Freedom

by Mary Crawford

  He looks at me as if I’ve lost my marbles. “Of course I trust you. We got on the plane together. Do you understand what that means?”

  “I do. If you trust me, let me decide what to do with your hair. I promise I won’t make you look funny. Read a book on your phone or something. I’ll take care of this.”

  Phoenix shrugs. “It’s not like I have a better plan.”

  I grab a brush off the dresser and urge him to sit on the bed. I kneel behind him and work with his hair. It is shiny and soft. I just want to bury my nose in it but unfortunately, we have places to be and people to see.

  I take a couple of hairbands off my wrist. One day, Devon noticed I always carry hair ties around, so he made me a copper bracelet which holds them when I’m not using them. After I finish running a brush through his hair, I gather it all up in a large ponytail at the base of his skull. I take a long critical look and decide that maybe in Phoenix’s case a long ponytail isn’t his best look. I pull the rubber band out and start again.

  “What are you doing?” Phoenix asks with annoyance in his voice.

  “I’m making an already gorgeous guy looking even better. I thought you said you trusted me?” I tease.

  Phoenix turns around and looks at me for a moment. “I do — more than you can imagine.”

  On our way to the interview, Phoenix accidentally grabs the wrong cup of coffee from the drink holder. After he takes a long sip, he wrinkles his nose. “I don’t know how you drink this; it’s kinda like melted ice cream.”

  I shrug and grin. “So what? I like my sugar and cream with a tiny bit of coffee. What’s your point?” I pick up his cup of coffee and trade him. “That’s okay; I don’t understand how you can take it black. It tastes worse than nasty cold medicine.”

  “To each his own,” Phoenix adds philosophically.

  “Exactly!” I say as I study the big log cabin being built in front of us. The word log cabin doesn’t seem to do it justice because it’s absolutely huge — but it looks like a traditional log cabin. “Remember, they’re not only interviewing you, you’re interviewing them too. After all, they want you to move across the United States and away from your family. If they want to keep you, they’re gonna have to work for it, right?”

  Bruiser licks Phoenix’s hand as he reaches his long arm into the back seat and grabs a leather portfolio with his paperwork. Last night as he was putting it all together, I was surprised to see he graduated at the top of his class. I was under the impression college was extremely tough for him. When I asked him about it, he told me, “People are hard, computers aren’t.”

  He messes with the latch of his portfolio. I put my hand over his to still them. “It’s okay. You’ve got this.”

  “I hope so,” he replies in a broken whisper. “Come with me please. I don’t know if I’m ready to face this on my own.”

  “Okay, I guess they won’t care if I sit in the lobby. Besides, don’t forget you're not alone. You’ve got Bruiser here with you.”

  I try not to look at my watch as Phoenix and I cool our heels in what is functioning as a waiting room. In reality, it’s just a very large room. It doesn’t even have carpet yet. Every sound echoes across the empty room and bounces off the cement floor. This isn't even my job interview and my heart is pounding as if I’ve run a marathon.

  Just then a blonde woman comes rushing through the front door. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry you guys have been waiting for so long. Jameson has a thing about breaking phones. He broke another one today. Otherwise, he would’ve been able to tell you he’s running late. One of our contractors substituted some lower quality material without authorization. So, Jameson has his military hat on and he is reaming the guy a new one.” She takes a moment to take a breath since she ran out of steam in the rush of words. “Anyway, he should be here in a few minutes. Great man bun, by the way, you’ll fit right in in Oregon.”

  Phoenix self-consciously touches his hair and then stands to introduce himself. When he does, Bruiser hops to his feet and sits in a heel position. Apparently, the woman didn't notice the dog before. Her face softens as she takes in his goofy expression. She leans toward him as if she’s planning to pet him.

  Phoenix clears his throat. “Please don’t. Bruiser is still in training and if I allow people to pet him, he gets distracted.”

  The woman pulls her hand back as if she’s been burned. “Oh, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I know better than to pet a service dog. Jameson was just telling me one of his former coworkers has a guide dog for the blind.”

  “I’ve heard about John, but I haven’t worked with him yet. We've haven’t been assigned to the same project yet.”

  “I think Zoe had a role in training his dog,” Phoenix announces as he pulls me up to my feet. He turns back toward the woman and sticks his hand out. It’s hard to tell he doesn’t do this all the time. “Hi, I’m Phoenix Wolf. This is Bruiser’s trainer — and my girlfriend, Zoe Hurlington.”

  “Nice to meet you, I’m Kendall Kordes. I don’t officially work here, but I might as well. I'm here so much, Jameson threatens to give me my own office,” she answers as she shakes our hands.

  “What do you do?” Phoenix asks politely.

  “You mean when I’m not covering for my fiancé, Jameson when he is running late?” Kendall asks with a twinkle in her eyes.

  Phoenix seems a bit puzzled by the joke, but nods.

  “I am the director of Locate My Heart.”

  Phoenix's face lights up with the recognition. “Oh, it’s an honor to meet you. My boss, Tristan, thinks you’re all kinds of cool. Word around our shop was he wanted to recruit you away and have you work for Identity Bank.”

  Kendall looks around and answers, “As much time as Jameson and I spend worrying about this place, I might as well be working for Identity Bank.”

  A fierce looking guy with a beard and no hair enters through the front door. “Sorry … I got hung up.”

  “I know you — or at least I’ve heard of you,” Phoenix blurts. “I’m glad your brother was found alive. I tried to reconstruct his online activities for Tristan, but so many of the sites were shut down I wasn’t very effective. So, I’m glad it worked out anyway.”

  “Yeah, me too. If you decide to come on board at Identity Bank West, one decision you’ll have to make is whether you think my little brother is bright enough to be on your team.”

  Kendall playfully slaps Jameson on the arm as she says, "Way to go, honey, as if Phoenix didn’t have enough pressure on him just being here for a job interview.”

  Jameson cringes slightly. “She’s right. I don’t want to influence your decision one way or the other because I want us to build the best team. Toby may not be the best match because he still young.”

  Phoenix lets out a small breath before he says, “That’s okay, I was young when I got hooked up with Identity Bank. Tristan recruited me when I was still in high school. He gave me a job and supported my education while I finished my degree in Computer Science.”

  Before I remember Phoenix is in the middle of a job interview, I remark, “Really? I knew Tristan was a good guy. He's helped Hope’s Haven with some fundraisers, but that’s extraordinary.”

  Jameson shrugs. “Yeah, Tristan is one of the nicest guys I know. It took me a long time to get used to his generosity.”

  Kendall smiles fondly at Jameson. “That might be true, but I notice you’re still planning to take him up on his offer of a private flight on his plane when we go on our honeymoon.”

  Jameson grins back. “No one has ever accused me of being stupid. It’s first class all the way for you, Kendall.” He pivots toward Phoenix. “You ready to show me your programming skills? Tristan says you're worth your weight in gold. Let’s see if he still remembers what he's talking about

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  PHOENIX

  I SHIFT MY LEGS AROUND on the blanket Zoe has laid out on the hotel room floor so I can lean up against the side of the dresser. I guess old tradit
ions die hard. We are having a picnic dinner with steak and baked potatoes from room service. After I take another bite and wash it down with fancy sparkling water, I continue my story, “You wouldn’t believe how he's planning to deck the place out. I thought I had a powerful system, but it’s nothing compared to what Jameson is installing at Identity Bank West. I wish you would have been back there with me. The room Tristan wants me to work from is probably bigger than this hotel room. I’d have it all to myself. Jameson promised. He said I won't need to have anyone in the room with me. It would be like my own little wing of the building where I can figure out code glitches in total silence if I want to.”

  “That sounds cool. Although when you showed me your office before we left Florida, I thought it was pretty nice,” Zoe replies with a shrug.

  “It’s a great place to work if noise doesn’t bother you. But, it was designed to be like a traditional business space with cubicles. Unfortunately, cubicles don’t do a great job of filtering out sound and people’s movements in their office. So, I always found myself focusing on the ambient noise rather than what I was doing on the computer. Some days I just about went nuts. This would be so much better.”

  Zoe looks dejected as she asks, “So … that’s it? Are you moving to Oregon? What does your move mean for us?”

  “I don’t know. Jameson is offering me the chance to hire my team and supervise them. He wants me to develop training materials so our games at Identity Bank have less intrinsic errors.”

  Zoe glances over at me with tears in her eyes. “I was afraid this would happen, I knew you were too good. That’s the reason Tristan was willing to let you take a whole month off to get across the country — you are just that valuable to him.”

  I drop my head for a moment as I admit, “I know. It’s crazy! I thought I was going to get fired — but this is like the promotion of a lifetime. I don’t think I can afford to turn it down. I may never get another opportunity like this.”

  “So, what’s next?” Zoe asks. She wipes away a tear with the sleeve of her sweater. I don’t think she wants me to notice her shattered demeanor.

  “I haven’t made any commitments to anyone. Jameson is introducing me to some people he's considering as new hires. I’ll have a voice in the final decision … that is, if I decide to stay.”

  “Why wouldn’t you?” Zoe asks. “This job is everything you thought it would be in your wildest dreams. You have everything here you could ever need.”

  “No, actually I don’t. Because if I am here and you are in Florida, part of me will be missing. I don’t know when you became the other half of my heart. Still, that’s how it is. I don’t know what the right answer is. I worked darn hard to become good at programming. It’s taken me years and a mountain and a half of student loan debt to achieve.”

  Zoe turns away for a moment. When she glances back, she's sporting a weird smile which doesn’t go all the way up to her eyes. She looks like she’s posing for a picture at DMV. “I’m happy for you, I’m just sad for us,” she admits.

  I gather her close and tuck her next to me. “I am too. I have never felt this way in my whole life. I’ve never had a girlfriend — or even a friend who accepts me for who I am. You don’t make me pretend to be someone else. I have a sense of freedom around you I’ve never had. Even with my parents. My parents are always pushing me to be someone different — as in someone less autistic and more normal.”

  Zoe looks up at me. “Are you sure that’s not what I’m doing with you too? After all, I got you to try new food and bake a cake with me. We have gone swimming and hiking in environments I know are not your favorite. If that wasn’t enough, you gave up your motorcycle trip of a lifetime to stay with me when I needed you. You got on a freakin' plane for me. What if I’ve been pushing you too hard like your parents?”

  I place my arms around Zoe’s waist and I kiss the back of her neck. “You’re wrong. There’s a huge difference. You make me want to do the things which are hard. But, you never make me feel like a failure if things don’t go the way we planned.”

  “Plan? I can’t make plans — my crazy brother might still be after me.”

  “That’s the beauty of our plan, if you stay here with me, there’s a whole continent between you and your brother. I can’t imagine so much distance is a bad idea.”

  “You’re right. What do I do about Hope’s Haven?”

  I rest my chin on the top of Zoe’s head. “I wish I knew. Maybe we’ll have more answers tomorrow. For now, this is supposed to be a celebration. We are alone together with only tomorrow’s meeting on our schedule. Jameson won’t be in until after two thirty in the afternoon. So, we’re on our own. We can watch anything we want on TV or do something outside — I don’t know.”

  Zoe looks up at me with a tearful smile. “I guess you’ll have to find a way to distract me from the bad news.”

  I hop up and grab my iPad off the dresser. “I’ve got just the thing. Jameson gave me a game he and his brother developed. Since I’ve never seen it before, he wants me to pretend I’m a typical first-time user to see if they need to change the interface.”

  Zoe chokes back a snort of laughter as she says, “Okay, that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. It does sound fun though.”

  I point to myself as I ask, “Am I not the very picture of fun?”

  Zoe pops a chocolate covered strawberry in her mouth before she answers, “Surprisingly, you are incredibly fun to be around. I’m going to miss you when you move to Oregon.”

  “Who said I was moving to Oregon for sure? I have lots of things to consider.”

  “All I know is what I see. Although you said you like your job in Florida, you're not completely jazzed by it. You are more than ready to take on Identity Bank West and make it your own.”

  The way she says it practically makes my heart stop. “I don’t know if I’m ready to take on so much responsibility. Tristan knows I’m not great at interacting with people. Maybe I’m not even qualified to do this job. I should probably turn it down, shouldn’t I? I don’t want to disappoint Tristan.”

  “You’ve worked for Tristan for years now, right?” she asks gently.

  “Yeah, since before I graduated from high school.”

  “So, he probably knows you better than any other person in your life right now —” Zoe lets her speech trail off.

  “Yeah, so?” I ask.

  “If he knows you so well, he has a good idea of what you can and cannot do. If he thought you weren’t capable of handling the tasks at Identity Bank West, he would’ve never put you up for the promotion. Tristan believes in you and so do I. The next step is to make Jameson a fan.”

  Yesterday, I noticed things are even more casual at Identity Bank West than the East Coast branch. Today, I’ve decided to wear clothes which make me feel comfortable. I’m relieved when I see Jameson wearing the same type of outfit.

  “You wanna come back and see what our project list looks like for the next couple of years? It’s pretty exciting. At Identity Bank West, I hope to integrate our services a little more. When Tristan put together Identity Bank, he did it one piece of the puzzle at a time. We have the benefit of seeing how Tristan’s services complement each other.”

  I nod. “That makes perfect sense. Sometimes, when I’m fixing errors in code, I think it would be great to be able to work with the graphic artists to make sure we don’t introduce errors into our work along the way.”

  “That is a great idea. I’m anxious to see how you’ll structure your department.”

  I hold up my hand front of me in protest. “I don’t want to mislead you, although what you’re doing is phenomenal, my life is back in Florida. I don’t even know if I’m qualified to a whole department. I’m talented when it comes to computers — when I have to interact with other people, I’m not so great. I’m not even sure why Tristan thinks I’m ready for this.”

  Jameson grins at me. “About a year ago, I was saying those same words. I lived in Florida, but the wo
man I loved lived here. I had worked for Tristan for a few years before he tapped me for this position. I was reluctant to say the least.”

  “How is it working out for you?” I ask with open curiosity.

  Jameson laughs out loud. “It’s a fair question. If I’m going to be your boss, you probably want to know if I know my stuff.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that, honestly. I'm simply trying to figure out what to do. My parents still live in Florida and so does Zoe. I like working for Tristan, but recently Zoe has shown me that pushing my own boundaries a bit has some great rewards. So, I’m trying to figure out whether this is one of those situations.”

  “I hear you. Those were the same things I struggled with but I can tell you that I haven’t been sorry I picked up the challenge Tristan issued. Had he not pushed me, I would probably still be fixing security systems, computers and networks for him. He basically dared me to make myself better. It was probably one of the best things to ever happen to me.”

  I try to absorb what he says, but my brain is spinning with ideas. Finally, I decide the fair thing to do is to be brutally honest.

  “This may not be the best place to tell you this, but I feel like you need to know some things about me. Remember when I said computers were easy, but relating to people is harder for me? Well, there’s a reason for that — I have Asperger’s syndrome.”

  “Okay … Does it affect your ability to program computers?”

  I chuckle softly. “In some ways, it probably makes me better at what I do. As a kid, toys I could sort and put in order were my favorite things. I love patterns — especially patterns which repeat. Computer programming has always come very easily to me because everything is orderly and it’s easy to see when something doesn’t fit a pattern.”

  “I understand. Computers are much more predictable than human beings.”

  “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying. If this job was merely programming or debugging, I’d be all over it. But, you want me to supervise. Honestly, some people have a hard time relating to me. I do things which make them feel uncomfortable. I’m working on all that stuff, but I don’t know if you want me in charge of others.”