At the Broken Places
Page 18
Katherine Rosman, “Me, Myself and Mx,” New York Times, June 5, 2015.
Julie Scelfo, “They,” New York Times, special education section, February 8, 2015. On the use of gender-neutral pronouns at the University of Vermont.
Matthew Sturdevant, “More Insurers Cover Sex Changes,” Hartford Courant, October 29, 2014.
US Food and Drug Administration, “Menopause and Hormones: Common Questions,” http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ByAudience/ForWomen/ucm118624.htm. Last updated September 28, 2015. For information on menopause and oophorectomy.
Lewis Wolpert, “Are Girls and Boys Different?,” Telegraph, September 14, 2014.
____, “Yes, It’s Official, Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus and Here’s the Science to Prove It,” Telegraph (UK), October 31, 2014.
Endings and Beginnings
Mapping Modern Grief
John Archer, The Nature of Grief: The Evolution and Psychology of Reactions to Loss (New York: Routledge, 1999). On separation anxiety and the evolution of grief.
George Bonanno, The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss (New York: Basic Books, 2009). On how humans are hardwired to grieve, and on the positive side of grief.
Mikaela Cowley, “Heartbreak Can Take a Physical Toll,” Tribune Newspapers, March 6, 2013. On data the heart sometimes enlarges when one is grieving or under great duress.
“Calculating Migration Expectancy Using ACS Data,” US Census Bureau, 2015, https://www.census.gov/hhes/migration/about/cal-mig-exp.html. For data on how often the average American moves in his or her lifetime (11.7 times).
National Survey of Families and Households, Intergenerational Proximity; National Center for Family and Marriage Research. For data showing that one family in five has a child who moves far from home.
Paul Ekman, Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life (New York: Times Books, 2003). On the use of facial muscles to show grief and happiness.
Ted Gup, “Diagnosis: Human,” New York Times, April 3, 2013; Benedict Carey, “A Tense Compromise on Defining Disorders,” New York Times, December 11, 2012; Stephen Adams, “Grief Should Not Be Treated Like Depression,” Daily Telegraph (London), February 17, 2012. On grief defined as a mental disorder.
Janice L. Krupnick et al., “Bereavement During Childhood and Adolescence,” in Bereavement: Reactions, Consequences, and Care (Washington, DC: National Academies Press, 1984), ed. Marian Osterweis and Frederic Solomon. On data that only 4 percent of children under age fifteen lose a parent.
Lancet, “Living with Grief,” editorial, Lancet 379, no. 9816 (February 18, 2012): 589.
John Ratey and Eric Hagerman, Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain (New York: Little, Brown, 2008). On movement and improving depression.
Jessica Samakow, “Gender Conformity Study Says Kids Outside of Norm Are at Increased Risk of Abuse,” Huffington Post, February 21, 2012, article about a 2012 study in Pediatrics on data showing that 10 percent of children under age eleven identify outside gender “norms.”
Birds of Spring
Stephanie A. Brill and Rachel Pepper, The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 2008).
Laverne Cox, blog post, Lavernecox.tumblr.com, June 2, 2015.
Grant et al., Injustice at Every Turn.
Evelyn Waugh, Brideshead Revisited (1945; New York: Back Bay Books, 2012).
Sharing Our Story with Others
Word Bank
Arika Okrent, “What Is the Origin of the Phrase ‘Coming Out of the Closet’?,” Mental Floss, May 3, 2013, http://mentalfloss.com/article/50405/what-origin-phrase-come-out-closet.
Donald Has Something He Wants to Tell the Class
Judith Butler, Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity (1989; New York: Routledge, 1990).
Benjamin Lindsay, “Boston Fraternity Raises Money for Trans Brother,” Out Magazine, February 25, 2013, http://www.out.com/entertainment/popnography/2013/02/25/boston-fraternity-raises-money-trans-brother.
Maggie Nelson, Argonauts (Minneapolis: Graywolf Press, 2015).
Sarah Salih, “On Judith Butler and Performativity,” in Sexualities and Communication in Everyday Life: A Reader, ed. Karen E. Lovaas and Mercilee M. Jenkins (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 2006).
Serano, Whipping Girl.
Disclosure
Equaldex, “LGBT Rights in India,” http://www.equaldex.com/region/india, accessed October 3, 2016.
Aaron Gardner et al., “Aging Out in the Desert: Disclosure, Acceptance, Service Use Among Midlife and Older Lesbians and Gay Men,” Journal of Homosexuality, Special Issue on LGBT Aging, vol. 61, no 1 (2014): 129–44. Older gay women are more fearful about outing themselves.
Hartford Courant, “Passing for Black: Rachel Dolezal and Racial Identity,” collection of articles, June 21, 2015.
J. G. Kosciw, N. Palmer, and R. Kull, “Reflecting Resiliency: Openness About Sexual Orientation and/or Gender Identity and Its Relationship to Well-Being and Educational Outcomes for LGBT Students,” American Journal of Community Psychology 55, nos. 1–2 (March 2015): 167–78. The huge mental health costs of not revealing the truth; but disclosure is riskier in rural areas.
Heidi Levitt and Maria Ippolito, “Being Transgender: Navigating Minority Stressors and Developing Authentic Self-Presentation,” Psychology of Women Quarterly 38, no. 1 (March 2014): 46–64. Trans female-to-male see that they have more power as a man and feel guilty about that.
Rights
Right(s)
George Coppolo, “Parental Responsibility for 16- and 17-Year-Olds,” Office of Legislative Research, Connecticut General Assembly, www.cga.ct.gov, August 1, 2003.
Lawrence Furbish, “Variations from the Age of Majority in CT,” Office of Legislative Research Report, Connecticut General Assembly, www.cga.ct.gov, January 28, 2003.
Gallup, “Gay and Lesbian Rights,” poll taken in May 2016, http://www.gallup.com/poll/1651/gay-lesbian-rights.aspx. For statistics on approval of homosexuality.
Parental Rights Foundation, www.parentalrightsfoundation.org.
US Supreme Court case Pierce v. Society of Sisters of the Holy Names of Jesus and Mary, 1925. Upheld the right of parents to not send their children to public school.
Youth for Human Rights, www.youthforhumanrights.org. For the UN Declaration of Human Rights.
Hidden Fees
Spring 2011
Janet Mock, Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More (New York: Atria, 2014).
12/2/2011
American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) (Washington, DC American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
Archive for Sexology, “Harry Benjamin (1855–1986),” http://www.sexarchive.info/GESUND/ARCHIV/COLLBEN.HTM. For background on Harry Benjamin and Magnus Hirschfeld.
Harry Benjamin, The Transsexual Phenomenon (Human Outreach and Achievement Institute, 1966). Digital re-issue.
Zack Ford, “APA Revises Manual: Being Transgender Is No Longer a Mental Disorder,” GLAAD, December 3, 2012.
Grant et al., Injustice at Every Turn.
Lambda Legal, “LGBT Advocates Issue Revised Guidelines for Hospitals Treating Transgender Patients,” press release, May 25, 2016, http://www.lambdalegal.org/blog/20160525_lgbt-advocates-revise-guidelines-hospitals-trans-patients. On hormonal effects for treatment of cis people.
Kimberly Leonard, “Obamacare Bans LGBT Discrimination,” US News & World Report, May 13, 2016.
Ananya Mandal, “What Is an Endocrinologist?,” News Medical, news-medical.net, last update September 8, 2014, http://www.news-medical.net/health/What-is-an-Endocrinologist.aspx.
Serano, Whipping Girl.
Stryker, Transgender History.
US Food and Drug Administration, “Menopause and Hormones.”
John A. H. Wass and Paul Stewart, “Pr
inciples of International Endocrine Practice,” in The Oxford Textbook of Endocrinology and Diabetes, 2nd ed. (Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press, 2011).
7/25/2012
“Connecticut Law About Name Changes,” Connecticut Judicial Branch Law Libraries, https://www.jud.ct.gov/LawLib/Law/namechange.htm, accessed 2016.
Thomas Page McBee, Man Alive (San Francisco: City Lights Books, 2014).
“Non-Discrimination Laws,” Movement Advancement Project (MAP), http://LGBTmap.org, accessed March 21, 2016.
A Story Exchange
Parent Story Exchange
C. Dhejne et al., “Mental Health and Gender Dysphoria: A Review of Literature,” International Review of Psychiatry 28, no. 1 (February 2016): 44–57. On the rate of depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder in transgender people.
Lisa Tabor Fleisher, author interview, Simsbury, CT, December 12, 2015.
Libby McKnight, facilitator for PFLAG Trans Families support group, author phone interview, Fairfax, VA, April 9, 2016, and follow-up e-mails.
Transgender Youth and Professionals Story Exchange
David Broockman and Joshua Kalla, “Durably Reducing Transphobia: A Field Experiment on Door-to-Door Canvassing,” Science 352, no. 6282 (April 8, 2016): 220–24.
Sunnivie Brydum, “North Carolina Governor Signs Repeal of LGBT Protections,” Advocate, March 23, 2016, http://www.advocate.com/politics/2016/3/23/north-carolina-house-strikes-down-lgbt-protections-statewide.
Cordelia Fine, Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference (New York: W. W. Norton, 2011), 36.
Martha M. Lauzen, “It’s a Man’s (Celluloid) World: Portrayals of Female Characters in the Top 100 Films of 2015,” 2014 On-Screen Representations, Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film, San Diego State University, 2016.
____, “The Celluloid Ceiling: Behind-the-Scenes Employment of Women on the Top 100, 250, and 500 Films of 2015,” 2015 Celluloid Ceiling, Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film, San Diego State University, 2016.
Dru Levasseur, attorney and director of the Transgender Rights Project, Lambda Legal, author phone interview, April 16, 2016, and follow-up e-mails.
Mal M., journalist, author phone interview, May 10, 2016.
Oscar Olivera Soens, trans advocate and college student, author phone interview, May 3, 2016.
Alyssandra Taylor, trans artist, activist, and actress, author phone interview, May 17, 2016.
A Note from the Series Editor
Conversation is at the heart of politics. It is at the heart of change. And it is at the heart of families.
Over the past decade we have heard politicians repeatedly say, “These are conversations people need to have around the kitchen table.” The phrase is usually used about topics—race, in particular—that require a change of hearts and minds, and require more than legislation or judicial decisions to solve; topics that are difficult and approached best by dialogue, openness, and honesty. As clichéd as this phrase has become—and to be fair, it is also used as a way to avoid discussing some of these issues publicly—there is truth to the claim that change happens through conversation. At the Broken Places: A Mother and Trans Son Pick Up the Pieces is a beautiful example of a conversation—between book covers, though, not around a kitchen table—that can transform hearts, feelings, and even how we live in the world.
In this coauthored book, Mary Collins and her son, Donald Collins, share their feelings, pain, hopes, and frustration with each other, discussing their often conflicting feelings about Donald transitioning, in his teens, to being a transgender man. The emotional vividness and candor of these pieces—which speak to one another, across one another, and sometimes at one another—are riveting, occasionally upsetting, and ultimately illuminating. This is the emotional clarity—even as Mary and Donald sort through their myriad feelings about each other—that is the essence of social change. At the Broken Places is not a superficial, feel-good journey but rather a book that pushes us, through the emotional evolution of its writers, to face emotions and concerns we might be tempted to side-step or avoid. In the past two decades there have been a plethora of books dealing with transgender lives, histories, theory, medical and psychological issues, many of which have been excellent. There have been books addressing parents, concerns about transgender children, and how to “come out” as transgender to family and communities. At the Broken Places breaks from the usual genre limitations of these past works to take us into the hearts and minds of a mother and son who are learning to love one another all over again.
—MICHAEL BRONSKI
Series Editor, Queer Action/Queer Ideas
About the Authors
MARY COLLINS worked for twenty years as a freelance writer and editor for a range of clients, including the National Geographic Society and Smithsonian Institution. She is currently a professor of nonfiction at Central Connecticut State University.
DONALD COLLINS is a trans advocate, writer, and recent cum laude graduate of Emerson College. His culture and commentary writing has appeared in PopMatters, Salon, and Next Magazine, among other publications.
BEACON PRESS
Boston, Massachusetts
www.beacon.org
Beacon Press books
are published under the auspices of
the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations.
© 2017 by Mary Collins and Donald Collins
All rights reserved
Text design and composition by Wilsted & Taylor Publishing Services
Some names and other identifying characteristics of people mentioned in this work have been changed to protect their identities.
Library of Congress has cataloged the printed edition as follows:
Names: Collins, Mary, author. | Collins, Donald, author.
Title: At the broken places : a mother and trans son pick up the pieces / Mary Collins and Donald Collins.
Description: Boston, Massachusetts : Beacon Press, [2017] | Series: Queer action/queer ideas | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2016041965 (print) | LCCN 2016056899 (ebook) | ISBN 9780807088357 (pbk. : alk. paper) | ISBN 9780807088364 (e-book)
Subjects: LCSH: Collins, Donald | Collins, Mary | Transgender youth—United States—Biography. | Transgender youth—Family relationships—United States. | Parents of transsexuals—United States. | Transgender people—Identity.
Classification: LCC HQ77.8.C65 C65 2017 (print) | LCC HQ77.8.C65 (ebook) | DDC 306.76/80835—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016041965