished. The papers had been full of praise for the bravery of ordinary seamen who had put to sea to help in the evacuation of the thousands of trapped men, ferrying them from the shore out to the bigger ships that would transport them home to a heroes’ welcome. Even though it had been a defeat for the Allies, the marvellous rescue seemed to make victory of what might have been despair.. In everyone’s mind the thought was the same: had those brave seamen not got the men out, we should have been finished as an independent country; few people said it out loud, because it was unthinkable that Britain had come so near to utter and complete defeat, but most thought it in private. The hospitals were overflowing with wounded men and the war was suddenly a painful reality in every home.

  Now the Germans were parading through the streets of Paris and the French had been forced to sign a humiliating armistice in the coach used for the German surrender in 1918. Everyone was looking over their shoulders; wondering and thinking are we next?

  It was a low point for the nation and people were gloomy, only a few still able to joke and laugh. Lizzie thought it was as if everyone knew things had gone badly wrong and they’d moved on to a new stage; they were waiting for the worst to happen.

  As if on cue they received the news that Madge was dead. She’d gone in her sleep, so perhaps that was a mercy, but Ed wouldn’t take the loss of his wife easily and Lizzie was worried for him. Beth was upset and cried, saying she shouldn’t have left her alone that day; Madge had been well liked and everyone was upset by her death.

  ‘It wasn’t your fault,’ Lizzie told her. ‘Ed must feel the same – but Madge did what she did and the gas explosion was a tragedy no one could have foreseen. I went with Uncle Bertie and fetched Ed home, because the hospital said he was just sitting there staring at the wall. He didn’t want to come, but in the end he allowed us to take him away. I don’t know what he’ll do…’

  ‘He will either break down and cry or he’ll just give up,’ Beth said. ‘Mum says she’s heard of people like that… one can’t survive without the other and they fade away…’ She gave a little sob. ‘I can’t bear to think of her, Lizzie.’

  Lizzie found it difficult too. She’d tried sitting with Ed, talking to him, trying to persuade him to eat, but he stared straight through her, and she wasn’t sure anything got through to him.

  However, on the morning of Madge’s funeral, Ed washed, shaved and dressed in the clothes he’d been given by friends and neighbours. The church was packed with people that Lizzie didn’t know, as well as customers that she’d seen in Uncle Bertie’s workshops. Ed was obviously well liked and there were lots of small wreathes and bunches of flowers for Madge.

  Lizzie stood by Ed’s side during the church service and when she realised he was crying she reached for his hand. He held on to it throughout the vicar’s sermon and the hymns, not letting go until they all followed the coffin out to the churchyard.

  Ed threw a single red rose into the open grave instead of earth, and both Beth and Lizzie followed with posies of their own. Ed nodded to the people who had come out to see his wife laid to rest but didn’t speak before turning and walking away.

  *

  That afternoon, the flat seemed lonely, perhaps because she’d come back from a funeral and death was so final. Uncle Bertie had actually closed the workshop for the day as a mark of respect, and Lizzie didn’t feel like trying to design anything.

  She was just thinking of going shopping, even though there wasn’t much to buy in the shops, when the bell on the front of the house rang. Lizzie went downstairs as quickly as she could, opening it and saying, ‘Yes, can I help you…’ She stared at the man in uniform on her doorstep. ‘Sebastian?’

  ‘Lizzie Larch, how are you?’

  Shocked, Lizzie felt her heart give a kicking surge.

  ‘Where did you come from?’ she asked. ‘I thought you were away somewhere on… well, war work?’

  ‘I was but now I’m home for a few days. I wanted to see how things were going – but I hadn’t realised. You’re having a baby… congratulations. Your husband must be over the moon?’

  ‘Yes…’ Lizzie felt the lump in her throat. ‘I don’t really know what he thinks. I haven’t heard from him for ages. I don’t even know if he’ll come home for our wedding anniversary next month…’ Stupid tears stung her eyes and she blinked hard. ‘Sorry, I’ve just come from a funeral and I’m feeling a bit down…’

  ‘Oh, I am sorry.’ Sebastian stepped into the hallway. ‘Somebody close?’

  ‘Ed’s wife Madge, she had a terrible accident. There was a gas explosion and…’ Lizzie lifted her chin. ‘You don’t want to hear this… I’m afraid the workshop is closed for the day – and I haven’t made anything special myself, because materials are too scarce to waste on experiments now…’

  ‘I didn’t particularly come for hats, my manager does all that – I wanted to see how you were, Lizzie.’

  ‘I’m all right really…’

  ‘Why don’t you let me take you out for tea somewhere nice?’ he asked. ‘You need cheering up – and I’m just the man to do it…’

  Why shouldn’t she? She did need cheering up and Sebastian was both a good customer and a friend.

  ‘Yes, thank you, I’d like that. I’ll just put my coat on – it’s upstairs… if you’d like to come up for a minute while I get ready.’

  ‘I should like to see where you live so I can picture you at home, Lizzie.’ He followed her upstairs, wandering about the kitchen and sitting room while she fetched her coat from the bedroom. His eyes lit up as she returned. ‘You look lovely – and I like your home. It shows your taste, but it will be a bit small when the baby comes, won’t it?’

  ‘Yes, perhaps. I’ll have to see how things go…’ Lizzie made the effort to smile. ‘I have a friend, Beth – you remember her?’ Sebastian nodded. ‘She was going steady with Mark Allen and he was killed and – she’s had his twins. Beth will need her own place and she might like this flat.’

  ‘Yes, I was sorry to learn of Mark’s loss at sea. He was a good friend. Unfortunately, quite a few young women will lose their men in this war…’ He frowned, then, ‘Has she written to Mark’s family to tell them about his childr
en? I can give her the address if she doesn’t have it.’

  ‘Mark told her they wouldn’t be pleased that he’d chosen a girl out of his class, so I don’t suppose she would consider it, but I’ll give it to her just in case…’

  ‘Still, they have the right to know of their grandchildren, don’t they?’

  ‘It must be Beth’s decision,’ Lizzie said determinedly. ‘I’m looking forward to our tea. Let’s go, we can talk on the way.’

  ‘I have my car outside, Lizzie.’

  ‘How do you manage to get petrol?’

  ‘Oh, it seems that I’m considered important enough by certain people,’ he said and laughed softly. Lizzie felt warmth spread through her, the clouds of the day dispersing as they went outside and he held the door of his car open. ‘Unfair, of course, but I can get hold of most things I want.’ He hesitated, then, ‘In fact the only thing I’ve wanted recently that eluded me was you, Lizzie Larch…’

  ‘Now, I know you’re talking nonsense,’ she said. Lizzie looked at him in amusement as they drove away. She hadn’t felt this carefree in an age. ‘I was only ever a talent in the making that you rather fancied encouraging, Sebastian. I never thought it more than that…’

  ‘I know and that was your mistake, but you’re happy and I’m not a man to come between husband and wife, even though you broke my heart, Lizzie Larch.’ His bantering tone made her smile; she was never certain whether to take him seriously, because he seemed to laugh at her.

  *

  ‘I’ve been going over and over it in my mind until I don’t know where I’m at,’ Beth said as Lizzie welcomed her into the flat. ‘Mum says I should wait for a while but I can’t find a decent place to rent anywhere, Lizzie.’

  ‘How many have you seen so far?’

  ‘About a dozen I think. They stink of other people’s cooking or they’re damp – and I can’t afford the rent for a better place. It looks as if I don’t have much choice but to take Bernie’s offer…doesn’t it?’

  ‘I don’t know, but I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret…’

  ‘Do you regret what you did?’