Finding Callan

by Quell T Fox

  Alec is sleeping in his bed diagonally, taking up most of it. One arm is bent above his head while the other is resting inside his basketball shorts on his belly. He has a lot of tattoos too, not as many as Maddox, but they suite him. His are also more colorful, a full sleeve on one arm and part of his chest are completely covered. One of his legs is also covered from ankle to somewhere under his shorts.

  “Alec.” I whisper without getting too close. When he doesn’t stir, I move closer.

  I say his name again. Still nothing.

  I reach the side of his bed. My eyes scan his body. His thick muscles popping out everywhere. Him and Maddox are built the largest, both full of muscles but in different ways. Alec is built bigger, naturally. Maddox had to work for what he has. Neither is better, just different.

  The number of scars that cover his body make my heart hurt. I saw the bigger ones the first time he had his shirt off in front of me, but I didn’t notice the smaller ones until now. There are so many. So, so many. I haven’t been this close to him shirtless before. I reach my hand out to his arm but before I make contact his other hand snatches my forearm. His grip tight, on the verge of painful. It startles me and I let out a squeak. His eyes fly open and it takes him a moment to register who I am. As soon as he does, he releases my arm.

  “I’m sorry.” The words are simple, but there is so much behind them. I can hear it in his tone. He isn’t just telling me sorry for right now, he’s telling me sorry for everything. I give him a knowing look. I don’t want him to feel bed. I want him to know that everything is going to be okay. I smile at him and take a step back, but he takes my arm in his hand again. This time more gently. His thumb rubs back and forth over my wrist.

  “I’m sorry,” he repeats the words.

  “Yes.” The word falls out of my mouth. I didn’t want to tell him yet, but something about this moment. I can’t help it. It’s right.

  “What?”

  “I want you.” It takes me a second to realize what I’ve just said. I shake my head. “All of you. I want this.” He gives me a slow nod and releases my arm but does not break eye contact. It amazes me how much our eyes are alike. Looking into his are like looking into my own.

  “I made breakfast.” I point towards the door. “Come eat.” His stare is powerful. I swear he’s staring right into my soul, but he doesn’t respond. I take a few steps back before finally turning around and walking out of the room.

  The guys are sitting on the sofa.

  “How was it?” I ask. Callan stands and speaks first. “We were waiting for you and Alec.” He gives me a shy smile.

  “Not that I had a vote in the matter.” Maddox points out.

  “Yeah, me either. I’m sitting here with my mouth watering thinking about those croissants and I’m told that I have to wait.” The last bit comes out mocking Callan and I can’t help but laugh. In that moment Alec comes walking out in nothing but his shorts, and the guys eyes go wide at the sight.

  “By the way. I’ve decided to join your little group.”

  “Group?” Maddox says it like I’ve just kicked his puppy. Callan has a sweet smile on his face. Lenny jumps up, runs to me, picks me up and twirls me around.

  “Really, really?” I told him already, but this makes it official. This makes it real.

  “Yes, really, really.” He squeezes me so tightly.

  “Can’t… breathe.” I whack him on the back, hoping the whacks will get him to drop me, but it doesn’t work right away.

  Maddox heads toward the table but stops in front of me. “It’s called a Circle.”

  “Whatever you say, big boy.”

  ***

  All of us – yes, all five us are sitting in the living room watching a movie. I’m lying on the couch in my usual spot with Lenny and Callan. Alec and Maddox are on the other couch. I wanted to watch a scary movie and wanted them all here. I keep sneaking peeks at all of them. I think I’m being subtle, but I’ve been caught so many times that I’ve lost count. I think it’s turned into a silent game that we all know we’re playing.

  “Is this what it’ll be like?” I break the silence and the guys look at me. Each with a different expression on their face. The one that shocks me the most is Alec. He actually looks hopeful. I’ve asked a question that he wanted an answer to.

  “It would be whatever we make of it.” Callan speaks up and I start to wonder why he isn’t the Superior. He’s the all mighty wise one. The one with all the answers. If he were an animal, he’d be an owl. Alec would be a cat, because he wants attention on his terms only. Lenny would be a Quokka because he’s cute and social. And Maddox, he’d be a swan. Beautiful on the outside, but a real asshole on the inside. Okay, got a little side-tracked there. I know knowledge isn’t all that it takes. I guess there is a reason why it’s Maddox. He’d be a lot better if he just pulled his own head out of his ass.

  I get this great idea to tell them that we should all camp out here, together in the living room. But I quickly throw it away, knowing Maddox would rather die before sleeping on the couch or the floor and that it probably isn’t a good idea with whatever is going on with Alec right now. Lenny, Callan and I will just sleep in my bed again.

  “Sleep with me tonight.” The voice catches us all off guard.

  “Are you asking or telling?” I’ve been drinking tea all day and my throat is feeling much better. It’s a lot easier to talk and doesn’t hurt as much either.

  “Asking.” Maddox says. I look at Lenny, silently asking if it’s okay. He gives me a slight nod. Not that I’m asking him for permission, because I know that I don’t have to, but I guess I needed help in making my decision.

  “Only because you asked.” I say, keeping my focus on the TV.

  “What will living arrangements be like? Do we all live together?” Alec laughs, but not in a disrespectful way. More of a I didn’t think that would ever be an option type of thing.

  “That would be ideal, but I think I can speak for all of us when I say it isn’t a good idea to rush into something like that. We have a lot of things to work through, both together and individually, before that’s even discussed.” Callan says.

  “When we’re done here, I’ll have to find an apartment then. Where do you guys live anyway?”

  “Indiana.” Huh. I don’t know why I hadn’t asked that before.

  “And where are we now?” Everyone but Callan makes a noise at that statement, but no one answers. I stare them all down, but still no one speaks. “What?”

  “You seriously don’t know where you are?” Alec speaks like conversation between us all is a normal day-to-day thing.

  “I didn’t know where I was when I met you, never mind now. I told you, when I found Jackass in bed with that whore, I just took off. I didn’t pay attention to anything other than leaving.”

  “We’re in Nevada.” It’s Callan that answers, with his oh so patient voice.

  “We’re in Nevada and Vegas hasn’t been on the list of places to go?” I’m shocked.

  “Been there done that, it’s not all that great.” Maddox says. That’s disappointing. “You can stay with me. When we go back.” Maddox continues.

  “She can stay with all of us. We can take turns.” Lenny says as he plays with my hair.

  “I don’t like the idea of being that far away from her.” Callan’s words are unsure. As if he doesn’t know if he should be saying something like that, but I like hearing them fall from his lips. He doesn’t want to be away from me.

  “I second that.” Alec speaks and I am blown away at that one. “You both live close,” he says pointing to Lenny and Maddox, “but we don’t. That won’t work. Either we all stay at someone’s house, or we continue staying in a hotel until it’s figured out.”

  “We can take turns staying at our houses. To be fair.” Callan suggests.

  “That sounds good to me.” Lenny adds. Still playing with my hair.

  “Whoa, whoa. What about me? Do I get a say in this?” I ask as I raise m
y hand. I’m not really upset about it, I kind of like hearing them go back and forth about who gets to spend time with me, but I’d still like some say in the matter. Since it’s me that we’re talking about.

  “Sorry, of course you do. What would you like to do?” Callan asks.

  “I like the idea of staying with you all, but I don’t think it’s fair.” I’m met with blank stares, so I continue. “You guys have all done so much for me. You buy me things, pay for my food and pay for the hotels we’ve stayed in. I haven’t paid for anything. I have a wad of cash sitting in my bag that none of you have allowed me to use. I want to be a part of this. I need to put in my share. I’ll get my own apartment and I’ll find a job.”

  “Don’t do this to prove a point. No one here is worried about your money, or any money. Trust me, we all do well for ourselves. It’s our job to take care of you. You don’t need to work, ever.” Maddox explains. Alec sits by him, nodding his head in agreement. They are agreeing on something and Alec is participating in our conversations? Has hell frozen over?

  “But if you want to, then I think you should.” Callan adds. “Just do this for the right reasons. That’s what we’re trying to say.”

  “How about this? We finish our last week in the hotel, then we choose a house to stay at while Friday looks for a job and an apartment. We take it week by week and go from there. If she decides she wants to get her own place, then we respect that and figure out living arrangements at that time. If we decide something else, then we will figure it out then.”

  “Good thinking, Lenny. I like that idea.” I say, patting his thigh. Everyone nods their approvals.

  “So, whose house first?” They all speak at once, and I can’t discern one word from another, but I think they are all offering up their place first and trying to explain why. “Guys, slow it down. I’m glad we’re all on board with this idea, but maybe we should pick randomly?” I suggest.

  “Names in a hat?”

  “No, I have a better idea.” I smile at my thought.

  CHAPTER 22

  ALEC

  Friday’s idea is ridiculous, but I participate anyway. Why? I have no fucking clue.

  First, she suggested arm wrestling, but that’s not fair in the least. Maddox and I both hit the gym often, I’m not sure if Lenny or Callan have ever set foot in one. So her second choice, the one we actually go through with… rock, paper, scissors. I feel like a child, but I go along with it because it makes her laugh.

  Maddox and I head off first, with me being the winner. At the same time Lenny and Callan go, and Lenny is the winner. Then it’s Lenny and I for the big finale.

  When a winner is finally announced, she lays back down satisfied. We continue to watch a movie and eventually she falls asleep. Lenny does the same not to long after, and then Callan follows as well.

  “Guess you’re not getting any tonight.”

  “Fuck you. Neither are you.”

  “Yeah, but I wasn’t expecting to in the first place. You were.”

  Maddox looks grumpy, and I’ll admit that it makes a tiny place in my heart happy. I don’t want him to be miserable, but he’s a dick and he needs to learn that he won’t always get what he wants in life. Oh well. Just like not winning this rock, paper, scissors tournament. He lost right away, and he was not happy. Though, he was satisfied when it was Lenny that won, because his house is like a block away.

  “I’m going to bed. Have fun sleeping alone.”

  “Eat shit.” He sits on the couch, staring at Friday and how she’s cuddling with Lenny and Callan so easily. I know he’s jealous, I know he wants that. Part of me does too, so I can’t blame him. The difference? I don’t feel like I deserve it. I know it isn’t owed to me. I’ll get it in time, when it’s supposed to be. Not just because I want it, because that is not how life works. He thinks he’s entitled, because of the Superior Title. Really, that doesn’t make a difference in any sense. Not with a Circle like ours.

  I take a shower before heading to bed. When I get out, Maddox is gone but the other three are still fast asleep on the couch. I walk to my room and close and lock the door behind me. I realized that I fell asleep last night without locking the door, that or I had a sleepwalking episode and don’t know about it. I know that I’ve locked it this time, so if I wake up tomorrow and it’s unlocked then I know what’s going on. It terrified me being woken up by someone this morning, I had no idea what was going on. I should have told her not to do that because it’s not safe, but she looked so sweet and innocent that I couldn’t say anything to her. I couldn’t tell her not to do something. I couldn’t tell her no.

  I think about her here in my room. We’ve been alone in here twice now and it’s gotten harder each time to not bend her over this bed and have my way with her. My dick hardens at the thought of her naked in front of me, completely submitting to my every want and need. I grasp my cock through my shorts, and I know this isn’t going away unless I take care of it. So I do.

  I free my cock, grabbing it at the base and slowly sliding my hand up. I think of Friday’s perfect, full lips wrapped around it. Can she take it all? I bet she could. I stroke faster as my thoughts about Friday get dirtier. It doesn’t take long for me to find my release, my cum pumping out of the tip and landing on my stomach. I clean it up with the dirty towel that I brought in from the bathroom and throw it into the corner. My dick is still hard when I get under the blankets to fall asleep, but it’s at least satisfied for now. After not touching it for so long, you’d think it would stay happy for longer when it’s only been insatiable. I can’t wait until I can sink my cock into Friday’s perfect little pussy. And that’s my last thought before falling asleep.

  ***

  “Callan, wake up son. I have a surprise for you tonight.”

  I wake to the banging on my door once again. Second time this week. This time, it causes my heart to start pounding because I know I forgot to lock my door. I was so tired last night after having a long day with the guys, I came up here and passed out. I never changed out of my clothes. The creak of the handle turning fills my silent room, and a second later the door is swung open and the Devil himself steps in. A scraping noise fills up the silence and I can only imagine when he has with him.

  I hear whimpering and I dare to open my eyes.

  He’s walking into my room, pulling my mother by her air. He flicks on the lights, it blinds me for a moment but once my eyes adjust, I notice that my mother’s face is stained with makeup, like she’s been crying. I look to my father’s other hand and notice a knife he must have taken from the kitchen.

  “Oh, your mother is looking for some tonight, son. She couldn’t take her eyes off the guys at dinner. Why do you have to be such a whore, Shirley?” He pulls her hair back, causing her neck to strain and she lets out another whimper. I pull the blankets up to my chin – like they could save me. Nothing can save me from this hell.

  “Remove the blankets.”

  I don’t move.

  “I said, remove the damn blankets!”

  “Harold, please…” My mother’s voice shakes. She should have just kept quiet.

  WHACK!

  He back hands her. Hard. She falls to the floor with a scream.

  “Get up, bitch.” She does.

  “Callan. The blankets.”

  I do as I’m told, because it’s not worth it to anger him further. I’ve learned that it’s better to play along.

  “Good boy.”

  There is a chill in the air, and I think I also forgot to turn on the heat. Or maybe it’s just the coldness of my father’s heart seeping out. Either way, I’m trembling. But I can’t let him know that.

  My father pulls my mother towards me, pushing her face close to mine. He brings his face down, level with us and slides the flat end of the knife down the side of her cheek.

  “Didn’t you think that maybe Callan would want some? Since you like sharing yourself all over this town. I can only assume he’s the last one you haven’t fucked. Am
I right?”

  My mother shakes her head violently, whimpering in the process.

  “No, no please. Don’t do this.”

  “I did nothing Shirley. This is all on you. If you want to be a whore, you can at least be a proper whore and fuck everyone in this forsaken town. Why let little Callan here be the only one that doesn’t get some of Shirley’s used up pussy?”

  The problem is my mother isn’t a whore. My father is the one that’s a whore. He sleeps with everyone he can, and everyone knows it. He accuses her over his own guilt. I can’t say that she hasn’t ever cheated on him, and I’m sure she’s thought about it, or maybe she hasn’t, out of fear. But she is nothing like what he says. I’m sure he knows that, but it doesn’t matter. Guilt eats you alive unless you do something about it. This is how he deals with his.

  Before I can blink, he throws my mother’s body on top of my bed, half landing on her in the process. Her long, curly blonde hair is matted with sweat. Her frail body barely weighs anything since he barely lets her eat. He won’t be seen with a fat wife. Apparently to him, healthy is fat. I think she weighs less than I do, and I’m built small. My mother lands partially on me but she pushes to the side, whispering in my ear so quietly so that he doesn’t hear it.

  “I’m sorry.” The words make me nauseous. If she’s apologizing this soon, then this is going to be bad.

  I know she is. I know this isn’t her fault. Not entirely. I know that she is stuck. I know that we can’t go anywhere. But at the same time, this is her fault. She has a choice. She chooses to stay with him. She could fight harder, fight more. She should be more worried about being a mother. She could take me, and we could leave. Her excuse is that he would find her. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. We will never know.

  Instead, she goes wherever he goes. Taking the money and lavish things that he has to offer. These episodes are far and few between. It’s worth it, right? Worth it when you can have a child and ignore him because you have money. Can fly around the world for 90% of the year. Leave your child at home alone, with only the maids to check in on him. I’ve been left alone for as long as I can remember. I can’t even say how young I was the first time. Six?