Resolution (Saviour)

by Lesley Jones

  He gives me a little half smile, “I know what you’re like, I thought you might punch her if she said anything, I had a vision of you smashing her around the head with your cast, which I actually wouldn’t mind but not there, not at my daughter’s bedside.” His eyes fill with tears and I hold him tighter. I understand why he said nothing a bit clearer now but he could have said something.

  “When you left, I wanted to come after you but I needed to put her straight so I stayed and told her, I told her that not only was I lucky to have found someone like you, someone that loved me unconditionally, despite my faults, my issues and my past, but I was lucky in that, in you, I had found someone that loved my daughter too, loved and treated my daughter as if she were her own and she had better wake up to herself and realise that it was you that I was with, you that I will be marrying and not one of the nameless skanks I’ve fucked my way through the past twenty years, who would never give a shit about Ava.”

  He kisses me gently on the mouth, “Don’t ever think that I think you are in any way to blame for that accident, it was what it was, an accident and please don’t ever think that I wouldn’t defend you, stick up for you against anyone, ever. That song, that song that’s been on repeat since I got here, listen to those words Lauren, listen to those words and try and understand exactly what you mean to me, what I would do for you.”

  Poor old Adele is still in the bathroom singing the words that I want him to understand, I want him to get it, I want him to know how I feel, “Works both ways Gabe, I had that song on repeat because it’s how I feel about you but you don’t seem to get it, the things you said to me about Jay, all the time, you always assume that I am going back to him, why, why would I ever do that?”

  “You were kissing him.”

  “I was not kissing him, he kissed me, there is a huge difference.”

  “You married him, you stayed married to him but you won’t marry me.”

  “Yes I will.”

  “Despite everything he did, for all these…What, what did you say?”

  “I said, yes I will, I will marry you, if you still want to marry me.”

  “Lauren, seriously. Don’t fuck with me.”

  “Gabe, I’m not fucking with you, if you still want me, then yes I will marry you.”

  He flips me onto my back and slides off the bed and onto the floor; he pulls me up into a sitting position as he kneels in front of me, between my legs and takes hold of my left hand and looks up at me.

  “Lauren, I want to do this properly, I want to blow you away, I want there to be fireworks and champagne but mostly I just want you to know, I want you to understand exactly what you mean to me… we, us, what we have is beyond anything I think either of us could ever have imagined or hoped for, you are my other half, without you I just exist, I need you to make me more, to make me a better person. You are beautiful both inside and out, you are funny and sexy, you are clever, warm and loving, you have a temper as fiery as your red hair and you both swear and snore like a wharfie. You can drink most men under the table and you have the best pair of tits, ever; every single day you make me feel worthy. You see beyond my face, which let’s face it can’t be easy, because it is just stunning, you deal with my past and the shit you have to deal with because of it and every day, no matter what, you keep loving me and you keep making me feel that I am worth loving. I absolutely promise you here and now, I will spend the rest of my life, loving, worshiping and adoring you and I promise that at every opportunity I will have you coming like a steam train. Please, will you marry me?”

  I give him a shrug and a small smile, “Yes, yes I will marry you.”

  He kisses across my knuckles, “Thank you, I won’t let you down.”

  “You better not”.

  “Can we go to the hospital and tell Ava.”

  “Of course we can.”

  Shit, he’s been here a couple of hours and I haven’t even asked how his daughter is, I assumed if there was any change he would have told me and he hasn’t said a word.

  We arrive back at the hospital half an hour later and my stomach flips over as we walk into her room and I see Nina sitting at her bedside, Gabe squeezes my hand tight for reassurance.

  “What’s she doing here?”

  “She’s come to see Ava and give her some news, you can either stay or you can go, it’s up to you.”

  “No. I’ll stay, I want to hear whatever shit she has to say.”

  “Please yourself.”

  We both approach Ava’s bed, she is off of all the breathing equipment I notice and she just looks like she’s sleeping, “Ava baby, Laurens come back to see you and we have some news, we wanted you to be the first to know…”

  I motion for Gabe to shush so I can speak, “Ava, I need you to wake up and get better, because baby girl, I need you to be my bridesmaid when I marry your Dad, and if you don’t wake up, well then Stella will just take over and I need you so bad to be on team Lauren.”

  “Dya hear that Bub, she finally said yes, you told me to just keep asking and she would say yes and finally, finally Lauren said it.”

  “You are joking right?”

  Nina is standing behind us, sneering, “You aren’t really going to marry him are you? Only he doesn’t really have a great track record on that front and FYI… if you are stupid enough to go ahead with it…don’t be expecting sex on your wedding night, or any night after for that matter.”

  “What is your problem sweetheart?”

  Gabe shakes his head at me, “No, no Gabe, I kept quiet the other day so there wouldn’t be a scene but not today, she’s not going to spoil the beautiful love we just made or the amazing proposal speech you just gave, so I’m just curious Nina, what is your problem, is it me? Are you jealous of me, of me being with Gabe, or my relationship with Ava? You stand there making all of these assumptions about what our marriage will be like when really and truly, you barely know Gabe and you most certainly don’t know me but just to make things nice and clear I need you to know that Gabe and I will be getting married, Ava will be part of our wedding and will remain part of our lives, not because she is Gabe’s daughter but because we love her and want her to be part of our lives, she won’t ever be used as a pawn by us, we will never threaten to take her away from you, she will come and stay with us of her own choosing and FYI, we, me and him, Gabe and I, we fuck like rabbits, we will fuck like rabbits on our wedding night and we will spend the rest of our married lives working our way through the Karma Sutra and every other sex manual you care to mention – while fucking like rabbits, and you know why that is? Because he loves me, he wants to marry me and be with me, because he loves me, not because I’m knocked up and threatening to take his child away from him.”

  I stand and stare at the sour faced bitch, shaking from head to toe, suddenly aware of the grip Gabe has on my shoulder, “You can let go babe, I won’t hit her. Not in here anyway.”

  I turn and look at him over my shoulder and I can see he’s trying not to laugh or even smile; he pulls me around and kisses me full on the mouth, “I fucking love you. Future Mrs Wilde.”

  “Is this how you usually carry on in front of my daughter? Kissing and fucking in front of…”

  “Can you all please stop shouting and talking about sex? It’s gross and making my head hurt.”

  CHAPTER 17

  The human body is an amazing thing; the way the doctors explained it to us was that Ava’s brain stayed asleep just for the amount of time it needed to heal, then it woke up, basically when she was better. She was kept in the hospital over the weekend so they could get her eating again and she was allowed home on Tuesday; I left that to Gabe and Nina to do and stayed out of the way. Charlie’s funeral was being held the following day and Ava was insisting that she wanted to go, Nina was adamant she was no way going and Gabe felt she should just be allowed to the church service to say her goodbyes and then come home, needless to say, it was the cause of yet another argument between them and I didn’t want to be st
uck in the middle of it.

  I actually agreed with Gabe, she needed her chance to say goodbye; I was thirteen when my Granddad died and my parents had flown back to England for the funeral and decided, on my behalf, that I didn’t need to go, I begged and cried but we had only been in Australia a few months and my Mum insisted it would be too unsettling for me, considering I was planning on running away and hiding somewhere like Southend or Clacton as soon as the funeral was over, her decision was probably the right one but I do remember for years wishing I’d had the chance to say goodbye and I have dreams even to this day that he somehow came back and I’m sure it’s because I never had a chance to say goodbye. Who knows, I’m not a shrink, but I bet I’m not far wrong and I didn’t want Ava having the same issues I had accepting that her Granddad was gone for good, she was close to Charlie and I just think she should have the right to say goodbye but rather than almost coming to blows with the nasty shrew, Nina, I stayed out of it.

  It’s about two o’clock Tuesday afternoon when I finally hear the gates and the garage open, I’d had Jemma and Lu visit me this morning and had fallen asleep on the sofa after they had gone; I sit up slowly as I am having a few dizzy spells but the hospital had said it was normal after a concussion but to call them if they persisted or if I felt nauseous, I have felt a little sick occasionally but it isn’t anything too severe and I don’t want to make a fuss.

  When I hear Gabe talking as he comes up the stairs, I assume he is on the phone but then I see Ava appear in front of him, “Hey chicken, what are you doing here?”

  I wrap my arms around her and gave her a cuddle; she is a good few inches taller than me now but is all skin and bone, “Dad won the battle over pops funeral so we thought it best if I stay here tonight so we can all go together.”

  I look up at Gabe as I guide Ava towards the sofa to sit down, he gives me that smile, never mind the after effects of the concussion, that look is enough to make my head spin and knock me off my feet; we have been apart about five hours today but as soon as I heard his car on the drive my heart had begun to race and that first look or smile after we have been apart, makes my head spin every time, I wonder if it will ever wear off? He kisses the top of my head, then my mouth.

  “Baby, why are you up? I thought Jemma was coming over?”

  “Did you organise that? I thought she had just dropped by, Gabe I’m not sick, I don’t need babysitting, I feel fine, in fact I spoke to Karen Palmer this morning and told her I would be back on site on Friday.”

  “Na darl, not happening, I’ve already told the Palmers you will be back next week at the earliest, they will be at the funeral tomorrow and I will tell them again if I need to.”

  “Gabe, I’m absolute…”

  “Lauren, please don’t argue with me on this, you were unconscious for almost three days, your arm is still in a cast and I’ve seen the way it takes you a few seconds to get your balance when you stand up. Next week at the earliest, end of.”

  I throw myself down on the sofa and fold my arms across my chest, as best I can with this stupid lump of plaster wrapped halfway up my arm, “Are you sookin’ now? Stop behaving like a child Lauren; I’ve just had the worse ten days of my life, I lost my Dad and thought that I was going to lose you and Ava too, you have no idea, no idea what we all went through, now you will sit your arse on the sofa and only move if I say you can, you won’t be driving yourself anywhere and you will not be going back to work this week, are we clear?”

  I suck my cheeks in and look up at him, “Fine.”

  “That’s not an answer Lauren…are we clear?”

  He’s pushed his hair back and run his hands though it so many times, it’s a wonder he has any left, he still looks tired and I feel bad now, “Yes we’re clear, I’m sorry.”

  Ava nudges me in the ribs with a big grin on her face, “You so got told.”

  “Shut up you, if I can’t move, then the same goes for you.”

  She sticks her tongue out at me and we both laugh, Gabe shakes his head as I flip my middle finger at him.

  “Give me strength I need a beer.”

  Wednesday is a sunny day; I sometimes wonder if funerals are sadder in the sun or the rain; if it’s sunny, it makes me feel sad for all the beautiful days the person being buried will never get to see and if it’s raining, well it just makes you feel miserable all round. I hadn’t been involved in the funeral plans and by all accounts nobody other than Charlie had either, he had left strict instructions with his lawyers on how he wanted the day to go. The funeral party would leave from the house Gabe grew up in Mount Eliza, I didn’t even know they still owned this house but I could see why Charlie would have wanted to hang onto it, it was in a beautiful spot with fantastic views across the bay and towards the city, the house is dated but will make a fantastic fixer upper for someone. Gabe’s family and extended family are all gathered there and there are lots of introductions of aunties, uncles and cousins from both of his parent’s sides. He hasn’t let go of my hand the whole hour we have been here and when the hearse pulls up with his Dads coffin in, I’ve never seen such a pained expression on his face and I really think for a minute his legs are going to go from under him.

  He starts to cry and I can hear the panic in his voice, “I can’t do this, Lauren please, don’t make me go out there. I can’t do this.”

  Ava starts to sob loudly as she watches her Dad fall apart; luckily Jo and Jake have arrived after I messaged Jo and asked if they would come here first because I was worried about Gabe and knew Jake would know how to handle him. My head is pounding as I start to panic but Jake steps in and wraps Ava in his arms and holds her tight.

  I turn my attention back to Gabe. My heart breaks for him, my hero; my saviour is falling apart in front of me. Dads are special and I know the mess I had been at my own Dad’s funeral, I only got through it thanks to Jemma stopping me from hyperventilating and I think this is what Gabe is on the verge of now and I know I need him to calm his breathing and focus, “Breathe baby, it will be fine, we will get through this, I’m right here with you, your brothers are here, Stella is here, we are all here, we will all get through this together, look at me baby…look at me… Gabe.”

  I hold his face in my hands and kiss his mouth and I can taste the salt from our tears, “I love you and we will get through this for Charlie, okay? I can’t change any of this; I can’t make it go away but I will be there, with you and for you, every step of the way.”

  I nod my head as I look into his eyes and he eventually nods back, “I love you, let’s do this.”

  He grips my good hand so hard I think that it will surely end up in a cast too. Jackie has kept herself hidden in a bedroom until it is time to leave so I haven’t had chance to see her. As much as I loathe the woman, she has lost her husband and I am respectful of that but that is as far as my feelings go; she comes past us with an entourage of her family members, stopping to say hello and accept condolences from the mourners gathered at the house on her way out to the car, she stops level with me, Gabe and Ava.

  She goes to put her hand on Gabe’s arm but he moves it before she makes contact so instead she strokes Ava’s face and looks at me, “I’m glad you two ladies are on the mend.”

  Ava lets out a sob and buries herself into her Dad’s side. We share a Limo with Stella and Zac and Sam’s two eldest boys; we ride in complete silence. When we get to the church, there are people everywhere, a testament to what a beautiful and well-loved person Charlie was. Gabe, his two brothers and the eldest three grandsons act as pall bearers and carry Charlie’s coffin into the church, the rest of the family follow in behind, I have my arms around Ava on one side and Stella on the other, it is the only time Gabe let’s go of me completely throughout the entire day.

  The service is sad, happy and beautiful, a celebration more than a memorial, people tell funny stories, that make people both laugh and cry and Charlie’s favourite pieces of music are played, as funeral services go, it is fairly up beat, just as Char
lie had wanted. The wake is held at the local yacht club and there must be a couple of hundred people here, as with these things, the day is long and draining and using Ava as our excuse, we say our goodbyes and head home after just an hour of being there.

  We tuck Ava up in bed as soon as we get home and Gabe pours himself a large bourbon as we stand out on the balcony and listen to the waves, “I couldn’t have done that without you Lauren, thank you, thank you for being there, thank you for loving me, just…thank you.”

  I don’t have any words so I just wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him tight. We barely say a word all evening and we go to bed early and once again, I hold him tight and stroke his hair as he cries for his Dad and probably his Mum and quite possibly the events of the past couple of weeks. I hold him until his sobbing stops and his breathing steadies and I know that he is sleeping, with his head on my chest, my arms holding him, with one arm and one leg of his over me, I finally drift off to sleep. I don’t know how long I have been sleeping when I am woken by the sensation of him sliding into me, we make love silently, he turns me into every position, I’m on my back, my front, my knees, until he cries again as his orgasm explodes, he hasn’t been at all gentle and at times, I found it painful but if it is what he needs, if I am what he needs right at this moment, to help him cope, to help him deal with his grief, then so be it.