Hard to Hold On

by Shanora Williams

  He sinks against me, running his fingers through my hair before cupping the back of my neck and kissing me. “I love you so much, Bunny,” he whispers in my ear, kissing my cheek.

  “I love you, too, Nolan.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Nolan

  I’m up tangled between Natalie’s arms and legs this morning. Her hair is in her face and her lips are parted as she breathes softly. Last night had to be one of the best nights of my life. The connection between us grew. I could feel it blossoming and our relationship mending back together. We were growing in more ways than one. I don’t think I’ve seen Natalie smile that much since I’ve met her and that’s saying something. It’s good and bad.

  Instead of talking last night, we ended up making milkshakes and cuddling on the couch watching movies until we had fallen asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night to carry her to her bedroom and decided to sleep with her. I know we need to talk but it seems like something always gets in the way. Tonight for sure, I tell myself.

  I know now that I’ve won her over. From now on, I can’t fuck up because I want her in my life, for the rest of my life.

  I’ve been confused about a lot of things but I’ve never been so sure about anything until she came around. I know Natalie won’t let me down. She never wanted to leave my side and although I fucked up by letting her go, I know I’ll never let it happen again. She’s my girl. My Bunny. I’ll never let her go like that again. Letting her go was like committing internal suicide. I was emotionally dead without her.

  With her, I’m living again. With her, I’m whole.

  She mumbles something as she moves against my side and then her eyelids flutter. She stares up at me with the richest brown eyes I’ve ever seen and then a smile forms on her lips. “It’s nice to wake up to your face,” she murmurs,

  “I could say the same thing.” I kiss her cheek and she adjusts herself to lie on my chest.

  “I have school today,” she sighs.

  “What does that mean?”

  “Tyler is in my English class.”

  I tense, looking away from her. “Do you want me to drop by?”

  “No, Nolan. He can’t do anything to me at school. I just need to talk to him and figure out what happened. I don’t want him to feel threatened. It might cause more drama.”

  I shake my head as she runs her fingers across my arm. “Just don’t fall for his shit, Natalie.”

  “I won’t, Nolan.” She lifts herself up to climb on top of me. She stares down at me, her eyes soft as she bites her bottom lip. “You trust me, right?”

  “I trust you. Not him.” She begins to straddle on top of me and my legs lock, enjoying the feeling. “What are you trying to do?”

  “Get you to ease up.” Leaning down, she places a kiss against my cheek, my neck. Her lips trail down to my chest and then rise to my lips again. “It’s my turn,” she whispers.

  I don’t say anything—I want to, but I don’t. Instead I watch as she lowers herself until she’s hovering above my arousal. She tugs on my boxers while looking at me beneath her eyelashes and as soon as they’re down, she grabs a hold of me.

  Her tongue starts at the bottom and I shiver as she tickles her way up. I grip onto the edge of the bed and my head falls back as a loud sucking noise fills the room. I don’t know how the hell she’s so good at it but I’m not complaining. I hear myself curse mildly and then she stops. The bed sinks beneath her weight as she sits up and I steal a peek, watching as she takes her panties off.

  As soon as they’re off, she’s on top of me and a heavy grunt has fled from my vocal chords. Her moans turn me on even more as she straddles herself on top of me. She rides hard, fast, and her hand grips my chest to keep the leverage. She has a tank top on and I want so badly to rip it off but she lowers herself against my chest, leaving me with no choice but to let her keep it on.

  Her lips crush mine and I cup her ass as the strokes deepen. She moans against my lips; I swallow it. Our panting increases and then the throbbing intensifies. “Oh, Nolan,” she moans against my ear. Her voice always does something to me. It always builds me up.

  Flipping her onto her back, she stares up at me and I crash into her again. I grip the top of the headrest and pound into her quickly, creating a continuous bang against the wall. She shrieks and her eyelids lower as her head falls back and her body arcs into mine. She then grips my forearms, begging for me to go harder and I do.

  I continue it until I’m close—until I’ve hit just the right spot. She squeals again, bucking against me and I pull back to pull her up. Her chest presses against mine and she bounces on top of me until I reach the point of it all.

  “Holy shit, Natalie,” I grunt against her ear as she bounces on top of me once more before we land against the bed. I slip my way of out of her to pull her against me. I bury my nose into her hair to breathe her in and she hugs me, gripping me tightly with a satisfying sigh.

  It’s one of those moments where the sex is so damn good that you don’t want to say anything. It’s not awkward or annoying . . . It’s just right. It’s one of the moments you never want to let go of.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Natalie

  I’m dreading this class more and more with each passing second. My fingers curl around my steering wheel as I stare ahead at the school. English is my favorite course of them all but to know that Tyler is in the same class as me makes me hate it. I don’t want to go but I want to find out what happened to me. Nolan and Harper are so worried about him that I have to find out the truth for myself.

  Someone knocks against my window twice and I jolt before turning to look out. Brittany is standing arm-in-arm with Jordan as they both smile at me through the window. With a breath of relief, I pull my sweaty fingers away from the steering wheel, grab my notebook and satchel bag, and hop out of the car.

  “What’s up, poet!” Jordan says. We pound fists and then I turn to hug Brittany.

  “How are you guys? It’s been forever.”

  “It’s been a while, yeah, but there’s an Open Mic session this Saturday,” Brittany says. “It’s supposed to be epic. You and Nolan should totally come.”

  I nod. “We might just have to make that trip.”

  “Awesome. Jordan, I’ll meet you in, okay?” Brittany looks up at her boyfriend and he nods as he kisses her cheek.

  “See you in. Great to see you, Natalie.” He smiles at me before pulling away from Brittany and carrying himself towards the school.

  “Are you feeling alright?” she asks as soon as he’s out of earshot. “You look kind of sick.”

  I shake my head, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. “I’m just . . . well it’s Tyler.”

  Her features flip negatively in an instant. She narrows her eyes at me before turning her head to scan the parking lot. “What did he do now?” she asks, her voice low and unfamiliar.

  “I blacked out last weekend after hanging with him. It was during one of his lake house parties. All I can remember is talking to him and then after that it’s just . . . blank.”

  “Did you take any kind of drinks from him?”

  I think on it but then I remember. Right after I left Nolan, Tyler handed me an uncapped beer. “Yeah, I did.”

  “Bingo,” she sighs. “It’s the same thing that happened to me. Listen, Tyler is a freak. He can be really sweet but there’s just something about him that creeps me out. I find it odd that the same thing happened to me right before he stopped calling me. Has he tried calling you?”

  “No, but Nolan says he’s been trying to get in contact with him through my phone but he hasn’t been answering.”

  “Gah, what is wrong with this guy?” She runs a hand through her hair, shaking her head. “Look, take it as a good sign that he isn’t calling or answering. You don’t need to be involved with him.” Her lips press as she takes a brief stare into my eyes before looking me over in my red skinny-jeans and black blouse. “Did you have sex with him?”

/>   “No, Brittany. I didn’t want to go that far with him. I only wanted to be friends.”

  She nods. “Well good. If he’s in class today, ignore him. Just pretend you’ve never met him. He isn’t worth the stress.” Flicking her wrist, she checks the time and then takes a step forward. “I’m going to be late to class. I’ll see you Saturday?”

  “For sure.”

  With a nod, she takes off, but in the back of my mind I know I’m not going to just pretend nothing happened like she did. I want answers and I don’t care how I get them.

  ****

  I’m actually early today. I’ve tried stalling as much as I could but it didn’t work out. As I scurry down the aisle of the classroom, I notice there are only about five people already sitting at their tables. Most of them are the original early birds and it’s a good sign that Tyler isn’t here yet.

  I go for the table near the window, pulling my chair out and dropping my bag and notebook on the table. I pull the extra chair from under my table and move it to the back of the classroom. I don’t want him near me—at least not yet.

  Professor Doran comes into the class with a grunt and his circular glasses barely hanging on the bridge of his nose. He has his briefcase tucked in hand and a few papers in the other. “Morning, class,” he sighs, dropping his things on his desk. He looks up at each of us and I give him a wary smile but I can’t help but look at the back door that I know Tyler will be coming through soon.

  A few more people come strolling in but none of them are Tyler. I’m sort of relieved but at the same time I want him to come so we can talk in a public place. I know not to talk to him in private anymore.

  The clock strikes two-forty-five and class begins . . . but there is still no sign of Tyler. I force myself to focus on my notes from Professor Doran but it’s impossible. The fact that he isn’t showing up to a class he had attended every single day is freaking me out. I’d hate to think Brittany was right about him.

  After gathering a few notes, grabbing my satchel, and tucking my notebook beneath my arm, I decide leaving early is best. He isn’t coming and it’s one of the main reasons I showed up today. To figure out what the hell he might have done to me.

  I zoom through the clear hallway, stepping my way up stairs to get to the library. As I enter, a woman with bold white hair smiles at me from the desk. I force myself to smile as I walk past her to get to the farthest table. I catch a glimpse of a table near the window and rush for it. Dropping my books, I turn to scan the miles and miles of books that are in front of me. It’s a great place to think. To write.

  Pulling a pen out, I rip out a sheet of paper from my notebook and start scribbling all of my emotions. Confusion. Worry. Happiness (but only because of Nolan). Partially complete. I won’t be entirely complete until I figure Tyler out. Nothing has ever bugged me so much.

  “What are you writing?” a familiar voice asks from behind me.

  My heart slams against my ribcage, my palms sweat, and my pen stops scribbling as I stare ahead. How the hell did he find me?

  I force myself to blink, placing my pen down. Slowly, I turn to face Tyler who’s already staring at me, a smirk on his lips. His dimples are deep; his hazel eyes are clear and unashamed. I stand to my feet, narrowing my eyes at him as he takes a small step forward.

  “I’ve been calling you,” I lie.

  “I know.”

  “Why haven’t you answered? I thought we had fun.” Another lie. I didn’t have much fun with him.

  “Let’s cut the small talk, Natalie.” He brings a hand forth to touch my arm but I jerk away. As I look up, his eyes are wide with a mix of humor. “Do I scare you now?”

  “What did you do to me, Tyler?” My voice is wavering ridiculously.

  His head cocks a little. “How can you remember?”

  “I don’t remember. They told me I was bleeding and you left me out there alone.”

  With a chuckle, Tyler brings his hand up and runs it across his forehead. Then, unexpectedly, he moves in closer, causing me to take quick steps back until my back hits the nearest wall. He cages me in with his arms and my heart pounds as he looks straight into my eyes. “I didn’t like the way you were all over your ex-boyfriend. Is he even your ex anymore?”

  I don’t answer him. I’m too afraid.

  “I thought we had more, Natalie. I really did. I wanted so much with you. I actually wanted to change for you.” His smile dissolves into a scowl. “But you fucked up. Badly. I don’t handle rejection well.”

  “I-I never rejected you, Tyler.”

  “You can’t remember, but you did. I asked you to be my girlfriend—to date me—and you said no.”

  “What did you do?” I hiss.

  “Well, the drug kicked in sooner than I thought,” he says, stroking his chin. “You most likely fell somewhere and got hurt. I don’t know,” he shrugs carelessly. “I stopped walking when I noticed you were getting woozy and could barely stand. That’s when I asked you out and you told me no.” He glares down at me before running a hand across my cheek. “Rohypnol. Ever heard of it?”

  I frown. “No.”

  “It’s a date-rape drug. Knocks a woman right out. I could have done whatever I wanted to your precious body . . . but I thought it’d be better to just let you go and leave you alone until next time. This is our next time, Natalie. I want you to give yourself to me willingly.”

  “You’re fucking crazy,” I spit at him. I shove him against his chest but he doesn’t budge. I try to duck beneath his arm but he catches me and pins me against the wall again. “Tyler, let go of me.”

  “No,” he says, smirking. “I spent all of that time with you. I liked you a lot but you fucked with someone else at my fucking party. At a place that I had invited you to. You owe me this much, Natalie.”

  “I don’t owe you shit. You think I can’t report you for this?”

  He laughs silently, his shoulders shaking. “I’m moving tonight, anyway. I doubt anyone will find me.”

  “Is this what you did to Brittany?” I ask, my voice wavering again.

  He laughs again, taking a small step back. “Brittany was a doll but she started to get interested in someone else. I liked her, too, but unlike you where I’m giving you the opportunity to give yourself to me, I took hers away from her . . . twice. She wasn’t too bright.” I gasp but he shakes his head, placing a finger against the fold of my lips. “I told you there’s just something about you. Something I like. Something different.”

  “I didn’t want to be more than friends, Tyler. You agreed on that—”

  “And I could understand it but what did you think I was really trying to achieve? Did you really think a guy like me was really going to stick with just being friends? Hell no.” His voice raises a notch, turning abrupt. He glares at me and then grabs my wrist. “It’s obvious you aren’t going to do this willingly, so let’s go.”

  “No!” I growl, clawing at his fingers. “Let go of me!”

  “The more you struggle, the longer I’ll be inside of you, Natalie. Let’s make this as painless as possible.” He pulls me against him and cups my ass with his hand. He aims to press his lips against mine but I shove his face away.

  “Tyler!” a voice yells from down the aisle.

  Tyler flinches before pulling away from me quickly. My thudding heart comes to a sudden halt as I turn to find who the voice belongs to. Standing down the aisle is Sharon. I can’t believe it. What the hell is she doing here?

  “I can’t believe you,” she snarls at him, marching down the aisle. She shoves him against his chest and I gasp as I watch tears form at the rims of her eyes. “You swore—you swore you wouldn’t do this again. You’re not Dad. You’re better than him.”

  “Fuck you, Sharon. No one told you to come check on me,” Tyler growls.

  “I had no choice. I told you to befriend her but I knew you were gonna fuck up again—even when you promised me you wouldn’t.”

  “It’s not like I hurt them after I’m d
one with them. I’m careful,” he says, laughing. She shoves him against his chest again and he stumbles backwards.

  “Get the fuck out of here. I don’t want to rat my own brother out but I will if it means you won’t stoop down to shit this low again.”

  “Is everything alright?” the woman from the front desk asks as she peeks around the corner. I nod at her quickly, hoping she’ll get the cue to run while she can. Sharon and Tyler look at her, nodding as well. The woman lingers for a quick second before pressing her lips and going back for the front of the library.

  As soon as the woman is gone, Tyler turns to look at Sharon. For a moment, he’s frozen and his mouth is gaping. He finally adjusts his grey T-shirt and jeans. He rakes a hand through his sandy hair, shaking his head with a deep laugh.

  “Un-fucking-believable,” he says, still laughing. “Really? You wanted me to help you and I did, but now you’re against me? If anything, you’re just as low as I am, Sharon. Breaking up a happy home—” He stops himself from talking to laugh again. “I’m out of here. It’s not worth it anyway. I have shit to do.”

  Sharon and I watch him walk away, still carrying his confidence. I hate myself for falling for his bullshit—for allowing him to even touch me. I should have known he wasn’t looking for anything other than sex. But he was so sweet. Sometimes I felt like he was actually being genuine and trying to win me over. It’s what I get for opening up to people. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m always the one to get fucked over.

  Sharon turns around slowly, her green eyes soft with guilt. “I-I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’ll be honest. I was just so envious and upset that Nolan was still treating me like trash after spending an entire night with me. I was being someone I wasn’t these past few weeks because I thought I could win him over but . . .,” Her voice drifts as she looks from me to the window beside her. “I’m sorry. Jealousy is ugly and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that Nolan actually deserves to be happy. That whole night he kept bringing you up and I didn’t know how to handle it. I feel so terrible for what I did to him when we were younger. He deserved so much more, but I killed him even more inside. I was a terrible girlfriend.”