I Won't Give Up

by Sophie Monroe

  “Garrett you’re early.” I said surprised.

  Except it wasn’t Garrett, it was my dad and her. I felt all the emotions I was trying to suppress surface.

  “Fiona we saw your car in the driveway. We weren’t expecting to find anyone here.” He looked surprised, Gigi just looked annoyed. I guess I ruined their plans of a romantic weekend getaway.

  “Well I decided a weekend away would be good for me.” I spat.

  “Gigi go wait in the car.” My dad said. She reluctantly walked, rather stomped, back to my dad’s Escalade to pout. My dad walked past me into the house that once belonged to his parents and went to sit on the wing chair closest to the door. He looked exhausted. “Fiona, Please talk to me.” He pleaded.

  “I don’t have anything to say to you.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for hurting mom and Luke too but she makes me happy. I know you don’t understand it now but I hope one day you might.” He looked regrettable.

  “I thought we made you happy. I thought we had the perfect family.” I took a cleansing breath. “You know what, I’m over it. I hope you’re happy, I really do but I don’t want anything to do with either of you right now. I’d appreciate if you’d leave.”

  “You’ll always be my little girl Fiona. I love you.” He kissed me on the cheek and walked away. I felt like I had been sucker punched, I needed to sit down. I started to feel panicked and what scared me even more that all I wanted to do was call Cooper to come and save me. The thought of needing someone scared the hell out of me. I walked over to the papasan chair that was my favorite when I was little; I curled up like a ball and broke into a fit of sobs. I felt a hand on my leg and screamed bloody murder. When I looked it was Garrett kneeling down in front of the chair.

  “Shh, the door was wide open and I heard crying I thought something happened to you.” He lifted me up only to sit down and pull me into his lap gently stoking my hair while I cried.

  “Fiona are you okay? Did someone hurt you?” Someone, more like everyone…

  “I’m fine.” I lied.

  “No you’re not, please be honest.”

  “My dad just stopped by unannounced with his new girlfriend.” I saw his expression change when he realized what I had just said. I hadn’t gone into too much detail last night but he got the overall idea.

  “I’m sorry, that’s got to be a tough thing to see.”

  “It’s just really raw still. He left at the beginning of the summer. No note, nothing. Just packed his clothes up and moved out. She’s a total bitch. It’s just been a lot to comprehend.”

  “I’ll bet. You don’t have to go through it alone anymore. I’ll help you. I want to help you, to be with you. I sat up most of the night thinking last night, about you mostly and I wish this weekend never had to end; but I was thinking maybe we could still see each other on weekends, I can come to you, maybe you can come to me sometimes we can meet halfway but I really want to see you again after this. Please just think about it.” I started to panic but he was so earnest I felt my anxiety slowly evaporate, plus it would be nice to have an escape from reality.

  “I’d like to keep seeing you too.” Maybe Garrett was exactly what I needed. I leaned up and kissed him pouring all my hurt and pain into it. I hoped I was making the right decision.

  “Thank you.” He moved me to the side so he could stand up. “I packed us a picnic. Well actually I bought us a picnic; sandwiches, fruit, chips, bubbly the whole nine. I spared no expense.” He laughed making me laugh. Maybe this would be easier than I thought.

  “Well we wouldn’t want that to go to waste would we.” He pulled me to my feet keeping his hand in mine as we walked to the backyard and went on our picnic.

  On Monday I saw Cooper standing alone by his bike I smiled and gave him a half wave before walking into school. I headed to my locker to get my books for the day. There was a note in my locker.

  Why can’t you just leave him alone and let him be happy! He chose me get over yourself. Fiona you’re not that great!

  I could only assume it was from Riley. I crumbled it up and tossed it in the trash. I turned my phone on during lunch to find that Garrett had texted me.

  Thinking of you. Hope you have a good day. What do you want to do this weekend?

  I didn’t want to go to Delaney since I didn’t feel comfortable going to his house without really knowing his family or anything and I didn’t want him coming here incase we ran into Cooper so I figured the best thing to do would be to go back to the lake house though I was apprehensive about him staying in the same place.

  Lake house? You can stay in the guestroom :P

  I was serious about the guest room.

  Can’t wait! Miss you already.

  We texted and had the occasional phone call throughout the week. I threw myself into my schoolwork trying to bring my GPA back up. Every time Riley saw me in the hallway she would give me a nasty look when Cooper wasn’t looking, I would return tenfold. She didn’t deserve Cooper but I’m sure she was playing all her cards. On Friday I packed my Michael Kors weekender bag so I could leave straight after school. The day passed quickly and I made great time making it to the lake house. Garrett arrived an hour later with his duffle in tow. We ordered Chinese food and watched some classic Adam Sandler movies. When it was time for bed I started to get nervous because he was lingering by my door I was worried that he was going to try and push to sleep in my room.

  “See you in the morning.” I said kissing him quickly on the lips careful not linger.

  “Night. Sweet dreams.” I closed the bedroom door once he was in the guestroom. I locked it feeling a little silly.

  When I woke up the next morning I made us French toast and we hung out on the locks. We went on the water skies and had dinner at Bubba’s he was a perfect gentleman all day. We laughed and had an overall great time. We turned in to our rooms planning on going to the shops down by the pier tomorrow. Exhausted I fell into a deep sleep.

  After that weekend we spent most of our free time there. We’d usually meet there on Friday after I got out of school and would come home after dinner on Sunday. It was my escape. We were there so often I actually left clothes there now; Garrett did the same in the guestroom of course. I let him stay in my bed last Saturday but we still haven’t done anything more than kiss; I wasn’t just ready to let it get to that level with him yet. I could tell Garrett was starting to grow frustrated but I was still in self-preservation mode and thankfully he didn’t push it. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking back to that night with Cooper and how I didn’t think Garrett or anyone else would even come close. I didn’t feel that insatiable need like I did with Cooper. I trusted Garrett but it was different, sometimes he would say and do things that would get on my nerves leaving me unsure. Reality was I was still too afraid I’d get hurt…

 

  CHAPTER SIX

  Call Me Hopeless, But Not Romantic

  I pulled into school where Casey and Harper were standing in the parking lot holding eighteen balloons for me. They yelled “Happy Birthday!” in unison as I got out of the car. They even had it announced over the loudspeaker during morning announcements. I was hoping this weekend was going to be special it was 11/11 and it was officially my eighteenth birthday. I told Garrett I wanted to plan the whole thing and he was to show up to the lake house at exactly eight.

  At lunch Cooper walked over to my table and handed me large rectangular box wrapped in unicorn wrapping paper. I laughed a little.

  “Open it.” He said looking anxious. I peeled back the paper and lifted the lid. Wow. Inside was a framed sketch he’d done of me. It was amazing.

  “It’s beautiful Cooper. Thank you.” I opened the card. It was a note and had the lyrics to Jason Mraz’s I Won’t Give Up.

  Happy 18 Crash,

  Remember when we were at the bar and I sang you that Patsy Cline song? I think about the first part and how hard it is to try and be just your frie
nd but I’d rather be that than nothing at all. You want me to pretend like we’ve never kissed, I’ve tried and I haven’t yet. I don’t think I ever will.

  This song is our song. I won’t give up. Not yet.

  When I look into your eyes, it's like watching the night sky,

  or a beautiful sunrise. Well there's so much they hold,

  and just like them old stars, I see that you've come so far, to be right where you are. How old is your soul?

  I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough.

  I'm giving you all my love. I'm still looking up.

  And when you're needing your space to do some navigating, I'll be here patiently waiting to see what you find.

  'Cause even the stars they burn, Some even fall to the earth.

  We've got a lot to learn. God knows we're worth it.

  No, I won't give up.

  I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily.

  I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make.

  Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts. We got a lot at stake.

  And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend,

  For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn,

  we had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in.

  I had to learn what I got and what I’m not, And who I am.

  I won’t give up on us!

  With Love,

  Cooper

  P.S. “I’ve got you stuck on my body like a tattoo”, literally.

  I felt tears sting my eyes, even after everything that happened, even though I had Garrett and he had Riley, I missed him. He’d become such a part of my life in such a short time and even though I hated it at the time I had to admit that I found myself thinking a lot that I wished Garrett was Cooper. He knew exactly what to say and do to make me feel special.

  “Happy birthday Crash.” He said giving me a quick kiss on the cheek but it was actually closer to the corner of my mouth. I fought the urge to turn my head slightly and kiss him back, just once. Riley was giving me a glare from across the cafeteria that would have instantly killed me if looks could kill.

  “Tattoo?” I asked.

  “Don’t get mad okay? I did this for you too.” He looked slightly embarrassed. He lifted up his shirt to his bicep and revealed a white orchid flower on the inside of his arm that was obviously still healing.

  “Fiona means, white or fair and the orchid means beauty, strength and love.” I felt the air leave my lungs. He got a tattoo that reminded him of me, I’m so confused.

  “It’s beautiful. But I don’t know why you’d do that. We’re not together Cooper.”

  “I told you my tattoos are the scars I choose. Wait that didn’t come out right… you’re not a scar. What I meant to say is that I wanted something that would always remind me of you.” Damn did he get these lines out of a how to melt a girls heart handbook because surely it was working. I fought the urge to cry again. I was speechless, I didn’t know what the standard procedure was for the boy that was in love with you getting a huge flower tattooed on the inside of his arm but you’re not together was.

  “Got any big plans?” He asked snapping me out of my reverie.

  “Actually I’m going to my family lake house after school.”

  “By yourself?” He asked digging for more information.

  “Um, actually no.” Please just let it go.

  “Oh, you bringing the girls? That will be fun.”

  “No they’re not coming either.” He looked at me confused. “Actually… I kind of have a boyfriend now.” I felt bad as soon as I said it. I saw the pain flash through his face before he quickly composed himself.

  “Oh, how long has this been going on? Anyone I know?”

  “A little over a month. And maybe, he’s from Delaney.”

  “You’re kidding?” He sounded pissed.

  “No.” I said meekly.

  “Well what’s his name?” He sneered, definitely angry now.

  “Garrett York.” I saw something register in his face but he wasn’t giving anything away, I assumed he knew him or at least of him.

  “You’re fucking kidding me right?” He ran his hands through his hair. “After our you know, I tried for weeks straight to get you to give me the freaking time of day, all over again, and just like that you end up with him.”

  “What’s your problem, you gave up on me remember?” I said hurt. Riley was watching our little tiff with daggers in her eyes. I felt the tears I had been holding back start to run down my face.

  “Hey, look I’m sorry.” He ran his fingers softly over my cheek catching the falling tears. My heart sped up at his touch, he just had that affect on me. It was just us in our own little bubble. “God Fiona I fucking love you! I love you so fucking much it hurts. There will never be anyone else! I never gave up! I fucking fell in love with you the day you almost hit me. You looked so sad that day but you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, you take my breath away. I vowed to make you smile. Christ I’d marry you right now if you’d let me. The only reason I let you go was because it was killing me to see you all the time all broken and know you wouldn’t let me help you. I thought maybe if you saw me with Riley you’d get jealous and realize what I’ve known all along. I won’t give up on us Fiona, I’ll stand up for you forever, you’re my true love, my whole heart. Please don’t throw that away.”

  Well if that’s not a declaration of love then I don’t know what is. He sucked in a deep breath and bit one of his piercings. “Riley was distraction. I’ve died everyday waiting for you to come back to me but you didn’t. It’s not like that with her, I told you that. We’ve kissed and even when we did that I felt like I was dying inside. The whole time I wished it was you. I love YOU!” He was so loud the whole cafeteria, Riley included heard him, her face fell but she was a bitch and though it sounds mean she had it coming. I knew it was probably the end for them after his confession.

  “But yet you’re still together.” I spat, hurt, angry and seriously confused.

  “And what if we weren’t? What then?” His face dead serious.

  “I don’t know.” I felt the tears rolling down my face because as great as Garrett was and I definitely had feelings for him; the truth was I was in love with Cooper and I fucked up.

  “Answer me Fiona. If I ended it right now would we be together?” He pleaded.

  “I can’t answer that right now.” He pulled my face to his and kissed me. This kiss was different from the other times it full of hunger and desperation. I kissed him back with equal passion.

  “Please don’t walk away.” He knew me so well.

  I can’t do this. I needed to think. I pulled out of his grasp and ran away.

  Cooper

  “What’s with you always watching Fiona. You look like you’re getting ready to play fetch or something.” Riley said.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” If I was watching Fiona it was purely subconscious.

  “You always watch her. I’m your girlfriend how about you look at me instead.”

  I’d been seeing Riley for a few weeks now and things were not serious. She was a usually a sweet girl and came from a nice family, though they needed time to grow used to me. They automatically assumed that because of my looks and my motorcycle that I was a bad boy, I wasn’t, well not anymore.

  I felt bad since I was really only using her to make Fiona jealous but it wasn’t working how I’d hoped. Riley was already pushing to take the next step in our relationship. She was pushing me to take her virginity, I didn’t want to. First I didn’t love her and the second reason was embarrassing because I couldn’t even get it up around her if I wanted to, thankfully I didn’t. I only wanted to be with Fiona and ‘little Cooper’ seemed to be in agreement.

  Every time I saw Fiona I literally fell to pieces, I missed her so much sometimes it was even hard to breathe. Today was her eighteenth birthday and I’d been w
orking on her present tor the last few days. I sketched a picture that I’d taken of her on one of our “dates” when we went to a fair a couple towns over. She was grinning cheekily eating funnel cake. It was my favorite photo she looked like the carefree happy teenager that she should be with none of the bullshit that we were dealing with right now. She was going to freak out about the other present, which was more for me than her.

  At lunch I was standing with Riley and a couple of her friends she kept eyeing the large rectangular box that I’d been carrying around all morning. As soon as I saw Fiona come in I walked over to her and handed her a the box I wrapped in unicorn paper, our little inside rainbows and unicorns joke.

  “Open it.” I watched her peel back the paper and lift the lid. Inside was a framed sketch I’d made for her. “Happy birthday Crash.” I kissed her on the cheek, aiming closer to her mouth even though it hurt me to do it. I wanted to kiss her lips so bad. I still wanted her. She opened my card and read it. I could see her eyes starting to grow damp. I didn’t want her to cry. Riley was glaring at Fiona and it was pissing me off. It was time for us to part ways.

  “Tattoo?” I asked.

  “Don’t get mad okay? I did this for you too.” I lifted up my shirt and showed her the new tattoo I got for her on the inside of my bicep, a white orchid flower. She stared at it open mouthed.

  “Fiona means, white or fair and the orchid means beauty, strength and love.”

  “It’s beautiful. But I don’t know why you’d do that. We’re not together Cooper.” Not by my choice I wanted to say but bit my tongue.