Edge of Chaos (Love on the Edge #1)

by Molly E. Lee

  I chuckled, the sensation breaking the sour fear that still churned in my stomach. “You know you never need an excuse to come over.”

  “Good to know,” he said, setting the cups on the coffee table and petting a sleepy Hail. She’d agonized with me last night, despite not understanding what it was about.

  I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, a fierce headache throbbing like an ice pick lodged in my brain.

  “Hey,” Dash whispered, suddenly standing so close I could feel the heat coming off his body. “What’s wrong?” He pried my hand away and forced me to look in his eyes.

  I pushed past him, sinking onto the couch and grabbing the coffee he’d brought. After a quick hot gulp, I found my voice. “I ended it.”

  His eyebrows shot up before he smoothed his expression and took a seat next to me.

  “Are you all right?” He didn’t need to ask why I’d done it.

  “I’m more all right than I thought I’d be.”

  “Why don’t I believe you?”

  I glanced at him, my eyes squinting. “I hate it, but I’m worried about him. He didn’t give me a chance to explain or talk it out.”

  “And you think that would’ve made a difference?”

  I shrugged. “I thought it would. It meant something to me. To explain myself. To get closure. I was so angry with him because he was more concerned with his video game tournament. And the fact that he said he’d only ever threatened suicide to keep me with him. But I don’t know if that’s the truth or if he was just playing the tough man-card in front of his friends. I just left him there yesterday morning. Anything could’ve happened to him.”

  “I’ve always thought it was a trap for you.”

  A cold chill ran through me. “I know, but after all the threats and what I’ve seen him do . . . You can’t blame me for still being worried.”

  He placed his hand on my back. “I don’t blame you. It’s natural you’d worry, but I don’t think you need to torture yourself over it.”

  “Don’t I? I was all he had left. Everyone else left him, too, because of me.”

  Dash shook his head. “Not possible. No matter what event led up to them kicking him out, their minds were already made up. It wasn’t your fault. And if you were really all he had left to hold on to in the world, he would’ve treated you differently.”

  I pressed my lips together, the truth in his statement making me feel better and worse at the same time. “I’m so torn. Happy to be free, but terrified of bad news just around the corner. It’s like in a horror movie, you know something is about to jump out and scare the crap out of you, but it just hasn’t happened yet.”

  Dash rubbed his hand up and down my back. After a few moments he stood up. “All right, you need distraction. That’s the key. So, you want me to go grab food or you up for a breakfast-lunch outing?”

  “I think I’m up for a little distraction. I’ll go get dressed,” I said and stopped on the way to my room. “Thank you, Dash.”

  Brunch turned into a two-hour event, followed by a trip to the weather lab on campus. After four hours of checking forecasts and mapping routes for the next week’s upcoming storm cells, we’d landed at Bailey’s for dinner and much needed beers.

  I smiled at Dash over my half-eaten basket of chicken fingers. I had to give him credit. He’d successfully kept me busy all day and my thoughts well accounted for. My enthusiasm vanished as I set my beer bottle down on the table. Now that we weren’t moving, or talking, the thoughts I’d managed to keep at bay crept back inside.

  Glancing at my cell, I sighed. Still no missed calls. This could be a good thing, but my mind conjured up the worst possible scenario for Justin’s silence.

  “Blake,” Dash said, touching my forearm.

  I blinked a couple of times, focusing on his knowing gaze. “Yeah?”

  He placed a barbecue-stained napkin in the empty basket before him. “You’re really testing my distraction skills. I was doing so good, too. Maybe I need to pull out the big guns?”

  “And what would those guns be?”

  He cocked an eyebrow, leaning closer over the table. “Well, first off I’d—”

  His words were cut off by Awolnation’s “Sail” blaring from his cell phone resting on the table next to him. The night we danced to that song flashed in my head. He answered it, and I tilted my head when his gaze turned fierce.

  He slowly brought his hand down without saying anything and ended the call. He stared at his phone, contemplating something.

  “What is it?” I touched his arm, and he finally snapped out of it.

  “It was Lindsay . . .”

  “And?”

  He worked his jaw back and forth. “We need to go somewhere.” He laid two twenties on the table and headed toward the door. I followed him without hesitation and climbed into his truck.

  Dash looked at me, his hands pausing on the keys in the ignition. He opened his mouth, nearly saying something, but started the car instead. He hit the gas, taking the usual route toward campus. I held onto the bar above the window, heart pounding.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, noting his hardened expression hadn’t changed since the phone call.

  “Not sure, but we’re about to find out.”

  “What did Lindsay say?”

  He cut his eyes toward me and they softened.

  I reached across the cab and gently clutched his forearm, which was rock hard with tension. “Talk to me.”

  He slowly let out a held breath through his nose. He made a hard right into the parking lot of the Alpha Chi Omega house.

  Dash jumped out of the truck and hurried around to open my door for me. He took my hand and led us up to the giant front porch. The frustration came off him in waves, filtering through our joined hands and finding a home in my stomach. Guys in OU shirts and girls in sparkly tops and tanks littered the porch, all drinking beers or other beverages out of red plastic cups. The large doors were wide open, and people strolled in and out of them as they pleased. Loud, thumping music spilled from the house, and I wondered if all college house parties were the same. We got a nod from a few of the guys parked on the porch.

  Dash glanced at me, all the anger in his eyes melting into a sea of hurt. He battled with himself—over what I had no idea. He sighed and something settled inside him. I could see it in his eyes, the anger slipping to a stoic calm.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but he already stomped through the place.

  The only bright light came from the kitchen, the countertops near invisible due to the wide variety of half-empty liquor bottles covering the area. The rest of the house was coated in muted colored lights and a strobe light flashed in a large room to our right, where throngs of students ground against each other to the music.

  Liquor, beer, and smoke hung in the air, so potent I thought I’d get drunk just from inhaling it. My heart raced as I followed Dash helplessly as he pulled me through crowds of people, his eyes sharp as a hawk and tracking.

  I didn’t know what to do other than follow his lead. I’d never been to a party like this before, but clearly we weren’t there to meet Lindsay for drinks. He was on the hunt, and I sort of hoped we wouldn’t find her.

  Dash led me upstairs once we’d finished searching the main floor and the basement. We walked down a long hallway lined with four doors on each side. Most of them were open, some filled with people playing video games or shamelessly making out.

  He stopped in front of the only closed door and glanced at me apologetically. Dash reached out his hand, hovering over the doorknob. Clutching it, he hesitated and pressed his ear to the door.

  I put the pieces together and anger flared in my gut. If he opened that and we found Lindsay cheating on him, I might punch her in the face. Surely there was a mistake, though. How could she ever cheat on someone as great as Dash?

  Dash startled, hearing something I couldn’t, and yanked the door open.

  I stood next to him, frozen.

  Linds
ay was on all fours in a bed that took up most of the small room. Her skin practically glowed in the dark, and her bare breasts flopped back and forth as she got pounded from behind. I quickly averted my eyes as if witnessing a car crash.

  Her high-pitched moaning didn’t stop, indicating the two hadn’t heard the door.

  “I fucking knew it.” Dash didn’t yell, but his tone was absolutely lethal.

  Lindsay gasped.

  Dash made to step farther into the room, but I yanked on his arm.

  “Oh shit.”

  I recognized the voice but didn’t immediately make the connection.

  Dash tugged out of my grasp. The motion forced my line of sight back into the room, and the floor fell out beneath me.

  Justin was naked, a sheet barely covering his lower half.

  Lindsay quickly scrambled for her clothes strewn out on the floor.

  “Why would you bring her here, Dash?” Lindsay whined, slipping on her skirt.

  What an odd thing to ask.

  She’d cheated. With my boyfriend . . . my ex-boyfriend. My hands trembled, and hot tears welled beneath my eyes, but the sight of Justin in that fucking bed stopped them. The anger raged hot and irrational in my chest. I was livid with Justin but equally pissed at Lindsay for doing this to Dash.

  Before I could mentally arrange the barrage of emotions exploding inside me, I stomped across the room and shoved Lindsay so hard she tumbled backward, her ass hitting the floor next to the bed with a thunk.

  “Stupid bitch!” I yelled and pulled my fist back, adrenaline surging through my veins, readying to punch her.

  “Blake!” she screeched, putting a hand up defensively. “Dash, stop her!” She focused her wide eyes on Dash.

  Dash’s arms slipped around my midsection, and a fraction of the anger pounding against my chest cooled.

  “What the hell are you doing, Lindsay?” he snapped as he tugged me away from her. Only a portion of me wondered why he didn’t sound as mad as I was. The other part thought up ways to slip his grasp and beat the shit out of both of her and Justin.

  “You have no right to be mad!” Lindsay yelled and sloppily finished dressing.

  “Are you serious? You’re cheating on him!” I screamed. Somehow that pissed me off more than anything in this entire situation.

  Lindsay’s mouth dropped, and she cocked her head to the side. “You didn’t tell her?” She laughed a high-pitched laugh. “Oh, that’s priceless, Dash!”

  “Tell me what?”

  “Shut up, Lindsay,” Dash said, raked his fingers through his hair.

  She sucked through her teeth. “He dumped me the day after we went to that stupid bridge. I can do whatever and whoever I want!”

  “You have to know they just broke up yesterday!” Dash snapped.

  “I’m so sick of hearing about Blake,” she whined like I wasn’t standing right there.

  I turned to Dash with questioning eyes. “You didn’t tell me . . .”

  Justin moved, garnering my attention. He’d gotten dressed in his signature jeans and a cut-off shirt when my focus had been solely on Lindsay.

  “Blake, I’m drunk . . . I’m sorry,” Justin said, his arms reaching out to me. Funny, he didn’t sound drunk.

  My eyes were slits as I stared up at him. “You’re sorry? Are you fucking kidding me?”

  Justin took another step toward me as if to wrap me in his arms. “I was mad at you for ending it, but I still love you, still want to be with you. Let’s talk this out.”

  “Don’t touch me,” I said, taking a step back. My heart pounded furiously in my chest. “And you want to talk now?” I shook my head. “All these years you threatened to kill yourself if I ever left you. You literally drew blood over it! And you pushed me down until I was a shell of the girl I should be . . . I still am that shell—and now what? It’s been less than forty-eight hours since we ended things, and this is what you do?” I raked my hands through my hair. “How could I be so stupid? I’ve done nothing but worry about you since yesterday, thinking you may just follow through on the threats you never let me forget . . .”

  “Blake, I’m hurt. I can’t live without you . . .” Justin placed his hand on my shoulder and I lost it.

  I pulled my right hand back and slapped him across the face as hard as I could. His head snapped to the left and he stumbled back a couple steps. “I said don’t touch me!”

  Dash laughed, the warm sound so out of place in this fucked-up room. “That’s what you get, asshole,” he said, placing a hand on the small of my back.

  I flinched away from his touch, too. “You knew,” I said, realizing that Dash had brought me here for a specific reason. A new wave of hurt crashed over me.

  Dash’s green eyes softened as they met mine. “You were torturing yourself. You needed to see . . .”

  Something jerked in the corner of my eye, but I couldn’t react in time.

  Justin slammed his fist into Dash’s jaw while Dash was focused on me. He pulled back to do it again, but I hurled myself between them and took the full force of the hit on my back.

  A white-hot pain burst beneath my left shoulder and the air whooshed out of my lungs. I dropped to my knees at Dash’s feet.

  “Blake!” Each boy screamed my name. Only Justin’s made my skin crawl.

  I sucked in the air as my lungs slowly opened back up.

  “You’re fucking dead!” Dash yelled, and I swore the room shook.

  “Why’d you step in front of this tool, Blake? Babe, I’m so sorry,” Justin spoke, but the words didn’t find a place in my heart.

  Dash swung next, and Justin’s head snapped back, stopping his pathetic attempt at apologizing.

  Justin recovered quickly, and before I could blink the two wrestled on the floor next to me like two wild dogs. Fists hit flesh, the sound sickening.

  Lindsay gasped and bolted barefoot from the room, clutching her red pumps to her chest.

  Icy cold fear doused my red-hot anger. I’d witnessed too many of Justin’s fights. He never played fair and wouldn’t hesitate to pick up the heaviest object in the room and use it to bash Dash’s head in. It took everything in me to stand up, the pain in my back pulsing.

  I reached for Dash, who’d gained the upper hand for the moment, pinning Justin to the floor. The pain from the action was so much I thought I’d crumple to the floor again. I sucked in a deep breath and grabbed Dash’s shoulder. It jerked under my grasp as the two tried to rip each other’s head off. I squeezed harder and Dash snapped out of it, quickly glancing behind him.

  “Not. Worth it,” I said, each word hard to get out because I was still trying to remember how to breathe. I let go of him and clutched my side where the pain had made its way down.

  Dash glared at Justin for another moment before jumping off him.

  Despite my anger, I let Dash slip my free arm over his shoulders and bear most of my weight. He walked me slowly toward the door.

  “Blake, wait—”

  “Stop,” I said, looking at Justin with tears in my eyes. All the anger and guilt twisted inside my chest until I thought it’d burst and spill my heart onto the dirty floor of the sorority house. “I’m almost glad this happened. Now I have no guilt whatsoever walking away from you.”

  Dash led me out into the hallway and down the stairs. With each step an explosion of pain screamed in my back. I swallowed the pain as we made it to the front porch. I looked at Dash, a sharp sting in my chest, and withdrew my arm. “I wanted you out of that room,” I said, taking a few shaky steps away from him, “but I’m walking away from you, too.”

  Tears coated my eyes, blurring the image of Dash standing on the porch, speechless. My apartment was at least two miles away, but I couldn’t handle being next to Dash, who’d put me in that situation on purpose.

  THE WHITE-HOT PAIN in my back and side had made the walk home seem endless, but finally I turned the keys and made it inside. Hail jumped off the couch and wiggled her butt back and forth vigorously as I
walked in. I winced as I knelt down and rubbed her head. I wished love was as simple as Hail made it—unconditional and uncomplicated.

  I limped to my bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I pulled my hair back, changed into some pajamas, and took three Tylenol.

  Thank God I had plenty of beer at my apartment because I needed more than my fair share. I cracked one open, preparing to down it on the couch, when a knock on my door stopped me dead in my tracks. Ice filled my veins, thinking of Justin being outside the door.

  “Blake, please,” Dash pleaded from the other side.

  I sighed, the ice retreating and anger returning.

  “I’m not ready to see you, Dash,” I said, even though it wasn’t true. I placed my hand on the door, knowing I could never really shut him out.

  “You said I never needed an excuse to come over.”

  Especially when he said all the right things. I huffed and opened the door.

  He looked defeated, his shoulders drooped and his eyes were filled with pain.

  Damn it. I was still outraged and yet the urge to comfort him overwhelmed me. I resisted the need to wrap my arms around him and instead backed up a few spaces.

  He stepped in and pet an extremely wiggly Hail. He took a seat, and I eyed the gash on his face from Justin’s sucker punch. I handed him my freshly cracked beer and headed to the bathroom, returning with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball and a bandage. I gently wiped at the cut, shocked when he didn’t flinch. I slipped the bandage over the wound and sat back, only wincing a little, the Tylenol taking effect.

  We sat there with Hail’s panting the only sound between us.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you two had broken up?” I finally blurted out.

  Dash jerked up from the couch so fast it startled Hail and she whined. He quickly patted her, but then paced the length of my living room. Finally, he shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought it might sway your thinking, and I wanted you to leave that asshole on your own. Then you did, but I didn’t want to shove it in your face that I was single, too. I mean, you just broke up with him yesterday.”