Resolution (Saviour)

by Lesley Jones

  “Promises, promises” I whisper.

  He shakes his head at me, his eyes bright and alive now, looking right into mine. “You scared the fuck out of me. Don’t ever, go behind my back or defy me like that again, are we clear?” I nod. “Are we clear Lauren, I want to hear you say it.” I want to say ‘fuck off’, ‘don’t tell me what to do’, but I know I have fucked up majorly today and what I did was stupid, putting not only myself but my unborn children in danger. What was I thinking? Jason’s a junkie; I still can’t get my head around it.

  “We’re clear Gabe, very clear. I will never put myself or the babies in danger like that again. I really am sorry.” A lone tear travels down my cheek and he wipes it off with his thumb and sucks it into his mouth. I laugh through my sob. “You look so fucking hot when you do that. You did that the night we met.”

  “I know, and I will never forget the look on your face when I did; my cock was so hard for you I thought I was going to bust the zip in those stupid skinny chino things Ava made me buy.”

  It’s the first time he’s ever told me this and my belly squirms. “You got a hard on for me? That first night?”

  “Lauren. Baby, I have been hard for you since the moment I set eyes on you. I have never been affected by a woman like I am you, it’s embarrassing, I had more control when I was thirteen and hormonal than I do now. We sat in a meeting with all the big wigs from the South Australian Health Department, and their finance and legal teams yesterday, and all I could think about was when you dressed up as my naughty secretary and I fucked you over my desk. I missed half of what was being said, Coop kicked me more than once and the woman taking notes looked at me like I was mad when I called her Ms Day. After she had just told me her name was Michelle.”

  We smile at each other for a long moment. “Get in, come and wash my back.”

  “I would rather wash your front.”

  “Well come and wash my front then. Or just come, as long as it’s with me, inside me, I don’t mind.” He laughs, a little giggle, that’s so unlike him. “You. Lauren, have a dirty, dirty mind.”

  “You love my dirty mind.”

  “Fucking oath I do.”

  He strips out of his clothes and slides in behinds me, pulling my back into his chest, he crosses his arms over my chest and cups each of my boobs, brushing his thumbs over my nipples. I shiver. “You cold baby? Turn the hot water back on.”

  “I’m not cold, I’m horny.”

  Jo walks through the door at that moment. “Oooookaaaaay. I can see we are all good here, we shall let ourselves out, give us a shout if you need anything, love yas lots”

  “Like Jelly Tots.” We both call out.

  We soak in the bath for a long while, we seem to have some of our best conversations here, we discuss what happened today and the fact that I need to speak to both of the boys, Gabe has already rung the police but they are not sure what they are going to charge Jason with yet, I’m not so much worried about charges this time, I just want him to get the help he so obviously needs. When Gabe decides that the babies have been in the water too long, I am ordered out, he wraps me in a towel, then takes me to our bed and worships every inch of me; one hour and two orgasms later, I am dressed in a hoodie and yoga pants, sitting on a stool at the bench top giving my account of what happened this morning to two police officers; Jay has been sectioned and admitted to a psychiatric unit at The Alfred, he will be assessed there before any charges will be laid but there is no chance of him getting out; I spoke to Ryder earlier and he is on his way over, for some reason, Gabe has called Cooper and Zac to come over too, although I’m not exactly sure why.

  The police leave as Ryder arrives… He looks at me and simply asks “Dad?” I nod, I can already feel my bottom lip wobble; Gabe leans against the bench top, his hand at his jaw as he looks between me and Ryder

  “You wanna beer mate?”

  Ryder looks at my split lip. “I reckon I’m gonna need one mate. Cheers.”

  Gabe takes two beers from the fridge and pops the caps, he passes one to Ryder who takes a deep swig, then comes and sits next to me on the sofa and takes hold of my hand.

  “Did Dad do this?” I nod and proceed to tell him all that happened this morning and all that we have found out, I cry as I tell Ryder, I feel like such a failure, I should have known, I should have realised. How many times were my children in danger whilst in his care? Gabe comes and sits the other side of me, his arm around my shoulder; Ryder has silently shed tears as I have talked and my heart is breaking for him. He idolises his Dad, he’s always been much more of a Daddy’s boy than a Mummy’s and I cannot begin to imagine how hard all of this is to hear. He drains his bottle and puts the empty down on the floor, then takes my hand in both of his.

  “You are and always have been a great Mum. Don’t ever think otherwise, what he did, what he’s done to you, to us, it’s not your fault. He’s a grown man Mum; he’s responsible and accountable for his own actions. He’s lied to all of us. To you especially, all these years, he’s lived a lie, that’s not your fault Mum, it’s really not. I’m fucking ashamed of him, he’s a dirty scumbag junkie. I’m done with him. If he ever comes near you again, I will fucking kill him, I swear to God.”

  “Don’t say that Ryde, he’s sick, he needs help.”

  “Then why didn’t he ask for it? All this time I’ve been trying to keep the business afloat, robbing Peter to pay Paul, working my arse off for next to nothing and the money’s just been going up his nose.”

  “What do you mean? Is the business doing badly then? Why has nobody told me? What about the units? The rent money from them, where’s that been going?”

  Mine and Jason’s finances are pretty complicated. On paper he owns the family home, I own four units that we developed and rent out. One of them to Ryder, who lives there rent free as part of his wage package, the business is owned by the three of us, myself Jason and Ryder, we bought Sonny out when he wanted the money to buy a property in the UK, but as far as the solicitors are concerned, any proceeds from property sales are to be split equally between the four of us. I have no idea, it’s the way the accountants and lawyers advised us to set things up so I just signed on the dotted line and went with it.

  “The business is just scraping by Mum; the rent money is what has been keeping us going, only because I pay the blokes out of it before Dad gets to touch it. The last year or so, he’s just been drawing larger and larger amounts out of the business. Would seem now, we know why.”

  The gates to the drive slide open and Gabe stands up. “That’ll be Zac and Coop, I’ll just let them in.” I watch him go down the stairs, he’s wearing trackies and a hoodie and his feet are bare. God, I love his bare feet!

  There are kisses, cuddles and handshakes all round from the boys and then the beers are passed around. Basically what follows over the next hour or so is a discussion on all things construction. The boys, it turns out have won the contract to build the new hospital in South Australia, it’s a massive job, bigger than anything else they have taken on and is worth millions. What they are proposing is to buy Jason’s business out, take on all of his staff and contracts and offer Ryder a job as part of the team managing the soon to be set up South Australia arm of the business. All of the Wilde boys have families and are settled in Victoria, but for a young and single Ryder, it could be a great opportunity, SA isn’t the most exciting of places granted but they are offering a great package and the chance to work on some of their other projects around Melbourne, once SA is set up.

  I head into the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea and zone out after a while; it’s more information than I can take for one day so I take my tea to the bedroom and read a book on my kindle as I drink it. I must fall asleep at some stage as when I wake later, I am cocooned by the throw from the end of the bed and it’s dark outside, I slide my leg out and feel for Gabe but his side of the bed is empty, I turn onto my back and think about today’s events, going over and over them in my head, no matter how ma
ny times I replay my life, I just cannot believe that I have spent most it with a man that was coked out of his head or more recently high on meth. I sit up and the room spins, my lip is still sore but all things considered, physically, I’m okay. Mentally, I have no idea where I’m at and now I have to ring Sonny and let him know.

  I get up and wander out to the family room; I stand and lean against the wall as I look at the site that is Gabe lying on the sofa. His long frame covers one whole end, he’s lying on his back, one arm bent and tucked under the back of his head, his other arm out straight, holding the remote as he points it at the telly and flicks through the channels, I get this tingling in my belly as I watch him, it’s like a mild electrical current or how it must feel to be a piece of metal when there is a magnet around. That’s how it feels, like little fingers of sensation, reaching out for him, he’s the magnet and I’m as useless as a paper clip at trying to resist his pull I watch as he smiles that sexy arsed lazy smile of his as he says. “See something ya like?”

  “Fuck yeah.”

  He turns his head and looks at me and I’m pretty sure I sigh out loud. He is hot.

  “You… Need… To… Stop…Swearing.”

  “What?”

  “You Lauren, you need to stop swearing so much, the babies will be saying fuck as their first word if they listen too much to you.”

  I actually feel a little offended. Why does everyone keep giving me advice on parenting, they obviously all feel like I’m not that good at it, despite having done it twice before.

  “Fuck you.” I say to Gabe as I put my empty cup on the drainer and go to fill the kettle to make another cup of tea.

  “And such an adult too.” I pick the cup up and throw it, it skims past his head and smashes on the wall above. “What the fuck Lauren? What is wrong with you?”

  “What is wrong with me? Will you stop, please, telling me what to do around these babies, stop with the top twenty tips from Practical Parenting? I know what I’m doing, I’ve raised two beautiful, well-adjusted boys, I’ve brought them up to be loving, caring, well-mannered men.” I start to sob as I speak, I feel entirely useless as a wife and as a mother right now and Gabe’s little digs are really not what I need to be constantly hearing. “I’m not a bad mother.” I finally get out.

  He’s up, off the sofa and has me wrapped in his arms in seconds. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry, I was joking, I was just joking with you.” He picks me up in his arms and carries me back to the sofa and sits me in his lap. “You’re boys are credits to you, especially in light of today’s events. You are an exceptional Mum and I couldn’t choose anyone better to be the mother of my children. Please believe me, your boys, these babies and Ava are all so lucky to have you, please Lauren, it was a joke that is all. If all this bullshit hadn’t have gone on this morning with Jason, you would have thrown more than just a cup at me. And I would have deserved it, I’m sorry; it was thoughtless of me, but don’t let the actions of that prick, make you doubt your abilities as a mother Lauren, don’t let him doubt your ability to achieve anything in this life. You’ve come so far these past few months, don’t let his life choices impact on ours now. You heard what Ryder said, you’re the best Mum. Fucking hell, we don’t employ idiots Lauren, he’s a smart boy and no doubt Sonny is the same.”

  I wipe my tears and my nose on the sleeve of my hoodie. “Shit, I have to ring Sonny now and ruin his day too.”

  I leave Gabe to clear up the mess I made with the cup and go and call my eldest child. I cry myself back to sleep after wards, thinking that today will be marked off as one of the shittiest of my life.

  CHAPTER 29

  The next few days are spent dealing with solicitors and accountants from both businesses; because Jason has been sectioned, power of attorney is switched to me. I don’t want to sell his company out from under him. Especially not to Gabe’s families firm but if I don’t, there probably will be nothing left to save within a matter of weeks so by Wednesday it’s a done deal. I have left all of this to the boys to deal with and have just concentrated on getting the Palmers place finished. I will be handing everything over to them on Thursday, then on Friday I am booked into the hospital at ten to have the CVS testing done, I am absolutely terrified of what they might find and this has helped in some part keep my mind off the fact the procedure, may well be painful.

  Gabe has been an absolute rock where Jason has been concerned and as soon as the psych unit are prepared to release him, he has booked him into a hospital in East Malvern for a twenty eight day rehab program, he has liaised with the police, who have said they would be happy for Jason to complete the course before they bring charges against him. Obviously they would prefer a non-addicted prisoner on their hands than an addicted one; we have been advised that Jason has asked to see me but for one, at the moment he’s not allowed any visitors and for another, Gabe has completely forbidden it. I will see him at some stage, rightly or wrongly, I want to help him through this, I want to support him but I will be up front and honest with Gabe about it and make sure I don’t put myself in danger in any way, he will no doubt crack it big time. Despite everything, I still feel it’s the right thing to do, Jason is after all, my boys Dad and has been a part of my life, it’s just not in me to abandon him, I feel responsible, but very little else.

  Gabe takes Thursday morning off to come with me up to Redhill, he’s never seen my work in person and I feel more nervous showing him around than I do about showing the Palmers the finished job. We arrive at around ten, which gives me an hour before Karen and Steve are due to arrive, I don’t want Gabe here when they are, I know it’s petty but I don’t want him and Karen in the same state, let alone the same house. I walk him through without saying too much, just watching his reactions to each room, despite all of the distractions I’ve had during this job, I personally feel it’s one of my best yet. It’s a sunny but cold day as we go out onto the balcony and look down at the newly landscaped pool area and the new pool house which Gabe’s team are responsible for.

  “Come here” He says very quietly, I stand in front of him, squinting from the sun. “Do you know how fucking proud of you I am right now?”

  I shake my head. “Tell me.”

  He shakes his head in return. “I could have fucked this up for you completely. Anyone else would have run a mile from this job but you held your held high and just got on with it. I was so ashamed Lauren.” He closes his eyes for a long moment and wraps his arms around me, then steps back and looks at me. “That day I came up here and you knew, within seconds you knew what had gone on in the past. You looked at me with such disappointment. I felt, I can’t begin to tell you how I felt; I had never been ashamed of my past until that moment. I wanted, I wished in moment, that right then, that there had only ever been you. But that’s… That wasn’t the case; that day, putting you in that position made me want to be a better person. I know I’ve fucked up since, but every day, that’s all I want, I want to be what you deserve, you’ve had so much shit to deal with and you just get on with things, you don’t use the hand life has dealt you to fuck up, you’re good and kind and even now, I know your worrying about that prick of an ex of yours and I know you will want to go and visit with him, because that’s just you Lauren and I want so much to be what you deserve.”

  He takes a deep breath in and tucks a strand of my hair that’s blowing across my face behind my ear, his eyes scan the view of the Mornington Peninsula that’s laid out behind me, I know he’s struggling to put into words how he’s feeling so I give him a minute. “No one gets a second chance like this, you, the babies, our life; it’s so much more than I ever dreamed of, even now I have it, every day, every moment is more, is better than I thought it could be and I just need you to know, that I’ve resolved myself to let you know, to make you know, every single day, that you and our life together are my world now, I’m sorry for my past crap but I can’t change it but our future is what we want to make it and I’m so grateful and honoured and so fucking proud that you
have chosen to be with me Lauren, to love me so much more than I deserve.”

  “Gabe, don’t go there again, you deserve to be loved, to love, to be happy, neither of us is perfect, I proved that just last week, I could have destroyed us by going to Jason’s, we’re too fuckups together, we’ll find our way, whatever gets thrown at us, we’ll get through it, as long as I have you beside me I will fight anyone and anything that tries to come between us, I’ll fight for us. I love you”

  His hands are gripping my shoulders as he kisses me gently on the mouth; he pulls me with him as he leans his back against the rails of the balcony…

  “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

  “Shitting myself.” I admit. “But more about the results than the procedure.” He looks away from me again and nods.

  “But we are on the same page right. If the results aren’t good, we won’t panic, we’ll discuss our options with the doctors?”

  I nod my head. “Like I just said, whatever life throws at us, we’ll discuss and decide on our choices together.” He plants a kiss on my forehead.

  “I love you future Mrs Wilde.”

  “I love you too future husband.”

  Gabe leaves before the Palmers arrive, I show them around as I did him and they are more than happy with everything, I’ve been sending Karen picture updates as each room has been dressed for the past week so she had an idea anyway, she tells me an interiors magazine want to do a feature article on the place and that she has given them my name and number. She pats my hand in a patronising gesture. “It will be great publicity for your little business Lauren; you will probably get lots of work from it, I will be sure to tell everyone what a great job you’ve done.”