Strong Enough

by Teresa Hill

  My eyes swell and I can feel the tears rimming my bottom lashes. The blood begins to drain from my face and my body begins to shake. Sitting back from the table I put distance between us. I do know him.

  He can see the recognition now in me and the fear in my eyes and it startles him. He sits back further in his chair to give me space.

  “You were so bloody and swollen, you couldn’t look at me,” he began with a very hushed voice.

  “I was the first to respond at the hospital. You were in and out of consciousness and so beaten and broken. I had never seen a girl so young, so unrecognizable and so alone.” He hung his head as if ashamed for me. He lifts his hands on top of the table as he twists them together.

  “I couldn’t see you, but I remember your voice. I could hear the anger and pain when you talked to me. I don’t remember much, but I remember you would not leave me.”

  “Reece, I have never seen a child put through what you must have been put through. Come out in the condition you did and walk away.”

  The tears are falling because I can’t turn the memory off. “I remember. Although, there isn’t much I remember but I do know you were there until the next morning when Adam showed up, then you were gone. I never knew your name.”

  “I’m glad to see you are doing well.”

  I can’t contain the sarcastic chuckle that I left out. Yeah, I’m doing peachy, school is killing me, the bar is keeping me exhausted, I have so much anger that I have no friends, I don’t trust men which means I can’t do relationships, which means I am always alone which means sex, ha, sex what is that? Yeah I am doing “well”.

  “Yep, I’m doing just fine.” LIAR

  “Look, I didn’t want to remind you of that night.”

  “It’s fine, so what did you find out about the car?” I asked, quickly changing the subject.

  “Well we have a name, so we will look into it and see what the deal was. I don’t think you have anything to worry about though, this person is well, not a bad guy and it might have just been a coincidence that he was behind you. None the less I will personally check into it.”

  Not a bad guy? What is that a motto for the evening?

  “Um, ok, so I can go then?”

  “Yes Ms. Miller, you can go now, just be careful driving home, you look exhausted. Do you need me to take you?”

  “Nope, I’m good, but thank you for the offer.”

  I stand and gather my things. As I walk toward the door I feel an overwhelming emotion.

  “Officer Watts, I know its 6 years later, but thank you, thank you for just knowing I didn’t want to be alone. For what it’s worth, it made a big difference.”

  He smiles one of the gentlest smiles and nods his head once. I think it was not possible for him to speak as I saw a single glisten in his right eye.

  I leave the station and head to my car, checking to see if anyone is parked around or waiting. I slide into the front seat, take a deep whiff of leather and think how much I wish my dad was here.

  Pulling out of the parking lot I set my sites on home. This day needs to come to an end already.

  Chapter 9

  Deep breathe in, the pull is intense and I feel the fire as it burns in my legs. Down deeper I push until my legs begin to shake and I can feel it all the way in my ass. Letting out an exhale I begin to release the tension, slowly bringing myself to a stand as sweat is dripping down every part of my body. I take a step forward and relief hits as the bar and its weight is now resting on the stand and not on my shoulders. Stepping away from the squat rack I turn toward Sterling. He is nodding his head in approval. “12, good job Reece, four sets is enough for today.”

  It’s been a few weeks since I started coming to the gym regularly and working out with Sterling. We have gotten into a routine of doing cardio together and lifting afterwards. He wasn’t kidding about not leaving me alone. After my first visit to the gym, he waited three days before the text messages began. I am not sure if it was the incessant texts with pleas to “give him another chance” or if it was the countless phone calls that went unanswered in which he outlined all the reasons I needed to be in the gym in each voicemail he left. In my defense I am going to go with the reasons I should be in the gym as to why I came back. I am still not 100% sure about Sterling but I can say the guy is a hell of a trainer.

  “Hell of a workout Reece. You’re looking great, your legs have toned up and your back and arms are seeing a change. You’re looking even hotter.” His sinister smile appears on the last of his words. He takes another step closer and his hand rests on the small of my back while he continues, “I can’t believe in just a few weeks how much effort you have given and the changes I have seen. Your legs, mmmmm, your legs are definitely reaping the benefits.” His fingers knead softly into my back and a twinkle hits his eyes as he takes another glance down my body. I even catch a quick lick of the lips before he returns his attention.

  My own thoughts turn a bit naughty watching as his tongue extends out and runs smoothly over his soft pouty lips. Lost in my thoughts a little too long, I notice Sterling is staring at me, staring at his mouth and the “caught you” look on his face has left me a bit embarrassed. I divert my attention to the water bottle in my hand that I continually open and close without ever taking a drink.

  “Everything okay Reece?” His laugh not covered by the question.

  “Yep, everything’s good,” I spit out quickly as I step away from his continued caress of my lower back and turn to face him to not seem as though I am uncomfortable.

  Typically I am not the girl that picks up on the subtle hints of men; however, Sterling has let it be known his interest. The comments, looks, and the constant touches and caresses when in close proximity to me, causes a mixture of emotions for me. Sure Sterling is hot, but I already know he’s a ladies man and he irritates me with his incessant need to tell me what to do all the time. Even still, I am curious, intrigued, ah hell I’m just fucking horny and he’s hot.

  My realization puts a grin on my face that Sterling immediately catches.

  “Hmmm and what is it that has you grinning?”

  “Just had a realization about myself, guess it was kind of funny.”

  “Care to share?”

  “Nope, if I did that, the fun would be gone. Can’t tell you everything I am thinking Sterling,” I say teasingly. God knows if I did we would not be standing here right now.

  If looks could undress, I would be standing here naked. His face shows lust as his tongue runs over his lips a few times. His eyes are soft and full of need. Taking a step forward his hand rests on my right hip and he leans in close to my ear. “Some things you don’t need to verbalize Reece, something’s are just a feeling that comes across loud and clear.” My body trembles not only at his touch but the words he said. Does that mean he can sense my desperation? Oh shit, he thinks I’m desperate! Wait… I am…

  He leans back leaving his hand on my hip. “I was going to grab a bite to eat, want to join me?” Quick think of an excuse, anything, you cannot go out with him, bad bad idea…. “Um sure, I just need to shower.” Dropping his hand from my hip he leans further back. “Yeah about that, I wasn’t going to say anything but….” He said laughing. “Haha, you could use one too, and I would have said something to you about it if you didn’t take one.” I say sarcastically.

  “Ok well, go home and shower and I will pick you up say in about an hour?”

  “Ok, that’s fine. I’ll text you my address.”

  “No need, I know where you live.” What the fuck? How does he know where I live?

  He quickly sees the look of confusion and concern flash across my face. “You filled out a profile when you first joined the gym Reece, remember? It has your address, I admit, I looked,” he said with a sheepish smile. “I wasn’t stalking you or anything, was just curious.”

  Although I am pissed that he looked, I guess I understand, sorta? “Well in case you didn’t memorize my apartment number it is 718.” I turn
and head toward the front door of the gym. I give a backwards wave while leaving. “See ya in a bit.” That was stupid, now everyone who heard me knows we are going out….Shit.

  I don’t bother to turn around because I don’t want to see what he’s doing or the look on his face. I especially don’t want to see how many other people standing around him are looking at me after my very loud proclamation. I push open the doors to the gym and head to my car. Panic is starting to set in since I have not been on a date in years. Who am I kidding, I don’t date. Chris was my last boyfriend two years ago and that lasted all of three months. This will prove to be interesting.

  Stepping out of the shower I grab my towel hanging on the wall and wrap it around me as I walk up to the mirror. I run my hand back and forth across the steam covered mirror so I can see myself. Standing there I look over myself. Wet hair and red skin from the hot water, I can’t quite figure out what it is that Sterling might even find attractive. Maybe he doesn’t and I am more of a game to him. Bed the girl that no one can seem to get? Shaking my head clear of the thoughts I reach over and open the door to the bathroom to let the steam out and clear up the mirror so I can see myself to get ready.

  With my hair now dry and straightened and what little make up I do wear applied it is now time to figure out what to wear. This should be the fun part… not.

  I find myself again standing in front of a mountain of clothes. I now realize it would have been a good idea to ask where we were going to eat in order to dress appropriately. Hot Texas summer means no jeans or anything silk unless I want to talk around with huge pit stains from the amounts of sweat that could happen. I settle on cute dark copper shorts, a little on the dressy side, and a breezy ivory sleeveless button down that stops at the top of my hips. I finish it off with my thin metallic belt and metallic multi tone strappy heels.

  Standing in front of the full length mirror in my bedroom I examine the look. The Texas sun has helped me develop a nice tan which stands out more against the color of the shorts. With the heels on you can see more calf muscle and I am starting to see the definition in my legs Sterling keeps referring to. I look ok, comfortable, not too dressy, could fit in anywhere kind of look. My attention diverts to the clock by my bed and sees that he will be here any minute now.

  Walking to the living room I hear the knock at the door. I stop and take a minute to collect myself. Good lord what have I gotten myself into?

  Pausing with my hand on the door handle I take in one last deep breath. As I open the door I see him standing in the hallway looking down with one hand resting on the door frame and the other in the pocket of his khaki cargo shorts. The navy blue polo he wore fit snugly against his broad chest and wrapped his muscular arms tightly. Noticing the well-worn flip flops on his feet brought a smile to my face.

  “Hi,” he said softly straightening up to greet me.

  “Hi yourself, let me just grab my purse,” I say as I walk away from the door to grab my purse off the couch. “So where are we going?” I say as I turn to walk back toward the door but bump into him standing behind me. “Oh sorry, didn’t realize you followed me in.” My comfort level has just dropped. Panic is setting in as I step away from him.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to sneak up on you I just…” reaching out to touch my face he runs the back of his hand down my cheek causing me to shiver. “I just wanted to do this.” His hand wraps around my neck as his fingers spread upward into my hair. With a gentle pull my lips are against his. The feel of his soft and full lips catches up to me and I relax as my arms wrap upward under his arms so my hands are holding on to each of his shoulders. Pressing himself into me the kiss develops as his tongue runs along the crease of my lips looking for entrance. Without time to think and process my heart is beating against my chest with anticipation and I grant him access parting my lips. His tongue slides in and caresses mine as the kiss deepens to a point I can’t get enough of him. His other hand is wrapped around my waist and pulling me tightly against him. Feverish movement increases and the kissing is hot. Suddenly he pulls back slightly with his hand still tangled in my hair and holding my head. “Ready to go eat?” Is he fucking serious right now? Food is the last thing on my mind. Wide eyed and a little disappointed I nod my answer releasing my grasp on him.

  Following him down the stairs to the parking lot, I wonder to myself what he drives. Is he the sports car guy, economical sedan, hand me down old beater… My curiosity is appeased when he hits the alarm to a White Ford 150 lifted with huge mud tires. Yep, Texas boy all right and only a Texas girl would know how to get in this lifted truck in heels and still be stylish about it.

  Opening the door to the truck he asks, “Need help getting in?”

  Brows arched, my eyes rolled over to look at him. “Nope, I got this.” Grabbing the handle on the door I put my right foot on the chrome running board as I pull myself up and grab the handle on the inside of the cab with my left hand and swing my left foot inside so my ass plants itself on the seat and slide myself all the way in. Sterling is standing outside chuckling. “Yep you sure do.” With a pleased look on my face I pull the door closed.

  Sterling hasn’t said much about where we are heading to eat. Hell he hasn’t said much about anything since we left my house. The silence in the cab would be louder if it wasn’t for the country radio station playing. Trying not to let the silence get to me I begin to hum along to a Gary Allan song playing. It happens to be one of my favorite songs so my humming turns to a soft singing and my eyes drift closed.

  …So you stole my world, now I’m just a phony, remembering the girl, leaves down and lonely, we’ll send it in a letter, make yourself feel better. But it’s not so bad, you’re only the best I ever had, you don’t want me back, you’re just the best I ever had. And it might take some time to patch me up inside, but I can’t take it so, I run away and hide. And I might find in time that you were always right, you were always right. So you sailed away, into a gray sky morning, now I’m here to stay, love can be so boring. Was it what you wanted, could it be I’m haunted. But it’s not so bad, you’re only the best I ever had, you don’t want me back, you’re just the best I ever had…

  “Wow Reece, I never knew you could sing.” His words bring me back as I turn and look at him.

  “There is a lot you don’t know about me Sterling,” I say in a monotone voice, staring out my window. There is a lot of me no one knows. Hell there are parts of me that I don’t even know anymore. A sudden sadness blankets me. Flashes of who I use to be come to me as I watch the scenery out of the window as it goes by. A warm hand rests on my left shoulder bringing me back to the present.

  “Are you ok?” He asks with concern in his voice. It’s a sound I don’t like. I don’t want or need people being concerned for me.

  “Yep, I’m good, sorry spaced out for a minute. So where are we headed?” Trying desperately to change the subject.

  The truck slows as he turns into the parking lot of Gators. This is one of my favorite restaurants with its mix of sports and music and an awesome patio.

  The parking lot is full, as it always is here due to popularity among the college age and what the place has to offer. Sterling pulls off to the blacktop and parks in the grass where other trucks have started to line up. I grab my purse, open the door and hop out, literally.

  “You sure you’re okay Reece?” He asks as he rounds the truck with a look of concern once again as he fiddles with his keys.

  “I said I was fine Sterling, can we drop it now?” Came out a bit harsh but geez I said I was fine.

  His hands flew up in a defensive manner as he backed away slightly. “Yep we can drop it,” he said turning and waiting for me to walk next to him.

  I am sure at this point he does not know what to do or say to me. Hell I’m not even sure what to do or say to me. All I know is when I say to drop something, I really mean it.

  Gators seems to be buzzing with activity tonight. Sterling holds the door open as I walk in and up to the host st
and and ask for a spot on the patio. Weaving through the groups of people standing in the bar, we make our way to the patio and are seated off to the left of the stage close to the Tiki hut bar.

  “Man this place gets busy,” Sterling says looking around us at all the people.

  “Yep, this is one of my favorite places to come and listen to music. Also a great place during football season too.”

  “Oh yeah, you’re a football fan?”

  “What warm blooded Texan isn’t?” I say, with a joking questionable look on my face.

  We don’t wait long for our waitress to come over to greet us. Her blond hair neatly pulled back into a tight high pony tail. Her toned stomach showing from her shirt being tied up around her waist and her long legs extending from under her short, and I do mean short, black shorts. What the hell, did they pull this chick off a runway in Milan?

  Sterling is looking at the menu when she stops at the table. “Hi my name is Jessica and I’ll be your server tonight, what can I get you to… Sterling?” She stops mid-sentence when she recognizes him and is smiling from ear to ear. “What are you doing here?” Her question although serious seems silly to me. Glancing across the table at Sterling I can see he is uncomfortable but not sure why. His forehead is scrunched and his mouth is drawn in a tight smile. “Jessica, um, hi, how are you?” Glancing across the table at me with a look of forgiveness. Now I am feeling uncomfortable. Obviously there is something I am not catching on to.

  “I’m doing good, moved to town a few weeks ago and started working here last week. I didn’t know you moved here. But I guess since we haven’t talked much since the breakup…” And just like that it all made sense. This is his ex-girlfriend? What the hell is he doing out with me when he has dated girls that look like her? Leaning back in my chair I cross my legs and allow my arm to drape over my leg in my lap. I am watching Sterling as he shifts uncomfortably in his chair not sure if it’s because of her or me. My gaze shifts from him to her and back to him. She seems very comfortable but not him. He glances at me quickly and offers a small smile. Jessica continues on about moving and school and not knowing anyone as if she does not notice that he is sitting here with me, another girl. Since no one has bothered to introduce me I make the effort myself. Interrupting I extend my hand toward her, “I’m Reece, nice to meet you Jessica.” It was that split moment Jessica turned from happy waitress to territorial bitch when she looked down at my hand up to my face and then across to Sterling. The sour look on her face spoke volumes. Either she ate a lemon without me seeing or she is not pleased to realize he is out with me.