I Won't Give Up

by Sophie Monroe

  “You want to come in?” Please say yes.

  “I can’t.” She said quickly.

  “Are you okay? You haven’t said much on the ride home. I didn’t hurt you did I?” I was starting to get worried. Okay I was freaking out!

  “Cooper last night was amazing, extraordinary even but I think we both went into it with alternate expectations. Mine was that I was hoping it would help me figure out if I’m ready to let my heart go again and honestly I’m just not right now and I don’t know if and when I will be. I’m really sorry. ”

  I felt my heart shatter. My whole world went black.

  “Why Fiona? Last night was perfect. What about this morning? It would be so effortless with us. We’re made for each other why can’t you just see that?” I pleaded.

  “I just can’t.” She said making my heartbreak even more. “Please just let me go.” She shut the door behind her and pulled out of the driveway. I stood there watching her drive away. I was broken.

  I was going to give her space but everything changed after that night. I thought she just needed a little time but then she avoided me as much as possible and went back to avoiding me all together. As much as I loved her I knew I had to let her have her time to figure things out. She wouldn’t give in at all. I missed her like crazy and after having that connection with her it was almost hard to breathe without her. I formulated a plan that might make her realize that she loved me I just hoped that it didn’t end up back firing on me.

 

  CHAPTER FIVE

  So Much for My Happy Ending

  Fiona

  I love you. I woke with a jolt. I felt like I was being suffocated.

  I had gone back to avoiding Cooper all together after our night together it was just too hard. Even looking at him made me feel completely shattered. Part of me wanted to crawl back into his arms where I felt safe and loved, I wanted to trust him but he was a reformed bad boy. I knew that my heart wouldn’t be able to take another heartbreak and I needed to keep away from him for my sanity.

  I was doing a pretty good job of staying sober but last night was particularly bad for me. My parent’s had a huge argument over my dad wanting to force me to move in to his house with him and Gigi. He blamed my mom for my current catatonic state. Thank god my birthday was only a little more than a month away, I’d be eighteen so he couldn’t make me do jack shit anymore! The things he said to her were totally uncalled for and nothing like what the dad I knew would say. I ended up getting super drunk just to avoid running to Cooper for comfort.

  It was Monday in mid-October when I pulled into school. My head was pounding and I was just in an overall bad mood. I walked over to Casey and Harper who were talking in hushed whispers. Ooh, gossip!

  “Morning.” I said glumly.

  “Morning.” They replied.

  “What’s going on?” I knew something was up but they weren’t the type to hold back on the gossip. I was betting someone was pregnant but their faces changed and I knew it wasn’t good gossip.

  “Um, I don’t know how to tell you this Fi. Cooper started dating Riley Wallace. I’m sorry but you were going to find out somehow anyway.” Casey said.

  I felt like a mirror being broken into a million pieces. I turned and threw my bag back in my car before speeding back home. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening, I started hyperventilating. I threw open the front door and ran to my room before breaking into tears. I sobbed until I felt like I was going to throw up.

  There was a knock at the door.

  “Honey everything alright?” It was my mom.

  “I’m fine.” I lied.

  “No you’re not, shouldn’t you be at school? What happened?”

  “I pushed Cooper away.” I sobbed sucking in a deep breath. “He gave up on me. He’s dating someone else.”

  “Honey, can you blame him? He’s spent the last month trying to break down the walls you put up but you didn’t even budge if anything you made them even higher.”

  “I know. I guess I just hoped that maybe he’d just keep trying.” Stupid Fiona. How can you expect him to keep chasing you, he thought finally gave in and then you shattered his heart. You told him to let you go. It’s what you wanted…

  “Fiona, I know it’s been really rough for you to watch how things went on between your dad and I but all men aren’t like that. I know I probably should have been stronger and set a better example but he was the only man I’d ever been with in my whole life we were together just short of twenty-five years and then it was like POOF! Everything changed and I just wasn’t ready for it. You should try to talk to him or maybe you just need to get back out there with someone else. You should go to the lake house this weekend; take a break from Prescott. I think you need to clear your head.” It actually sounded like a good idea.

  “Maybe I will. Thanks Mom.” She turned and left closing the door behind her. I knew this is what I thought I wanted but then why does it hurt so much. I was supposed to be stronger than this. I pulled my pillow to my chest and sobbed until I ran out of tears and fell asleep.

  I heard my phone beep; I grabbed it off the end table. It was from Cooper.

  Hey, you okay? I didn’t see you in school today.

  I texted him back.

  I’m fine.

  I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know how much he hurt me by dating Riley. The rest of the week was mildly better but painful nonetheless. I stayed occupied by prepping myself for my mini getaway. It was hard, really hard, to watch Cooper and Riley holding hands through the hallway and kissing at the door before class. It reminded me of our kissing, our one perfect night. He would wave and give me the occasional smile and each time it would break my heart a little more. He even tried small talking a few times but I would just smile and interject a bit. I was in love with him, whether I wanted to be or not. I knew he loved me yet still felt this overwhelming need to keep my heart safe. I didn’t want to need anyone, my mom needed my dad and look how that ended for her.

  Finally it was Friday and I was leaving straight from here to go to the lake house. The day passed rather quickly and I was able to avoid Cooper all day, which made it even better. The final bell rang and I headed out to my car when I saw Cooper running up to me.

  “Hey Crash.” He said smiling shyly.

  “Cooper.” I said a little harsher than necessary.

  “How’ve you been?” Like you care!

  “Fine.” I bit the inside of my cheek. Please don’t cry.

  “Can you speak in something other than monosyllables?” He joked.

  “Nope.” I opened my trunk and threw my backpack in.

  “Where ya going?” He asked looking at my luggage. He followed me around to the drivers side.

  “Away.” I snapped.

  “Yeah, where?”

  “My family’s lake house.”

  “Well have a good weekend.” He looked lost, like he wanted to say more.

  “Yep.” I said opening my door. I went to close the door before he stopped it with this hand.

  “Fiona.” He sounded sad, desperate. I wanted to wrap myself in him… Stop!

  “What Cooper. What do you want from me?” I practically yelled.

  “I didn’t want it to be like this. Just thought you should know that. Riley’s not you. I still want it to be you.” He said in just about a whisper, I wondered if he was talking to himself.

  “Thanks. That makes me feel so much better Cooper. Can I go now?” I snapped.

  “Be careful. Okay?” I could see the hurt all over his face. I just hoped I was better at concealing mine.

  “Sure.” He shut my door and I sped away towards the lake house trying my best not to cry. I turned up the radio and drowned out the world. The just under two-hour drive seemed to pass quickly. When I was right outside of town I stopped and got gas and went into the general store. As I was walking up there was a group of guys around my age standing in the parking lot around a black
Chevy Tahoe.

  “Hey! Can I take your picture?” The one yelled.

  “Excuse me?” I said sarcastically.

  “Can I take your picture so I can tell Santa what I want for Christmas.”

  “Seriously? Is that the best you can do?” I rolled my eyes feigning annoyance.

  “If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together.” I couldn’t help but laugh that was the most ridiculous pick up line I’d ever heard. There were three of them and they were all very cute. What the hell, I vowed to let myself have some fun.

  “Sorry about him. I’m Garrett, that’s Jackson and the ass is Eli.” He said offering his hand. I offered mine in return and he brought it to his mouth and kissed it, a sweet gesture I thought to myself.

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Fiona.”

  “Nice car. Yours?” He said looking impressed.

  “Yes.” I said embarrassed.

  “You from around here?”

  “No. But my family has a house here.”

  “Cool, we’re here camping for the weekend. Maybe we can grab dinner or something?” Garrett said.

  “Maybe.”

  “I’d like that. How about say eight at Bubba’s Bar-B-Q?”

  “We’ll see.” All I really wanted to do was lounge in my pajamas and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry while watching chick flicks.

  “It’s a date.” Garrett said.

  “No it’s not.” I said feeling both happy and annoyed.

  “We’ll see.” He winked.

  I walked away. What is it with persistent men in my life? I grabbed my few necessities such as soda, chocolate, ice cream and a few microwave dinners for my weekend and headed to the lake house. By the time I got there it was almost six. I walked in an almost instantly felt lighter, my mom was right. The lake house belonged to my grandparents and we inherited it when they passed. It was beautiful, nothing overly extravagant tons of windows and white wainscoting that made it seem airy and comfortable. I put my groceries away and walked to the main bedroom to unpack. I decided on a nice long bath so I could think. Should I go tonight? Part of me didn’t want to, but a bigger part of me just wanted to be someone else other than Fiona Prescott just for a little while. I had a text from Cooper on my phone.

  I wish things were different
  He was the one that chose someone over me maybe I should do the same. I climbed into the antique claw foot tub. I thought of Garrett he was cute, tall, blonde with a light muscular build, he had a really nice smile and seemed nice enough. I wondered if his friends would come along since they were all here together. What the hell, what do I have to lose right. I got out of the tub and sat at my grandmother’s vanity. I brushed the knots out my hair adding just a little bit of mousse so that it could air dry. I carefully applied my make-up going for a natural-chic look. I grabbed my navy blue tulle skirt and light gray halter and by the time I got dressed it was already 7:30. I threw on a pair of silver wedges and a sweater grabbing my keys and headed to go meet Garrett. I was hoping I made the right choice.

  I pulled in right next to his black Tahoe and headed inside. He was standing off to the side waiting for me. He was in a pair of overly washed denim jeans, a grey t-shirt with an undone navy and white checked button up and a pair of work boots. His blonde hair was neatly styled, he flashed me a smile. I was happy with my decision it was better than the alternative.

  “Fiona. I’m glad you decided to come. I was thinking you were going to stand me up.” He said as he greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. “You look beautiful.”

  “So do you. I mean you like nice too. We kinda match.” I laughed noticing that we were both in grey and navy.

  “So we do. Shall we?” He gestured us up to the hostess to get a table. “I got us a table outside. I hope you don’t mind.” I was glad I grabbed my sweater.

  “Outsides perfect.” Despite the name Bubba’s wasn’t a dive, it served more of a gourmet BBQ menu and was right on the other side of lake on the water. He held out his arm as the hostess showed us to our table.

  “Are your friends mad that you ditched them?” I asked.

  “No, a little jealous maybe but they’re out doing their own thing.” He shrugged.

  “So what brings to Lake Winona?”

  “It’s a nice place to camp and it’s not too far away from us, about and hour and a half.”

  “Where are you from?”

  “Delaney. How about you?” Delaney. Wasn’t Cooper from Delaney?

  “Oh, I’m from Prescott.”

  “Hear it’s nice there. That’s about forty-five minutes to an hour from where I am. I’ve never been but maybe now I’ll have a reason to go sometime.” He smiled. The vibes were good and he was really easy to be with maybe because there were no pretenses to keep up. “Are you in school?”

  “Yeah, just started my senior year.” I said stuffing my mouth full of ribs, very unladylike.

  “Nice. I graduated last year but decided to take a year off for myself to travel and do some thing’s I probably won’t get to do once I start college and the real world. Do you have plans for after you graduate?”

  “I wanted to go to Vanderbilt University in Nashville, I’m looking into either a degree in nursing or psychology I’m not sure which yet. But I’m not sure if that’s where I want to go anymore.” I originally planned on going to NYU to be closer to Jack but I’ve always loved Vanderbilt. I had so much personal drama on my mind I hadn’t had much time to think about college. Me the emotional train wreak a psychologist, the thought made me laugh.

  “Well I’m going to Tennessee State in the fall so I’ll be in Nashville too. If you go that is and if you still want to talk to me after tonight.”

  The rest of the night the conversation flowed easily and Garrett was very polite and attentive. He told me about his parents, he was an only child but thought of Eli like a brother “even though he’s an ass”. He liked comedy movies and rap, which was going to be a tough one for me since I hated, I mean absolutely loathed, rap music but I guess I could deal with it maybe I could convert him. His favorite kind of food was French mine was either Southern or Italian but I guess I could live with that too. They say opposites attract right… I felt like I was able to be the old me just for a little while, it felt nice, it was the first time since my night with Cooper that I felt anything close to this. The rest of my life was spent merely existing. When dinner was over I didn’t want the night to end just yet.

  “I don’t know if you want to get back to your friends or not but we could go back to my house and build a fire in the backyard if you want.” I was a little anxious and kind of regretted it as soon as I said it but it was too late to take it back.

  “I’d like that. I’ll follow you?” I was thankful he brought it up because I didn’t want to take one car and have him conveniently “stuck” there.

  “Sounds like a plan.” He opened my car door for me and I backed out waiting for him to pull up behind me, we started the drive back to the lake house. Once back to the house I ran inside and turned all the lights on, leaving the front door open.

  “This place is awesome.” Garrett said looking around.

  “Thanks. I’m pretty fond of it. It belonged to my grandparents; my brother and I used to spend most of our summers here when we growing up. I just want to change quick, make yourself comfortable.” I walked upstairs and threw on a pair of yoga pants and a light hoodie before hurrying back downstairs.

  “Wow you could make a paper bag look good.” He said making me blush.

  “Thanks. This way to the backyard.” I said walking to the slider off the kitchen. We walked to the fire pit and I started grabbing some brush and twigs to get the fire started.

  “Let me do that. Go sit.” I sat and watched him get all the makings of our fire. Once he was satisfied we had enough he lit a match and the fire roared to life. “Do you have a blanket or something, we can lay back and watch the stars.”

  “Sure. I’ll go grab one.” I walked i
nside and grabbed a spare quilt from the linen closet and handed it to him. He set it on the ground and sat down patting next to him for me to sit.

  “I always loved looking at the stars.” He said. I felt him move closer. I turned my head to look at him and he lowered his face slightly. Did I want this? He was hesitating so I raised mine the rest of the way and kissed him. His tongue grazed my lower lip and I parted my mouth slightly allowing the kiss to go deeper. He pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling his waist. I was running my hands through his hair and my mind automatically shifted to Cooper and how when we kissed I literally saw starts behind my eyelids, I felt a little guilty. I snapped out of it, the whole point of me being here was to move on like he had. Garrett was rubbing his hands up and down my back. He pulled back slightly.

  “Thank you. That was amazing.” He said. I could feel his excitement down below but decided not to embarrass him by mentioning it. No way I was going there with anyone any time soon.

  “It was a good kiss huh.” I joked. We sat like that for a little while longer talking and watching the fire and the stars. Once the fire was out it started to feel cold so we headed inside.

  “I guess you’d better get going.” I said.

  “I guess. It’s almost two in the morning. I’d love to take you out tomorrow, lunch maybe?” He seemed to be hesitating in the doorway.

  “I’d like that.” I said, relieved that he was going. Then I felt guilty again, he didn’t do anything wrong and here I was picking him apart and comparing everything he did to Cooper.

  “I’ll pick you up say eleven thirty?”

  “Sounds great.” He leaned in a kissed me lightly before heading towards the door shutting it behind him. I locked the door before heading upstairs. I climbed into bed and chastised myself for a while. I thought about Cooper and how he probably went on a date with Riley earlier. I put a movie on and fell into a deep sleep.

  When I woke up the next morning the sun was shining and the sky was a brilliant blue. I climbed out of bed and headed to the shower. I dressed in a teal blue wrap dress and threw on a pair of jeweled flats before heading downstairs. It was already ten-thirty so I only had an hour before Garrett would be back. I was surprised to find I was actually looking forward to it, a welcome distraction. I cleaned up the kitchen and was folding up the blanket from last night putting it back in the linen closet when the doorbell rang. I ran and opened the door.