Like a Book

by Bette Hawkins

  “Sounds like it.”

  Trish looked over Leigh’s shoulder. June was walking diagonally across the room and giving them a wide berth, avoiding looking directly at them.

  “I told you! I told you, you moron!” a student yelled to their friend by the door. Leigh started, throwing a look over her shoulder.

  “Jeez you need to pull these kids into line, so loud! Hey, June?” Leigh said.

  June paused, wide-eyed. “Hi, Leigh,” she said. “I didn’t see you there.”

  Leigh beckoned her over with an urgent wave of her hand, oblivious to June’s discomfort. Trish squirmed at the way June came forward with her shoulders hunched up, directing a furtive glance toward Trish.

  “I was hoping I’d get to see you here too! We’re going out to lunch, please come join us?”

  Trish stood quietly on the sidelines, waiting to see what June would do. June’s gaze drifted toward her again and Trish looked back at her steadily. Keeping her expression neutral, as though she didn’t care, she wanted to send the message that June could do whatever she wanted.

  “Thanks, but I should get going, I have to be at work…”

  “Oh, come on, we won’t be long. You already missed our dinner, I’m going to start thinking you’re avoiding me!” Leigh said.

  Trish winced. Her sister could be so forceful, but she did it with such a charming smile on her face that people were never offended by it.

  “Well, we can’t have that,” June said.

  Leigh clapped her hands together. “Yay. Trish is always going on about how much you know about food, you can pick where we go.”

  They walked off the campus onto the busy city street, Leigh placing herself in between June and Trish. For once, Trish was glad that Leigh was such a motormouth and that there was no way for anyone else to get a word in edgewise. June guided them onto a tram that they travelled on for a couple of blocks, getting off at a small vegetarian café called Yam Shack, on a busy corner. It was almost full, so the hostess offered a bench seat at the front. The three of them sat side by side facing the window, and once again Leigh took up a position in the middle, acting as a human buffer.

  Leigh checked out the menu and nodded. “Trish was right! You know your stuff. Let’s get some share plates, shall we?”

  “Sure,” Trish and June said at the same time.

  Leigh insisted that June take charge of the ordering.

  “Can we get two serves of the polenta chips, the tempeh meatballs, arancini, and the rainbow salad please,” she said, ordering without looking at the menu again.

  While they waited for their lunch, both Trish and June prompted Leigh to keep talking about her wedding.

  “How are you doing with writing the vows?” Trish said.

  “Getting there. Andrew’s freaking out about his part, though.”

  “Are you including quotes and stuff like that?” June asked, looking over toward the kitchen.

  “Sure. It’s become a bit of a competition between us, but of course I’m not allowed to know anything about his. If I look out and don’t see anyone crying, I’ll feel like I haven’t done my job. Anyway, excuse me for a sec, I’ve got to go to the bathroom.”

  June looked over her shoulder again to watch Leigh walk away and then stared straight ahead out of the window. She cleared her throat. Trish crossed and uncrossed her legs.

  “Sorry you got roped into coming,” Trish said. “You could have said no.”

  June looked over at her briefly, piercingly. Trish wished that she hadn’t spoken.

  “Hey, that’s really weird.”

  Trish followed June’s finger, pointing straight ahead. When she looked out the window she saw Ms. Rose hand in hand with another woman. They were walking past the café, unhurried and deep in conversation.

  “That’s Anne with her,” June explained. “The one who’s helping with my book? I’m sure I told you about her.”

  “Oh! Yes, you did,” Trish said. “They look kind of…close? Could they be sisters or something?”

  The two women paused where they were standing, and Anne brushed something from Ms. Rose’s face.

  June started to laugh uncontrollably, infectiously, and Trish joined her. They caught one another’s eye and June laughed harder.

  They were still breaking up when Ms. Rose looked right at them. Trish put a hand over her mouth and June smiled and waved, shaking her fingers at the two of them.

  “Stop it, that’s awful!” Trish said. She grabbed June’s fingers to stop her. June met her eye and broke into a smile.

  Ms. Rose waved back at them stiffly, and Anne gave a cool nod toward them before they walked on quickly. Trish reluctantly dropped June’s hand.

  “I just can’t believe it! I knew Anne had a partner, but she always just calls her Jodie. Jodie is Ms. Rose! Ms. Rose is Jodie! This is blowing my mind!” June said.

  “You’re kidding. This is crazy. I never would have guessed in a million years,” Trish replied.

  Leigh slid back in between them. “What are you two going on about?”

  “We just saw the craziest thing.”

  After lunch, Leigh said goodbye to them outside of the café, making a promise that she was going to send an invitation to her next dinner party through Trish. June thanked her, knowing that she would have a solid excuse in place by the time the invitation came.

  It was a shame, because she really liked Leigh. It was only the reason she found it so difficult to say no to coming along today. Leigh was so genuine about wanting her to come to lunch, and it felt unfair to punish her for her sister’s sins.

  June didn’t want to think about the fact that this might all be just another fancy rationalization. She still wanted to spend time around Trish, no matter how much she tried to deny it to herself.

  During the walk back to the library together, they barely said a word. June was painfully aware of Trish beside her, the loveliness of her close enough to touch. If she reached out she could take her by the arm, or put a palm to the small of her back. She wondered when she was ever going to stop thinking of Trish that way. June was determined to be patient with herself, to keep riding it out. There was no other option.

  June didn’t know what she wanted sometimes, but she knew that she found Trish endlessly disappointing. Although her goal was to rid herself of her feelings toward Trish, she still found Trish’s reactions to her lacking. With everything June had done to cut her loose, Trish had barely put up a fight. All she’d done was approach June once with a vague question, asking if she was okay. Trish’s indirectness annoyed June even more. The half-hearted attempt proved to June that she wasn’t really that important to Trish in the first place.

  As they were nearing the campus Trish finally spoke to her. “Well, it’s going to be weird to see Ms. Rose this afternoon.”

  “I bet.”

  “I wonder if she’ll say anything to me about it…”

  They reached June’s bike and Trish stood in front of her, adjusting her glasses.

  June could barely look at her. The most painful thing about all of this was the fact that she could not turn off her empathy for Trish. She wished she could soothe Trish and tell her that everything was going to be okay with them, even though she knew that it never would be.

  June wanted to ask her things too. She was desperate to know if Trish was getting back together with Katrina. It would hurt to find out that she was, but at least it might help her move on. Throughout the lunch she had hoped Leigh might say something to tip her off, but there had been nothing. For all she knew, Katrina had already moved back in to their house.

  “Well, you have a good day,” June said.

  “Thanks,” Trish replied.

  June could feel Trish’s eyes on her while she got ready to leave, and she rode off without looking back.

  Trish went back to work. She wished that she could go back and do it all over again, because she had been so on edge that she had let the precious time slip through her fingers. She le
t Leigh dominate the conversation and tried to stay out of the way, worried that if she talked too much she would say the wrong thing.

  The only time she had felt easy in June’s company was when they saw Ms. Rose and Anne. It was odd to think that she had edited herself around Ms. Rose, not wanting her colleague to find out about her sexuality. It never occurred to her that Ms. Rose might be with a woman herself.

  Trish went into the stacks in the psychology section, sliding textbooks into their places. It wasn’t long before Ms. Rose was at her side, scowling at her.

  “Trish, I need to speak to you about something. Can you come with me to the breakroom?”

  “Of course.”

  When they arrived Ms. Rose closed the door behind them, and nobody ever closed the door.

  Ms. Rose faced Trish with her arms crossed. “You saw me just now, didn’t you?”

  “When I was having lunch? Yes, I did,” Trish replied.

  “I understand that the girl you were with is a protégé of sorts of Anne’s? The writer?”

  “Yes, that’s right.”

  “I hope I can trust you to be discreet? I’d prefer that my colleagues here don’t know my private business.”

  “Yes, of course,” Trish agreed. Though she liked a good gossip session, particularly with her sister, it wouldn’t have occurred to her to tell their colleagues at the library about this. With a supportive family, Trish’s own coming-out hadn’t been that difficult. But even so, she found herself concealing her sexuality during uncomfortable times. If a man in a bar asked her out or a near-stranger enquired about a boyfriend, Trish let them think what they wanted. Ms. Rose’s position was understandable. “You know I…I date women, too, so I think I get it…” Trish said.

  “Oh. You do, do you?” Ms. Rose said.

  “Yes. I don’t know why I hadn’t mentioned it. I just didn’t.”

  There was that cliché that when someone came out, they were still the same person to those around them. Trish understood the sentiment, but in situations like this it didn’t fit. Since this afternoon, Ms. Rose was a different woman to Trish, coming alive with history and a secret life that Trish had never guessed at.

  Ms. Rose motioned toward the table and they sat down across from one another. “I don’t know why I don’t either. It’s not a big secret or anything, but I like to keep things separate when I’m at work. I got into the habit a long time ago, and now that times have changed so much I just haven’t really gotten out of it. I was never one of those out and proud types.”

  “That makes sense. Things have changed a lot even in the last ten years or so.”

  “Anne’s the brave one. She always has been. She doesn’t care who knows what.”

  Ms. Rose’s cheeks reddened, and Trish reached out to cover her hand with her own. “I’m sure you’re brave in your own way too.”

  “Not that brave. But I can’t very well tell people there was no Mr. Rose, now can I? It’s far too late for that.”

  Trish’s mouth hung open. “There was no Mr. Rose? I felt terrible for you after you told me about your dead husband. There’s no dead husband?”

  Ms. Rose burst into laughter. “Oh, I know. It’s horrible, isn’t it? I’m a miss, but I made up that story when I was really young and now I pull it out for special occasions. That’s what people get for asking prying questions!”

  She caught Trish’s eye, and the glint in hers made Trish burst out laughing too. They sat across from one another, giggling.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Trish snapped awake, hyper alert though she was in a deep sleep only seconds before. Something must have woken her.

  She heard a sound, footsteps down the hall. She bolted upright.

  Somebody was in the house.

  Trish scrambled to find her phone to call the police and then realized that she couldn’t, because the intruder might hear her voice. There was no lock on her bedroom door. She stared through the dark with her eyes wide, waiting for it to open.

  She clutched the phone in her fist. She could send a text to someone, her sister, and ask her to call the police. Trish looked around the room, trying to figure out if there was anything that she might be able to use as a weapon if she needed to.

  The front door creaked shut while Trish lay still, her mouth dry and limbs frozen. Living alone, this was her worst fear, the reason why she didn’t watch horror movies or read crime fiction.

  She strained to catch the stranger’s movements, but there were no more footsteps. She let a lot of time tick by before she felt safe enough to get out of bed, tempted to pull the sheets up over head like she was a child hiding from a monster. She crept out of her room, and snuck around the house. She checked the closets and peeked behind doors, even checking under her bed.

  Finally, she locked herself in the bathroom and called the police, still too scared to turn the lights on.

  “Someone’s been in my house, can you please send someone right away?” Trish stammered, the woman on the line patiently taking her information. When the call ended, Trish was alone again, hands shaking as she put down her phone.

  She walked from room to room, making sure that all the windows were closed and locked. She looked out of the curtains into the darkness. As she paced through the kitchen, she started at her own reflection in the window.

  The police would want to know what had been taken. She checked the shelf under the entry table and rummaged through her handbag to find that her purse was gone. There had been a camera on the top of a bookshelf in the hall and Trish ran her hand over the empty space.

  The police arrived, two male officers who looked alike enough that they could be brothers. The taller one chewed gum, looking her up and down when she opened the door.

  “No signs of forced entry?” he asked.

  “I don’t think so. I think they came in and out of the front door.”

  The other officer, a man with a mustache and sandy-colored hair, pulled the door back open, shining his flashlight across it and revealing the key still in the lock.

  “Didn’t see that when we came in.”

  Trish covered her face with her hands. “I keep it under that potted plant over there.”

  Popping his gum, the officer grimaced. “I’d really advise you against doing that.”

  “Obviously. I leave it there so my family can drop over whenever they want.”

  “Well, at least the key is still here, so they won’t be coming back,” the one with the mustache said.

  Putting his hand on his belt, the taller guy nodded. “We’ll take a statement and gather some evidence. There’s been a few of these aggravated burglaries in the area, I’m sorry to say, ma’am.”

  By the time they were done, it was two o’clock in the morning. She couldn’t imagine going back to sleep.

  Trish slapped her phone against her palm, thinking. At any other time, she’d call Leigh and go to her place, but Leigh and Andrew had gone out of town to visit Andrew’s parents this weekend. They didn’t leave a spare key lying around like Trish did.

  She went to call her dad, imagining him in his bed fast asleep, and the groggy state he always woke up in. When she and Leigh were kids, they’d mocked the way he stayed asleep when up on his feet for at least ten minutes. A call in the middle of the night about the break-in would be so disorienting for him. There was always her mother, but she’d been badgering Trish about how neither of them should be living alone. She’d suggested that Trish move in with her, and this would only bolster her argument.

  Katrina would come over if she asked, but that was out of the question. They had been on another date earlier that night, a lonely and confusing few hours for Trish. They’d gone to a film that Katrina had chosen and that Trish didn’t enjoy. Katrina hadn’t tried to kiss her this time, but Trish had been acutely aware of her in the dark, inching closer and closer into her space. When Trish was getting out of the car, Katrina asked to see her again the following night. She hadn’t known how to say no.

&n
bsp; Trish scrolled through the names in her contact list. There wasn’t a single friend that she would feel comfortable imposing on right now. The thought of sitting here alone for the rest of the night was unbearable, even with all the lights on.

  She had skipped over June’s name. She scrolled back up again, staring at the four letters, index finger hovering over them. Even with June’s frostiness toward her lately, just thinking of her made Trish feel better. Given what she knew about June’s schedule, it was likely that June would still be awake.

  At the lunch with Leigh, the ice had thawed between them. Trish could picture the way June grinned at her when they’d seen Ms. Rose and Anne together. If only she could hear June’s voice, Trish would feel safe again. She pressed the call button.

  “I haven’t woken you, have I?”

  “No, I was just leaving work actually,” June said, and then Trish could hear the sounds from the street around her. “What’s up? Is everything okay?”

  Trish pressed her palm to her temple, wishing that she hadn’t been so impulsive. This had not been the smartest idea. Still she was instantly comforted by June’s voice, and by the feeling that she was so near on the other end of the phone line.

  “I’m sorry…I…I just got robbed tonight, someone broke in while I was asleep. I don’t mean to bother you, I just wanted to talk to someone.”

  “I’m coming over. I’ll be on my way, as soon as I get to my bike,” June said.

  “You don’t have to do that, everything’s okay. I mean, I’m safe. The police have been here. I just really wanted to talk to someone.”

  “I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” June replied, and hung up.

  Trish’s calm was short-lived. She rose and checked the locks on all the doors and windows again. At the sound of an engine on her street, Trish rushed to the front window and twitched aside the curtain, dropping it when the car passed by. Remembering her credit cards, she canceled them while she waited, using her tablet. Thankfully that had been in her room on the nightstand, so they hadn’t gotten it.

  When a knock sounded on the front door, she jumped. Rising, she re-belted the robe that she had put on over her tank top and boxer shorts. She’d hardly opened the door before June reached forward and hugged her. Trish did not want to let go, feeling so safe and warm in June’s embrace.