Handle Me

by Kira Sinclair

  That was one reason her relationship with Justin had never really worked. He was constantly talking, telling her trivial details about his day and life that, in the face of whatever life-and-death situation she’d dealt with that day, just didn’t seem to matter. And then he’d get pissed when she told him she’d rather just be alone.

  Ty didn’t seem to care.

  The problem was, the more time they spent together, the more she became aware of him as a man, not just the boy she remembered.

  The quiet way he coaxed Kaia out of her cage, tempting her to take bites of his own dinner since she hadn’t touched hers. The confident, comforting way he handled her, constantly looking for signs of distress.

  Kaia had finally started to come back out of the funk she’d fallen into after the parade, when an explosion out on the street had them all jumping. Well, her and Kaia. Ty didn’t react at all.

  Van didn’t want to contemplate what that said about the environment he was used to.

  “You’re all right, girl.”

  Kaia shifted, clearly uncomfortable. The screaming whine of fireworks followed by a loud explosion and a burst of color that flashed across the front windows sent the dog skittering off the sofa.

  Upset, she was unbalanced when she jumped. Her good leg collapsed beneath her. Her upper body slammed into the floor. She let out a pained yelp that had Van bolting from her chair.

  But Ty beat her there.

  Reaching down, he tried to grab her harness and pull her up, but Kaia turned on him.

  She scrambled backward, lodging herself into the corner of the room. Unfortunately, it was right next to the front wall. Streaks of red, blue, gold and green kept flashing over her trembling body. With each loud pop from the street, she flinched and quivered.

  On silent feet, Ty scooted closer. He tried again, reaching out a hand for her.

  Kaia snapped her jaws—a warning. She was careful not to actually connect with Ty’s hand. But the ensuing growl sent a chill down Van’s spine.

  Kaia’s eyes, just moments ago so calm, were now fierce and hard with determination.

  “Easy, girl,” Ty said, holding out his hands. “I know it’s scary. Trust me. I know it sounds just like that small, dark village that night. The fireworks make my heart race, too. But we’re both safe.”

  His words rushed over Van, making her muscles tighten and her heart clench. He hadn’t shown a single sign of reaction. He was so damn good at hiding it.

  She hated that he’d had to learn those skills. That he couldn’t just be open about his fears.

  In that moment she decided if she had anything to say about it—and she did—Kaia would never feel unsafe again.

  Ty, on the other hand...there was nothing she could do to change his past. Or keep him safe now. Whenever he left, it would be to return to one of the most dangerous places in the world. And that scared the shit out of her.

  In that moment, she wanted to wrap her hands in his shirt, shake him until he actually listened to her and then beg him never to go back into the line of fire.

  Instead, she bit down on her tongue, stopping the rush of words that threatened to spill out. And just watched.

  Slowly, Ty reached for Kaia again. He started by setting his hand on her head. Gently, deliberately, he eased his palm back, barely ruffling her fur as he went.

  He didn’t stop to grab her harness the first time. Instead, he went over and over the same path, whispering soothing words, just as she’d seen him do earlier in the day.

  But unlike earlier, it didn’t help. Kaia tensed with every burst of color splashed across the windows.

  “We need to get her away from the windows and shield her from the sound as much as possible,” Ty said in the same, soothing tone he’d been using.

  “The bathroom in the master suite. It’s at the back of the house, as far away from the street as you can get, and there aren’t any windows.”

  “Perfect.”

  Ignoring the warning growl, Ty scooped Kaia into his arms and strode across the living room. He didn’t even slow down when he crossed the threshold to her bedroom, but headed straight for the attached master bath.

  The room was one of the main reasons she’d purchased the house. It was huge with one of those tiled showers you could walk straight into with programmable jets that streamed out from the walls. In the far corner was a deep tub. The toilet and double trough sinks were on the opposite wall. And her favorite part, the connected walk-in closet.

  “Nice,” Ty grunted. Part of her was affronted at his subdued appreciation of her space. The rest of her realized he was a man, one probably more accustomed to sand and heat than iridescent tile and modern fixtures.

  Dropping to the floor, Ty settled onto the rug with his back against the tub.

  Van watched as his long legs stretched out into her space. This room had always seemed huge to her, which she liked. With Ty there it suddenly felt way too small.

  He didn’t unwrap his arms from around Kaia, but set her big body on the floor next to him, cradling her head in his lap.

  Switching from one foot to the other, Van had no idea what to do. Stay or leave them alone?

  She hated being unsure. Was not used to the experience, and, frankly, didn’t particularly like it.

  Ty saved her from the confusion. “Come sit next to us.”

  Unsure it was the wisest move, she did it anyway. Sinking down on the opposite side of Kaia, Van let her legs brush against the dog’s soft body.

  Kaia shifted, moving her paw so that it rested on Van’s lap.

  Glancing over at Ty, Van caught the flash of his smile before his gaze dropped to the dog between them.

  Kaia was constantly bridging the gap. The single line that connected them and drew them together when the smart thing would have been to just go in opposite directions.

  Van’s stomach twisted at the realization. She shifted, ready to do just that and put some space between them.

  But Ty’s words stopped her. “I’m going to move Kaia’s crate in here. It’s familiar and comforting. She was looking for shelter, which is why she backed into the corner earlier.”

  “Shelter from what? Is it just the fireworks or is there more?”

  Van realized it was the wrong question to ask at the expression of despair and grief that flashed across Ty’s face. It wasn’t there long before a blank mask settled back over the sharp, handsome features of his face.

  In some ways, she preferred the grief to the emptiness. At least the grief was honest.

  “That night, Ryan, Kaia, Echo and I had been clearing a section of road through a small village in the Helmand province. It was taking us a while. Between us and the specialized equipment the EOD unit uses, we’d already cleared a handful of IEDs. It was late. We were all getting tired. But the goal was to finish the stretch of road so the convoy could reach a camp on the other side.”

  Part of her wanted to stop him. She didn’t need the details about her brother’s death.

  And yet, she did. Several times over the last few months she’d woken in a cold sweat from nightmares about Ryan’s death. Without really knowing, her brain had imagined plenty of horror, often merging the worst trauma she’d seen in the ER with the few details she had of the actual event.

  Maybe hearing the truth would help.

  “There were hundreds of soldiers depending on us to do our jobs so that they could do theirs.

  “Earlier in the day, the convoy had taken fire from a group of insurgents hiding in the mountains close by, but once we’d reached the village the volley of bullets had stopped.

  “Maybe we’d grown complacent. One minute everyone was trudging along, doing their job, and the next all hell broke loose.”

  Ty shifted, his body sliding against the floor as if he was lookin
g for a comfortable position. Something told her there wasn’t one to find, not while telling this story.

  “Ryan had moved to a section of the road that Echo and I had already cleared. He was continuing through to a building the commander wanted checked when the explosion hit.”

  Ty’s hands left Kaia’s back. He rubbed them over his face, through his hair and then back down again, digging his palms into his eyes in a way that made her own sting.

  “God, I hated myself for weeks, thinking I’d screwed up and gotten Ryan killed.” He shook his head, but didn’t move his hands. “Turns out several soldiers had been hiding out inside that building, just waiting for the opportunity to strike. They’d tossed a bomb from the open windows. I just remember rock and earth exploding. Tiny shards of debris cutting into my skin, though I didn’t feel the sting until much later.”

  His hands finally dropped back to his lap. He seemed exhausted, his normally strong features looking haggard.

  “It was chaos. Men shouting. Orders flying. A cloud of dust obscuring everything...until it cleared and I saw Ryan lying motionless on the ground. Bullets started pinging, spraying dirt. It took us a few moments to regroup, to lay cover so I could rush in and drag him out. But it was too late to save him. He was already gone.”

  Ty’s gaze found hers for the first time since he’d started the story. The corners of his eyes tipping down with agony. A lump formed in Van’s throat. She wanted to wipe it away. She’d felt that kind of pain herself, still felt it every day. She didn’t want that for Ty.

  He’d already suffered so much. She’d watched him struggle time and time again as they were growing up. But as a kid herself, there wasn’t much she could do.

  There wasn’t much she could do now, either. She couldn’t change the past, no matter how badly she wanted to.

  “The doctors told me he most likely died on impact. He didn’t know what was happening. Didn’t suffer.”

  Reaching out, Van set her hands on either side of his face. “You’re a good friend, Ty. Ryan was lucky to have you in his life.”

  Ty shook his head, clearly unwilling to agree with her. A few weeks ago she might have made an argument that he was right, her own pain and need to blame someone so strong. But now...she’d not only seen the undeniable goodness in the man he’d become, but she couldn’t ignore the agony that lurked deep inside. Ty didn’t deserve to carry that burden. Ryan wouldn’t have wanted that.

  Pushing up from the floor, he dislodged her hold. With his back to her, he said, “I’ll be back in a few minutes and then we all need to try and get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

  He wasn’t ready to listen to her. She understood that. So she’d wait until he was and then tell him again, over and over until he believed her.

  9

  IT HAD BEEN hell to get to sleep. Not just because he was worried about Kaia, or because the floor was hard on his body. He was getting older, and his joints and muscles had no problems reminding him of that by aching. But having Van in the next room, in those little shorts that barely skimmed the lower curve of her ass and the tank top with straps so thin he could probably snap them in two seconds flat, did crazy things to his brain.

  Better that than letting the memories that had unexpectedly poured out of him play over and over in his head.

  He’d never meant to tell Van about that night, but for some reason, the words had simply fallen out. What surprised him most was her reaction.

  He’d expected to hear her agree with him, to tell him it was all his fault that Ryan wasn’t there with them.

  Instead, she’d tried to give him something unexpected. Something he’d desperately needed, but didn’t really deserve. Absolution.

  Luckily, Kaia’s nerves had been the distraction he needed. Even tucked away in the bathroom, her sensitive hearing meant every screaming rocket added to her anxiety.

  Ty did the best he could, offering her comfort and a safe place to curl up. Eventually, the fireworks died down, but Kaia was still restless. And when she did fall asleep, she was fitful, whimpering and making deep growling noises.

  He’d been ready to call it a night, heading out to the couch in the den, to the blanket and pillow Van had left for him there. But the minute he’d gotten up, Kaia’s nightmares got worse. So, instead, he’d grabbed the spare bedding and lain down on the floor next to Kaia.

  He’d slept in a hell of a lot worse places than Van’s luxurious bathroom.

  The whole day had been draining. Exhaustion tugged at his body, tempting him to just give in and let everything go, at least for a little while.

  And since he was safe and Kaia was okay, he did.

  * * *

  BARE-CHESTED, BLANKET TANGLED around his legs and one arm stretched inside Kaia’s cage to rest on her back, Ty was sacked out across the cold tile floor of Van’s bathroom.

  The world had been a little fuzzy to her, bleary from restless sleep, until she walked into the bathroom and nearly stepped on him.

  That sight could wake a girl up in a hurry.

  Van stared down at him, a riot of emotions jumbling up inside her.

  He looked peaceful. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized the tension that constantly covered him like the blanket dipping low on his hips. But maybe she should have.

  Ty always had this sense of...awareness about him. And it hadn’t started when he joined the army and his office became the latest war zone. Even as a little kid, he’d always been watchful. Observant. As if he expected his environment—or the people inhabiting it—to turn on him at any moment.

  The floor couldn’t be that comfortable, but it obviously wasn’t stopping him from sleeping. And soundly. She hadn’t exactly been quiet stumbling from bed to bathroom. But he was dead to the world.

  Kaia, on the other hand, had raised her head, tags jangling softly when Van entered, before dropping her head back down to rest on her paw.

  She seemed a little calmer, which was a relief. Van didn’t like the dog being upset.

  Should she wake him and shuffle him onto the couch—or even her bed—or just leave him?

  If she knew Ty at all, he wasn’t likely to go back to sleep once awake. So, better to leave him where he was.

  Quietly grabbing the few things she needed, Van tiptoed down to the bathroom at the opposite end of the hall, brushed her teeth, splashed water on her face and ran a brush through her hair.

  Feeling a bit more alive, she headed into the kitchen for coffee. Standing at the sink, she stared out her window into the backyard.

  The morning was gray, but promised to be warm and sunny with a little patience. A hushed quiet seemed to blanket the world. This was Van’s favorite time of day. Sometimes she got to experience it because her life was crazy and she hadn’t made it to bed yet. Sometimes she was up to get the day started early. Either way, there was something about this moment that always made her heart feel centered and light, no matter what emergency or tragedy had struck or was on the horizon.

  She should rummage in the fridge and pull out something for breakfast, but she didn’t. Instead, she indulged, just standing there, sipping coffee.

  That’s where she was, twenty minutes later, when the energy in the room changed.

  She didn’t need to turn to know that Ty was awake and standing behind her. She could feel him.

  His presence was electric. Or maybe that was just the effect he had on her. Her skin prickled, as if he’d reached out and brushed a finger down her body.

  Taking a deep breath, Van tried to find that calm that had been present just moments ago, but it had fled...as it always eventually did.

  Turning, she lifted her mug to her mouth, offered him a smile around the rim and then took a sip. Swallowing, she gestured to the machine. “There’s more if you want.”

  He didn’t move, b
ut his gaze devoured her. Trailing slowly from the tip of her head all the way down to her bare toes.

  It was difficult to pull her eyes away, especially when he was standing in her kitchen, taking up more space than any man had a right to.

  He hadn’t bothered putting his shirt on. Not that she hadn’t seen plenty of men’s chests before, Ty’s included, but the sight of it now made her mouth go dry. His shoulders were broad and rounded with muscle. His chest tapered down into a tight V at his hips. She knew plenty of guys who griped about their inability to gain a six-pack. Ty, despite being in his midthirties, didn’t seem to have any difficulty maintaining that physique.

  His jeans were well-worn and molded to his body. They looked soft and comfortable, riding low on his hips. It wouldn’t take much to push her hands inside and tug them to the ground. She couldn’t see a waistband. Was he going commando?

  A warm rush of need washed straight to her sex.

  It was too early in the morning for this. Or, rather, it was too early for her to find the will to fight her reaction.

  Yanking her gaze away from him, Van turned and opened the fridge. It was a convenient barrier between them. She ducked inside, pulling out a carton of eggs, half a bell pepper, some mushrooms, cheese and ham.

  Twisting, she deposited everything onto the counter by the stove. “Hope you like omeletes.”

  “And if I don’t?”

  “Then I guess you can make your own breakfast.”

  His mouth twisted into a grin. “Good thing I like them, then.”

  He didn’t even bother asking, but moved right into her personal space, reaching around her to snag the pepper and mushrooms from the pile. Riffling through her drawers, he found a cutting board and knife and began to prep the veggies.

  Van cracked the eggs, added some milk and a dash of black pepper. By the time she was finished, so was Ty. He had several neat piles of ingredients lined up and waiting for her.

  “That was efficient,” Van remarked.