From A Distance

by L. M. Carr

  After what seems like forever, I excuse myself to find the restroom. The long ride left me feeling queasy and car sick.

  I lock the stall door and stand against it, regulating my breathing when a hot flash fires through me. A shadow of doubt tells me I don’t belong here; I’m an outsider.

  After splashing water on my face, I feel the weight of someone’s stare and I catch her eye in the mirror.

  I recognize the petite blonde instantly and fight hard to suppress a surge of anger.

  “I thought that was you,” Penny says, fixing a hard stare at me.

  Breathe, Karrie. Breathe.

  The dilemma I face is whether to address her kindly or as the whore she is for sleeping with my husband.

  “Hi, Penny.” I take the high road.

  “I don’t think you’ve ever been down here before, have you?” Her southern drawl seems more pronounced than I recall.

  “No,” I answer, moving to the dryer and rubbing my hands together.

  “And now you’re here with Tyler.” She chuckles dryly. “You know about me and Alex, don’t you?”

  I swallow the lump and look away. I don’t want to think about her or him or that part of my life. It’s dead just like he is.

  Inflicting another wound, she continues. “He was going to leave you.”

  My voice vanishes and I am left with nothing to use as my defense or to launch a verbal retaliation so I turn to leave.

  “I had his baby. A little girl. Her name is Alexandra, but I call her Alex… after her daddy.”

  “Alexandra,” I breathe, my voice re-emerging weakly as I get sucker punched in the gut at the mention of the name he always said he wanted to name our daughter.

  “Want to see pictures?”

  I spin on my heels, ready to spew venom. That’s when I notice the swell of her belly.

  “You’re pregnant again?” I don’t even try to hide the disdain in my expression.

  Her mouth transforms into a smug smile and she straightens her shoulders, exuding an aura of pride.

  “Seems these guys can’t keep their hands off me. None of them ever could. Not even Tyler.”

  My lips move slowly, mumbling, whispering words of hate I know will never reach her ears.

  “It’s hot outside. Make sure you lotion up. God forbid you burn that white trash skin of yours. “

  The last thing I see is her smile fall from her face and her mouth drop open. I’m pretty sure she calls me some choice words as the bathroom door shuts behind me.

  A quick stop at the concession stand does little to settle my stomach. I make a mental note to pack Dramamine next time. I purchase a few fried snacks and meet Tyler back at the trailer where he’s getting suited up to make his first pass of the afternoon.

  Damn, he looks good! I’ve suddenly lost my appetite for the food in the tray.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” he whispers in my ear after he kisses me. “Especially when you know I can’t do anything about it right now.”

  THE NEXT MORNING, I trail behind Tyler and his crew as they make their way to the track and line up. I can hardly hear myself think over the roar of the engines. Plumes of white smoke hide the lethal looking motorcycles as their back tires spin and heat up.

  Getting lost in the commotion, I fall deep into the excitement of the crowd, eventually standing off to the side. I see Tyler’s helmet move from right to left as he scans the sea of onlookers. He flips his visor up and calls Gabe over. Gabe nods and is gone. Moments later he finds me and ushers me back to where I was next to Tyler.

  The shiny helmet is ripped off his head as he leans over to speak to me.

  “I told you.” He warns with stern eyes. “I want you by my side. Got it?”

  I nod and smile when a warm and fuzzy feeling flows through me.

  Noise and chaos settle into silence; a bubble of tenderness and intimacy consume us the instant his lush lips crash against mine.

  “Go fast,” I mumble against his lips when Matt and the other guys start to heckle.

  “That’s my plan.”

  Our eyes lock as I close his visor and silently pray for his safety. Stepping back, I watch as he shifts his bike into gear. It roars loudly when he launches forward to the pre-staging line.

  Who knew racing was so sexy?

  A distant voice booms through the speakers announcing the next race. It’s a highly anticipated race after last night’s test and tune. Everyone had the chance to see Tyler in action; they got to see the motorcycle called Black Mambo fly down the track. He is better than ever. Faster than ever. Stronger than ever.

  I narrow my eyes when yet another plume of white smoke rises in the air, the smell of rubber burning permeates my nose as each racer heats up their back tires.

  Like a predator ready to pounce, Tyler bends at the waist and lowers his long hard body over the gas tank. My attention is pinned directly on him, traveling up and down from the black leather suit to the laced-up racing shoes. Hovering over the shiny black metal, his chest barely touches it. The roar of his turbo motorcycle sounds like the warning growl of a vicious bear.

  I look for any sign of movement, but he’s perfectly still, keeping his eyes laser focused on the top lights as they prepare to descend. The tip of my tongue peeks through, moistening my bottom lip before my teeth clamp down on it. I force a deep swallow in anticipation of the moment his hands shift, releasing the firm grip on the clutch and cracking open the throttle in his other hand. The hammering of my heart is almost as loud as the roar of the aligned motorcycles, two beasts gearing up for an attack on the asphalt as they race to the finish line.

  The anticipation is thick and coats my skin. As if no one else exists, I watch him as he watches the tree of lights. One light. Two lights. Seconds later when every light is illuminated, Tyler accelerates, thrusting forward, racing down the straight track at an incredible speed. I stand on my tip toes to see him; the farther he goes, the smaller he seems.

  “Go! C’mon, baby!” Quiet, mumbled words of encouragement fly from my mouth.

  At the end of the track, a white arrow flashes on the right side, indicating Tyler’s win. The crowd returns and erupts into a wave of cheers and hollers. I glance around quickly and notice everyone offering hugs and high fives. Gabe steps close and wraps his arms around me, smiling fiercely.

  “Hot damn! Can you believe it?” he yells.

  My eyes widen in surprise.

  “He’s never gone that fast! Never! What are you doing to him?”

  We both turn to look at Tyler who is moving slowly back in our direction, traveling a narrow path alongside the track.

  I laugh then smile. “That’s all him.”

  The memory of long nights sitting in the garage while he worked on his bike cross my mind. The memory of celebrating when he finally finished rebuilding this motorcycle makes the butterflies in my belly dance. My ovaries are going to explode recalling what we did on that bike when he finally finished rebuilding it.

  His whispered words he growled in my ear now ring loudly.

  “Time to celebrate, baby.”

  I felt a chill down my spine when he took me by the hand and led me over to inspect the sleek, sexy turbo bike he’d built with his own hands.

  “That’s beautiful,” I said, running my hand over the polished metal as I admired the intricacy of the highway of wires and pipes.

  Tyler’s chin rested on my shoulder and he kissed my neck. “You are beautiful.”

  The moment transformed. His sweet, loving gesture quickly changed to one that had us clawing off each other’s clothes before he bent me over the bike and widened my stance, driving hard into me.

  The purr of Tyler’s bike as he approaches pulls me back to the here and now.

  I watch him wave to the crowd as he passes them and I smile at his earned arrogance.

  The throng of gathered people part like the Red Sea when Tyler slowly maneuvers through the dense crowd. Cheers of appreciation and respect are tossed his wa
y. He nods and smiles confidently until he reaches me. Even before he removes his helmet, he slides his arms around my waist and pulls me to him. I could feel the heat from the engine tickling my skin so I lean in, careful to avoid a burn.

  I flip open his visor and catch his eyes; they’re beaming with happiness, pride and love and yet I detect a hint of insecurity and vulnerability.

  “That was amazing!”

  The helmet is removed, leaving his short hair matted down. I run my fingers through his hair and cup his jaw as I bring his face closer to mine. I tilt slowly and meet his lips, offering a congratulatory kiss and celebratory promise of what’s to come.

  “I’m so proud of you!”

  I kiss him again, completely oblivious to the stares until Gabe clears his throat.

  “Take it to the trailer, bro! We’ve got other races lined up.”

  Tyler smiles against my lips. “Get on.”

  I pull back in question.

  He moves forward on the bike, creating a sliver of a space for me.

  “Baby, I can’t fit there. You know I have a big ass!”

  “Karrie, get on. Now.”

  The command in his voice supersedes my doubt as I straddle the bike and snake my arms around his waist.

  Together, we ride slowly through the crowds who wait for the next race to begin.

  Race after race, Tyler wins, destroying Alex’s old records and setting new ones.

  His confidence is palpable; his arrogance deserved.

  The day has been nothing short of amazing.

  The sun falls below the horizon, worn and weary after having worked hard all day providing light and heat.

  I gather my hair in a messy bun at the nape of my neck and wipe the sweat from my brow. A shower and the hotel bed beckon me, inviting me in as if I were a wanderer seeking refuge.

  After the last ratchet strap is secured, holding the motorcycles in place, Tyler stands there in jeans and a T-shirt, moving slowly in my direction.

  “Thank you for being here today.”

  I smile and step into his arms, forgetting how hot and sweaty I am,

  “I’m glad I was here with you. It’s where I belong.”

  Strong arms envelope me and I am kissed senselessly. His hands travel from my face to my neck before finally resting at my bun. When I’m with him, I feel as though the outside world no longer exists.

  “I love you,” he whispers in my ear.

  My eyes close briefly and slowly reopen as the words “I love you more” tumble from my lips in response.

  “But I’ve loved you longer.” He smirks and cocks his eyebrow, proving his point.

  I smile because I can’t argue back. I hate to think of the years I wasted, the years he watched me from afar, loving me even though I belonged to someone else.

  “You know I would do anything for you. I would give up racing for you.”

  I gasp. Disbelief and shock mar my face before I nod and smile.

  “I would never ask you to do that.”

  “I know you wouldn’t, but what I’m saying is I would if you asked. You are the most important thing in my life.”

  His loving words send warmth through my body.

  “Can you do something for me?” he asks, dropping his hands. The look in his eyes suddenly serious.

  I slide my hand over the scruff of his jaw.

  “Of course. Whatever you need. You know that!”

  Searching my face, Tyler kisses me lightly before taking a small step back and dropping to one knee, sliding my hands in his.

  My heart stops.

  “Karrie Ann Miller, I need to ask you something important, but I need to tell you something first.” He swallows nervously, forcing down his emotions as he stares at me with love etched on his face.

  “From the first time I saw you, I knew you were special. From the first time I touched your skin, I knew we had a connection. From then, I knew I wanted to get to know you, but when I lost that chance, I stood in the background and watched you. I watched you struggle and I watched you soar. At times, I saw the happiness in your eyes, but more often I saw the sadness. Karrie, the only thing I ever wanted to do was to take you away, to protect you and to love you. Now that I have the chance to do those things, I don’t ever want to lose it.”

  The hammering of my heart thumps loudly in my ears, the blood is racing wildly through my veins.

  “So…” He reaches into a small pocket to retrieve something then uncurls his palm, revealing a diamond ring. Cast upon me are eyes filled with absolute and complete joy.

  “I’d like to ask you something. I’m asking you to be my wife, to spend every day and every night with me, to be by my side at every race for the rest of my life. Your life. Will you marry me?”

  Through expectant eyes, I realize he identifies the expression on my face as one of shock and surprise. But my hand reaches down to touch his face, my thumb sliding across his bottom lip.

  In a matter of seconds, a thousand questions surface; all opportunities for me to reject his offer.

  But I don’t.

  I can’t.

  I am completely, irrevocably and madly in love with Tyler Strong.

  My knees buckle from the excess weight of happiness resting on my shoulders and I lower myself, mirroring his position. Pools of water fill my eyes as my vision blurs and I wipe them away desperately, not wanting to miss a moment of this with him.

  “There are so many reasons why I should say no…”

  Hurt flickers across his face.

  “But I don’t care. I don’t care about the past. I don’t care about what people might say, I don’t care that I used to hate you.”

  At my words, a small smile tugs on his mouth.

  “But here’s the thing. I want you. I need you. I love you.”

  Tyler kisses me chastely and asks, “Is that a yes?”

  “Absolutely! Yes! For all the reasons I should say no, I’m saying yes!”

  Taking my left hand in his, Tyler guides the beautiful ring in place and seals it with a kiss.

  “You’ve just made me the happiest man alive.”

  My lips tease his, touching lightly before pulling back until he crushes his mouth against mine.

  “I’m going to love you forever.”

  A heavy knock and the jiggling of the trailer door forces us to separate from our embrace.

  Tyler rises and unlocks it, pushing the door wide open.

  “What do you want?” he asks someone who remains hidden behind the door and is out of my line of sight.

  “I need to talk to you,” a woman’s voice demands.

  “Now’s not a good time.”

  “Really? Why? Because your girlfriend—”

  Tyler glances back at me sympathetically then steps out, quickly closing the door behind him.

  Curiosity and apprehension flood me as I sit back on my heels. Feeling as though the enormous wave of emotions is crashing, leaving me buried in the sand, I sigh and look around the trailer at the motorcycles and equipment. I can’t believe how much my life has changed in a year. My gaze falls to my ring, admiring its beauty and simplicity. The solid square of diamond nestled in platinum sparkles, demands my attention. I’m lost in imaginary thoughts of Tyler going to the jewelry store and picking out this ring when I’m suddenly startled and sent running at the sound of voices shouting.

  The door swings open and I step out just in time to see Penny’s hand connect with Tyler’s cheek.

  “What the hell? What are you doing?” I screech as my feet come to a full stop before them.

  Tyler remains unmoving, accepting the barrage of small balled fists to his chest.

  “Penny, stop! What are you doing?” I shout.

  I turn to Tyler, trying to understand what’s happening, but the look in his eyes makes my heart plummet.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Go back inside.”

  “No!” I refuse his command. My stern face and tight lips reveal my steadfast deci
sion.

  “Karrie, I said go back inside.”

  Standing my ground against ever being told what to do again, I bellow a single word.

  “No!”

  “She’s upset. Let me talk to her.”

  “Clearly she’s upset,” I motion with my hands at the woman who is now crying against his T-shirt. “Why? Why is she upset? What happened?”

  “Please trust me.”

  A plead for mercy and compassion is imprinted on his face as he speaks with a gentle voice.

  Trust him? I’ve just agreed to marry him and he’s consoling another woman. The woman who had an affair and a child with my husband. Images fill my mind. All the race trips they took down here. The muffled voices in the background. The lies he told. The deceit he lived. The plan he hatched.

  Rage bubbles to the surface.

  “You know what? Fuck you!” I turn and head in the opposite direction. My legs carry me fast and far away before my heart explodes.

  “Karrie!”

  I can hear Tyler footstep’s behind me until he stops me in my tracks.

  “Stop, Karrie!”

  Desperately trying to avoid him, I sidestep right and then left. Each step is matched by one of his own.

  His hands reach for my arms.

  “I’m not letting you go.”

  Hot heavy tears spill from my eyes when I finally look at him.

  “Why are you doing this? Why would you do this?”

  He caresses my face.

  “Baby, it’s not what you think. She needs help.”

  I narrow my eyes and scowl.

  “I don’t give a shit what she needs!”

  “She needs money. For the baby.”

  “I. Don’t. Care!”

  Tyler glances quickly over my shoulder and then looks back to me.

  “I have to help her. I owe that to her.”

  “What?” I snarl. “You don’t owe that woman anything.”

  A flash of comprehension races through my mind.

  “It’s your kid, isn’t it?”

  My stomach opposes and lunch threatens to rise.

  “Hell no!”

  “Don’t lie to me.”