Jessica's Breakdown [Journey of a Thousand Miles 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting)

by Alicia White

  “I need to think about it.” Standing up, Jessica said good-bye to Mark and he let her go. Heading back to her hotel room, she looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. Questions ran through her mind and Jessica walked faster.

  When she finally reached the third floor, Jessica went to her room. Opening the door, she kicked off her shoes and started stripping down, needing to be out of her tight dress. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she curled her toes in the carpet and enjoyed the silence.

  The sound of her cell phone ringing got her attention, and Jessica went over to the desk and answered the phone. “Hello.”

  “Hi. How are you?” a deep voice asked and Jessica felt herself tearing up a bit. How did Chase know she needed a friend?

  “I’m okay. How are you?” She sniffled, sitting back down on the bed.

  “You don’t sound okay. Are you enjoying your vacation?”

  “Maybe I’m a little homesick,” she lied, not wanting to tell him where she was. She didn’t want Beau and Chase to know her secrets.

  “I can tell you that Beau and I miss you. What can I do to make you happy?”

  “I don’t know. I’m in Dallas and you’re in Coltmann County. It’s good to hear your voice, though. How did you know that I needed a friend?” Lifting up her feet, she moved back and leaned against the headboard.

  “We could come to you.” Biting her lip, Jessica leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. That was the million dollar question. Did she want them with her in Dallas? It made her think of Mark and his offer. It was all so confusing. She did care about them, had spent time with them, and she had to be honest, they were growing on her more than she wanted to admit.

  “Jessica?” he asked quietly, and she wondered if he knew what she was thinking.

  “I-I don’t know.” Shaking her head, she started questioning her life, everything she knew, and everything she had wanted. She really did need some time to think, and being away from her friends was probably the only time she would have.

  “No, no, I’m fine. Thank you, though, for offering. I’m going to get some lunch and relax for a bit. Is it okay if I call you later?”

  “Yeah, of course. If you need anything at all, just give me a call.”

  “Talk soon.” Clicking the end button, Jessica stared at her phone. How had he known that she needed someone? They always proved how much they cared about her. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t have a normal relationship?

  Reaching over, she picked up the hotel phone. She was planning to order room service, take a hot bath, and maybe even a nap. She needed to think about her next move.

  * * * *

  Pocketing his phone, Chase sat down on one of the huge overstuffed couches in Mark’s office. He had seen Jessica’s face while she was on stage and knew the moment she had mentally checked out of the scene. She just looked so miserable and lost. It made him want to find her and hold her, but he knew that wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want to be coddled, and it seemed that she really didn’t like affection. He couldn’t seem to figure the woman out.

  “Is she okay?” Beau asked him, and Chase could only nod. He hated being this close to her and not able to do anything.

  “What did she say?”

  “She was glad to hear from me, but she doesn’t want us coming to Dallas. She doesn’t want us here. I don’t know, maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe we should just go home?”

  “I can’t believe you’re giving up. We came here to win her over, not leave with our tails between our legs.”

  “I’m not saying that we give up on her. I want her to be a part of our lives, but if she’s not ready, then we’re wasting our time.”

  “Bullshit.” Before Beau could say more, he was cut off by Mark’s telephone ringing.

  “This is Mark,” he said. After a minute, his eyes widened and a smile curved his lips. Chase stared at him and Mark finally mouthed one word. “Jessica.”

  Chase swallowed hard, wondering what she was saying. The room was silent and he looked over, watching his brother. Beau seemed to be holding his breath. As soon as Mark hung up the phone, Chase stared at him expectantly, his heart hammering faster in his chest.

  “She’s agreed to let me set up a scene for her.”

  “What? Why would she do that?” Chase asked, completely surprised by Jessica’s request. Why would she want to sub for him? It just didn’t make any sense.

  “Because she seems to think that there are two Dom men that want more than she’s comfortable with at this time.”

  “No. We’ve never tried to make her our sub,” Beau said, and Chase knew what he was feeling.

  It hurt to know that she would be with Mark, even if it was just a scene. He didn’t like the idea of Jessica feeling like she needed to do this for them. They had never tried to convince her to sub, never even thought that would happen. He just wanted her. Why did everything have to be so damn complicated?

  “She wants to be with you both. It’s obvious that she feels something more. It’s time for her to branch out and figure out what her role is. She doesn’t feel that being dominant is satisfying any longer. Embrace this change. It could really help you in the future.”

  “So what? We’re supposed to watch you with our woman?” Beau gritted out between clenched teeth, and Chase shook his head. Leave it to Beau to think that Mark was trying to steal her away.

  “I’m going to slowly ease her into a scene. Nothing sexual is going to happen, she’s a friend. Once she’s comfortable, I was hoping to call you two into the room.” Chase was so glad that Mark was their friend. Maybe this could work after all. Although he wondered how pissed she would be when she realized that they were in Dallas and at Iron Gate.

  “I don’t know.” Chase had some serious doubts.

  “Lord, save me from crazy people. Why can’t you both just thank me and show up in the room when I call for you?”

  “Because she doesn’t know we’re here in Dallas,” Chase reminded him.

  “Well, it’s time that everyone starts telling the truth then.” Mark pushed back from his desk and stood up. “She’s meeting me in my private playroom in a couple hours. I expect you both to be in the viewing room.” He left the office and Chase sat there, staring at Beau. They really needed to be on the same page. They both wanted Jessica. That was really the only thing that mattered.

  Chapter 8

  Jessica stood outside Mark’s private playroom. She couldn’t remember ever being so nervous. Grabbing the doorknob, she wanted to turn it and walk in, but she couldn’t seem to get the courage. Pulling her hand back, she wiped the sweat from her palm, took a deep breath and opened the door. Mark was sitting on a chair and he looked up and smiled as she stepped into the large room.

  His playroom was full of every piece of erotic furniture she had ever seen, from a spanking bench to a full king-sized bed to a St. Andrew’s Cross against the wall. On the long wall against the back of the room stood a half dozen closets, which she assumed held his toys. Shaking her head, she wondered for the millionth time what she was doing.

  “So, what do I do?” she asked him, wrapping her arms around her middle, protecting herself.

  Standing up, Mark held out his hand, helping her to sit down in the chair. “I thought we could start off slow.”

  “I hope you don’t expect me to strip.”

  Shaking his head, Jessica was able to calm down a bit. She didn’t want to be naked with him, and she wasn’t going to have sex either. This whole scene was about her. Could she be with a man that was dominant after all the years of being the one in charge? She hoped so. She really wanted to find out if there could be something more with Beau and Chase. She didn’t want to fight it anymore.

  “Tell me your hard limits first.”

  “No sex and I want to keep my clothes on.”

  “Okay. Is that it?”

  “Yeah.” She shrugged.

  “What if there were people right now standing on the oth
er side of that mirror? Would that bother you?”

  “No.” She really didn’t care if anyone watched. She was used to it since normally she was in charge of the scenes.

  “Good, then let’s get started. I know that you don’t want to be restrained. You said that it makes you feel vulnerable, but I think that’s the first place to start.”

  Her heart beat faster and Jessica tried to swallow past the thick lump in her throat. Closing her eyes, she nodded once, unable to speak. Mark went to one of the closets and pulled something out. Holding her breath, she wondered if it was a pair of handcuffs, rope, or chains. She could feel herself sweating and shifted uncomfortably. Staring at him, she watched his hands as he revealed what he was holding. It was only ribbon and Jessica sat back, finally able to relax a little bit.

  “You have all the power, Jessica.” He smiled, walking toward her, unrolling the ribbon. “You can say red to end this at any time, or you can untie the bows.” Kneeling down in front of her, he tied the ribbon loosely around the chair and each wrist.

  “How do you feel?” he asked, sitting on the ground in front of her.

  “Anxious,” she admitted.

  “Why?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

  “I can’t move.” She shifted, moving her wrists. She wasn’t stuck to the chair, but it still made her uncomfortable to feel powerless.

  “Yes, you can. You have the power to say red, or you can untie yourself. You can reach the ribbon and pull it.”

  “I know.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” he asked, and she felt herself tearing up. She had no idea why she wanted to cry, but for some reason she did. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. She didn’t want to be weak. She didn’t want to be the stupid girl, dependent on a man.

  “I don’t know,” she whined.

  “You do know. Talk to me.” Mark stared at her.

  “I-I feel weak,” she whispered, completely embarrassed.

  “Why?” he asked, staring at her.

  “Because I need…”

  “Need what?” He pushed and Jessica felt herself getting frustrated. She hadn’t been a sub in years, but she knew what she needed. She was desperate for emotional release. It was so hard for her to express herself. She hadn’t been feeling like herself lately, things were missing in her life.

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “Try me,” he said, and Jessica bit her lip and shook her head.

  “That’s too bad. I was hoping we wouldn’t get to the punishment phase this quickly.” Pulling the ribbon free, Mark moved her gently out of the chair and immediately sat down pulling her over his lap.

  Momentarily shocked, she didn’t move until his hand connected with her ass. She shrieked and moved, kicking out. Mark held her tighter, pulling her into his body and continued to spank her. She fought him, but he didn’t stop. He kept spanking her until tears streamed down her cheeks. Jessica was sobbing, and finally she stopped fighting him, relaxing against his thighs. After a few minutes, Mark rubbed her bottom, helping to remove the sting. Once again, she was glad that she didn’t have her clothes off. Even through her shorts and panties, her ass hurt.

  “I’m lonely,” she sniffled. “I’m jealous of my friends. How horrible is that? I want what they have. I want to be loved. I can’t find release without pain. I fucking have to hurt myself to climax. I’m so freaking pathetic.” More tears streamed down her cheeks and Jessica yelled out all her emotions. She cried and screamed until she didn’t have anything left to vent. She hated what she had become.

  “You’re not a horrible person Jessica. Everyone deserves to be loved and you’re not pathetic. A lot of people need more than just sex to climax. It’s okay. The two men back at home, are you thinking that they might be the ones for you?” he asked and Jessica lowered her head, resting her forehead against his calf.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You’ve been pushing them away.” Not a question but a statement.

  “Yes.”

  * * * *

  Jessica was crying and Beau wanted to run in the room and pull her away from Mark. He hated that his friend had spanked his woman and was now comforting her. That was his job. It should be him inside that room with her. He didn’t need to have a BDSM relationship to be with Jessica. He just wanted her and he knew that he and Chase were meant to love her.

  He stared through the two-way mirror and closed his eyes as he listened to her breakdown. It broke his heart, seeing the tears fall down her cheeks. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. She wiped her face on Mark’s jeans and Beau placed his hands on the mirror, wishing it was him.

  “I’m lonely. I’m jealous of my friends. How horrible is that? I want what they have. I want to be loved. I can’t find release without pain. I fucking have to hurt myself to climax. I’m so freaking pathetic.” She cried and Beau walked to the door, ready to leave the room and go to her. She needed them and he wasn’t going to make her wait another minute. He knew that they could give her what she needed. They would love her. She had no reason to be jealous. She could have both of them.

  “You’re not a horrible person, Jessica. Everyone deserves to be loved. The two men back at home, are you thinking that they might be the ones for you?” Mark asked and Beau waited to hear what she would say. He watched as Mark shook his head while staring at the mirror, and he knew what he was trying to tell them. Don’t come in here.

  “I don’t know,” she whispered, but Beau could hear the longing in her voice.

  “You’ve been pushing them away,” Mark said, still staring at the mirror, but Beau couldn’t wait in the small room another minute.

  “Yes.” As soon as that one word left her lips, he left the small viewing room and went straight to Mark’s playroom. Chase hadn’t tried to stop him, so Beau assumed that he was following. Maybe his brother needed to be inside that room as badly as he did.

  * * * *

  The door banged open and Jessica screamed, throwing herself off of Mark’s lap. Hitting the floor, she cringed and rubbed her hip. She looked up quickly, wanting to know who had barged into the room. As soon as she saw Chase and Beau, she froze, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow her whole.

  Jessica stared openmouthed at them and wondered what they were both doing standing in the middle of Mark’s playroom. Questions ran through her mind, and she had no idea what to do or say. How did they get here so fast? I just talked to Chase on the phone. Who told them I would be at the Iron Gate? Bella! She gritted her teeth, wishing that she had never told her friends where she would be. How did they get in? Guests aren’t allowed, are they?

  Chase went to her, kneeling next to her on the floor, and pulled her into his arms. She let him hold her while she figured out what to say. They obviously already knew that she was into BDSM. Had they seen Mark spank her? Did they hear what she said? The more she thought about it, the more embarrassed she became. Pulling back, she stared at him, and Chase used his thumb to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

  “Wh–what are you doing here? I–I mean, how are you here right now?” she asked, bewildered.

  Chase looked over his shoulder, and she followed his line of vision and watched as Beau talked to Mark. They whispered furiously and Jessica stared at them, wondering if they knew each other.

  “Damn it, didn’t you see me shaking my head? What the hell is wrong with you, Beau?” Mark gritted through his teeth.

  “She was crying. She needed us,” Beau hissed.

  Jessica closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. Holy hell, they were watching her. How long had they been watching her? Fuck! Could things get any worse? Opening her eyes, she saw the three men staring at her.

  “Oh. My. God. How long have you both been here?” Standing up, Jessica grabbed the chair, needing the support to stand. She looked from Beau to Chase and waited. She dreaded hearing what they would say.

  They didn’t say anything and Jessica gritted her teeth, feeling so m
any different emotions. She wanted to cry, but more than anything she wanted to scream at them.

  “How long have you been in Dallas? Did you follow me? Oh God, did you see me on stage earlier?” When they still said nothing, she knew the truth. They had been at the Iron Gate since she arrived.

  Jessica walked past them, toward the door. She needed to get the hell out of the room and away from them before she said anything stupid.

  “Wait.” Chase stepped in front of her. He tried to touch her, but she moved away from him. “We’ve been here since you arrived. That’s true. And we saw you on stage, but you have to know that we care about you. We want a future and Beau and I feel like you’re that woman,” he confirmed.

  “I feel sick.” Her stomach started to churn and she couldn’t get rid of the pain she felt. They had betrayed her.

  “I’m sorry, Jess. We didn’t come here to hurt you. It’s just the opposite. We came here to be with you.”

  “To be with me? When you called earlier, where were you?” Crossing her arms across her chest, Jessica glared at him. She looked over at Beau and saw the regret in his eyes.

  “In Mark’s office,” he said.

  “You saw everything didn’t you? You both saw everything,” she whispered.

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “It’s not a bad thing, though. Don’t look at me like that, Jess. Come on, we came here to be with you. Don’t you understand that?” he pleaded, but Jessica was stuck in her own head. She couldn’t stop thinking about being on stage with that sub man and not being able to complete the scene. She thought about being over Mark’s lap and crying. Oh shit! She had admitted to being jealous of her friends, of giving herself pain to climax. All of her weaknesses on display for them to see.

  “I want to leave this room,” she said, looking from Chase to Beau. Chase stepped out of the way, but the look on his face said it all. He didn’t want to move. Beau finally stepped forward, but Chase stopped him, standing in his way so that he couldn’t reach her.