Like a Book

by Bette Hawkins

  “Thanks so much for coming, I really didn’t expect you to,” Trish said as soon as June released her from the too-brief embrace.

  “I know you didn’t. What did they get?”

  “My purse, camera, a few other bits and pieces. Nothing too sentimental, so it’ll be fine. I’m so glad they didn’t take the car. The keys are right there on the entry table. I don’t even care about the stuff, really, I just hate that they were in my house.”

  “I know what you mean. Ollie and I got robbed a few years ago, but at least neither of us were home at the time.”

  “I’m so lucky they didn’t come into my room. Can you imagine?” Trish shook her head, not wanting to think about it anymore. As they walked inside, they had turned to face one another, and now she moved past June, accidentally brushing against her as she went.

  “I thought I might have a glass of wine, try to relax a little. Would you like one?” Trish asked, moving toward the kitchen while June followed behind her.

  “Why not?”

  Now that she was starting to calm down, it was sinking in that after weeks of feeling completely shut out, June had come running to her when she needed her. Trish reached up toward a shelf to take down two glasses. Maybe this was the beginning of things getting better between them again.

  Trish moved to the cupboard where she stored her wine and selected her best bottle, a 2004 red from the Barossa Valley that she had been waiting to open. She placed it on the bench in front of June, who checked the label and whistled.

  “This is a good one.” June poured each of them a glass, deftly tilting from the bottom of the bottle. “Do you mind if I ask why you called me of all people?”

  Trish took the glass from June, their eyes locking. “I hope you don’t mind. I would have called Leigh, but she and Andrew are staying with his parents at the beach.”

  June took a mouthful of her wine. “And Katrina’s not here, obviously. I mean, you’re alone tonight?”

  “No. I was with her earlier, but I didn’t want to call her.” As soon as the words left her mouth she knew that her instinct to be honest was wrong. She didn’t like the way June was looking back at her.

  Trish knew that Katrina would have done the same thing as June. She would have insisted on coming over. The difference was that Katrina would have bulldozed her way in, talking over the top of her and making Trish feel silly about the keys being in such an obvious place. June hadn’t even asked how the burglars had gotten into the house, and it wasn’t because she didn’t care. It was just in June’s nature to take things as they came.

  “So, what are you going to do? Would you like me to take you to a hotel so you can get some sleep, something like that?”

  The question conjured illicit images in Trish’s mind, a picture of the two of them lying in crisp white hotel sheets. Of course, it wasn’t what June meant, but the words were evocative all the same.

  “No, thank you, though. I’ll go to bed here. I’m getting tired again, I never thought I would. It’s funny isn’t it, how no matter what happens life just goes on,” Trish said. She put her hand over her mouth to stifle a yawn.

  June placed her glass down on the counter, the wine unfinished. “I think that’s my cue to leave.”

  “I didn’t mean that. I was just saying you don’t have to do anything. It’s more than enough that you came.”

  June walked out of the kitchen and Trish followed her. “Why are you going?”

  June turned to her. Though she was standing there calmly, her fists were clenched and her nostrils flared. She was coiled and waiting to strike. “Don’t call me again. I don’t want to hear from you.”

  “I’m sorry that I mentioned her. Maybe I’m not thinking so clearly, it’s three o’clock in the morning and I’m exhausted. Please don’t go.”

  “You know, you’re really clueless, Trish. I know you think you’re the mature one out of the two of us, but I wouldn’t be so sure.”

  “I know. I know I don’t know what I’m doing,” Trish said. “I’m sorry, okay? She was here but nothing happened. Nothing is going on between us, I haven’t even kissed her.”

  June didn’t answer. Trish met her challenging look, refusing to back down.

  Abruptly June reached out and grabbed the belt of Trish’s robe, loosening it so that it hung open. Trish was aware of the thin material of her tank top and the bare legs that were revealed and so was June, her gaze scorching a trail.

  The fear about the burglary had disappeared, replaced by a terror that June would leave her. From the moment she’d walked in, Trish had wanted June to touch her, though she had not acknowledged the desire to herself until now. Trish took a small step forward, just enough to make it clear that she welcomed whatever June wanted to do.

  June put one hand behind her neck and slipped the other inside Trish’s robe, coming to rest at her hip. Soon they were standing against one another, as close as two people could be. Trish could feel the sweet softness and the solidity of June, laid against her skin.

  June’s mouth was on her, kissing her fiercely and deeply, while Trish leaned in. Trish put her hands to June’s shoulders, gripping her, still afraid that she would go. The robe slipped off her shoulders and she barely noticed as the cool night air met her skin. June’s tongue was in her mouth, teasing hers, knowing just how to make her crazy.

  “I’m sorry,” Trish said into June’s mouth.

  There was so much more that she wanted to say, but words didn’t feel like they meant much right now.

  June ignored it, intent upon unravelling her by pushing her against the wall and melting her with her mouth. Though they had kissed a couple of times now, June had never been aggressive like this, and Trish liked it. June’s hips were pushing into her, guided by a subtle rhythm only they could feel. June’s soft breasts pressed against hers and Trish pushed forward.

  June drew back for long enough to pull Trish’s tank top up and over her head, throwing it on the ground beside them. Trish could feel June’s hot breath on her skin, the exhalation of air at the exposure of her breasts. June cupped them with her hands, her thumbs running over their peaks, her face a mask of longing. Trish arched into her hands, moaning as June moved down to caress her skin with her tongue.

  June raised up and kissed her mouth again, the friction as June’s shirt rubbed against her nakedness making Trish ache.

  Trish bunched June’s hair in her hands, submitting to the kiss once more. Her whole body had been set alight, and any moment she might sink to the ground, her legs no longer capable of holding her up.

  June’s hands were everywhere while they kissed, and Trish’s head fell back against the wall.

  “Let’s go to my room,” Trish said, risking the chance that June might stop and change her mind, but she wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take standing up. June looked at her with glazed eyes, and to Trish’s relief she nodded.

  They made it as far as the next room. Trish was walking ahead, June grasping at her waist, pulling her back and keeping her in place. June stood close behind her and kissed the side of her face, moving Trish’s hair so that she could kiss her neck.

  Sighing, her legs shaking beneath her, Trish shifted so that their lips joined, openmouthed and kissing hungrily. Trish pushed back into June and they ground against one another.

  June’s hands were rough on her breasts, but it felt right, and when June took her nipple between two fingers, Trish cried out in pleasure until June did it again. Trish turned in June’s arms and they sank to their knees together, June pushing Trish down onto the floor and climbing on top of her.

  They kissed where they lay, June’s hips thrusting into her more firmly than before, Trish’s legs coming around June’s waist. June was gentler now, her teasingly light hands running over and over Trish’s breasts. June managed to keep kissing her all the while.

  “Take off your shirt,” Trish said.

  “Wait,” June said breathlessly.

  June caressed Trish w
ith her long fingers through the fabric of her shorts and Trish thought she might come just from that soft pressure. Trish moved her hips up, signaling how ready she was. Then June was fumbling at the waistband, and then there was nothing separating June from her, nothing to stop the deft exploration of her fingers. Trish moaned and grabbed June’s face in her hands, and June looked down into her eyes before she bent down to kiss Trish’s lips once more.

  June’s touch was light on her, cautious.

  “Please,” Trish whispered in June’s ear, “fuck me.”

  It was a phrase she had never said to anyone before, but it was the only thing that expressed the urgency that she felt. June sighed before she did just what she was asked, her fingers sliding inside Trish, Trish rising up to meet her.

  June’s body rocked against Trish, setting a steady beat that was punctuated by the sound of their breath. Trish’s eyebrows knitted together, and she knew that her face must be a vision of fulfilment so deep it read like pain. They paused for a moment, Trish helping June pull her shorts and underwear down her legs so that June could move more freely. June stroked her thumb against Trish’s center, and she threw an elbow over her face, almost unable to bear how good it felt.

  June kept driving her higher. Trish looked up at June leaning over her, the sight of her beautiful face and its expression only adding to the pleasure. Now and then June would touch her lips to Trish’s mouth, or draw a line of kisses along her neck. June moved her hand just the right way, Trish’s hips thrusting in time with her movements, their communion going on and on.

  Finally, Trish reached a shattering climax. With her fingers, June gathered her up until she was clenched tight all over and she burst into waves. June kept kissing her, slowly withdrawing her hand.

  Trish pulled June close, wanting to be held by her, anchored to the ground. It was such an odd feeling to be lying here naked while June was fully dressed.

  “What a strange night,” she said. June’s laughter rumbled against her throat.

  The playfulness was short-lived. Trish sat up, pushing June along with her. She tore at the buttons of June’s shirt, not caring that she broke one or two of them in the pursuit of finally undressing her. June’s pants followed, Trish tugging them down as quickly as she could.

  Trish pulled June onto her lap until June was straddling her. Trish looked up into June’s face and then up and down June’s body, taking in the beauty of it. Trish buried her face in June’s perfect curves, capturing a nipple in her mouth and lightly grazing it with her teeth. She dug her fingers into June’s hips, holding her steady while she moved her tongue against June’s breasts.

  Trish took her time, feeling June arch into her mouth, June’s hands in her hair.

  Trish reached down between them and teased June softly, gently, and the sound of June’s ragged breath was loud in her ear. She increased her pressure and June’s head threw back. Trish stroked against June with her fingers. Caressing her was like touching velvet. Trish bit her lip at how wet June was under her hand. June’s response to her was electric.

  June moaned Trish’s name softly, her grasp releasing. Her mouth hung open, and her eyes were squeezed shut. She pushed Trish’s hand away, as though unable to bear any more.

  June clung to her and Trish put her hands around June’s shoulders, tenderly holding her.

  “I’ll take that as a compliment,” Trish said.

  “Please don’t make fun of me.”

  Trish gripped her tighter. There was so much anger and hurt in June’s voice. She pulled back so that she could look into June’s eyes. “I would never do that. I would never make fun of you. Come with me.”

  Finally, they reached the bedroom, and they laid down together facing one another. Trish rolled onto her side, propping herself on her elbow and looking down at June. Despite the intimacy they had shared tonight she still didn’t know how much she could say, or what she was and wasn’t allowed to do.

  Trish traced a finger down June’s chest, drawing it down to her stomach, and watched as June shivered.

  Trish rolled on top, kissing her again. Though neither of them seemed willing to say it, what was transpiring between the two of them was something vital, something that Trish would be unable to put into words in the days following.

  For Trish, there was no time or need right now for too much thought. There was a path for her mouth that drew her downward until June lay trembling beneath the stroke of her tongue.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Trish’s face in repose was even more beautiful than it usually was. She lay on her back with the sheet pulled up over her breasts, revealing her perfect collarbone and the gentle slope of her neck. Her chest rose and fell, the breaths slow and steady.

  A lump rose in June’s throat. She had to get out of here. She wanted to kiss Trish awake, to feel that intimacy between them again. When Trish was beneath her, looking up into her eyes, she could forget that Trish didn’t feel the same way about her.

  June moved gingerly away and out of the bed, turning back to be certain that Trish had not been disturbed. In the dawn light, she crept out to the living room and found her clothes, pulling them on hastily before she grabbed her bag. She was swinging it around to her back as she walked past the entry table, and knocked off a folder resting on it. June bent down to pick up the scattered pages. As she did, she saw her name.

  June’s eyes were faster than her brain. She took in what she was looking at more quickly than she could assess whether she should be reading it.

  June couldn’t believe what she was seeing. It was a pro and con list all about her. Her rage white-hot, she wanted to go back and shake Trish awake. Instead she shoved the papers back into the folder and put them back where she’d found them.

  June figured out how to lock the front door on the inside so that she could pull it shut behind her. Despite the urge to slam it, she managed to close it quietly.

  When she reached her bike, she wheeled it down the street so that the noise would not wake Trish, only revving the engine when she had put a full block between herself and Trish’s house. She didn’t know what she was capable of doing or saying right now if Trish were to wake up and see her.

  It was just after six, and the streets were eerily quiet. June rode around the empty streets of Fairfield, zigzagging around the side streets, slowly crossing back over to her home. It was only when she had been out on the road for some time that she gave in to the feelings that had been threatening to break out since the minute Trish had fallen asleep. June had not slept at all. She’d lay there either staring up at the ceiling or at Trish, thinking about what she’d done.

  She was ashamed, so much that she didn’t know what to do with it.

  She had undone the benefits of every bit of the distance she had gained from Trish. Coming to the house had destroyed the mastery that June had been working on gaining over her emotions. She now understood the extent of her feelings for Trish. From the moment that she’d heard Trish’s voice on the other end of the line, she was compelled to come to the rescue.

  Then Trish had been standing in front of her, makeup free with her hair flowing loose, wearing that robe. June wanted her, no matter what Trish said or did. Trish spoke so casually about seeing Katrina, acting like she had no idea how hurtful it was.

  She told herself that this time she was really going to do it, she would cut Trish out of her life and never see her again. She’d come running over here like an idiot, and it couldn’t happen again.

  If June wasn’t going to see her again, then what did it matter what happened right now, tonight? Trish had already rejected her in every way. June moved to touch her just to see what she would do, and she was half expecting to be pushed away. It took her breath away when Trish received her touch so eagerly, when it was clear how much Trish wanted her too.

  Yet still she was ashamed, not so much that it had happened but because of her own lack of composure. You were supposed to lose control during sex, that was part of the fun of
it, but she hated that Trish had seen her like that. June had not held a single piece of herself back.

  June didn’t need to be in love with someone before she had sex with them, but when she gave herself like that to someone she needed to believe that they at least respected her. Now she had been with a person who didn’t care about her or her feelings one bit. The list was proof of what had been right in front of her all along.

  When June finally got into her own bed, she began to sob. The tears poured out of her, her body heaving with them. She couldn’t remember the last time that she’d cried, let alone like this.

  Ollie said that she needed to go on a cleanse from Trish, and she had to admit that she had just done the opposite. June had binged, and now she would have to pay the price.

  She could never see Trish again. She lay on her side, fists curled up, and cried herself into an exhausted sleep.

  The alarm sounded, and Trish rolled over, picking up her phone and silencing it. She looked around the room and realized that June must have left some time after she had gone to sleep, which couldn’t have been very long ago. Trish sat up, wiping her bleary eyes. She called out even though she was sure nobody would answer, sitting up in her bed and pulling the sheet around herself.

  Trish went to her closet and pulled out a shirt, and then walked around the house. Her clothes were strewn across the floor in the living room, and her robe was in the hall. She started picking up her things. Of course, June’s clothes were gone.

  June hadn’t left her a note. Trish couldn’t figure out what her absence meant. June was always busy, but it was still early. After everything that had passed between them, it was strange that she hadn’t tried to wake Trish to say goodbye.

  Although she hadn’t slept much, Trish still wanted to go into work. It was rare for her to take sick days unless she was very unwell.