Finding Callan

by Quell T Fox

  I don’t know why I’m still here. I don’t know what came over me yesterday. I felt normal for once. The most normal that I’ve felt in a long time, but I have no fucking idea why. Nothing was different. I woke up and just felt good. Trust me when I say, that wore off quickly. I was pissed at Maddox for scaring Friday off, now I’m just pissed about him being an arrogant dick. I don’t care what happens to this girl. Fuck. Why am I still here?

  Something is keeping me here, keeping me with them. Something I haven’t felt in years. Not since Aaron. Nothing has felt the same since that day, not even close. Not until yesterday morning. There was a semblance of normalcy, of hope. I don’t know why I’m wasting my time thinking about it, because look, same shit that always happens. Something is good, giving me hope and then the universe tears it out from my grasp. That’s my luck.

  I slam the door shut but I don’t bother locking it. Neither one of them will come in here, not unless it’s an emergency. I want to take a shower, but I don’t have the energy for it. I’m fucking exhausted. I’ve been up for far too long. I need sleep, but at the same time I’m too wired to sleep. I plop on the bed, sit myself up and turn on the TV. I flip through the channels – there’s not many to choose from – and settle on some history show about Egypt. Not that I’m paying much attention to it because my thoughts are elsewhere. Under the right circumstances, I would enjoy a show like this.

  What if Maddox is right? Fuck, I hate even saying that in my head! What if she is our One? Should I try harder… to make this work? I can’t. I physically and emotionally cannot. After that day, after Aaron and Mom. I have nothing left. Not a damn thing left to give to anyone. I barely keep myself together on a normal day, never mind having to deal with her and the guys on a daily basis. It’s too much.

  I lay in bed for hours watching TV. I only start to feel a tiny semblance of tired when the sun starts to come up. Figures.

  I pull my shirt off, leaving on my black basketball shorts. I look down at my stomach to see the five scars that haunt me every moment of my life. Even if I wanted to forget what happened, they don’t let me. And maybe I don’t want to. People have told me to look at it in a positive way – the day that I survived. How can I look at it like that when I lost everything else? No, these scars will haunt me until the day I die. I get back into bed, this time pulling the blankets over my head. I don’t wake up until someone bangs on the door.

  I get out of bed and stalk to the door, ready to punch whoever it is on the other end. I couldn’t have been sleeping more than an hour. I feel like royal shit. When I open the door, I don’t know how I stop myself from punching Maddox in his stupidly straight nose.

  “Get your shit, we’re going.”

  “Maddox, I already told you it isn’t a wise choice.” Callan’s defeated voice comes from somewhere in the other room.

  I roll my eyes and move to slam the door in Maddox’s face. He holds his arm out, stopping the door from moving.

  “I’m not joking Alec. I’ve waited too long for this. We all have. We need this. Get your shit.” His eyes are dark, haunted with the demons of his past. Join the club buddy, we’re all members. His look would bother me, if I didn’t see that shit in my own every time I look into a mirror. I should feel bad for him, and everything that he dealt with. But I don’t.

  I can’t. I’m numb to everything in life. Everything except Friday, it seems.

  I don’t want to admit that he’s right, but something buried deep inside me tells me that he is. And it pisses me off. I don’t want to need this. I was doing fine without them and without her. Everything was fine, and now everything is all fucked up again.

  “Fuck you,” I spit out before making a move to close the door again. He moves too quickly for me to see what happened. Fucking stupid vampire speed. I only know what happened when I feel that sharp blow to my face.

  That rat bastard just sucker punched me. Blood is pouring from my nose, dripping over my mouth, through my beard and onto my bare chest.

  “Here we go.” I can hear Callan’s eye roll.

  “You are fucking dead.” I drop my arms by my sides, clenching them into fists as I stomp the few steps towards Maddox. When he looks at me next, his eyes have gone all black and his teeth are out.

  Fuck.

  “I am the Superior, and I said. Get. Your. Shit.” He growls out in his demon voice. Whenever his eyes go black, his voice gets deeper. It doesn’t make any sense, but nothing in my fucking life does. So why should that?

  There’s no use fighting him at this point. I know from experience. Being the Superior gives him the upper hand, and being a vampire? He has the speed. And I don’t have energy for a fight right now. So I growl at him and punch the door instead. Leaving a large hole in it. Superiors aren’t necessarily the strongest in a Circle. It just so happens that Maddox is. Most of the time. I’ve kicked his ass quite a few times, but never when he’s like this. Not with his Superior boost.

  “You’re a dick Maddox, I hope you know that. And you’re paying for that fucking door.”

  He blinks and his eyes are back to normal. When he smiles that arrogant smile, his teeth are gone. I know I have a chance now – to kick his ass, but as tempting as it is, I decide against it. It isn’t worth it. Besides, I have a broken nose that I need to deal with. I go into the bathroom to get cleaned up before I get blood all over the carpet. Just one more thing for Maddox to bitch about. No fucking thank you. I stop in front of the sink. My nose is still pouring blood. It won’t stop. A moment later I’m joined by Maddox, my anger instantly rising at the sight of his perfect, model features. I’m not ugly, by any means. We’re just apples and oranges. Maddox has the cover of a gym magazine kind of look. I’m much more gruff than that. I’m not clean enough for modeling, which I am totally okay with. My problem isn’t with models; it’s with Maddox.

  “What do you want?” I growl out. He shows me a small silver razor that he holds between his thumb and pointer finger. “I don’t need your help. Get out.”

  “Yes, you do. I’ll tell you what. Let me help you and then we won’t need to tell anyone what happened here.”

  “Nope. Not falling for that. What would that get you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Exactly. Get out.” He stands his ground, leaning on the door jamb, twirling the blade between his fingers.

  No matter what I do the blood won’t stop coming. The pain is setting in and I’m starting to feel nauseous. Asshole has a good shot and the strength, that’s for sure. I realize that I’m going to need him to help me. I don’t want to go to a hospital, and I’ve never been good with blood. I’m surprised I haven’t passed out yet. I look up in the mirror, my image making me sick. My beard is soaked with blood. The crimson liquid has made its way down my chest, catching in the bit of hair that is there. It’s so much that you’d think I had my throat slit. I catch Maddox’s reflection in the mirror still with that smirk on his face. Yes, he’s a vampire with a reflection. You can’t believe everything you read.

  “Fine.” I say through gritted teeth. As Superior, Maddox has influence over us. Not a lot, but just enough to sway us sometimes, though it hasn’t worked on me in years. I don’t know who this girl is, but I realize that I need to find out. She’s changing me and I definitely don’t like it. I blame it on her, because it’s easier to accept than admitting Maddox may have influence over me. Which he doesn’t.

  I keep my gaze on him through the mirror as he takes the blade and slides it across his wrist, like a hot knife cutting butter. He holds his wrist up, allowing the flow of blood to drip to the floor. He cocks his head to the side with a bored look on his face. He is such a dick! I spin around and grab his forearm, squeezing him harder than necessary. I even dig my nails in for extra satisfaction. I see his eye twitch and I know it’s causing him pain. Good enough. I bring his wrist to my mouth and suck in a mouth full of blood, and then whip his arm away from me. It takes everything in me to not gag on the thick liquid. The sharp taste of
his blood fills my mouth, along with a hint of sweetness that reminds me of oranges. I swallow it down trying not to think about what I just had to do. I feel the bones mending almost instantly. And it fucking hurts.

  Everyone knows that vampire blood has healing powers but drinking it like that is not always worth it. He backs away and I close the bathroom door. The pain in my nose slowly subsiding and the bleeding has finally stopped. I drop my shorts to the ground and turn on the shower. I’m going to need one to clean this mess up.

  Maddox

  “Maddox, that was completely unnecessary.”

  I ignore his comment, because maybe it was but maybe it wasn’t. I proved my point and that’s all I care about. I know that Friday is our One and so does Lenny and Callan. Alec is the only one holding us back right now. And I just can’t fucking allow that. If I have to use my standing against him, then I will. He needs to realize that I am the Superior. He needs to show some respect, whether he likes it or not. That’s how it goes.

  All the guys seemed to have gone back to their normal selves after the situation that happened yesterday. Callan is back to his quiet, awkward self. Alec is being an antisocial Dickwad, and Lenny is his great, outgoing self – who is currently the only one that Friday wants to be around. So fuck him.

  Yeah, well. I’m not okay with that. I get she’s freaked out, but I don’t trust Lenny to explain it to her. I should be the one to do it. I’m the Superior, it’s my job.

  “Are we really going back?”

  “Yes.”

  “Even though Friday doesn’t want us too?”

  “Yes.”

  Callan is sitting on the bed and he lets his head fall forward at my response.

  “Callan, if anything is ever going to be right between us then someone needs to be the one to take the first step.”

  “Shouldn’t we let Lenny talk to her? She’s been okay this far. She’s still there, so that should say something, right?”

  “And let him have all the fun? I don’t fucking think so.” I smile, but he shakes his head and throws his arms up in defeat. “Get your stuff, we’re leaving in ten.” I ruffle his hair, just to piss him off. He swats me away, and I laugh.

  I walk to Alec’s room and hear the shower running. “Leaving in ten, so hurry your ass up!” I shout loud enough to he can hear, banging once on the door. I hear a clunk, and he must have dropped something. His inconvenience causes me a small amount of satisfaction and I walk away with a smile on my face.

  I’m in an exceptional mood. Friday knows and hasn’t ran. She doesn’t want me there, but she’s still there. I punched Alec and broke his nose, something I’ve wanted to do for far too long. Then I convinced him to heal from my blood. I never thought I’d see the day that would happen again. I’m riding a high that I don’t want to come down from. Ever. And maybe I won’t have to.

  We have a lot to work on, but this is the first step, that I am sure of. I pick up my cell and shoot Lenny a quick text before shutting off my phone.

  “Phone off, Callan.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because I fucking said so.” He groans at my response, something I’m used to. I don’t bother telling Alec to do the same. I walk back into the room and take his cell, shutting it off and shoving it into my pocket. He knows I’m not fucking around anymore. I haven’t let my monster out in a long time.

  That’s what I am, after all.

  A fucking monster.

  CHAPTER 5

  Maddox

  “You guys have to fucking see this!” I say as I get out of the car, Lenny following close behind. He’s been like my shadow for the last few years.

  “Guys, this is beyond fucking sick.” Lenny adds, making his way ahead of me.

  Callan and Alec are sitting out on the patio set that sits in the back of Callan’s house, by the giant pool. Lenny jumps around, twirling and skipping all the way there. I wish I had as much energy as this kid does. I walk to the guys, taking long strides, completely excited about what I’m about to show them.

  I pull out the switch blade from my back pocket. Lenny’s face lights up, Callan’s eyebrows go sky high and Alec looks unamused.

  “We’ve seen a knife before, that’s not at all interesting.”

  “Shut the hell up, Alec, and watch.”

  I roll my sleeve up, not wanting to get blood on anything. I see Lenny shaking with excitement out of the corner of my eye, I give him one last glance before I run the blade over my arm, cutting to the bone.

  “Maddox, what do you think you’re doing?” Callan shouts, grabbing his phone.

  Alec’s face looks a little more interested, but he isn’t about to jump up and save me if I start to bleed out.

  “Put it down,” I say through gritted teeth. “Watch!”

  “Put away the phone, Cal. Put it away. You’ve gotta see this!” If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Lenny was constantly on speed. I wonder if there will ever be a day when he chills the fuck out.

  The blood on my arm starts to pour out onto the ground, but a moment later the wound starts closing up right in front of our eyes.

  “Holy shit.”

  “Impossible.”

  “Fucking awesome, right?!”

  They each give their own responses, exactly how I imagined they would.

  “How did you do that? Lenny, is it a spell? Did you learn a healing spell?” Lenny has only just come into his powers these last few months. The rest of us started getting ours around two years ago, but the more we mature the more we learn about ourselves and what we are capable of.

  “Nope, not a spell. It’s part of his powers!”

  “How do you know that?” Callan asks, pushing his wire framed glasses up his nose.

  “What else would it be? It has to be that. Vampires have healing abilities, it’s in my blood.”

  “And guess what’s even better!” Lenny is jumping from foot to foot. “It works on me too!”

  “Do I want to know how you Asshole’s figured this out?” Alec asks.

  “It was an accident. Well, for me it was. I just decided to use Lenny as a Guinea pig after I found it out. I was home cooking and I sliced my finger bad. I wrapped it in a towel, grabbed my keys and was about to head to the hospital for stitches when the towel fell and my cut was completely healed. I thought that I’d imagined the entire thing, but the rag was still full of blood. I knew I didn’t make it up. So, I cut myself again, just to be sure and watched it heal right in front of my eyes, like it did just now.”

  “That is remarkable.”

  “And I was there with him, and I made him cut me too. I wanted to know if it worked for me, and it does! I know I haven’t fully come into my powers yet, but this is a good sign. Right guys?” Lenny is the last one of us to get his powers. Makes sense with him being the youngest. We still aren’t entirely sure what he is, but we’re leaning toward a demon or warlock.

  “You guys wanna try it?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “Yeah, I’ll give it a shot, But I’ll do it myself. I don’t trust you Fuck’s with a knife.”

  Aaron comes running around the house, excited to see us all together. He’s only two years younger than Lenny, but you’d think it were five by his size. He’s at least two feet shorter than Lenny, though Lenny is tall for his age. Aaron is so different even from Alec, and they’re brothers. Their mom swears they have the same dad, but I have my doubts. Alec is huge, he doesn’t look like a high school kid. He could pass for an adult. But Aaron, he could easily pass as someone still in elementary school, not middle school.

  “Hey, little buddy. What’s going on?” He runs up to me and gives me a hug. I’m his favorite.

  “Mommy’s having a bad day, so I get to hang out with you guys. Awesome huh?”

  “Yeah, that is totally awesome.” I look up to Alec, giving him a knowing look. The bad days for his mom are coming closer together. I wish he would get her help, but she refuses and he doesn’t have the energy to push her.
Not after taking care of Aaron, going to school and working. It’s a lot for a teenager to be dealing with. I get it. Especially since I’ve taken on Lenny like he’s my son.

  “Hey, I have an idea. How about you go and play racecar?” His eyes light up at the suggestion.

  “Really Maddox? You’ll let me?”

  “Yes, but only for a little while.” He makes a mad dash towards my car, “but no picking up chicks!” I shout after him, but he’s already getting in the car and not paying attention.

  Anything to make that little guy happy.

  Alec walks to me, taking the blade from my hand. He slices it down his arm, the same way I did, but not as deep. It’s a clean cut and the blood starts pouring out instantly. After about twenty seconds, we all realize that it isn’t fucking working.

  “That’s not good.”

  “Fuck off!”

  “Callan, go get the first aid kit.”

  Alec holds pressure on his arm. Good thing he had a good mind to not cut too deep on the first try. He holds his hand over his arm and Callan reappears shortly after with the souped-up first aid kit. His dad is a doctor, so we have all the good stuff in here and Callan has gotten pretty good with stitches.

  He sits down reluctantly, knowing he needs to do this, but we all know how much he hates it. He doesn’t want to be a doctor. He doesn’t want to be anything that his dad is.

  CHAPTER 6

  Friday

  -TUESDAY-

  “Hey, Cupcake. Wake up.” Lenny smooth voice wakes me from my deep sleep. He shakes my shoulder slightly, his touch sending shivers through me. Is it wrong of me to pull him into bed with me and force him to spend the entire day here? Naked…? A girl can dream.

  I open my eyes to blinding light. I forgot to close the curtains before going to sleep last night – or this morning. I’m not exactly sure what time it was when I finally crawled into bed, but I fell asleep almost instantly, with Lenny by my side.

  I groan and roll over, pulling the blankets up higher. I’m too tired, too mentally exhausted to get up right now. I don’t want to deal with life. Everything that was brought up yesterday, none of it makes sense. I can’t bring myself to go through any of the files that are scattered throughout my brain. It’s a shit show that I don’t feel like dealing with, ever.