Underwater

by Doe, Anna B.

  My lips are dry. So dry. It feels like I haven’t had anything to drink in ages. My tongue darts out, moistening my lips.

  Taylor’s forehead falls onto mine.

  “I don’t know…” he groans painfully.

  I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat. “I…”

  I wet my lips again, my fingers giving one final grip to his shirt before I let it slip through my fingers.

  What the hell am I doing?

  “I can’t do this.”

  Taking a step back, I open my eyes. Ty is looking at me with sad understanding.

  “I can’t do this… I can’t.”

  Then I run away.

  Caleb

  The night is bright. Illuminated with the full moon adorning the dark blue sky and leading the way toward the ocean. It’s like it knows where I’m going and it’s showing me how to get there.

  How to get to her.

  Marissa doesn’t know I’m coming, but there is no way I could have left her alone tonight of all nights.

  We didn’t go out of our way to talk about her being a mermaid. Nobody else knows about it, and Marissa is paranoid about keeping it a secret. Not even Noelani knows, and they’re like sisters. I can only imagine how hard it must be for Marissa to keep something like this a secret from the people who are so close to her.

  I’ve joined her a few times in the last couple of weeks. She usually comes late at night, hiding in that cove where we met before, away from anybody who might accidently pass and see her. She explained to me that although she should stay away from the beach and the ocean, her body needs it. Her skin starts to itch as the ocean calls to her.

  I’m not saying I understand it completely, but I guess it makes sense that her mermaid half needs the ocean to survive. Mermaids are marine creatures, and just like the rest, they can’t survive long on land. Their bodies aren’t designed that way.

  Marissa has been quiet lately. She assures me everything’s all right, but I can see how often she gets lost in her own thoughts. Something’s going on with her, and although a part of me wants to know what, the other part is scared of whatever she’s hiding.

  With a towel secured in my hand, I walk down the sandy beach. Just as I’m about to reach the hidden cove, I see the shape of a woman on the beach. Narrowing my eyes, I try to clear my gaze.

  Her hair is long and wavy, dark. Falling all the way down her back. The white dress she’s wearing looks simple, reaching her knees. The light night breeze sways it around her legs, softly lifting it in the air.

  Suddenly, she stops, as if she can feel my eyes on her. She lifts her head until her gaze meets mine from the distance.

  She can’t possibly see me clearly, just like I can’t see her. We’re too far away from each other for that, but her lips curl in a knowing smile. White teeth flash under the light of the moon, and I feel a sudden pull toward her. Her smile is like a siren song calling out to lost sailors. Strong and enchanting.

  Shaking my head to get rid of the hazy feeling assaulting my mind, I blink a few times but when I open my eyes, she’s not there.

  My eyes roam over the beach, but it’s deserted. There is nothing other than sand scattered around and waves slowly but steadily rolling toward the shore. I do a final sweep of the beach, looking for the unfamiliar girl, but when I don’t see her, I give up.

  It’s getting late, and knowing Marissa, she won’t stay too long in the cove, worried about what might happen if this time somebody does accidently bump into her while she’s vulnerable in her mermaid form.

  The mere idea of it makes my blood boil in my veins, so I hurry my strides.

  MARISSA

  “Flipper!” The squealing dolphin swims into me, chatting excitedly. I pat him, rubbing his soft head as I listen to his ramblings, chuckling quietly.

  I love the time I spend with Flipper and his friends, but I haven’t seen them for a while. Some nights Caleb joins me for a swim, so I guess they really do keep away from humans. The thought makes me sad, because if I do manage to break the curse and get my human body back, they’ll stay away from me, too.

  Pushing the dark thoughts out of my mind, I spend some time playing with the dolphins in the ocean. Today it’s slightly warmer than just a week ago. I guess summer is really coming, no matter how hard I want it to stay away, if only for a tiny bit longer.

  “Do you want to go for a swim?” I ask them, looking from one pair of curious, smart gray eyes to other.

  Flipper nods his head eagerly, and his friends follow the suit. Laughing, I wave my hand. “Let’s go…”

  “Marissa!”

  Startled by the sudden noise, I spin around looking for the source of the voice breaking the quiet of the night. The cove is farther away from the city, but that doesn’t guarantee that nobody could pass by. It’s still pretty early, after all.

  My eyes scan the surroundings, only to land on Caleb. He’s standing on the beach and waving frantically at me. If I’m being honest, he looks like a lunatic. Even from here, I can see his hair is a mess. One hand is in the air, waving, and he’s bent forward, trying to put something on his feet with other.

  What the hell is he doing?

  I turn around to look at the dolphins. Their little eyes are wide, but I smile reassuringly. “He’s a friend.” When I realize they’re not convinced, I try again. “Please? He’s a good guy. He wants to meet you.”

  A few long seconds pass in silence before I see them give in. “Thank you.” I pat them on their heads in passing. “You won’t regret it. I promise. I’ll be back in a bit.”

  Diving in, I swim back to the beach so I can see what this crazy guy is trying to do.

  “Are those flippers?” I ask as soon as I get back to the surface, right in front of him.

  Already used to my antics and sudden appearances and disappearances, Caleb doesn’t even flinch as he pulls the second flipper onto his foot.

  “Yup.” He checks the flippers one more time. “Thought it might make swimming with my mermaid friend easier.”

  His words warm my heart and make it squeeze in my chest. It’s not a painful feeling, far from it, but I can feel the emotions get stuck in my throat as I try to say something. Anything. But no words come to mind.

  This isn’t the first time he’s surprised me on the beach to swim with me. I never asked him to; I was used to my loneliness. Actually, I wasn’t even lonely. I had Flipper and his friends and all the other marine creatures with me. That made me far from alone, but I loved the company of another human.

  I loved Caleb’s company.

  Caleb dives in with a splash. I look after him, following the shadow of his body moving just underneath the surface. When he gets out, he shakes his head before turning to me. “Coming?”

  A soft smile spreads over my lips. I can’t help myself; that’s the kind of effect he has on me.

  Once upon a time I thought he was just a playboy. A teasing, carefree boy with a pierced lip and constant smirk, but now I know better.

  Caleb Lawrence is more.

  So much more.

  He has a big heart. He’s loyal and kind. He’s the guy who’ll help a girl he doesn’t really know just because he can. He’ll do anything to make you crack a smile. He’s the guy who’ll be there to make you feel less lonely and do small things that leave a big impact. Like bring the stupid flippers so he can swim with you on the night of the full moon just because he knows this is the one night you’re forced to be in the ocean.

  As I look at him, his messy dark hair and bright green eyes, his teasing smile and flash of white teeth under the moonlight, I feel something in my heart unlock. All the emotions that I’ve been pushing back assault me with force and leave me breathless because for the first time ever, I see him.

  I really see him.

  And at the same time it breaks my heart because I know soon, I’ll have to let him go.

  Soon, but not just yet.

  “Let’s go.”

  Caleb pulls the gogg
les to cover his eyes, and we both dive in. In a heartbeat, I’m next to him.

  When I turn to look at him, I already find his eyes on me. They’re observing me with wonder and making me feel self-conscious.

  Yes, he did see me as a mermaid. Inside and outside of the water. But this time it feels different somehow.

  More intimate.

  This time, for the first time ever, his eyes can see me clearly underneath the ocean. I try to hide behind my hand, but he pulls it in his own, our fingers lacing together.

  We swim together a bit farther when I feel the tug of his hand signaling he needs air, so we both get up to the surface, not breaking our bond.

  “This is fucking surreal.”

  At first I think he’s talking about us swimming together underwater, or maybe even me being mermaid or something, but when I hear the familiar squealing behind me, I know what he’s talking about.

  “Flipper!”

  The young dolphin comes closer, curiously looking at Caleb. I don’t know who is more surprised out of the two. Flipper is looking at Caleb with interest and slight suspicion, and Caleb looks as if the mammal will bite him if he comes too close. In the end, Flipper does come closer, waiting for Caleb to pet him.

  “He likes you,” I giggle, unlocking our fingers and softly pressing his hand on Flipper’s head.

  “He looks like he’s waiting for just the right moment to bite my hand off,” Caleb murmurs, but his fingers start scratching the silky skin of Flipper’s head.

  “Flipper wouldn’t do that,” I protest.

  Caleb rolls his eyes, but a smile tugs on the corner of his lips. “Of course you pick his side.”

  I try to glare at him but can’t keep it up for long since his smile brings out my own. “There are no sides.”

  “Mhmm… keep telling yourself that.”

  Other dolphins join in soon, so after a series of petting and squeals, we all decide to go for a swim. The whole time I keep a close eye on Caleb. He’s a good swimmer and he has good stamina, but he can’t possibly swim as long or as far as we can. Not even with his flippers.

  When I see his breathing get harder and more superficial, I turn around to go back. The dolphins follow us until we get so close to the beach they can’t possibly come any closer if they don’t want to get stranded on land. We say our goodbyes, and I’m telling you, they’re sadder to have to say goodbye to Caleb than to me! So much for me being their favorite. If I didn’t find it funny, I’d probably be offended.

  Sorrow washes over me as we watch them swim away. It’s late, probably after midnight, and I know soon Caleb will have to go home, too, leaving me here all alone until the sun rises and I get my legs back.

  We swim closer to the beach so we can sit in the shallow part of the ocean. Caleb takes off his flippers and goggles, throwing them onto the sand so they don’t get in the way.

  “I hadn’t used them in a while,” he says as he sits next to me.

  Giggling lightly, I confess, “I’m surprised you still own a pair of flippers and goggles that you can wear!”

  “Flippers were a tight fit,” he admits, laughing.

  Our amusement slowly dies and silence falls over us, the only sound the purling of the water.

  For a while, I don’t say anything, just let it hang there, although I can feel the tension building between us. It’s not like before, easy and carefree. No, it’s full of dread and words left unspoken, but I know I can’t drag it out anymore. I have one month left.

  One month to break the curse or become a prisoner of the ocean forever.

  “Caleb…” I whisper. It’s low, barely audible and filled with so much emotion. So much trepidation…

  I can feel him turn his head, green eyes burning into my profile.

  “What?” he asks the same way. It’s almost as if he, too, knows what is coming next.

  I’ve known it for a while, since the night at the beach with Ty. I knew what I had to do, but kept putting it off.

  I can’t put it off anymore.

  Swallowing audibly, I make myself turn and look at him, although this is the last thing I want and I can already feel my heart breaking as I do it.

  “I think we should break up.”

  Marissa

  The silence that falls over us after I uttered those dreaded words is like nothing I’ve faced before. It’s like somebody suddenly opened a window, letting an arctic wind out in full force to freeze everything in its way.

  Cold and icy.

  Goosebumps rise on my skin, although it’s not cold at all. Only, it feels that way. Like a deep, dark hole opened between us and it’s growing bigger by the second, tearing us away from each other.

  Caleb keeps quiet, and I don’t know what else to say. But his eyes… it’s as if hard, dark shutters fell over them, hiding everything inside. Every single emotion he had for me. Gone. The twinkling light that made the brown dots dance in his green irises. Gone. His beautiful boyish smile. Gone.

  It’s all just… gone.

  “S-say something.” The words stutter out of my mouth once I can’t take any more of this silence.

  It’s killing me and there is nothing soft, slow or painless about this death. My heart is hurting, breaking in my chest. How can something that’s supposedly right, feel so freaking wrong? I don’t get it. It shouldn’t be this hard.

  I have feelings for Taylor. I’m in love with Taylor.

  Why does it leave such a sour taste in my mouth? Why does it feel as though looking at Caleb like this, saying these words out loud, is breaking my heart?

  “What do you want me to say?”

  His voice is cold, harsh. It cuts through me like a knife.

  “Something… anything…” I try to reach for him, but he gets up and out of my reach. His rejection, his indifference, hurts. I’d rather he slap me in the face than have to confront the emotions I’ve caused.

  “This”—his finger points between the two of us—“was fake from the beginning. It had an expiration date from the start.”

  “I know!” I shout loudly. His words sting. They shouldn’t; after all, they’re accurate. But I guess it’s true what they say. The truth hurts. “Was this just a scam for me to get what I want? What I need to get out of this whole mess? Yes, it was. But did it grow into something more? Yes!”

  “Don’t try to…” Caleb cuts me off, running his hands through his wet hair, but I don’t let him get far.

  “Don’t you dare stop me, Caleb Lawrence! Don’t you dare.”

  There is so much I want to say. So many feelings boiling inside of me, trying to find their way out. Only I don’t know where to start. It’s so hard to untangle them from the mess that’s been slowly building inside of me for weeks.

  Thankfully, he takes me seriously and shuts his mouth, letting me gather my thoughts and sort through this mess that’s been my life lately.

  How did everything become so complicated? So out of control?

  Closing my eyes, I take one deep breath in. I didn’t even realize how hard I was breathing, my breaths low, shallow and hurried.

  “Ty… he’s been hanging around more. He talks to me, and sometimes it seems like he looks at me differently. Like he can actually see me. The other day he mentioned prom.”

  And kissed me. He almost kissed me. But I can’t say those words out loud. Not to Caleb. Not now, not ever.

  “If you want to…”

  “That’s the problem!” I interrupt him again, because my heart can’t take another minute of his nonchalance. “Even if he asks me to go, I can’t. And he won’t do it. He wouldn’t do it to you. You’re friends.”

  “Always honorable.” Caleb rolls his eyes, and the way he says it doesn’t sound like a compliment.

  “I hate to do this. I care about you, Caleb,” I whisper softly. Opening my eyes, I find his locked on my face. His face has softened, if only so slightly, but I still can’t read what’s hiding in his soul. “Maybe nothing else is different, and my goal is still th
e same, but you changed me. You were my friend, my support system when I needed one the most. You helped me in so many ways. You kept my secret safe. You saved me, Caleb. And for that I’ll always be grateful.”

  “I don’t want or need your gratitude.”

  “Maybe not, but that doesn’t change anything.” I shrug, trying to hide how his words and cold attitude hurt me. But I get it. Maybe I even deserve it. “I’m grateful and I care, Caleb. I’ll always care.”

  Tears gather in my eyes, so I turn my head away. I don’t want him to see them. I don’t want Caleb to know how much he hurt me. How this whole situation hurts me. I don’t want his pity.

  But I’m a second too late, or maybe he knows me better than I give him credit for.

  Caleb crouches in front of me, his hand cupping my cheek and making me look him in the eyes.

  Silently, we stare at one another. I don’t know what he’s looking for, or if he finds it, but I can’t read him anymore, no matter how hard I try.

  Is he sad? Is he disappointed or angry? His eyes soften around the edges, but his jaw is still clenched, his lips pressed in a tight line.

  “I wish it could be different, but…”

  He closes his eyes for a second before blinking them open. “The curse.”

  “The curse,” I agree reluctantly.

  Caleb nods his head, and somehow it feels final.

  “Okay.” He nods again. It’s as if he’s discussing something inside his head. “Okay. We’re breaking up.”

  The words feel like a slap to my face. It’s not fair to him, since I’m the one who brought it up, but they sting, leaving a hot, angry mark on my already broken heart. My lip trembles, and I have to nibble on it to stop a quiet yelp from passing.

  “We’re breaking up.” He stops, looking me in the eyes. “Tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” I ask, suddenly confused.

  What does he mean, tomorrow?

  “Yes, tomorrow.” Caleb nods decisively. His other hand brushes against my cheek, so he’s holding me hostage. “But tonight, until the sun rises on the horizon, you’re mine, Mar.”