Finding Callan

by Quell T Fox

  Yet, it’s so easy to be sorry for this.

  What about the rest of it?

  “Go ahead Shirley, kiss him. Kiss your son.”

  She kisses me on the cheek, and I hold back my vomit. She reeks of alcohol and sweat and tears.

  “Not like that, you whore. Really kiss him. Kiss him good with that filthy mouth of yours.”

  “No, I won’t. I won’t do that.”

  “You will.”

  “No, Harold!”

  He grabs her by the hair again, pulling it back harder than the first time. “You will do whatever I tell you to, you little bitch.” He’s holding the knife to her throat and I think this is it. This is finally when he’s going to kill her, and probably me as well. This is how we are going to die.

  He removes the knife and pushes her head down towards my face, making her lips smash into mine. It hurts so bad. The pressure causes my teeth to press into my lips. I already taste blood. It takes everything in me to stay still and ignore what is going on right now. I pull myself to another place. To school. To the pool. With the guys. Anywhere but here. She lets out a loud cry. I feel her arm move as she reaches back and in the same second her face is far enough away from me that I can see she tried to reach for the knife. But she wasn’t fast enough.

  His hand is still tangled in her hair, and I can’t believe he hasn’t ripped it out yet. The knife is still held strong in his other. My mother has one hand on the knife trying to pull it from him, only inches from me. They scuffle and struggle and yell. And before I know what happens, the knife is sticking out of my stomach. Blood oozing from the site and pouring down my side.

  “Shit. Shit! What the fuck did you do that for? You stupid bitch! You fucking whore!” He slaps my mother so hard across the face that she falls to the floor.

  Please don’t try to help me, please. Please, whatever you do. Just go, leave me here. My cell is around here somewhere. I’ll call for help, just please don’t try to help me.

  He fumbles for his phone and dials what I assume is 911.

  “Hi, yes, this is Dr. Grant from Hadwall Medical. I need an ambulance at my house immediately. Yes, it’s 1145 Slade Drive. My son, he’s been stabbed.” He hangs up the phone before they can ask too many questions.

  Thank you. If he’d try, I’d be dead right now. He checks the wound, being sure that the knife stays in place and doesn’t move. It could have hit something major and pulling it out would only make it worse. Even I know that.

  I refuse to cry, as much as I want to, because this hurts. It hurts so bad. But not as bad as what he’s done to me through the years. This is the worst physical pain that I have ever felt. It burns and I feel more nauseous than I did when my mother was on top of me. But I won’t show him weakness. In less than ten minutes I hear the ambulance pull up to the house. Good timing, because I’m starting to feel faint. My mother took off to the bathroom to fix herself up and came back to wait with me while my father greets everyone.

  I could still die. Just because the ambulance showed up here doesn’t mean they can save me. It doesn’t mean these won’t be my last moments on this earth. He could have hit something serious, like an organ. I could be bleeding out more than I think. I try to keep calm and not panic. It’s easier than I thought. For some reason I feel calm. Numb. Maybe this is what death feels like.

  The paramedics make it into the room, check me out and throw me on a stretcher. As we head down the hallway, wheels squeaking on the floor, I catch part of the conversation between the Devil and the cop.

  “My wife and I just got home from a work dinner. I’ve been drinking so I didn’t want to take the chance of helping him myself. I did all that I felt comfortable doing, but I know he is in good hands.”

  “Do you know how it happened, sir?”

  “My wife and I came home and I found him like that on the kitchen floor. I brought him in here to make him more comfortable. He wouldn’t tell me what happened.”

  “Kids, right?”

  “Yes, sir. Have any yourself?

  “Actually, I do.”

  Money. It gets you things. Like the entire town in your back pocket. Only the rich could have their child stabbed and no one bat an eye about it.

  An accident.

  That’s all.

  Just a kid being a kid.

  Friday

  “Callan! Wake up.” My shouting wakes up Lenny, too. Callan is covered in sweat and trembling. His eyes dart open as he gasps for breath. He looks around for a minute, waking up from his nightmare. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m okay.” He says between catching his breath. Lenny is sitting on the other end of the couch, still half asleep. I silently ask him what to do and he shrugs.

  “Come on, let’s go to my bed.” I give Lenny a look before standing, he waves me off and lays back down, covering himself with the blanket. He’s probably sleeping already. The sickening thought that he’s used to this makes my chest tighten. These guys… what happened to them? I take Callan’s hand, pulling him gently with me. He looks confused and terrified. I get him into my bed and tell him that I’ll be right back. I walk to the kitchen to grab a few bottles of water. When I get back to the room, I open one and hand it to him. The other gets placed on the nightstand by the bed.

  “Drink. You’re sweating.” He takes the bottle and downs half of it. He’s still fully dressed, I point to his khaki shorts and he nods, reaching for the buttons. He slips them off and lets them fall to the floor. He then one handedly pulls his shirt over his head and lays down. His chest heaving from the aftermath of whatever nightmare he was stuck in.

  I move to my drawers and pull out a new pair of undies and a camisole and change quickly, keeping my back to Callan to not freak him out.

  When I turn around to get into bed, I realize that he’s in nothing but his briefs. My breath catches in my throat and I gasp. I knew he got undressed, but suddenly seeing him like this does something to me. He fits into those boxer briefs more perfectly than anyone I have ever seen. If anyone should be an underwear model, it most definitely should be Callan Grant.

  “Is this okay?” His voice is raspy, still filled with sleep… and pain.

  “Yes.” The word barely comes out and I don’t know if he even really heard me. I walk to the bed slowly, totally unsure how I’m supposed to lay in bed with this fine piece of man candy and not fuck the ever loving shit out of him.

  I suddenly remember that I told Maddox that I would sleep with him tonight, and I feel bad for not feeling bad. Right now, I want to be with Callan. Is that going to be a problem?

  “How will this all work?” I ask as I get into bed.

  “However, it needs to.” His answers are sometimes frustrating, yet, make complete sense. He answers without answering.

  “I told Maddox I would sleep with him tonight.”

  “Do you want to go to him?”

  “No. I want to be with you. Is that okay?”

  “You can be with whoever you want to be with, whenever you want to be with them. It will never be an issue for you to take from us whatever you need. We are all here for you. It will take time to build relationships with all of us, but once you do, things will balance out naturally without you even realizing.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m confident with my answer.” It’s silent for a few moments before I ask my next and final question before I sleep.

  “Why do you all have nightmares?”

  “Because we each grew up in one.”

  ***

  I lie in bed, wide awake for a long time thinking about what Callan said to me. None of them have opened up about what’s happened to them when they were younger. The more time I spend with them, the more I put two and two together. Whatever it was, it was bad. And I thought my childhood was bad. It was, but maybe not as bad as theirs. I don’t want to force them to talk to me about these things but at the same time I feel like I need to know about their past. Okay, maybe it’s more of a want, but I feel l
ike I need to know more about them, to help me be okay with whatever it is that we’re doing.

  They’ve asked me about my childhood, but not much. They haven’t made an issue about not knowing, and that’s what makes me decide that I’m okay with waiting for them to be ready.

  CHAPTER 23

  Friday

  -MONDAY-

  Alec and Maddox are getting ready to go somewhere, when I finally make my way into the kitchen. Half asleep, by the way. Why is waking up so difficult?

  “Where are they going?” I ask Lenny, quietly. He’s sitting at the kitchen table, playing on his phone.

  “It’s Monday.” I give him a questioning look and he widens his eyes at me, tilting his head towards Maddox and making a biting gesture.

  Oh that. At least he’s nice enough to leave this time so I don’t have to walk in on him again.

  I walk to the fridge, looking for something to eat as they start to walk out the door. It doesn’t seem anyone made breakfast this morning, which I am fine with. They do enough, I don’t expect them to have breakfast waiting for me when I wake up. Though, that is always nice. I’m fine with cereal.

  Alec is out the door and Maddox is halfway there before I speak. “Wait.” They both turn to look at me, and I pause for a moment. Not sure what I’m doing, convinced that I’ve definitely lost my mind this time, but I know that I need to do this. Something inside of me is telling me that this needs to happen.

  “Can I go?”

  “You want to watch?” Maddox asks, his tone incredulous.

  “No. I mean… instead of Alec.”

  Everyone is silent. Everyone has their eyes on me. Not going to lie, it’s making me feel a little self-conscious. “What? Should I have not asked that?”

  “No, it’s just–are you sure? This is the last thing I was expecting to come out of your mouth this morning.” Maddox’s ability to make everything sound insulting – it’s a fucking gift, and I’m kind of jealous. Yeah, I can be sassy, but his art of speaking is beyond that. And the best part? He doesn’t even have to try.

  “I’m sure.” Suddenly feeling super confident. I’m not going to get over my fear if I don’t jump in head on. Right? I’m not about the baby steps. Well, when it comes to Callan I am, but he’s the only exception. “Let me get dressed.”

  “You’ll need to eat something first.” I hear Maddox say to me as I turn down the hallway. “Someone make her something to eat.”

  I pick out a V-neck t-shirt and a pair of leggings. Best to be comfortable when I’m about to have my blood sucked out of my body by one of my boyfriends. I dress quickly and head back to the kitchen. When I get there, Callan is cutting up fruit and putting it onto a plate that already has yogurt and toast on it.

  Alec walks towards me and stops less than a foot from me. His piercing gold eyes look right through me. I don’t know what it is about his stare, but when he looks at me like this, I swear he is seeing well beyond just me. He has to see straight into my soul. “Are you sure about this?” He asks me quietly. I bite my lip and nod.

  “If I’m going to be a part of this, then I need to be a part of this.” He reaches his hand up and brushes his thumb along my jaw line, causing my lips to part and my skin to burn with need. As quickly as it’s there, it’s gone. Holy fuck.

  “Okay then.” He walks past me and takes a seat on the couch, picks up the remote and starts to search for something to watch. Like we didn’t just have a little moment there. We definitely had a moment.

  “Are you sure about this?” It’s Callan that comes up to me this time. Standing in almost the exact spot that Alec was in only a few moments ago.

  “Yes, I’m sure.” I walk past him and take a seat at the table with Lenny. Callan places the food down in front of me with a large up of orange juice. “The sugar will help. Try to eat all of it.” Callan smooths my hair and then makes his way back to the stove.

  “You’re going to love it.” Lenny winks at me. I make a weird face, unintentionally. What is that supposed to mean? I ignore the comment and eat. I’m done in a few minutes, both excited and nervous about what I just agreed to. Or offered, actually. I just offered to be Maddox’s next meal. I get a strange feeling in my stomach and I can’t tell if it’s from the nerves or excitement. I suddenly feel like I made the wrong decision.

  It’s too late now. I can’t change my mind. I won’t.

  Maddox takes my empty plate off the table. I didn’t realize he was standing this close to me. “You ready?”

  “Yep.” I stand up, Lenny gives me another wink and I follow Maddox. He drops the plate on the counter and then goes to the door, holding it open for me. I duck under his arm and exit the room. We stop and wait for the elevator to reach our floor.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Just down a few floors. I booked the room the other day. Not wanting a repeat of what happened last time.”

  “Oh.” It’s all I can manage to say.

  The numbered light flashes on our floor, the elevator dings and a few moments later the doors open. We get in and Maddox hits the button for the fifth floor.

  We step onto the elevator and it’s nothing other than awkward. I don’t know how I should be acting, what to do, or what to expect. Maybe that’s a good thing? Is there a way to be an experienced vampire meal? Well, I guess there is if the guys do it weekly. Lenny must be a pro. Maybe I should have thought this through a little bit more. Gotten some advice first.

  We reach the fifth-floor way too quickly. We step out and I follow Maddox who is walking faster than normal down the hallway. This hallway is longer. Doors line the walls. Different compared to the two on our floor. Of course, these must be one-room rooms, while ours is as big as an apartment. We get to the end of one hallway and turn right. He stops at the last door and swipes the key card. It beeps and he holds the door open for me.

  Here goes nothing. I step in.

  This room is much smaller than what we are staying in. This is one room and a bathroom. There is a queen-sized bed, a small sofa, dresser, mounted TV and a small bar fridge. The room is decorated in maroon and white. It’s nice, but no way all of us could ever fit in here. Maybe if the bed were larger we could squish together. I laugh at the thought of all four of my guys squishing together on one bed.

  As I enter the room, I suddenly feel like a teenager on a first date about to lose her virginity.

  “You’re sure you want to do this? You can change your mind. I’ll call Alec and have him come down. It’s his turn anyway.” I’ve never heard him be so sincere and not cocky. It’s odd and I have no doubt that he means what he says. Is this how he would always be when we are alone? Is this the real Maddox? Or is it because of this situation?

  “You should act like this more often.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like you care.” He lets out a long sigh.

  “I don’t mean to be an asshole, it’s just who I am. I have to be this way, to protect myself and the other guys. Someone has to do it.”

  “That makes sense for everyone else, but not for us. Not for me.”

  “You’re right. I’m trying, and it’s not easy. I’ve forced myself to be a certain way for so long, for the guys. Then we started falling apart and that same attitude started towards them too, mostly to protect myself because at that point, I wasn’t protecting them anymore. It was just me.”

  “Is it going to hurt?”

  “For a second it will, but it won’t after that. Actually, for you it will feel good. Really good.”

  “What do you mean? Why?”

  “Normally, it feels good for everyone, other than the first bite. That’s how the older vampires, the ones that had to fight for their food, were able to feed. If it hurt the entire time, we’d be fighting the person we were feeding from. Which would never work. There is an enzyme in our saliva that makes the sensation feel good. But, lucky for you that feeling is enhanced.”

  “But why?”

  “Because I belong to you.”


  Hearing those words come out of his mouth throws me for a loop. That is not something I was expecting to hear. I haven’t ever thought of it in that sense. They belong to me? They’ve made comments about doing things for me, and me taking what I need from them. But belonging to me? Is that what this is?

  “This Circle isn’t really about you joining us. Yes, we were together first, and we’ve been looking for you, but Circles are about the women. All of us, Friday, we all belong to you. That is what we are here for. For you. Of course, we get our own thing out of it. Each Circle makes it what they want, and everyone is different. But I know us, and believe me when I tell you, that we are yours. We will be yours fully and truly. We have been since that moment to set foot in my jeep. Hell, I was yours the moment I saw you from the balcony.”

  “If someone would have told me that from the beginning I would have joined a lot sooner.” I take a breath and walk towards the bed. “Four guys, huh?” I look up and meet his eyes. His features are strong, his nose is stupidly straight.

  He shakes his head and lets out a laugh. He knows I’m joking. “Let’s get this done with then. What do I need to do?”

  “Kiss me.”

  “You need me to kiss you? Do all the guys have to do that? Cause if so, maybe I should have let Alec do this and I watch instead.” He shakes his head again but doesn’t say anything. He moves towards me, his hand going around my head and he pulls me to him. My hands land on his chest as I breathe him in. He smells like danger, but for some reason, it’s so fucking amazing in this moment. “I want you to kiss me.” His lips meet mine before I can say anything. He runs his tongue over my bottom lip, biting it just hard enough to cause blood. He sweeps his tongue over my lip and into my mouth, moaning at the taste of my blood.