Break Me

by Amanda Heath

  I pick the bag up and start pulling books out. The one I was looking at yesterday is in there along with several others I’ve never read. “I talked to a nice lady who pointed out all the new releases in historical romance. I felt kind of bad for pushing you. I just didn’t know what to think of you.”

  I look at him with a question in my eyes. “What does that mean?”

  He shrugs, “One second you’re my enemy simply for the fact you hang out with Pierce and Annabella. Then Mr. Richards was asking if he could pair us up for tutoring. You turned out not to really care about what Pierce and Annabella think about my friends or me. You have your own opinions, which is awesome. Now you’ve got Channing guarding your back and you have me worried over a girl who isn’t my sister.”

  I want to laugh because he does look incredibly lost. But I don’t because I’m just as lost as he is. Not once in my life would I think I would want Royal Sanders’s friendship. “I didn’t see it coming either, but that’s life. You don’t see a lot of things coming.”

  He looks at me from under his lashes when he tells me, “I’m starting to think you know that better than anyone.”

  Shock goes through my body but I don’t show a reaction on the outside. I do shrug though. “Maybe I do.”

  He nods before sitting at the end of my bed. He also brought his backpack and now he reaches into it, pulling out his World History book. “Want to study?”

  I smile my first real smile in a long time. “Definitely.”

  ***

  “How long have you played the guitar?” I’ve been dying to ask since I saw all the guitars in his bedroom. Plus, he got into Juilliard, so he must be really good.

  He rolls his eyes before answering me. “I’ve played since I was like seven. I love music. There’s nothing more important than music. Well…no, sex is more important than music but that’s neither here nor there.”

  I laugh so hard I have to bury my head in my pillow to stop. We studied for a few hours but now that our brains are shot on history, we are both lying on our stomachs on my full size bed. “Right.” I say before getting up off my bed. I run into Bentley’s room and grab his Gibson where it sits on its stand.

  By the time I get back he’s holding the picture of Trey. Damn. He looks up when I enter and looks at me puzzled. “Boyfriend?”

  I take a deep breath and tell him the truth. “Not anymore.” Well, mostly the truth.

  “Oh.” He finally sees the guitar in my hand and laughs. “Bentley’s I assume?”

  I nod and hand it over. He pulls the pick out from between the strings and starts messing around until a familiar tune comes from the instrument. Then in a sexy clear voice he starts singing. The lyrics state yelling timber and dancing.

  I smack him on the shoulder and laugh. “Ke$ha? Really?”

  He laughs with me. “Hey, she’s hot.” I smack his shoulder again.

  He sets the guitar down and looks at me seriously, “Can I ask you a question?”

  My hair falls into my face and I look away as I tuck some behind my ear. “Sure.”

  Please don’t be about Trey. Please don’t be about Trey. “Why did your parents name you Wesley?”

  Oh my lord. I think my heart has stopped beating. “My mom was obsessed with The Princess Bride when she was pregnant with me. She loved the romance between Westley and Buttercup.” I laugh remembering the story when my dad told me. “My dad put his foot down on naming me Buttercup. Then Mom didn’t like the way Westley was spelled so she took the T out.”

  “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Royal says straight-faced and I burst out laughing.

  “You are the first person to ever quote the movie to me! No one has ever figured it out. They just think my parents are weird.” I laugh some more as he smiles at me.

  “Don’t sweat it. At least your mother didn’t name you, Royal Duke Sanders.” My entire face goes into shock.

  “Your middle name is Duke? Are you fudging with me?” I swear my mouth is hanging open to the floor.

  “Yeah, apparently we have a British heritage and there was actually a Royal Duke Sanders in the family history.” Then he just smirks. “Don’t get any ideas there. I know how those historical romances go. This Duke is a free agent for eternity.”

  I smirk right back. “Then don’t call me Duchess.” Now his mouth hangs open to the floor. Well not really. “Checkmate!”

  Before I have a chance to do a victory dance, Royal asks, “Do you want to go to the movies?”

  I stop once my feet reach the floor. “Um…sure?”

  “Why do you not sound sure?” he chuckles my favorite chuckle and I feel at ease. Well a little bit.

  I shrug. “Maybe it’s not a good idea. Our friendship is so new and the movies can be considered a date.” I pause and take a deep breath. “And I’m just not ready for that.”

  “As you wish,” he replies. I laugh and pick up my pillow before slapping him in the face with it.

  “You’re a big dork.” He takes the pillow from me and goes to hit me back but we get interrupted.

  “Whoa!” Bentley’s voice comes through the room surprised.

  Damn. “Hey, Bentley.” I get up off the bed and pick up his Gibson. “Sorry we borrowed this. I wanted to hear Royal play.” I try to hand it to him but he doesn’t move to take it. No, he’s staring over my shoulder at Royal.

  “What is going on?” he spits out, starting to look mad.

  “It’s not like that, Bentley. You know me better than that. Our History teacher asked me to tutor him. That’s all we’ve been doing. Well, until we started talking about Royal playing the guitar and I went to get your Gibson,” I tell him, meeting his eyes the whole time.

  “So Pierce and Annabella didn’t put you up to this?” If there is one thing Bentley hates, it’s being deceitful. He hates liars and people that use other people. Hmmm, I wonder if he’ll hate dad when he finds out what dad does for a living.

  “No. They don’t even know and I would like to keep it that way,” I say, picking up his hand and shoving the guitar at him. That thing is heavy and I’m tired of holding it.

  Then Bentley does the one thing I never thought he would do to me. “What about Trey?”

  I close my eyes as pain washes over my entire body. I haven’t thought about Trey much since Royal got here. He is usually constantly on my mind. How could I forget him so easily? “Not right now Bentley. I’ll talk to you about it later.”

  Bentley looks over my head at Royal and then back down to me. “Don’t hurt him. He doesn’t deserve this.” And with those last words, he leaves the room. Talk about making me feel like shit.

  And what is he even talking about? How can I hurt Royal when he doesn’t even want to start a relationship with me, let alone anyone else? That’s ludicrous.

  I feel that intense heat light up my back and I know we are about to have a fight. Why must I put in so much effort for someone I’m not even sure I want a friendship with? This is getting out of control. “I thought you said you weren’t with him anymore?”

  I close my eyes, willing the tears to stay in my eyes. “I’m not,” are the only words I can speak.

  “Then what the fuck is your brother talking about?” he asks harshly. I don’t know what to tell him. I’m not willing to talk to someone who didn’t even know Trey, about Trey.

  “None of your business,” I spit out. Right now I just want him to leave. And I’ll do or say anything to make that happen.

  “One of these days, Wes, you’re going to have to talk about whatever is fucking with your head. You can’t keep it all bottled up in there. You’re so tiny, you’re liable to blow the fuck up.” I can hear the anger behind his words, but I don’t care. Why does he have a right to be mad? So what that I don’t want to talk about my dead boyfriend. He’d understand, if he knew.

  “Good. Then I won’t have to deal with this bullshit.” I flinch after I speak, knowing it was the wrong thing to utter.
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  Royal gets in my face, his breath flavored like sweet candy, “You can push me all you want, girl, but I’m not going to run. I have a twin sister. I know how you teenage girls work. You want me to run so I’ll let you live alone in your misery, but that’s not going to happen. I won’t let you shrivel up and die, Wesley.” His hands cup my face and they are hot. Or am I just so cold? “You showed me a side of you that I don’t think anyone has ever seen. That means something to me, whether you like it or not. I’m here for you. Remember that always.” He kisses my forehead and exits my bedroom.

  Tingles race through my entire body. Goose bumps break out and I feel like I can’t get enough air.

  Did Royal Sanders just claim me?

  Chapter Eight

  When I was little I used to run to Ashley when things got out of control in my life. She is like the older sister I never had. Now though, she spends every waking moment with Victor, which is annoying. I love Vic and everything, but you’d think she could make time to see her favorite cousin.

  And I might love Victor, but I don’t spend time with him. To be completely honest, I’m terrified of Victor. He joined the army when he was eighteen years old. He was sent off to war not long after he got out of boot camp. He spent eight months over in Iraq. He only got to come home because he got shot. And I mean he got shot several times. They were really worried for a long time that he wasn’t going to make it. Now if you see him without his shirt on, he has ten tiny scars along the right side of his torso.

  About three years ago I was staying the night with Aunt Lily. My parents were out of town and Bentley stayed with his friend. Victor and Ashley had their own house at this point but he was still recovering from his bullet wounds. Oh, and his PTSD. He woke up in the middle of the night and started screaming. It woke me from a dead sleep and I ran out into the hallway. That’s where I found Victor squatting on the ground with his head in his hands. I must have spooked him because he got up and came after me. There was nothing in his eyes. That’s the first thing that scared me. The second would be the fists that started flying after me. One connected with my left eye. The only thing that didn’t scare me was when Ashley came out and wrapped her arms around him, calming him down enough for Aunt Lily to pull me out of the way. I, of course, had a black eye the next day and let me tell you, that shit isn’t fun.

  I can tell it hurts him whenever he enters a room and I flinch or when he speaks I usually jump. I can’t help it. It’s not his fault, the poor man had no idea what he was doing, but I still got hurt in the crossfire. He’s tried to apologize many times, but I just can’t talk to him. You might think I’m mean or whatever but you haven’t seen Victor. He didn’t give me a girl punch, he gave me a pissed off army man punch. They even had to take me to the emergency room because they thought he broke the bones around my eye. Luckily, he didn’t. He even told me I could press charges but I know he didn’t mean it. I know he’s sorry. And I know what he did to me might be killing him.

  If there is one thing you should know about Victor, it’s he would never hurt a woman. So hurting me messed up his already screwed up head. Ashley tells me he’s getting better and better every day. I only hope I get over the scary shit myself one day.

  Ashley lives in this nice two-story brick house on the other side of Meadows. Victor bought it for them when they graduated high school. I keep waiting for her to call me and say she’s getting married soon, but it never comes up. You never know with Ashley and Victor.

  They are…strange.

  Strange meaning, they’ve been together since middle school and they haven’t gotten married. They spend all their time together, yet they hardly speak to each other. Victor is usually standing behind Ash, the silent guard. I don’t know what he thinks, but I doubt anything is going to come out and kidnap or murder Ash. Victor doesn’t help with Pierce because he is constantly over protective of Ash. Pierce had to learn it from somewhere.

  I pull up into their driveway and roll my eyes. Annabella is home. Victor and Annabella’s parents passed away ten years ago. My aunt is Victor and Annabella’s godmother, so she raised them after that. Talk about keeping it in the family.

  I knock on the door and a few seconds later, Pierce answers. He looks at me confused but opens the door wider and I sail past him. I don’t stop to talk to him or Annabella who is standing a few feet away. I just walk up the stairs that were placed close to the front door.

  “Wesley!” Pierce growls but I ignore him. I don’t have anything to say to either of them today. Today is about me. I’m tired of everything being about someone else. I just want one person to sit down and talk to me about my problems and me. Someone who I don’t live with.

  “Leave her. It’s not our fault she has her panties in a wad,” Annabella says snidely.

  I brake halfway up the stairs and turn around. My blood is pounding in my veins and for the first time in my life I want to punch someone in the face. “Excuse me?” I ask with my eyes narrowed.

  Annabella throws her hair over her shoulder and smirks, “I said it’s not my fault you’re being a bitch.” She spits the word bitch out like it’s diseased. That’s funny considering bitch is her middle name.

  I look over to Pierce who has the expression of someone hit by a car. Idiot. “I’m not being a bitch. I’d just rather not associate with two asshats, who think nothing could ever go wrong in their perfect little world.”

  Pierce speaks after that comment. “Don’t bring me into this.” And he turns to walk away.

  But I stop him. “Oh yes I am Courtney Pierce!! I’m so fucking sick of the two of you! Can you just care about someone else in your life other than yourselves?”

  “Wesley Bridges! What in the world?” Ashley chimes in from behind me.

  I throw my hands up in the air. “Oh great, you’re going to take their side?” This would happen to me. It’s no wonder I have this overwhelming urge to find Royal and make him hug me. These people are insane.

  “I’m not taking anyone’s side. But if I were, it would be yours. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say fuck. It was quite startling.” I want to laugh. From relief. This is why I love Ashley.

  “What the fuck, Ashley? She came in here acting like a bitch to us!” Annabella yells. I feel a full fledge hissy fit coming on. “I didn’t do anything!”

  “Yeah, because ignoring your best friend for the past six months is doing nothing. Oh wait it is.” I spit out in her direction. I get a sick sense of satisfaction when she takes a step back.

  “That’s enough, Wesley. There’s no need to attack her,” Pierce growls out. Always being her savior. God I’m so sick of this crap.

  “I’m going to say this once and only once. When you two take your heads out of your butts, maybe then will I explain to you why I’m mad. But right now I didn’t come over here to get into a huge fight with y’all. I came to talk to Ashley, because she’s not a judgmental piece of shit!” My breathing is so fast I feel like I might faint. Why am I so mad? Why does this hurt so much? Haven’t I had enough pain?

  I hear Pierce scream my name as I start to fall down the stairs.

  ***

  “They want to put her in a mental hospital, Greyson,” my mother says somewhere on my right.

  “I know Jenny. I know you don’t want to put her in there but she’s in really bad condition. It was way worse than we ever thought,” my dad tells my mother.

  What in the hell are they talking about?

  “I vote we keep her at home, where she belongs. I think this is a wake up call to everyone in this room. We are so caught up in our own lives, we didn’t notice what she was doing to herself,” Bentley chimes in. My baby brother, always my hero.

  Tears start to fall down my face before I even open my eyes. “Bentley, don’t blame yourself. If anything I’m still alive because of you.” I whisper, but I know he hears me.

  “Wes…” Pierce says and when I open my eyes he’s standing over me. His hand comes down and rests on mine. I wa
nt to pull away but I don’t have the energy.

  “Don’t. I’m not speaking to you,” I tell him closing my eyes. “Please leave. You’re only here because it looks good. I bet Annabella stayed home.” I open my eyes and look at him. His green eyes are full of guilt. Good. “That’s what I thought.”

  “Wesley, don’t talk to your cousin that way!” my mom exclaims but I ignore her. Pierce was supposed to be my best friend, but he didn’t respect the position. He didn’t even care to have the position.

  “He’s no cousin of mine.” I glare up at him, saying every word to him slowly.

  “Wesley Ann Bridges!” My mother hollers out this time. Then she takes a deep breath, calming herself down. “Maybe it’s best if you leave, Courtney. Wesley isn’t in her right state of mind.”

  Pierce nods at my mother before looking back at me. “I know you hate me right now, but I want you to know I’m sorry. I let something get the best of me, when you deserved the best of me too.” One tear escapes down his cheek and I feel bad. But then I remember all those times I called him to talk and he hit ignore. Fuck both of them.

  After he leaves, the doctor comes in to talk to my parents. I have severe exhaustion; I’m half starved and emotionally unstable. The starvation surprises me, but then I can’t remember the last time I ate anything. Which scares the shit out of me.

  I ask to go to the bathroom and a nurse comes to help me. I ask to be alone and since I never tried to kill myself they grant my wish. I slowly raise up my hospital gown and gasp. My hand comes up to cover my mouth because I know I’m about to get really upset.

  I can see my ribs. I can count them. My stomach is so hollow. My thighs no longer touch, in fact my legs look like pencils. What have I done to myself? When did it get this bad? Tears fall down my eyes but I don’t sob. I don’t want anyone rushing in here.

  I finally see my purse sitting on a shelf in the bathroom and fish out my phone. I don’t even think before I dial Royal’s number. “Wes?” he answers on the second ring.