Diary of an Evil Queen

by Stacia Deutsch

  Everyone knows what happens to dragon eggs that overheat while they are hatching.

  The babies become evil!

  And evil baby dragons need evil baby names.

  Raven, I know you and your friends will want to call them disgustingly sweet things like Picnic and Rosewater and Lollipop.…

  But I refuse to let that happen. These dragons are going to grow fast so they are also going to need their uniforms for the Dragon Games competition. (No one knows about the competition yet, but it’s coming. I have grand plans.)

  It’s time to match the dragon to his or her name and decide what the dragons should wear for Dragon Games. The perfect match should be based on the dragon’s personality.

  Lizzie and Ashlynn are already on it to design the costumes, not just for the dragon but for the riders as well.

  Everything needed is on the next pages. Make those matches fast before we have to live with dark dragons named Buttercup and Cupcake.

  Pick a name, armor, and colors to go with each dragon’s personality.

  Names: Materials For Armor: Colors:

  Blizzard Leather Dark red and midnight

  Iceberg Iron Coal and bottom of the sea

  Lightning Chain mail Dead leaves and dirt

  Hurricane Diamond Pine and tar

  Cyclone Gold Mud and rotten fruit

  Tsunami Platinum Spiderweb and rat fur

  Inferno Titanium Mold and rubber bands

  Thunder Steel Ketchup and mustard

  Here’s what you need to know about each dragon for the matchup:

  Shoots fire through his ears

  Digs enormous holes to Earth’s core

  Snores loud enough to shake trees

  Flaps wings so strong, the wind can knock over small houses

  Loves cats—for dinner

  Flies crooked, which makes a scary dragon even more frightening

  Snorts out frozen water blasts and ice cubes

  Frightens monsters

  Now the team is ready to roll. The rules of Dragon Games are easy to follow and even easier to cheat at.

  Let’s review:

  The game is played in two periods. Hourglasses keep the time. The Dark Dragon and Light Dragon teams will take turns attempting to score.

  There are three players on the field for each team. Six dragon riders total. Each team has one defensive player, one offensive. The third teammate can travel anywhere on the field but cannot score. The ball is lobbed into play, and the dragon rider must catch the ball and fly it through a hooped goalpost to score.

  A hologram curtain of jewels will rise around the stadium. Any flier that carries the ball through a gem will receive hextra points at the goal, depending on the color of the gem.

  Raven, Dragon Games are fun but can be much more fun if we cheat a bit and add bone-chilling danger! Our team must get the highest score by any means necessary, so don’t hold back. Perhaps a little competition is just the thing to get you to embrace the darkness? Don’t you want to win? Of course you do!

  It’s not cheating if you don’t get caught, so try these suggestions:

  1. While the ball is in play, try looking off in the distance and shouting: “Hey look, an enchanted castle!” Then snag the ball when everyone is looking for it.

  2. If that doesn’t work, light a fire in a tower at the school.

  3. Kidnap your daughter’s dragon.

  4. Switch Snow’s magical Booking Glass with an identical one and trap Daring Charming in my old mirror prison, which is behind the reflective surface. (This really was an accident… but with every evil act comes something good. In this case, Daring’s imprisonment keeps me free! I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it ever after: Good comes from evil.… That’s the universe’s balance.)

  Dark wins!

  This changes EVERYTHING.

  Raven, because I want credit for my team’s victory—and I am pretty confident that as Mira I’m not going to be able to influence you to turn evil (though it was a brilliant idea)—it is time for me to reveal myself:

  I am the Evil Queen!

  Don’t be mad, Raven. I did it all for you.

  And now… I’m taking over the school.

  6

  Evil Rules

  I am the headmistress of Ever After High.

  See how effective evil is at getting things done, Raven? I went from student to headmistress in the blink of an eye. Just try to tell me that’s not impressive.

  Being evil means being adored. And to prove it, I have forced the students here at Ever After High to write essays about me. Everyone loves me so much they wanted to write an essay. I could just see the joy and admiration in their faces when I cast a spell to make them look into my eyes before they bowed.

  You were the only one who wouldn’t look my way during the assignment. I didn’t cast a spell on you, though, dear, because there is a line that I won’t cross. See how motherly I am? I’d never cast a spell on my own daughter. Unless I really had to. So write freely, dear Raven. Let me read about all the reasons why you want to grow up to be exactly like Mommy Dearest. I look forward to reading your essay on:

  Why I Think the Evil Queen Is the Most Important Person Ever After.

  I have reviewed the students’ essays. All failed in spelltacular fashion, but a few stood out from the pack. Here are my favorites:

  Faybelle Thorn

  The Evil Queen is the most hexcellent queen because she is the perfect villain. It’s hard for me to believe that Raven doesn’t want to take the throne next to her mother because I want that throne, more than anything ever after. Desperately. I want it so bad I would be willing to do anything the queen asks. AN-Y-THING!

  Look at what I have already done to prove my loyalty:

  I flew as fast as my wicked wings could carry me to the queen’s side when I heard that Raven didn’t want to play Dragon Games. I’m a hexcellent spy.

  I captured Ever After High teachers and turned them into pets for her aquarium.

  I fed the baby dragons growth formula to make them bigger.

  I dragon-napped Nevermore from under Raven’s nose and chained her in a tower.

  When I found out that Snow White had a magic mirror and planned to capture the queen in it, I stole the mirror. Or at least I tried to. It turns out I stole a fake mirror. It was Daring’s fault. Then when Daring got himself stuck in the mirror, I hardened my heart (just like the queen would have) and didn’t feel bad about it. Nope, I left him in mirror prison and rushed off to spy on Raven.

  There’d be no Dragon War without my help, and if that doesn’t prove my winged allegiance, nothing else will.

  I did all this because I deserve to be the next Evil Queen. If Raven won’t take the crown, then I will.

  Mr. Badwolf

  Seriously? This is an assignment for the students! Madame Headmistress, I protest. I taught you everything you know about villainy, and this is how you treat me?

  You turn me into a wolf cub and lock me in the school. Then you assign me to write an essay knowing I have no opposable thumb, and therefore no way to hold a pen.

  You lie, and cheat, and steal, and trap the other teachers in an aquarium.…

  I only have one thing to say to you:

  Well done, my student! You deserve to be the headmistress.

  You’ve earned it.

  Congratulations.

  Apple White

  I cannot believe the Evil Queen is making us do this. (I would never have set her free if I’d known the pure evil and chaos she would bring to Ever After. Not for a million red apples, no matter how delicious they appear!)

  I want a good grade, but I have to write nice things about the Evil Queen to get one. This isn’t even for hextra credit. It’s for a real grade! So where to start?

  Oh wait, I know.

  It’s like she told Raven in the beginning of this diary—good comes from evil. I will focus on that. So the good things the queen has done are:

  (1) Give my mom a poisoned apple
so she’d fall asleep and wake up from Father’s kiss.

  (2) Uh…

  (3) Hmmm…

  This is really hard. Way harder than even the toughest essay I’ve ever had to write for Kingdom Management. It’s one thing to KNOW that evil makes Happily Ever After possible, but it’s another thing to really think about evil and write about it like it’s good.

  I think I understand why Raven is having such a hard time accepting her destiny.

  But speaking of our destinies, mine is a Happily Ever After and I want it.

  Let me try this again:

  The Evil Queen is hexcellent because, without her evil ways, my mom and dad would not have met and there’d be no me.

  I am proof that good does come from evil.

  Thank you, Evil Queen.

  Raven Queen

  Come on, Mom. Get real. I’d rather get a zero on this essay than write why you are hexcellent.

  It’s just not happening.

  Fail me.

  I dare you.

  Daring Charming

  The Evil Queen is hexcellent because she kept a clean, welcoming prison cell. Though I am not enjoying my time here, I can see that she pays attention to detail. Her exercise equipment is well used yet still in good condition. The spiders are behaved and keep to their corners. Even the bedbugs seemed to cower in fear and keep their distance when I first arrived—until they realized I wasn’t the queen.

  Now they bite me all day long. I’m sooo itchy! And the bug bites are leaving spots on my face! I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but do not look at me!!!! I’m hideous!

  I am trapped. And yet, I still must write this essay.

  So here goes: The Evil Queen is hexcellent because she is very powerful. The queen can make everything dark. Blot out the sun. Force all the students into evil servitude. Command angry vines to crawl over the school, locking it down. Make the school rise like a wicked air-island. And when the rebel students, led by Raven, are hiding in the forest, she knows how to break Raven’s spirit and convince her to come back to school.

  7

  How to Convince Someone to Be Evil

  (Especially if That Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Evil)

  Raven,

  The time has come for me to turn to drastic measures. I have taken over the school and sent a MirrorCast message to your friends letting them know that no one will be spared—everyone will serve me. I have surrounded the castle with dark dragons. Since you are hiding in the forest, refusing to follow your destiny, I must take things up a notch.

  First, I will give new evil sidekick names to all your fellow students:

  Let us start with a new last name:

  If your last name starts with A or B: You’ll be known as the Terrible.

  C or D: creator of Chaos

  E or F: the Most Dreadful

  G or H: Who Is Feared By All

  I or J: Deliverer of Despair

  K or L: Sword Sharpener

  M or N: the Tyrant

  O or P: the Conqueror

  Q: the Queen (But only if your first name begins with R. Otherwise you may have the name Horrible.)

  R: Dark Lord

  S or T: Vicious Viking

  U or V: Master of Mayhem

  W, X, Y, or Z: Callously Cruel

  I thought new last names would help, but now realize my mistake. Yes, evil queens do occasionally make mistakes. We need to work on selecting evil first names, too, because Holly the Conqueror, Darling Creator of Chaos, Cerise Who Is Feared by All, Little Tom Vicious Viking… They just don’t have wicked sounds to them, do they?

  Let’s add dreadful first names. Boys or girls, it doesn’t matter. Evil knows no gender.

  If your first name starts with A or B, you’ll be Wolfgang.

  C or D: Banshee

  E or F: Blood

  G or H: Criminal

  I or J: Hades

  K or L: Malice

  M or N: Nightshade

  O or P: Reaper

  Q: Shadow

  R: Raven (unless your name is not already Raven, then you’ll be called Hannibal)

  S or T: Phobia

  U or V: Titanic

  W, X, Y, or Z: Melancholy

  That’s more like it! I am not sorry to anyone who liked his or her original name better. Now that I am in charge, everything is going to change. Raven, you will be so impressed when you finally decide to come out of the forest and join me.

  Let’s try out those new names. From today forward, Madeline Hatter is Nightshade Who Is Feared by All! Briar Beauty will be called Wolfgang the Terrible! Daring Charming is Banshee Creator of Chaos. How appropriate that one is: A banshee is a soul that screams all the time. I can hear him shouting for help from mirror prison. It’s the perfect name.

  Raven Queen, your evil name remains the one your mother (me) gave to you. It is the name that will strike fear in everyone’s hearts when you take your place beside me as coruler of Ever After forever.

  Next, all Ever After High students will dress for evil. Want to know what never goes out of style? Black floor-length cloaks and tall, pointy hats. Let this be the new uniform forever after. Hush your whining, Ashlynn Ella, I mean, Wolfgang the Most Dreadful. That’s no way for a sidekick to behave. Let me assure you, black is always in fashion. Besides, your new outfit is much better than rags.

  Welcome to the dark side!

  Now that everyone is frightened, Raven, I am ready for my next move. Do not doubt me.… I will get your attention! And you will join me, by any evil means necessary. I will not give up easily… or at all. It really would be best if you stopped with all of this nonsense and just joined me.

  To my evil sidekicks:

  I need your help. I want to get to know Raven’s friends a little better. I only got to spend time with them while I was pretending to be Mira Shards. Tell me: What is one important thing that each friend likes or wants?

  Darling Charming:

  Madeline Hatter:

  Lizzie Hearts:

  Holly and Poppy O’Hair:

  Ashlynn Ella:

  Sparrow Hood:

  Ginger Breadhouse:

  Dexter Charming:

  Daring Charming:

  Blondie Lockes:

  And what about Raven? What is it that she wants most in the world?

  Now I am going to take each of those things away! Thank you so much for your help!

  Horrible, yes?

  I’m supposed to be horrible!

  I am the EVIL QUEEN!

  Raven, all Apple White wants is to have you help her fulfill her destiny by giving her a poisoned apple. To get the evil rolling, I’m going to push that story forward. Since you won’t play along, I’ll send Faybelle with a poisoned apple to give to Apple. One bite, and she’ll slip into a deep, deep sleep.

  Nighty, night—Apple White.

  Now, which one of Raven’s friends will be next?

  Oh look… a MirrorPhone message. Who could it be from?

  Oh look, it’s from Raven.

  YES! YES YES YES YES!

  I’ll take a screenshot to save this very special memory. Very nice work, sidekicks. We will mark today as a national holiday: Raven Queen Day.

  And on Raven Queen Day, we will read her hext message over MirrorCast to everyone in Ever After before the wild and wicked festivities begin.

  Today is the first celebration.

  I command you to read this announcement loudly, with feeling:

  You win.

  Give me the diary. I’ll read it.

  I’ll be evil.

  Raven Queen

  8

  Hand Over the Diary, Mom

  By Raven Queen

  I just can’t take it anymore. My mom is out of control!

  I have to admit, pretending to be evil when you aren’t is a lot harder than it looks.

  The first thing I had to do to pull this ruse off was to read this diary and act like I really thought Mom had brilliant ideas when all I really wanted to do was prot
ect my friends. Being in the forest while Apple was in a poison-apple coma made me think. I need to defend everyone at Ever After High from my mom, and if faking an evilitude is the way to go, I’m in.

  So far:

  I’ve pasted a snarl on my face.

  I traded my favorite purple dress for an all-black one.

  I’m ready to review the map of Wonderland and discuss ways for her to achieve a complete takeover.

  When my mother suggested we could conquer Everland or the Land of Giants, I nodded eagerly and agreed to do my part.

  The one problem with this “pretend to be evil” plan was that I sort of acted impulsively. I don’t really have a plan past pretending. Not yet anyway.

  I’m sure Mom thinks I am having some odd eye-twitch issue because I can’t stop looking around her office to figure out how I am going to end this madness. I can’t focus on what she’s saying because my brain is busy trying to figure out how to send her back into the mirror, where she belongs. All I know is that it’s going to involve the Booking Glass.

  Back in the forest, before I joined Mom’s dark side, we managed to get Daring Charming out of the mirror. Darling did it by accident, not realizing that the command center for the glass, a personal assistant named Mirrie, would imitate what she said and perform the task. Mirrie’s technology needs some work. It hears things that sound similar to what you really want.