by B. G. Thomas
Cole sat back again. “Like magic tricks?”
Javier shook his head. “No. Real magic. Like in the show we just saw.”
Cole scratched his head. “I don’t know. I sure like it in movies.”
Javier leaned forward, heart racing. “But do you think it’s possible that things like that can really happen?”??
?
Cole tilted his head. “It would be cool. I mean going off to Narnia. Meeting Aslan.”
“I was thinking more like A Christmas Carol,” Javier said quickly. “Where the three spirits visit Scrooge to help him to be a better man.”
Now why did I think of that? Javier wondered.
Oh, for goodness’ sakes, you know why. It was the voice again, of course.
Cole’s eyes narrowed as if he was studying Javier. “Do you think it’s possible?”
Javier took a deep breath, didn’t answer, but plunged on. “Or how about It’s A Wonderful Life, with Jimmy Stewart? Where an angel—”
I’m not an angel! Don’t you know who I am by now?
“—made the whole world change so he could see what it would be like if he’d never been born. Miracles. Impossible stuff.”
“Well, I don’t know, Javier. It would be neat, wouldn’t it? If the world was—if there were magical things that happened to help us. Make us better.”
Make me better? Javier wondered. My God. Goose flesh ran up and down his arms.
Now it’s okay to treat people the way they treated you? That’s not the Golden Rule….
Have you forgotten who you were?
Have you forgotten your dreams?
I think it’s time you remembered….
“Javier!” Cole cried. “Are you okay?” He leaned forward, took Javier’s hand. “You’ve gone white. What’s wrong?”
Was it that simple? Javier wondered. Am I living some Dickens story come to life?
The light bulb finally goes on.
“Cole. Magic is real,” Javier said, plunging on. “It happened to me. It’s happening now.”
Cole squeezed Javier’s hand. “Go on.”
“Cole, a few days ago, I was a muscular stud.” Javier shot the words out before he could change his mind. “Then I woke up like this.” He pulled his hands away and waved at his body. “Fat.”
Cole shook his head. “Javier?”
He doesn’t believe. If only I had the picture.
You do.
No, it’s back at Mark’s.
Check your pocket.
My what?
Check your pocket.
Javier did. There was something there. He pulled it out. It was a folded piece of stiff paper, and when he opened it up, it was—of course—the photo of him wearing his leather, muscles bulging, so much skin exposed, even his ass.
Cole reached out and carefully took it from his hands. Javier resisted at first, almost—but not quite—ashamed of how he looked. Of how he’d looked.
Funny. He used to be so proud.
Cole turned the picture over and looked at it. Slowly, like the doctor in the hospital, Cole came to recognize Javier. “Wow.” Cole stared at the photograph.
“I was hot, huh?” Javier asked.
Cole looked up. “I guess. Well, sure.” He gave a half shrug. “I don’t usually go for the type, but like I said before, I’m into what’s inside, not on the outside. If we met when you looked like that, I’d have dated you.”
“Dated me?”
“Javier, God.” Cole blushed. “The minute I walked in that door and saw you again….”
“What?”
“Javier! I was more than hot for you in high school. I was like, totally in love with you. It took me so long to get over you. Hell. Most of the guys I’ve gone for look like you. Shit! Maybe that’s why it’s never worked out for me. I was looking at the outside. Looking for you instead of looking at them.”
Javier was stunned into speechlessness. He didn’t even know how to respond.
Cole reached out and took his hand again. “Javier, I don’t think I am over you.”
Is he saying he’s in love with me?
“Javier, I don’t care if you ever looked like this,” he said, holding up the photo, “and then gained your weight back. I—”
“No!” Javier cried. “You don’t get it.” He turned the photo over. “Look at the date. I looked like this picture a week ago.”
Cole looked at the photographer’s stamp and then his mouth dropped open. “This must be a mistake.”
“No, Cole. It isn’t. It’s true. I wasn’t speaking metaphorically. It happened. I woke up three days ago like this,” he said, pointing to himself. Then he stabbed the picture with his finger. “And I looked like this just the day before.”
Cole sat there obviously stunned, not saying a word.
This is where he leaves, thought Javier.
“But why, Javier? Why did this happen to you?”
Javier closed his eyes. “I think I’m being punished.”
“What the hell for?” Cole exclaimed.
Javier opened his eyes again. “For being an asshole?”
“Javier, you’re not an asshole.”
“You wouldn’t have said that had we met a week ago. I was a snob. I looked right through people as if they weren’t even there. I called them names. I thought I was better than them.”
“Javier.” Cole reached out, touched him once again. “I’ve watched you these last two days. I’ve looked in your eyes. Seen what you’ve done for your family. I refuse to believe you’re a bad person.”
“No. You don’t know what I’m really like. What I’ve done.”
“No, Javier. I’ve known assholes, Javier. Irredeemable assholes. And you’re not one. All I’ve seen is the Javier I used to know.”
“Then why me?” Javier shouted. “Why did she do this to me?”
Because, baby, you are redeemable.
Javier gasped.
Just like Scrooge, you can be saved before you become irredeemable. So do it. Redeem yourself.
“Excuse me, gentlemen….”
Javier jumped at the voice and looked up at the skinny young man (woman? it was hard to tell) with the strange ears (Damn! Are they pointed?). “Yes?”
“I’m sorry, but we’re closing and….”
“Of course,” Javier said and jumped to his feet. “Cole, let’s go.” He nearly flew out the door. They said almost nothing as he took Cole home.
And when they got there, Cole said, “Thanks for the jacket, Javier.”
“Sure.” It was all he could say. His head was in some strange, far-off place, and he didn’t know how to come back.
“I needed one. It’s very nice. But… it’s not what I really wanted from you for Christmas, though.”
Javier turned to his high school friend. “What did you want?”
Cole gave him a tiny smile. “A kiss.”
“A kiss?” Javier asked.
“From you.” He leaned forward. “May I, please?”
Javier nodded.
The kiss was almost chaste, with little to no pressure. Light. Sweet.
Yet as Cole scrambled out of the car, Javier realized it was the most wonderful kiss he’d ever had.
Cole leaned in the car. “Javier? I believe you.” Then he was moving up the walkway and into his house.
Javier could only watch. It was all too much to believe.
Chapter Five
For the next week, Javier and Cole were almost inseparable.
There were movies and dinners, some at Cole’s place (very romantic), and when she insisted, some at Javier’s mama’s. (“I like him, Javier. I like him a lot. He’ll do right by you.”)
There was sleighing and snowball fights—both of which Javier had always hated but now seemed like hilarious good fun.
They went for long walks.
And Cole didn’t mind that Javier had to walk slow sometimes. That Javier’s knees hurt and he couldn’t help it. He’d wait patiently with nary a
word whenever Javier needed to rest.
They talked into the night, even if Cole had to work. And the next day, Cole would drive straight to Javier’s from his office without even going home first.
One night in particular surprised Javier. It seemed that Cole volunteered at the local GLBT youth center.
Cole was hesitant to skip it because of the holiday.
“Then we should go,” Javier said. Funny. He would never have even thought about doing such a thing a week ago.
“Javier! That would be great!”
Once there, Javier was impressed. It was small but clean, and the kids—ranging from about fourteen to twenty—were great. All were having fun. It seemed there had been a rather wonderful holiday party a few nights earlier, and they were all still talking about it.
All but one kid, who sat alone in a corner texting. For some reason, Javier felt himself drawn to the youth and went and sat with him. He was maybe sixteen, cute, with dark-brown eyes and a mop of brown hair. He was also overweight. By quite a bit.
“Go away,” said the boy.
But Javier refused. “It’s a free country, and I’ll sit where I want.” He didn’t budge.
Finally the kid looked up. “What?”
“Why are you here by yourself?” he asked, knowing the answer.
“Why do you think?” the boy spat.
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.”
“They don’t want me.”
“Do you know that?” Javier asked.
“I don’t need to. Nobody wants me.”
God. This kid is me, Javier thought. “Now why do you think that?”
“Same reason why nobody wants you. ’Cause we’re fat. Nobody wants to hang out with fatsos.” The boy returned to his texting.
Javier said nothing for a moment, and then remarked, “Cole’s my friend. He likes me.”
The boy looked up through his hair.
“And you must have friends. Who else are you texting with?”
“They don’t know what I look like,” the kid said sadly. “Is Cole really your friend?”
“He’s more than that,” said Cole, appearing at their side. “He’s my boyfriend.”
Javier felt his heart slam in his chest. Boyfriend?
“Really?” the boy asked, his expression skeptical, but oh so hopeful.
“Really,” said Cole.
“And you’re not fat,” said Javier. “You’re perfect just the way you are.”
A short while after that, he took the boy—whose name turned out to be Todd—over to the other kids. In no time he was absorbed into the group.
“Thanks,” Todd told Javier later as they were leaving, and he hugged him. “They thought I was a snob. That’s why they never talked to me.”
Javier hugged him back.
“And that’s why,” Cole told him in the car, “I know you’re not an asshole.”
Javier could not remember ever feeling like this before.
There was kissing too. Wonderful kissing. Long, sweet bouts of kissing where clothes actually stayed on. It wasn’t anything Javier was used to. It both frustrated and relieved him at the same time. He wanted Cole desperately, more than he’d ever wanted a man in his life.
But he couldn’t even think of letting Cole see him naked. Cole could say he liked what was "inside," but Javier couldn't help but worry if Cole got one look at his fat body, everything would be over. He couldn't stand that idea. For the first time he could remember, someone liked him and not just what he looked like. So when Cole did nothing more than look like he might unbutton Javier's shirt, Javier froze.
Then one night after pasta and a bottle and a half of wine, Cole asked him, “Spend the night with me, Javier. I can’t stand it any longer. We don’t have to do anything, just sleep with me.”
“All right,” Javier whispered.
Once in Cole’s room though, the kissing turned into wandering hands—on both their parts. Clothes began to be removed. “Can-can we turn off that lamp?” Javier asked, pointing at the bedside table.
Cole looked at him a long time and then rose from the bed, pulling Javier with him. He pushed Javier’s shirt down off his shoulders, and Javier tried to hide his belly. “Come here,” Cole whispered, and Javier found himself standing in front of a tall mirror in the corner of the room.
“Look,” Cole said, putting his head on Javier’s shoulder.
Javier shook his head. “I-I can’t.”
“You can. Please. For me.”
Slowly Javier opened his eyes. There in the mirror was the fat Javier. Still the same. He started to look away and saw Cole looking over his shoulder in the reflection. His expression startled Javier. It was soft and sweet, and God, did he dare even say it?
Cole took Javier’s arms and placed them at his side. Then, with but a gentle push, Javier’s already opened jeans fell to the floor. Javier tried not to cringe.
“What did you say to that boy at the youth center? Didn’t you tell him he was perfect the way he was?”
A sob escaped Javier’s throat.
“Javier, I think you’re beautiful. Perfect. And I love you just the way you are.”
Javier turned. “Love?”
Cole smiled. “Love.”
After that, there was only more love.
“I still can’t believe we’re at the governor’s mansion for New Year’s Eve,” Cole was saying.
Javier laughed. “It was Mark’s invite. He’s in Greece, the SOB. Why shouldn’t we come?”
“Just look at these people. I mean, these are the set.”
Javier shrugged. “You’ve seen one rich man, you’ve seen them all.”
Cole soon relaxed, and they had a wonderful time. Cole even got to meet the governor and was very polite.
Cole also asked Javier to dance. Several times. Mark would have never done that.
He didn’t hesitate to kiss Javier at midnight either. Then, as they danced again, resting his head on Cole’s shoulder, Javier’s heart was filled with joy. How had this all happened?
“Javier?”
Javier turned to see a stunning and regal old woman with a young man at her side. It took him a moment to recognize her in her elegant long emerald gown, emerald necklace, and her long gray hair flowing in a wave over her shoulder.
His eyes widened in surprise.
“Having a good time?” she asked.
Javier nodded, tried to speak, and finally managed, “Yes. And you?”
“Certainly,” she said. She turned to Cole. “And aren’t you a handsome man? Javier, aren’t you going to introduce us?”
But Javier couldn’t speak.
“I’m Cole Rhodes,” said Javier’s lover.
“I’m Jessica. Jessica Claus.”
“Claus,” Cole said with a grin. “I bet you get teased about that. Especially this time of year.”
“Why, no,” she replied. “No one ever dares tease me, do they, Javier?” She gave him a mischievous grin.
Still Javier couldn’t speak. He shook his head instead.
She stepped closer to Javier and laid a hand on his chest. “I’m very proud of you, my boy. I knew you had it in you.”
Javier felt a big foolish grin spread across his face.
“So tell me, then, are you ready for me to turn you back?”
Javier’s eyes flew wide. God! Was he ever! Then he felt Cole at his side, and when he turned, his lover’s face (my lover!) was filled with curiosity.
Javier turned back to the old woman, shook his head. He smiled. “He loves me just the way I am.”
Jessica Claus gave him the most beatific smile Javier had ever seen. It came with a cool breeze, the sound of shimmering crystals, the smell of cloves and apple cider. “So proud of you. Looks like you got Cole for Christmas after all, eh?”
Javier laughed. It came from his soul. “I did.”
Her eyes sparkled. “I think you need a pressie anyway. Let’s meet halfway. For health’s sake. My husband would
shoot me if I did this to him, or he’d try to, anyway.”
A strange heat began to radiate from the hand pressed against his chest, a hand that turned into a grip of his shirt and chest. Spots began to flow across his eyes, and he staggered back.
“Javier!” cried Cole. “Are you all right?”
Then Javier’s vision cleared as Jessica stepped back.
“I-I think so,” Javier said. He felt a rush of joy sweep over him. It was like being drunk. “Yes. I’m fine.”
“Merry Christmas, gentlemen,” Jessica said, and as Cole responded in kind, she disappeared into the crowd.
“Hey,” Cole said. “Wasn’t that little guy with her the barista from the coffee shop?”
Javier grinned. “I think it was,” he said, and then to himself, “the one with the pointed ears.”
Just then, Javier felt his pants begin to slip down his hips. He grabbed them just in time. Looking down, he gasped. “Cole! Look!” His belly, his large belly, had shrunk by at least half.
“Oh, my God! Javier!”
They stood and stared at each other for what felt like hours.
“It was real. I- I believed you, Javier, but now… to know.”
Javier felt giddy.
“Did that woman do this? How? Who is she?”
“Who do you think she is?” Javier grinned. “She’s Mrs. Claus.”
One year later
New Year’s.
Greece.
Mark had taken the breakup surprisingly well. He even seemed glad for Javier. “I hope Cole will make you happy.”
“I’m happy already.”
“Cole seems nice. Normal. You going to be able to do normal after a life with me? What about your little… kinks?”
Javier shrugged. “All that seems so unimportant now, Mark. I think I was trying to make up for what I really wanted. It was filling up some kind of emptiness inside of me. It made me feel alive. But now I have Cole. And who knows what the future will bring? Cole and I are just getting to know each other. Find out what we do like. I know we like each other.”
Mark had nodded at that. “Good, then. I wish you all the best.”
Mark let Javier keep the car, but Javier sold it. The money was a sizeable nest egg. Javier had never really had a job, after all, and while Cole wasn’t complaining, he wanted to find something he could do.