by Lyssa Layne
“I feel like my life is being wasted. There is no future for me other than the life my father has laid out for me. I love me mother, but the last thing I want is to become a carbon copy of her. I know my father loves her, but I don’t believe he respects her nor give her any credit for having a brain. Mother is so smart, and could be so much more than my father’s keeper.”
How sad to be so young and feel that no matter what you did, your life was set in stone thanks to your father. It wasn't until she got that far into the diary that the tone changed drastically. Instead of seeing her mother write as if she were drowning, she sounded like she had a new lease on life.
The words changed from being cluttered in boredom, to seeing all the best in life.
It was several more pages before she found out why. At the first mention of Jeff's name, Cherie could feel something special come alive in them.
Snuggled down under her covers, Cherie, relished reading about their meeting at the homecoming game in her senior year.
“I don’t know if what I feel is love, but it’s wonderful. I feel like a different person when I’m around Jeff. I hate that I have to lie to my mother about doing my homework at the library, but it’s the only way I can see him. I’m so glad Stephanie convinced me to go to the Homecoming game, or I’d never have met him. Jeff has the most beautiful blue eyes and wears his hair a bit longer, but on him, it looks great, especially with his tan. It must be fun surfing and go to the beach every day. I sort of feel bad that he can’t surf every day since his father got transferred here from Santa Cruz. I’m afraid to tell him I’m glad his father got transferred.”
If her mother loved and respected her mother the same way she did, it must have hurt Destiny to lie about where she was. Luckily she’d never had to do that. She could tell her mother anything.
The next entry was dated December 22 that same year.
“I can’t believe our first kiss was actually under the mistletoe in the foyer. It was wonderful. He put his arms around me and pressed his lips to mine. I got all warm and gooey inside and didn’t want it to end. Unfortunately, Daddy walked in on it and ordered mom to take it down. Good thing I got my kiss first. I’ll never forget it.”
Her heart sped up as she read of Destiny and Jeff shared their first kiss under the mistletoe that Christmas.
“Jeff took me to dinner at Romanoff’s in Roseville for Valentine’s day. He told me he loved me and gave me a promise ring. I only wear it when we go out, the rest of the time I keep it on a chain around my neck.”
She tingled all the way to her toes when she read her mother's version of when Jeff first told her he loved her.
If their lives had been exactly as Destiny relayed it, their romance was something out of a storybook. In Cherie's mind, she hoped her mother really did live the fairytale she told about, and that it wasn't just her imagination.
She hoped that at least for a little while, Cherie had something that her father couldn't infect or control.
Based on her mother's words, it was easy to see how she fell in love with her father. According to the Destiny's journal, he was a total gentleman. Cherie already knew he was handsome from the picture she kept at her bedside.
“Jeff took me to a fair and we had our fortunes told. I don’t like what she said, but Jeff laughed it off. The fortune teller said Jeff was going far away soon. I don’t want that to happen. I need him. He’s my strength. Jeff said nothing could ever keep him from me, that we have a future together, and nothing and no one could keep us apart. I know he means my father.
After we had our fortunes told, we had our pictures taken in one of those photo booths where we made faces. Then he took me on the rides. He kissed me when the Ferris wheel was stopped while we were on top. It was the best feeling I’ve ever felt. I love him so much. Then he won me a stuffed unicorn and said the unicorn would keep me safe.
By the time I got home my cheeks hurt from laughing. I think that’s what I love most about him, is his sense of humor.”
Cherie scanned the room searching for the unicorn. No way would she have gotten rid of it. It was nowhere in sight. From the way Destiny described Jeff's playful nature it was easy for Cherie to see that Jeff was exactly what her mother needed, personality wise, to counterbalance the strict life she led in this house.
Curiosity got the better of her, and she looked in the broken boards and found the framed photo booth pictures of the Destiny and Jeff making faces and eating candy apples, while mugging for the lens. The last picture was of them kissing. She brought the picture back to bed with her and laid it on her stomach so she could see the pictures while she continued to read.
Two hours later, Cherie half envisioned herself in love right alongside her mother. That was another thing she had in common with her mother. They both were attracted to men with a terrific sense of humor.
Cherie detected another change in the tone of the diary as she neared the end of the book, a more serious tone.
“Jeff enlisted in the Army. He says it will be good for him and that when he comes back, I’ll be of age and we can get married. He says maybe if daddy has some time and sees Jeff as being stable, and doing his best for the country that maybe he’ll soften. I hope he’s right, but daddy never softens about anything. How am I going to survive while he’s gone? No matter how hard I tried to talk him out of it, he was it was for us. He promised to write me every day to let me know he was safe. I’ll settle for getting a letter a week as long as he keeps writing.”
The diary ran out of pages one week before Jeff shipped out overseas.
“I have some news for Jeff. I was hoping he’d call this weekend so I could tell him. I don’t want to say anything to him in a letter. I have mixed feeling right now, but at least I don’t feel alone anymore.”
Cherie felt cheated that the diary ended there as if she was missing something major that was about to take place.
From the incidents she knew, which weren't much, she surmised that it was that Destiny and Jeff made love sometime in the week prior to his departure for boot camp. Because until that point in the diary, Destiny stated that Jeff was adamant about waiting until his return before they had sex. He wanted to be sure that Destiny knew how much he respected her, which came through loud and clear, especially when he insisted that he wanted to be married first. If that was the case, then her existence boiled down to a matter of two people madly in love and afraid of saying good-bye.
The fact that they shared their love before he planned to made Cherie wonder if that only made it worse for Destiny once Jeff went away.
Cherie's heart ached. She wondered if Destiny managed to get word to Jeff about the baby on the way, or if he died, never knowing their last minutes together produced a child.
That's one thing she really wanted to have her mother explain to her if she ever came back. To know what happened after the diary ended during those few months before Destiny received word of Jeff's death.
With her mind deep into Destiny's past, Cherie shut her eyes just for a moment, wanting, no needing to accept what never could have been.
It was so easy to imagine what an incrediblel life the three of them would have had together. She pictured siblings she might have had, feeling her throat tighten as she held any further tears at bay. She's always dreamed of having sisters when she was young. She would have given anything for a brother or sister to share secrets with, but that never happened. With Destiny and Jeff, she was sure that dream would have been a reality.
As Cherie dozed, Destiny's diary came to life, only in Cherie's case, the dream or rather nightmare continued long after the last page of Destiny's last entry. She woke up gasping for air, sweating bullets, and sobbing hysterically as she conjured up images, picturing her mother receiving the news that Jeff would never be coming home to her. She felt the desolation that her mother must have felt knowing Jeff's baby was never going to know its father, then the realization dawning on her that she still had to tell her parents she was pregnant.
Ch
erie hugged the diary, then in need of contact with her parents, took the framed photo of them from her nightstand and lay in her mother's bed understanding for the first time why her mother left this world for the fantasy one she was presently in.
Determined to help her mother at any cost, Cherie lay awake long into the night thinking about how she could help her mother come back to her. With Jason and Mark's help, she had no doubt she'd find the answers she needed. Someone had to know more than what they were told.
The problem was where to start?
CHAPTER EIGHT
Jason sat at his desk unable to concentrate. The previous day spent visiting with Destiny filled his every thought. She had looked better than the last time he’d seen her, but she wasn’t the Destiny he had remembered so fondly. He blessed his lucky stars that for Cherie’s sake she hadn’t had to witness her mother the same way he last had.
Destiny wasn’t the only thing on his mind. Cherie was there as well, and though he didn’t want to smother Cherie so soon in their relationship, he only managed to hold off calling her until eleven that morning.
When he got through to her, he was a bit disappointed that she’d asked to see not only him but for Mark to come over as well. When he tried to ask her why Cherie said she’d explain everything when they got there.
Trying not to appear jealous, Jason sent Mark a text. When he called into the office ten minutes later, Jason explained that Cherie and Olivia were expecting them for lunch and that Cherie specifically requested Mark’s services.
Upon their arrival, they were shown into the library, where Olivia and Cherie were waiting for them. While they waited for lunch to be served, Cherie explained that had happened the previous night, which included finding Destiny’s diary.
Olivia seemed to take the information in stride, which left Cherie wondering if she had already known of its existence.
Martha interrupted their conversation, announcing that lunch was ready to be served.
Mark escorted Olivia, leaving Jason alone with Cherie before joining the others.
Cherie barely made it to her feet, when Jason took her wrist and pulled her into his arms. He wanted to feel her close. Pressing her head to his chest, he hugged her feeling as if it had been ages since he’d last seen her.
It felt like he knew how much she needed him as well the way she held him close. How they managed to connect to one another so fully was anyone’s guess. He was just glad it had happened and that they had managed to iron out their differences.
When Cherie pulled back and looked up into Jason’s eyes, what he saw in her eyes was the same raw want that engulfed his heart. Were his eyes were as expressive as hers?
“Wow, now that’s what I call a greeting. Is that how you say hello to all your clients?”
“Is that all I am to you, Cherie?”
Cherie looked stunned. Shaking her head, she placed both hands on his cheeks drawing his lips down to hers. After a brief kiss, she teased, “You poor baby, of course not. Haven’t you ever heard of a joke?”
“Sure I have, but I don’t think you understand how I feel about you. And, that’s anything but as a joke.”
“You should see the stern expression on your face. If it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to teach you to relax, laugh, and enjoy life. At the rate you’re was going, you’ll need a rest home soon. Why are you acting ancient? There is so much more to you than what’s on the surface.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Cherie put her arm around Jason’s waist and aimed him at their lunch, “Come on big boy, maybe if I feed you, your attitude will change for the better.”
During lunch, Cherie updated Mark on the information she received the previous day from Destiny’s current doctor. Then she expressly requested Mark to start a search for Dr. George Benson and his wife June.
“Sure, I’ll get on it right away. As soon as I leave here, I’ll head straight to the Hospitals and start there to see if he’s associated with any hospitals in the area. If that doesn’t pan out, I’ll check with the AMA. Either way, I’ll find something to report back to you.
Cherie then shared another idea. “Jason, while Mark searches for my mother’s first doctor, I was wondering if you’d mind if we searched your father’s records to see if we can trace the good doctor through that avenue as well as any notes on my adoption. I keep feeling as if we aren’t getting the whole story here. I know my gr—Lawrence wanted it kept quiet, but it seems more secretive than just discreet, which make me believe there is much more to the story.”
Mark intervened, “I have an idea, what if the three of us go over Jason’s father’s records. Three heads are better than one, and then once we find what we’re looking for in the files, I’ll start the search for the doctor, while you take whatever information we uncover and move forward to help your mother.
##
By two that afternoon, they had begun a thorough search through the boxes in the cellar of Jason’s offices. By nine that evening they had covered every square inch and every box in the basement.
Disgusted, they stopped for pizza before Mark headed for home and Jason took Cherie back to her grandmothers.
On the drive back to the Alexander Mansion, Cherie came up with another idea. “You know Jason, I’ve been thinking.”
“There’s a dangerous thought. God help us all,” he teased.
“Okay buster, you’re lucky I like you, or I’d make you pay for that comment. Besides, it’s about time you start cracking jokes. I knew there is some silliness lurking deep inside of you. The problem is that you’ve been so busy suppressing it all your life that it’s lost somewhere, probably under one of those stuffy ties. We really have to do something about them.” Cherie made a face that felt like she’s just sucked on a lemon and it hurt her jaws to smile. She had a great desire to just cut loose.
At their destination, Jason set the parking break before he turned to speak. “Cherie, life isn’t a slew of jokes and laughter. It’s serious business too.” He chided.
Cherie raised an eyebrow then tugged on the handle of the door and got out. She waited until Jason got out and joined her before she corrected him.
“That’s where you’re wrong Jason. When life gets so serious that you can no longer enjoy it, or that you see only negative in everything, then you’re taking it much too seriously.” She took the front steps two at a time, leaving Jason by the bottom step. When Jason didn’t follow she turned around.
Jason stood there staring up at her then rushed up the steps toward her. “Is that how you see me?”
Cherie pushed open the front door and stepped through, as if she needed the strength offered from within before she turned around to speak. “Remember our first meeting? Need I say more?” she raised an eyebrow tilting her head a bit.
“That was different. I was only protecting Olivia’s interests.” Jason knew what she meant but still felt compelled to stick up for Olivia.
“Come on Jason, get off it, you know as well as I do it was more than that. We already discussed that over dinner the other night. You blame my father and me for Destiny leaving you alone. You have to come to grips with that and stop blaming me, or we don’t have a future, whatever it could have been.”
“Hey, what’s going on in here? I could hear you two quarreling all the way in the dining room. What happened to your truce?” Olivia frowned.
Dressed in a pink pastel satin robe, knotted at the waist, Olivia held a cup of what Cherie surmised was tea, since she’d never seen Olivia have coffee. “It’s nothing Grandmother, just Jason reverting to unreasonable again.”
Jason stuffed his hands into the pockets of his pants and replied, “I am not unreasonable.”
Olivia stood up straight and beamed broadly, but continued to drink her tea.
Cherie was sure if they’d been alone, Jason would have stamped his foot accenting his comment. The mere thought of it had her covering her mouth to hide her amusement. “Okay, then I’ll give
you the benefit of the doubt, but you need to understand that I’ve lived my entire life being told that I am fully capable of having a dream and the ability to make it happen. I don’t know the meaning of can’t, and I don’t plan to start now. I’m as independent as they come and I also take great pleasure in enjoying life. If you can’t see that, if you don’t intend to live your life to your fullest, regardless of the outcome, then I don’t see that you and I have a future.”
Jason’s mouth dropped. He then snapped his mouth shut, his jaw clenched and unclenched. “So, you’re saying if I don’t behave like you do, if I don’t try to have some fun, we don’t have a chance?”
If Cherie hadn’t seen the horrified expression on his face with her own eyes, she wouldn’t have believed it. Making a T with her hands she announced, “Time.”
Olivia looked from Cherie to Jason, then back to Cherie. “Well, I think this is my cue to leave. You two young people work out your differences, but please no bloodshed, its murder on the marble flooring.”
Cherie kissed her Grandmother and bid her goodnight and gave her a wink before she tried to reason with Jason again.
Olivia headed upstairs mumbling something about love and youth being wasted on pride.
Realizing that this was going to take some time she took his hand and drew him into the library, where she pushed him into a high back armchair, then turned on the phonograph. Maybe some music would soften his mood and allow him to hear her better.
Cherie took the chair opposite Jason. The complexity of his character and all he’d been through gave her reason to plan her words very carefully before she began.
“It really means a lot to me to have you understand my outlook on life, especially now when it’s spinning so out of control.” And it wasn’t just her outlook on life that mattered so much to her. “Now that I knew about Destiny, there was no way I’m going to sit still. I plan to do everything I can to help correct the wrongs done against her so long ago. If it takes every connection, every marker, and every penny I have, I’ll do it to get my mother back.” What she didn’t say was that if she and Jason found a way to be together along the way, then so be it; but her priority as it stood now was her mother.