Just to Hear 'I Love You': An Alternate Tale of Jane Austen's 'Pride & Prejudice'

by Sarah Johnson

  “Thank you Colonel. I appreciate your candor and your insight.”

  Fitz left the study and found his cousin in the front hall, ready to leave. The two returned to Darcy House and spent the remainder of the day wiling away the hours in companionable activities, joined by Georgiana and her new companion, Mrs Annesley, for supper and entertainments afterward in the music room. As he sat listening to his cousin play the pianoforte he thought of Mary Bennet and all the beauty she missed out on because of not being able to hear. He dearly wished he could express to her what it felt like to listen to a lark as it sat outside his window in the morning, or hear the notes of a song as they were expelled from his heart through to his fingers and out onto the ivory keys of a pianoforte. Did she remember such sounds from her childhood? A small smile graced his features as he thought of the excitement in her eyes as they spoke briefly of her balloon ride, wishing he could have experienced it with her.

  When he retired late that evening he dressed for bed then sat in front of the fire with the book from Mr Gardiner in his hands, remembering the words he promised the protective guardian: ‘I only wish to make Miss Mary as comfortable around my family as she is around yours’. It was enough of a reason to not have to answer anything more to her uncle, but he knew there was more reason than that deep within him. He wanted to know her, understand her, and he could not do so if he could not even speak with her properly.

  In his hands he held the key to fulfilling that desire. The leather was well—worn and smooth, showing clear signs of having been read many times. As he opened the front cover he saw a small note from Elizabeth to Mary. He could tell it was written by a child, and he smiled at the obvious affection between the sisters. He turned a few more pages and found the author’s explanations of the book. Skipping a few more pages ahead he began to see drawings of hands and arms showing the different signs along with the words they meant. Along the sides he found notes and other sketches and he immediately recognized them as Miss Mary’s handwriting.

  He thumbed through the book and when he reached the back he found an alphabetical listing of the signs shown within. Looking through the list, he chose a word to learn and turned to the appropriate page. Resting the book on his knees, he tried to form his hands into the proper position, but it was much more difficult than he thought it would be. Sighing in frustration, he found another word and tried that one as well. By the third attempt he thought he did a passable job, so he moved on to yet another sign. By the time he retired an hour later he felt a sense of accomplishment at having successfully signed two words. Now if only he could remember them in the morning.

  Determined to know something of these odd signs before he saw Miss Mary again, he spent as much time as he could spare over the next fortnight learning a new phrase every evening.

  Fitz found himself with little time to visit the Gardiners again with Darcy, though he was told of the many visits by both of his cousins—Darcy with great enthusiasm, and Georgiana with a tremor of scorn in her voice. He had a feeling she was not happy with Darcy’s choice.

  Bingley became a regular on Darcy’s trips around Town with the sisters in tow. Fitz heard of their trip to the Royal Menagerie and to the Repository of Art, their numerous trips to Hyde Park, and the many days of shopping Darcy enjoyed with Miss Bennet and Georgiana. His cousin was planning a trip to the theater soon. He was still trying to decide which play they would enjoy best, and Fitz was hoping to be free to accompany them when the date was determined. Soon it was and invitations were issued for the Gardiners and Bennets to join them. Fitz was not surprised by the enamored look on his cousin’s face when the note was returned accepting the invitation to visit the theater and return to Darcy House afterward for supper.

  Mr Darcy to see you, madam,” the butler announced then retreated.

  Edith Darcy hastily put her tea cup down and stood to greet her nephew. “It is good to see you Fitzwilliam. If I had known you were coming I would have had cook prepare your favorite lemon tarts.”

  He smiled and kissed her cheek before taking the seat beside her. “That is not necessary, Aunt Edith. I do not expect such preferential treatment.”

  “Well you are my favorite nephew,” she teased.

  “Aunt, I am your only nephew.”

  She poured him a cup of tea, “Somehow I think you would have been my favorite even if I had another. So what brings my favorite nephew to my house today?”

  Darcy took a small sip of his tea then set it back down. “You know perfectly well why I came today.”

  “Yes, well, I always feel that a gentleman should be able to give voice to whatever opinion has formed his mind. It helps establish it in his heart.”

  Darcy felt a tug at his heart. Other than with his cousin, he had not yet verbalized his newfound and quickly growing feelings for Miss Bennet. Somehow he knew this was an important moment in his life. Finally he asked, “What did you think of her?”

  “Her? Just which her are we speaking of? I counted three eligible young ladies on our trip to the Gardens, and while I have my opinions, I would not wish to be wrong,” she said with a straight face, though Darcy could tell she was enjoying every moment of this conversation.

  “Aunt, you know of whom I speak. Please do not tease me so.”

  “Fitzwilliam, dear, you really must not take everything so seriously.” She took a sip of her tea then cleared her throat, “I was very impressed with your lady. I know she is not what your mother’s relations would prefer, but I am not as choosy. Miss Bennet was perfectly amiable and I could find nothing amiss with her.”

  Darcy could not help the smile that creased the corners of his lips when his aunt referred to Miss Bennet as ‘his lady’. “I knew you would tell me the truth. Thank you, Aunt Edith.”

  “Your father always spoke more harshly of my husband than I felt was necessary, and I know George would have been against your Miss Bennet, if for no other reason than she is your match in every way. He never did understand the dealings of the heart, even when it came to his little brother. Your father was a good gentleman, please do not think I wish to disparage his memory, but there is a reason my heart was drawn to my dear Edwin instead. The two could not have been more different, and perhaps it was because of how they were raised, but George always saw Edwin’s place in the family as secondary to his own in every way. We may not have had Pemberley, but Edwin was not destitute by any means. We lived a very comfortable life at Havendale and I am happy to have been beside him all those years.”

  “I never did understand my father’s staunch opinions. He often spoke of Uncle Edwin as just the spare even though the family holdings set him up in his own home quite nicely. In some ways I am very grateful Georgiana was born a girl. I doubt my father would have had much to do with her if I had a brother instead.”

  “Speaking of Georgiana, how is she?”

  Darcy sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily as he sat back in the chair. “Oh, Aunt, I do not know what to do with her. She has changed so much in the last year, and I am at a loss as to what will change her back to the sweet child I have always known.”

  “Unfortunately, my dear, I do not think you can change her back. She is of an age to be responsible for her own mind and her own decisions.”

  “For now Fitz and I decided to hire another companion—this one more scrutinized than the last, of course. Mrs Annesley will be good for Georgie, but it has been quite the challenge to convince her.”

  “Well,” she patted his hand affectionately, “you just have to do the best you can. You do know, if you ever need a break, you can always send her to live with me, do you not?”

  “Thank you, Aunt Edith. I do not wish to burden you, but it may be just what she needs. We will see how she is having Mrs Annesley for a companion, and I will keep your offer in mind. Perhaps the next few months will bring a change to our family. My marrying might be just what my sister needs.”

  Edith raised her eyebrow at his declaration, “I see. So just when do you
think this change in status will occur?”

  “If I had my way it would be tomorrow, but I do not wish to frighten her.”

  “A summer wedding at Pemberley would be nice.” she suggested.

  “Yes, perhaps,” he said with a small smile.

  The two talked for a few minutes longer, Edith telling of her plan to have a ball. Darcy was not known for his enjoyment of such activities, but he could not deny that he looked forward to asking Miss Bennet for a dance or two, perhaps even three if he was brave enough to face the disapprobation of the drawing rooms.

  Mary sat with Elizabeth as they worked on an embroidery project together. She was not at all comfortable with the idea of going to the theater. Large crowds made her nervous, and while Mr Bingley was an amiable gentleman, he was not very solicitous of her particular needs. This worried her greatly. Mr Darcy was usually distracted with Elizabeth, though he did speak with Mary some as well. Who she really preferred to escort her was Mr Darcy’s cousin, but his schedule was very busy and he rarely had the opportunity to visit. Oh I do hope he is able to go with us to the theater, she thought.

  She saw movement at the door and looked up to see Mr Darcy, Mr Bingley, and Colonel Fitzwilliam following the butler into the room. She stood, her cheeks becoming pink at her thoughts just before the trio walked in. She caught the colonel looking at her, his wink making her cheeks flame to an even darker crimson.

  A walk was suggested. The sisters went to gather their things, meeting two of the gentlemen at the front door. Mary wondered where the colonel had gone, but took Mr Bingley’s arm when he offered to escort her.

  They were nearly to the entrance of the park when the colonel, having been detained speaking with Mr Gardiner about the book he borrowed, caught up with them. He walked beside her, silently watching her as Mr Bingley jabbered on about something. Mary only caught some of what her escort said as he moved around too much for her to read his lips easily. When they reached the pond and Bingley seemed to be intent upon continuing their walk, Fitz stepped up suggesting Miss Mary might need to rest after such a laborious jaunt.

  Bingley profusely apologized to Mary and the three sat down on the bench, Bingley continuing to talk, nearly without a stop for breath, as Darcy and Elizabeth slowly walked around to the other side, where they stopped to gaze out over the water.

  Elizabeth’s eyes were drawn across to watch her sister as she sat on the bench between the two gentlemen, Mr Bingley obviously holding most, if not all, of the conversation. “Is your friend always so amiable?”

  “Only where others allow him to be.” She looked at him quizzically, so he continued, “His money comes from trade, so some in the Ton do not wish for his acquaintance. When he finds a person to whom his situation does not matter, he can be quite amiable.”

  Elizabeth began to bite her lower lip, not certain if she should ask what she dearly wished to know.

  “I know you want to ask me something, so please do.”

  “It is rather inappropriate of me to be asking, but I worry about my sister.”

  “Having a sister myself, I understand completely. I will not judge you, Miss Bennet. What is it you wish to know?”

  She turned back to look across the pond once again, “Do you think your friend is drawn to my sister?”

  Darcy returned his gaze to the three on the bench, watching Bingley’s face for a minute in silence before he answered, “I do not know, but if you wish it of me, I will find out?”

  “Oh no, please do not trouble yourself, sir. It was wrong of me to bring up such a subject and I would not have your friend offended by my unseemly behavior.”

  Darcy turned back to the lady on his arm, his eyes catching hers as he quietly answered, “I do not think so of your question, and I know how to enquire of my friend without his knowing what I am about. You and I are similar in some ways, Miss Bennet, and I understand the bond between two siblings who have been left alone in the world. You only wish Miss Mary to be happy and safe, just as I wish for Georgiana.”

  Tears began to gather in her eyes as she remembered her family. Removing her hand from his arm, she walked to the water’s edge and looked out over the small ripples the wind made.

  Darcy was confused. What did I say to offend her? When he noticed her wipe at her cheek, he realized just how upset she truly was. “Miss Bennet, I am sorry if I have offended you in some way?”

  “No, no, it is not you—it is just...” she sighed deeply, her voice cracking when she spoke the last word, “...memories.”

  She started to reach into her reticule for her handkerchief when she saw one held out to her from the gentleman who was once again at her side. “Would you like to sit here for a few minutes?”

  Elizabeth accepted the cloth and dried her eyes, sitting down beside the water underneath the shade of a tree’s wide branches. Mr Darcy sat beside her, his long legs, even bent up to allow his arms to rest on them, were still longer than hers stretched out straight. A small smile formed at the corner of her lips as she closed her eyes, remembering a scene with her father very similar to this many years ago. When she opened her eyes again she saw him staring at her.

  “Please tell me what you are thinking?”

  Her cheeks pinked and she looked down to her hands folded in her lap. “I was just reminiscing about my father. When I was five he took me fishing, and I remember sitting beside the water with him just as we are here.”

  “What was he like?”

  She sighed, “He was a unique mix—strong in so many ways with a quiet and quirky sense of humor, and yet so weak and fragile as well. Mary reminds me of him. When tragedy struck our family, taking my mother and my youngest sister from us, my father hid away in his study. Sorrow overtook every aspect of his life. He lost his joy after my mother died.”

  Darcy spoke for the first time of his own past, “My own father was unaffected by my mother’s death. He wore his mourning band and avoided society for the proper time, but otherwise he carried on as usual. It angered me how calloused he could be, not even shedding a tear for her.”

  “How old were you when she...?” Elizabeth found she could not complete her sentence without being overcome with more tears.

  “I was twelve. She was ill before she had Georgiana and did not recover from the birth. A fever took her from us just two weeks afterwards. My cousin came to live with us a few years before, but my mother still longed for another child. When Georgiana was born my mother was so very happy. She never even had the chance to hold her though. My father thought whatever malady my mother suffered from would be passed on to my sister, so he insisted the nurse take her away immediately. I stayed by my mother’s side, to the consternation of my father, until her last breath.” The corner of his lip turned up just slightly as he remembered his most beloved mother. “She told me of her desire to see us grow up and marry; how happy she would be to see grandchildren running around Pemberley.” His face once again grew dark as he continued, “It was not meant to be however, and she lost her will to fight whatever malady overtook her. I remember watching the procession from a perch in the trees, with Fitz by my side, as my father refused to allow either of us to join them.”

  “Our neighborhood was scandalized by my father’s actions. He allowed all four of his girls to walk with him when my mother and our baby sister were laid to rest. He and my Uncle Philips nearly came to blows over it, but my father still allowed us to attend.”

  “You have never mentioned another uncle before. I must say, I thought the Gardiners to be your only family?”

  Elizabeth took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears from her eyes as she quietly said, “My mother had two siblings—my Uncle Gardiner was the youngest, and my Aunt Philips was the eldest. After my mother’s death, my aunt, who lived but two miles from us, tried to do as much as she could for her nieces. She was never blessed with children, so we were well spoiled by her. My eldest sister had her coming out and my aunt planned teas and card parties the likes of which the neighb
orhood would talk of for weeks.” Elizabeth smiled as she remembered her aunt, but her demeanor drastically changing as she continued her story. “My father and two sisters were taken from us in a house fire nearly four years ago and that is when Mary and I came to London to live with the Gardiners.”

  “Your other uncle could not take you in? If your Aunt Philips was so close to all of you, it would seem best for everyone if you were allowed to stay there in the neighborhood in which you were raised instead of having to come to London.”

  “My Uncle Philips, along with two other gentlemen from the nearby town, never made it out of the fire when they tried to rescue my father and sisters. We were on the post carriage the next morning and passed my Uncle Gardiner as he went to burry the family. My aunt was so consumed with grief over losing two of her beloved nieces, her brother-in-law, and her dear husband, I fear she died of a broken heart. She only lived a month longer than her husband.”

  Darcy did not know what to say. His family had suffered tragedy, but it was nothing compared to the grief he could see in her eyes. He slowly reached for her trembling hand, engulfing her small fingers in his as they sat silently watching the ducks swim across the pond, ripples from their movement making the water rise and fall so smoothly. If only the ripples of the past were as smooth, it would be so much easier for one to put it behind them.

  Elizabeth took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin as she forced a small smile onto her lips. “It is at times like this that I try my best to remember what my Aunt Philips so often said—think of the past only as its remembrances bring you pleasure.” She turned to her companion and with a quirk of her eyebrow, she replied, “Mr Darcy, I fear we cannot possibly leave this conversation as it is. We must now speak of something, otherwise I will forever remember this day as a dreary one.”