by Nikki Ashton
Like shit would my four-year-old daughter be adopted and then sent away to school. She’d had enough crap in her short life. Now was the time for her to be part of a real family. A family that ate dinner together, a family that took the rise out of each other, a family where the mom put notes in her kids lunchbox telling them she loved them.
“James Jenson.”
“James, it’s Dex Michaels,” I said. “I’ve made my decision.”
“You went to see the Henrys?” he asked on the other end. “I told you they’re good people, Dex.”
“Yeah, they are,” I replied. “Just not good enough for my daughter, so I’m taking her home with me.”
Katie
I hadn’t heard from Dex in almost four days, and I was getting more and more stressed by it. I’d convinced myself that he wasn’t coming home, but didn’t know how to tell me. The last time I’d spoken to him hadn’t help to ease my nerves; I’d said hi and he’d said, ‘sorry darlin’, I’m in the middle of something, I’ll call you back’; but he never did.
“He’s not coming back,” I stated as Mandy maneuvered the shopping trolley into the bread aisle.
“He’d tell you if he wasn’t. He’d certainly tell that Jethro guy that works for him, and he’d tell the staff, which means Isaac would know, which means you would too.” She sighed and picked up a large French stick, throwing it into the trolley.
“Hey,” I groaned. “Be careful with the bread. You’ll damage it.”
She looked at me with a frown. “This is my shopping, not yours, so no need to get your knickers in a twist about it. Oh and talking of knickers, did you go to that shop I suggested?”
I nodded. “Yeah, for all the good it’ll do me. He won’t be coming back to see them, or my freshly waxed vagina.”
“I’m very proud of you,” Mandy replied earnestly. “You hardly cried at all.”
She’d persuaded me to go and get waxed – a nice surprise for Dex when he got home – and like a fool, who’d drunk far too many glasses of wine, I agreed and let her go online and book me appointment.
“I don’t think they’ve ever had to provide a full box of tissues for a client before,” I said, cringing at the memory of two members of staff trying to comfort me, all while Mandy stood in the corner howling with laughter.
“To say it was worse than child birth was a little over the top.”
Mandy took some bread buns from the shelf, and with a side look at me, threw them on top of the French stick.
“It was, to be honest,” I replied, helping myself to some buns too and placing them carefully at one end of Mandy’s trolley. “My three shot out so easily, you’d think I’d been trained by Sticky Vicky.”
“Ooh the thought of her show disgusts me. Have you ever seen it?” Mandy asked as we moved out of the bread aisle.
I nodded. Carl and I had been on holiday to Benidorm, before we had the kids, and had spent a drunken night watching her stage show, where she produced flags, balloons, and scarves from her fangita, even shooting out ping-pong balls at one point.
“It’s a bit boring to be honest,” I sighed. “The highlight was her opening a bottle of beer with it.”
“No way, she didn’t.”
I raised a brow, nodded, and picked up a packet of frankfurter sausages.
“Okay,” Mandy said. “Back to Dex. Have you tried calling him?”
“Not since he said he’d call me back. I just sent a text yesterday, asking if he was okay and got a, ‘All good, talk soon. Miss you’, with two kisses on the end of it.”
Mandy didn’t respond, which meant she wasn’t getting good vibes. She was only ever quiet when the vibes were bad.
“You’re not getting good vibes about it are you?” I whined.
“I wouldn’t say they weren’t good, just a bit…I don’t know…roguish.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“Well they’re not good, but they’re not bad either, just a bit in between.”
I nodded, kind of understanding her logic. That was exactly how I felt. Dex wasn’t being off with me when we did communicate, he was still lovely Dex, but we just weren’t communicating and if we did, I was the one instigating it.
“What if he doesn’t come back?” I asked, feeling a pain in my chest.
“You move on and find a new bloke.”
“That simple?” I asked astonished, dreading the thought.
“That simple.”
“Mandy,” I growled. “I wouldn’t be able to do that. I really like Dex and even though we’ve only been together a couple of months, I don’t think I’d want to move on from him – not for a long, long time.”
“Two of those weeks you’ve been together, he hasn’t been here.”
“Thank you Mandy, I’m well aware, but until four days ago we were in constant contact. In any case, I’m sure women married to serving soldiers don’t say, we’ve been married for ten years, but I only count it as three because he’s been away on duty.”
Mandy shrugged. “Just saying, you shouldn’t waste all the effort you’ve put in, getting yourself to a happy place, if Dex doesn’t come back. It’s not as if you’re in love with him.”
I stayed silent, preferring to peruse the tins of baked beans instead.
“You don’t want the nice, bare fanny to go to waste, do you?”
“I went through that torture for Dex, not some random bloke that I don’t even know yet.”
“Obviously you don’t know him yet,” Mandy sighed. “But we can find you someone.” She paused and looked around. “What about him?”
She nodded toward the man working behind the wet fish counter.
“He’s good looking.”
“He wears a hairnet and a trilby to work and probably smells of haddock. No.”
I rolled my eyes and stalked off into the next aisle. Within seconds, Mandy was screeching up beside me, her trolley free-wheeling as she had her feet off the floor and was leaning on the handle.
“How old are you, six?”
“Seriously, Katie you need to come back to the tinned food. There’s a really fit bloke down there. He’s almost as hot as Dex. You need to come and look at him,” she whisper-screeched at me. “He’s got a really nice bum.”
Her eyebrows were almost in her hairline, she was pleading so much.
“Fine,” I huffed and stormed past her back to the tinned food aisle.
When I rounded the corner, I burst out laughing with a loud snort. Standing handing out leaflets was a man dressed as a chicken, with huge, clawed feet and a plastic beak held on with elastic around his head.
“Sorry,” a little voice said in my ear. “I promise I won’t try and set you up, not yet anyway. Not until Dex has called and said he’s never coming back and hopes you have a nice life.”
With that, I picked up the French stick and whacked her with it.
Katie
As I unpacked my shopping, my mind whirled with the possibility of Dex not returning – ever. And it was a possibility, because if he decided to keep Savannah, she had to be his main priority and if she needed to be in the US, in an environment she was used to, then I’d support him wholeheartedly. It’d break my heart, but it would be something I’d have to cope with.
I wondered whether we could maybe do the long distance thing, but that wouldn’t work. I couldn’t see him being happy to not date or have sex with anyone, except the once a year that I’d be able to visit him or him visit me. It wasn’t as though he was in love with me.
Me, though, well that was another matter. I was most definitely in love with Dex Michaels. Absence had made the heart grow fonder, but I think my heart was pretty much already there before he’d left. It had definitely been teetering on the edge at least, and then with him being gone for two weeks, four days and thirteen hours, I was definitely in love.
It was going to take me a long time to get over Dex, and as pathetic as it made me feel and sound, I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
; I’d thought a lot while he’d been away, about what it would mean if he did come home and brought Savannah with him. My kids were almost grown and ready to leave home, apart from Charlie and I’d made no secret of the fact that I was relishing the idea of having some time for me again, but if Dex came home with his daughter, and if I wanted us to continue our relationship, I’d be pushing that ‘me time’ back by another six or seven years. I hadn’t been sure I was happy or ready to do that, but when sleep evades you, it gives you time to think and I’d realized I’d be happy with that, if it meant Dex and I were together. That was how much I liked him, so that had to be love, right?
I just packed away the final few things into the fridge, when my mobile rang. Distracted by a bottle of juice I’d left out by mistake, I picked up my mobile and answered while I opened the fridge again, not looking at the screen to see who was calling.
“Hello.”
“Katie Cat?”
Just those two words sent my heart pounding and the adrenalin speeding around my body. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed his voice, until I’d heard him say my name.
“Dex, oh my God, I’ve been so worried about you. How are things?” I slammed the fridge door closed and leaned against it, relishing the sound of his voice.
“I’m fine darlin’, shit I’ve missed you too, so fucking much.”
As he breathed out, I breathed in, swallowing up his words before he could take them away.
“I’ve just been so busy Katie, sorting things out. Getting ready to come home.”
“You’re coming home?” I gasped.
“Yeah, of course I am.” He laughed softly. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“I had my doubts,” I replied, a little shakily.
“I’d have told you if I wasn’t, but I’m sorry you were worried. Got to admit though, I was worried it might have to be an option.”
“Really?”
I hoped against hope, it was no longer an option. Hearing him now made it quite clear to me, I most definitely wouldn’t get over him easily.
“Yeah. Savannah hasn’t been doing too good the last couple of days. It’s hit her about Lucy, her grandma, so when I told her what was happening, she kind of threw a huge temper tantrum.”
“Oh no, the poor little thing. How is she now?” I asked, moving to sit down on a kitchen chair.
“A little better, still grumpy about what’s happening and the fact that I’m her dad.”
“What, she didn’t take it well?”
My heart broke for Dex, it must have been awful if Savannah rejected him.
“Initially she took it great, but when I told her she was coming to live in England with me, she decided she hated me and wished I was dead, not her grandma.”
Dex’s words thudded into my ears and put themselves on loop – repeating over and over, ‘she was coming to live in England with me’.
“You’re bringing her home with you?” I asked, my voice breaking with the emotion of everything – Dex coming home, Dex becoming a father. It was all too much, wonderful, but too much.
“Yeah darlin’, I’m bringing my little girl home.”
“Oh Dex, that’s amazing.”
“It’s gonna be tough at times, but it’s the right thing. I love her already Katie, she can be a crabby little thing, but she’s amazing. I hope you love her too.”
I knew instantly what he was asking – are you in this with me?
“I’m sure I will, and I’ll be there every step of the way to help you.”
Dex blew out a breath on the other end of the line, and I knew it was of relief. He’d been just as worried as I’d been.
“Thank you darlin’, can’t tell you how happy I am to hear that.” He then cleared his throat and gave a little chuckle. “So can I ask a favor already?”
“Yes,” I said around a smile. “Of course you can.”
“I’m home in three days, so is there any chance you can get my place ready for a four-year-old girl. Decorate her room, buy her some clothes, all that sort of shit. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I want things to be as settled as possible for her when we get back. I don’t want her to have to sleep in a room with an old desk and adult furniture. She’s still fragile darlin’ and I’m petrified that what I’m doing is the wrong thing, so I want to make it as perfect as possible.”
I let out a quiet, emotional sniffle as I heard the fear in his voice. This was as scary for him as it was Savannah. He had no idea how to bring up a child, but he was doing it because he thought it was the right thing to do and what was best for his daughter. Messing it up wasn’t an option, especially as Savannah had suffered so much grief already.
“Of course I will,” I replied, sniffling. “I’ll sort everything out.”
“Thank you, Katie Cat. Thank you so much. You can get my business credit card from the studio – Jethro will get it out of the safe for you, he’s got a key to my apartment too.”
“Okay, let me get a pen and paper and I’ll make notes of what you want me to get.”
Dex laughed. “I have no fucking idea, you’re probably more equipped to know than I am. I just know she loves girly stuff – damn it, I think she has more dollies than a toy store. She likes pink too, but her favorite color is yellow and she loves watching old Tom and Jerry cartoons, they make her laugh loud, like a guy.”
I smiled and felt my heart swell up. “You’ve learned a lot about her already, Dex. That’s amazing.”
“I’ve not done much else but watch her and talk to her for the last week or so, since I made my decision.”
My stomach turned as I realized he’d decided over a week ago, but hadn’t told me, as though it wasn’t important I should know.
Was I just someone to help with the practical stuff?
My non-response must have raised alarm bells with him, because his voice was pleading when he said, “I wanted to tell you, Katie Cat, I really did, but I was scared the department might still turn around and say she was better off with the Henrys or another family. In principle it was okay for me to get custody, James said it was pretty much a given, but if she’d hated me, or I couldn’t engage with her, they could have forced me to give her up.”
“But you’re her dad,” I replied, now understanding his reasoning for not telling me. “You’re on the birth certificate, however Cherry got you on there.”
We’d had a conversation about what Cherry had done, but Dex had been adamant he wasn’t angry about it – her not telling him he was a dad, now that was a different matter entirely.
“I know, but if I wasn’t suitable they’d do what was best by Savannah, and to be honest, I’m glad about that. Shows they’re doing a good job.”
“I suppose,” I sighed. “The main thing is you are bringing her home, so what do you need me to do?”
As she had a two-year-old sister, I’d enlisted Annie’s help in getting things ready for Savannah, hoping she’d give me an insight of what to buy. I would have been better asking Charlie, because all Annie wanted to do was nosey around Dex’s apartment and check out his sound system – at full blast.
“Seriously, Annie, if you’re not going to help, get the bus back home,” I grumbled, as the metal tape measure flipped up into the air.
“Okay, I’ll help.” She bent down, holding the measure in place, while I jotted down the numbers.
I’d seen some cute white, wooden furniture in a local shop, but wanted to be sure that the bed and dresser fitted in. Luckily the room had a walk in wardrobe, so I didn’t need to worry about fitting one in. Dex had told me to ‘move the shit from the closet and put it in my room’, so that was my next job, once I’d got the measurements down.
“I’m thinking that striped pink and yellow bedding with the matching curtains, what do you think?” I asked Annie as I moved my tape measure to the window.
“Yes that would be lovely, but what about these walls.” She screwed up her nose at the plain cream walls.
I stood back and looked at
them. “I don’t think we have time to repaint, so maybe get some pictures and put them in pink and yellow frames?”
“Ooh there’s that shop in town that sells cheap prints. I noticed they’d got some of sweets, donuts, and lollipops, what about those?”
“We can go and look,” I replied, glad she was finally getting interested. Then again, we were talking about spending money.
We then took the next hour moving things into Dex’s room and I only blushed once as I looked at his bed, remembering what we’d done in it the night before he’d left for Texas.
“So this is where the magic happens,” Annie said, grinning at me as she carried in a pile of LP records. “This is where Dex shows you a good time.”
“Annie,” I scolded. “That’s enough.”
She started to giggle and placed her pile on the floor. “We’re not bothered you know, Mum. We’re just glad you’re happy. You haven’t smiled so much in ages.”
I looked at her and chewed on my bottom lip. “He does make me happy.”
“Good. I’m glad.” She came over and gave me a side hug. “Pity Isaac isn’t still working at the record shop,” she said, nodding at the records. “He could have bought them from Dex.”
“I doubt Dex would want to part with them. I wouldn’t.”
“Hmm, clinging on to your youth, that’s what you old people do. Never mind, you’ll be able to sit in your rocking chairs and listen to them when we’ve all left home.”
“Well that’s going to be a while now,” I said with a sigh.
“Ah, so it is serious with you two.” Annie nudged me with her elbow. “I told Isaac it was, but he didn’t think you were as into Dex as he’s into you.”
“I really like him, love.” I looked at Annie and was glad to see she was smiling. “I’d like it to get serious, but who knows, especially now he has Savannah to think of.”