Edge of Chaos (Love on the Edge #1)

by Molly E. Lee

  Justin and Lindsay. How long had it been going on? Since the night at Ponderosa Bridge? “She didn’t accidentally pocket-dial you. She meant to hurt you, or both of us. And you knew what we’d find when we went there.” I knew this for a fact, but a part of me wanted him to deny it. Even if it was a lie, I could get past it easier.

  “I didn’t think about her doing it on purpose. I heard . . . them, and I lost it. I thought if you saw, you’d stop torturing yourself with worry and guilt and finally realize who he really is,” Dash said, his voice soft. He’d stopped pacing and stood clutching his longneck at his side.

  “You could’ve handed me the phone. Let me hear. Or told me. I would’ve believed you.”

  I caught his eyes, and pain coated his normal fiery emeralds. “I thought this was my chance to free you from the guilt he’s held you in for years.”

  Dash’s reasoning was sound, but it still hurt like a bitch. “Pretty painful way of getting free.” I shrugged and crossed the room to get my own drink.

  “I see now I shouldn’t have taken you there. I didn’t think of the pain it’d cause you to see that. All I could think about was you realizing who he was and what he was doing to you.” He jerked his bottle to his lips and chugged.

  Tears welled in my eyes. “Eight years. All the bullshit. All the blowups and the threats . . .” I sighed. “There must be something wrong with me.”

  “No there isn’t.”

  “Yes there is!” I yelled through my tears. “I gave him everything, and it was never enough. I wasn’t enough . . .” I let my head fall into my hands and cried harder.

  Frustration and anger whirled inside me, threatening to bring the beer up. The bitter sting of betrayal was raw, like pouring salt in an open wound, but the realization that the last eight years of my life had been wasted hurt worse. I couldn’t be angry over this. It was my fault. I should’ve ended it sooner. “How could I have been so stupid?”

  “You’re not stupid, Blake. You’re the one with the incredibly huge heart who sees the best in everyone. He’s the asshole.”

  I glanced up at him, wiping the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand. I sniffed and took a deep breath. “You’re right.”

  There were more bad memories than good, and despite what Dash said, I really was stupid. Justin and I hadn’t been right for each other for a long time. We were toxic. It had taken Dash entering my life to realize how lost I really was. I just wished it hadn’t erupted like that, that we could’ve ended things on a mature note. There was no chance of that now.

  I crossed the room and stopped before Dash, realizing how selfish I’d been. I was letting my anger over the situation get in the way of comforting my best friend, who had seen his girlfriend with another man. He had to be hurting over it, too. Dash and I may not have love for our exes any more—but it still wasn’t something we should’ve had to see.

  “Even though they technically didn’t do anything wrong—unless Justin had started it up before I broke things off—it feels wrong,” I said. “I’m so sorry about everything.”

  “There you go again. Apologizing for something completely out of your control. I’m the one who fucked up and took you there, and still you’re trying to comfort me.” Dash shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s something I hate about you or one of the reasons why I love you.”

  I nearly choked on his use of love and hate in the same sentence. Wait . . . what? I looked up at him, my tears stopped short from shock.

  Dash’s green eyes filled with the intensity he reserved for chasing storms. He set his beer down on the coffee table behind me, cupped my cheek in his hand, and crushed his lips on mine.

  I gasped and held my hands out horizontally as if to back away from a loaded gun. His lips were warm and fierce, and the sensation of them against mine ignited a fire in the pit of my stomach. My eyes closed automatically, and before I could stop myself I clutched the back of his neck and pulled him closer.

  He sighed and grabbed my hips, pushing me backward until we hit the wall. My back screamed in pain but quickly drowned in a tingling hunger as his hands slid down the sides of my thighs. His tongue slipped between my lips, making my heart soar like it had wings. He pressed his body against mine, and I could feel his hunger for me through his jeans.

  “Blake,” he groaned and nibbled at the spot behind my ear.

  I raked my hands through his hair and brought his lips back to mine, kissing him harder, losing myself in him, his touch, his scent.

  Dash grabbed behind my knee and hiked my leg around his hip. He leaned into me until a pulsing ache throbbed between my legs and I could do nothing but rub against it. He slipped his free hand underneath my shirt and explored my bare skin. When he went for the string on my sweats reality struck me harder than a lightning bolt.

  “Wait. Wait, wait, wait.” I unhooked my leg from around his waist and gently nudged him away.

  “Did I hurt you?” he asked, eyeing around me toward my back.

  “We can’t do this.” I wanted to punch myself in the face. My body screamed at me to grab Dash’s hand and yank him to my bed, but my mind conjured all the reasons why we shouldn’t do it. “We just caught our super-recent-exes having sex . . .”

  “I know that,” he said, taking a step closer. “Why do you think she’s my ex?”

  I put my hand up to stop him, sure that if he kissed me again I wouldn’t have the willpower to stop. “I’m not sure. You never explained it to me. You didn’t even bother to tell me you’d split.”

  “You should know the reasons why I left her.”

  “Because you had nothing in common?”

  “That and the fact that I couldn’t rightfully stay with her when I’m completely hung up on you.”

  The floor seemed to drop beneath me I was so stunned. The kiss wasn’t about revenge on our exes? “Why . . . why haven’t you said anything?”

  “I didn’t want you to leave him for me. I wanted you to leave that asshole on your own. And to choose me when you were free to think clearly.”

  There was no way. Dash was out of my league, and we were best friends. “You’re not thinking straight.”

  “Yes I am—”

  “No, you’re not.” I cut him off. “Dash, you’re my best friend. If we do this, it’ll change everything.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?”

  “I don’t know!” I couldn’t wrap my head around anything. My eight-year relationship had only just come to a crashing end yesterday, and the way Dash touched me had my head spinning. What if we went through with it and tomorrow he decided it truly was a mistake?

  “Blake,” he whispered my name again and caressed my neck. I shut my eyes, and his lips were against mine in seconds. I kissed him back, my resolve weakening. His lips worked over the skin of my neck before returning to my mouth, their power the only thing strong enough to erase tonight’s memory.

  Almost.

  The image of Justin pounding Lindsay from behind flashed in my head and I flinched away from Dash, pinching the bridge of my nose.

  “Damn it!”

  “What?” he asked.

  “I can’t get tonight’s visual out of my head! I never will! Why did you have to take me?” I yelled, the memory running on repeat in my mind.

  He reached for me. “I said I was sorry.”

  “No. You can’t do this to me.” Another apology for something that hurt like hell, despite the deliverer, was too much. I couldn’t take it.

  “Do what? I’m finally doing what feels right. Tell me this doesn’t feel right to you.” He trailed his lips to my collarbone, making my eyes roll back in my head.

  “It’s incredible, but I can’t get over the fact that you put me in that situation tonight! What did you expect to happen? That I’d get over it in two seconds and then hop into bed with you? I won’t be a revenge fuck.” The words came out harsher than I’d intended, and Dash jerked away from me.

  A new wave of hurt coated his eyes before they
turned sharp. “So that’s what you think of me.”

  “Dash, I—”

  He raised his hand, stopping me. Then he grabbed his keys off the counter and paused as he opened the door. “I know taking you tonight was a mistake. I acted on impulse and I’m sorry for that, but, Blake, I’ve never once given you a reason to think I’d use you to get even with them. I thought you knew me better than that.” He slammed the door on his way out.

  The words stung like a knife slipping into my chest. I stood there staring at the door, desperately wishing he’d come back and let me apologize. Let me work through my anger and think rationally. Figure out where my heart was. But I didn’t even know where to start.

  MY CELL BUZZED on my nightstand. I glared at it through squinted eyes. I’d worked till closing last night and was dead set on not budging from bed until well after nine a.m. The home screen blared brightly with Dash’s number. I picked up instantly.

  We hadn’t really spoken in days. Not since the disastrous night at the sorority house. I’d tried to flag him down after classes, but he’d rushed off claiming he had tons of research to do and neglected to invite me. I tried to be understanding, but it stung. I wanted to talk about what happened, but he clearly wanted to avoid it. I was sure I’d lost him as a friend forever—the one thing I had tried to avoid. If I’d known this was going to happen I might as well have gotten in bed with him. Heat flushed my cheeks, and I blinked hard to snap myself out of the fantasy. I sucked in a deep breath and decided to act completely normal.

  “It’s six thirty in the morning, Dash,” I groaned despite the building elation that he’d called.

  “Beautiful morning you happen to be missing, Blake.” He was way too happy for this hour and way too normal for our first time speaking since the night we nearly slept together.

  I wondered if he felt the same as I did every time I thought about it, a mixture of insane sensations that hummed beneath the skin.

  “Ugh.” I rubbed my eyes in an effort to get them to open more. “What do you want?” I asked, ready to play the whole let’s-act-normal game.

  “If you keep giving me attitude, woman, I’m not going to tell you.”

  “Dash,” I whined, but internally relaxed for the first time in days. Maybe I hadn’t ruined things. Maybe everything would be all right.

  “Fine. Doppler is predicting a string of supercells just north of Bartlesville. Tornadoes are highly likely. You in?”

  My eyes popped wide open and I shot up straight. “Are you serious?”

  “Now look who’s happy at six thirty in the morning.”

  Adrenaline coursed through my veins. I’d wanted to go on another chase the second the last one had ended.

  “Are you in or not?”

  “I’m so in! Just tell me when and where.” I hopped out of bed. Hail grunted but didn’t budge.

  “I didn’t know if you’d want to after . . .”

  “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that night, to apologize—”

  “Don’t,” he cut me off. “We both said and did things we didn’t mean. Let’s leave it at that, okay? I don’t want to lose my best friend over one bad decision.”

  Did he mean kissing me or taking me to the party or both? My chest tightened, but I focused on the bridge he’d rebuilt just for me. “You’d never lose me, Dash.”

  “All right then. I’ll pick you up at ten. You should pack a bag this time.”

  I hung up and scrambled to get ready, even though I had plenty of time. Excitement built inside me, making my nerves feel like firework fuses, and successfully pushing all other thoughts away.

  I managed to wait an hour before dialing my mom and asking her out to breakfast. She agreed and met me at a local cafe near campus.

  Mom arrived before I did and picked a table near the back. I hugged her once I reached the table.

  “You look great,” she said as she sat back down.

  “Thanks, Mom.” I took the seat across from her. I hadn’t even put makeup on, but she was always ready to tell me I was beautiful. I kind of loved that about her.

  We ordered our breakfast, and I caught her up on everything that had happened in the last few weeks. Minus one breakup and a night involving my new best friend and his body pressed against mine. Damn it, every time I stopped thinking about it, the scene popped into my head and replayed in high-def.

  Focusing extremely hard on normal chatter with Mom helped cool the fiery thoughts, and I quickly arrived at the reason I’d called her after filling her in about the storm chase.

  “Could you watch Hail for me?”

  She sat her half eaten egg-and-turkey-sausage sandwich down. “You know I will, but do you have to do this?”

  “Yes. Going on chases is an amazing experience. I can probably use it to write a paper for my Physical Meteorology class.”

  She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “I just worry about you.” She shuddered and pulled her hand back. “Chasing tornadoes. Honestly, I should’ve known you’d do something like this.”

  “Why do you say that?” I asked and finished off the last bite of my chocolate croissant.

  “When you were a baby, the only way I could get you to sleep was by playing a cassette recording of a thunderstorm.”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  She shrugged. “You about wore that tape out. Listened to it almost every day when you were seven, too. After you got caught in that thunderstorm on your way home from riding bikes.”

  The image of a small cassette case with a lavender sky, dark clouds, and white lightning striking the ground popped behind my eyes. “I remember I found it in one of your old boxes of photos.”

  “If I would’ve known I’d be sparking inspiration for a dangerous career I might have chosen to play ocean waves instead.”

  “Then I’d be studying oceanography and flying to the coast for deep-sea diving excursions.” I took her hand and squeezed. “I’ll be fine, Mom. Dash will be there. He won’t let anything happen to me.”

  Mom dabbed at her lips with a napkin. “How are you and Justin doing?”

  Damn. I knew I couldn’t get away with her not asking.

  “Well,” I said and took a deep breath before relaying the short version of the breakup. “We just weren’t right for each other,” I finished.

  I expected her to do a victory lap around the table, but she only smiled. Of course she’d tried to tell me this numerous times over the years but it had never sunk in for me. I wished it would’ve. If I had listened to her I could’ve saved myself a hell of a lot of hurt and even more embarrassment over staying with him so long.

  The tightness in my chest loosened as I took a sip of my orange juice.

  Mom raised her hands and set them back down on the table. “I just want you to be happy, honey. You know I’ve always wanted that.” She reached for her drink. “This Dash must be really something.”

  My eyes widened and I almost choked on my juice. Could she see the lust in my eyes every time I said his name? “Why do you say that?”

  “All throughout breakfast it’s been Dash this and Dash that. I’d really like to meet this fellow.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. At least she hadn’t shoved an I told you so in my face.

  “He’s my best friend. And we spend a lot of time together.” Time I now realized I didn’t have to hide from anyone anymore. A hot hunger flared within me. Dash’s lips on mine, me grinding against him, the delicious weight of him against me all flashed red in my mind. My hand trembled as I scraped a smear of chocolate off my plate.

  “Plus we’re going on a chase in”—I glanced at my cell—“an hour!” I squeaked and stood up. “I’ve got to go.” Mom reached out to me, and I hugged her. “You remember how much to feed Hail every day?”

  “Yes, honey. Goodness, you’d think I was incompetent.”

  “You know it’s not that!” I had to measure Hail’s food out on a daily basis or she’d gain weight. Extra pounds on a bulldog
equaled added breathing problems and heart stress. Something I didn’t need my only other best friend going through. “Thanks. Love you, Mom,” I said before power-walking to my car.

  I gave Hail a brand-new bone and kissed the top of her head before grabbing my duffle and waiting outside for Dash. My excitement bordered on insanity, but I really couldn’t handle him coming inside—the couch wasn’t far from the door and part of me wasn’t sure if I could see him on it again without wanting to rip his clothes off.

  I focused on the sky to stop the train of thought. A normal clear blue stretched above me, but I knew when we made it to Bartlesville we’d see a whole lot of action. I’d checked out the predictions online and Dash was spot on. A supercell headed that direction—much larger than the last two chases. My knee bounced up and down, the uncontrollable energy working its way out of my body.

  Dash’s truck pulled into the parking lot. He honked the horn four times, hung his head out of the window, and whooped like a maniac as he parked. I practically sprinted to the passenger side, tossing my duffle in the small space behind the seat.

  “You ready for this?” he asked, flashing his damn smile that melted my insides. I swallowed hard and tried not to think about his hands on me.

  “Yes?” I was ecstatic, though I couldn’t deny the cold hands of fear clutching my spine. I thought since this was my third chase I wouldn’t be as nervous, but the idea of actually seeing a tornado up-close produced an undeniable combination of anxiety and excitement within me.

  “Awesome, let’s get to it!” He pulled out of my complex and broke the speed limit once we hit the highway.

  The entire hour and a half drive Dash talked about everything but that night. I was sure by the time we stopped at a local motel that he’d decided kissing me really was a mistake and didn’t merit further exploration. Which was good, right? Our friendship was more important than seeing just how far we could push each other over the edge . . . physically. My heart sank. Yeah, I’d just keep telling myself that.

  Paul and John stood outside of a room with the door open. Dash and I walked inside and set our stuff down. Four laptops were up and running. Two on one of the double beds and two on the small round table near the window. Each one had a different image or map up, showing the locations for the string of storms forming across the area.