by Harry Potter
“Yeah, but that’s just because of the power boosting ritual I preformed,” Harry pointed out.
“I’m talking about before the ritual,” Hermione replied. “You were able to perform the Patronus Charm perfectly when you were only thirteen years old.”
“Big deal; Tonks was able to do it easily,” Harry said. “And she was depressed at the time.”
“I think that may have been a fluke,” Hermione argued. “Besides, even if it wasn’t a fluke, she is a fully trained Auror. She has had three more years of training than most witches and wizards.
“Remember what happened when you were on trial for under-aged magic?” Hermione continued. “You told me that a number of the Wizengamot were gob smacked that you could perform the Patronus. We know for a fact that at least two members of the Wizengamot were so impressed that they talked to their family and co-workers: Amelia Bones told her niece, Susan. That’s why Susan wanted to join the DA. And at least another member brought it up with the O.W.L. board because one of them specifically asked you to perform it during our DADA exam.
“Let’s talk about the graveyard where Voldemort was resurrected,” Hermione went on. “You threw off the Imperius Curse - an Unforgivable to which there is no defense. Added to that, the Imperius was cast by one of the most powerful wizards of our age. You also fought off a score of Death Eaters as you dragged Cedric’s body back to the cup-Portkey, even though you were injured.”
“So then why did the boat allow me to cross?” Harry asked. “If I was as powerful as you say, it should’ve recognized me as a full wizard and not allow both me and Dumbledore to cross.”
“The boat did recognize you. It recognized you as Voldemort,” Hermione answered.
“What?” Harry blurted out.
“Remember the prophesy, Harry. ‘...the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal,’” Hermione quoted. “When Voldemort made the boat, he must’ve created the charms and hexes to disregard his presence. That way, he could hop on the boat and ride across the lake if he ever wanted to check on his Horcrux. And since he marked you as an equal, the wards and charms on the boat recognized you as being Voldemort himself and allowed you to cross with Dumbledore. Actually, I’m surprised that Professor Dumbledore didn’t come up with that explanation.”
“Oh,” Harry said in understanding.
“So what other wards and traps were there?” the brunette witch asked.
“Well, there was the cauldron,” he replied. “It was full of a green liquid. We couldn’t touch the liquid, so Dumbledore figured out that someone had to drink it.”
“Wait, what?” Hermione interrupted once more. “You couldn’t touch it but Dumbledore somehow came to the conclusion that he could drink it? How did he come up with that? And if you couldn’t touch it, how would you be able to drink it?”
“I don’t know, he didn’t tell me,” admitted Harry.
Hermione looked at Harry as she chewed her lip, clearly deep in thought. After a moment she asked; “You said that the entrance to the cave and the boat itself were hidden magically. How did you find them?”
“I didn’t find them, Dumbledore did,” he answered.
“Did he tell you how he was able to find them?”
“No, he said that he was able to recognize Voldemort’s handiwork,” he replied.
“Damn that insufferable man!” Hermione cursed. “What was he thinking?”
“What do you mean?”
“He didn’t tell you how you could recognize any traps that may have been placed around the Horcruxes,” she explained. “This was important information and he didn’t tell you anything. He didn’t teach you any charms that would reveal traps or even how to get past them! And don’t get me started on those asinine lessons he gave you last year. He wasted your time; instead of teaching you helpful charms and hexes, he spent a year showing you the magical equivalent to Voldemort’s home movies.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Harry agreed. He started to feel a little angry at the deceased Headmaster. Harry was destined to face Voldemort, the most feared wizard in the world, and all Dumbledore taught Harry was that Voldemort liked to collect things. How the hell that was supposed to be helpful was not clear to Harry.
Pushing his bitter ponderings to the side, Harry returned to the subject of which Horcrux they should go after next. “We should probably go after Slytherin’s locket first. That one probably won’t have any traps around it.”
“Yes, you’re right,” agreed Hermione. “We’ll send a post to this Zardoz and try to set up a meeting.”
“Good idea,” he responded. “Since he’s a collector of founder relics, I can tell him that I’m the new owner of Gryffindor’s Sword.”
“You’re not suggesting we swap the sword for the locket are you?”
“Oh, no. I was just thinking I could use the sword as an incentive to meet with us,” corrected Harry. “I reckon that he would be eager to see it.”
“I see. And when we meet with him, we can persuade him to hand over the locket,” concluded Hermione.
Harry made his way over to the desk and wrote a quick note:
“Dear Zardoz,
I’m Harry Potter. I own the Sword of Gryffindor. You want to see it?
Harry Potter.”
Hermione took one look at Harry’s post and shook her head disapprovingly.
“Let me handle the writing,” she said as she began to write her own letter. “When I’m done, you can copy it.”
“What’s wrong with my note?” he asked. “It’s direct and to the point. What’s the matter with that?”
“Harry, it sounds like you’re propositioning him,” she pointed out. “‘Hi, I’m Harry; wanna see my sword. Wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean?’”
“Oh, I see your point.”
Hermione’s letter was much longer than Harry’s and was filled with flowery words and phrases such as “Dear Mr. Zardoz...” “I would be honored...” and “please...” After Harry copied his girlfriend’s note, he made his way to the owlery and had Hedwig deliver the post to Zardoz.
As they waited for Zardoz’s response, Harry and Hermione busied themselves with research. The library had an expansive collection of past editions of the Daily Prophet which the teens scoured through in hopes of finding anything on the enigmatic Zardoz. Unfortunately, they could only find a few scant references to the wizard; in 1982, he had an appearance before the Wizengamot asking for permission to lead an expeditionary team into Hogwarts to find the Chamber of Secrets in hopes of finding artifacts from Salazar Slytherin. And in an editorial cartoon from 1991, a caricature identified as Zardoz was hopping up and down chanting “I’ve found the lost dill sandwich of Ravenclaw!”
Since their research into Zardoz had not proved useful in the slightest, Harry and Hermione turned their attention to the Horcrux located under the orphanage. They delved into any book they could find on ward detection and magical traps in preparation for going after the unknown Horcrux.
Three days later, Hedwig returned as Harry and Hermione were having breakfast with the rest of the school in the Great Hall. The snowy owl stuck out her leg for Harry and presented a reply from Zardoz.
“Thank you Mr. Potter for your generous offer. I would so enjoy seeing your relic, but I must take you up at a later date. You see, I, and all of my founders’ relics, are on a world tour at this time. Currently, I am displaying my wonderful collection to very important people in Belgium. In the morning, I will head directly to the Gruenberg castle in Germany to show them my precious relics. Then we are off to Asia. I will not be back to England for three weeks. When I return, I will send you a post and set up a time when I can see your famous sword.
Zardoz.”
“Damn,” Harry groaned out. “Three weeks.”
“Perhaps we should go after the other Horcrux?” suggested Hermione.
“What about the wards and traps that might be around it?” he asked.
“Well, we’ll just have to deal with
any that come up,” Hermione said. “Let’s spend the rest of the week cramming, trying to learn as much as possible. On Saturday, we’ll go after the Horcrux under the orphanage.”
After classes that night, Harry and Hermione stopped by the library and fetched as many books on ward-breaking as they could find and returned to their chamber. A short while later, Ron and Luna joined them.
“I cannot begin to show my appreciation for what you two did for Ronald and me,” Luna stated in her usual dreamy tone. “Because of that Pensieve, our love life has improved, much like the Spotted Tailed Mongoose-Bat’s life improves when they migrate to Bolivia every year.”
“Please, it was our pleasure,” Hermione said as she picked up a sandwich from the tray that Dobby was carrying around the room.
“Still, Ronald and I are indebted to you two,” Luna said and returned to her book.
“Oh, look here, this one describes that silly boat Dumbledore and I rode on,” Harry announced as he read from a book titled “Potent Wards and How to Break Them.” “It’s called ‘Vacillatio Canna’ or ‘Don’t Rock the Boat’ hex.”
“I wonder if Dumbledore had come across that book when he was researching,” Hermione pondered.
***
The night before they were set to go to the orphanage, Hermione suggested that they should perform one of the rituals that she had created. The ritual in question created an advanced and powerful constant Shield Charm. She theorized that it would take at least seven Stun Charms to bring the Shield down. If it was not destroyed, the Shield would remain around each of them for at least two days.
They figured that if they did the ritual that they would be protected if anything went wrong while they hunted the Horcrux.
The ritual itself was a very enjoyable activity. First, they wrote runes and other symbols all over each other’s body with a mixture of cream and honey. Then Harry had to sit on the floor with his legs crossed and then Hermione straddled him. It was rather fun for Harry to have Hermione bounce up and down while grinding her hips into his.
Even though it was a very simple ritual, Harry and Hermione created a Pensieve for Ron and Luna so that they wouldn’t perform it improperly (which, from previous experience, was a distinct possibility). The married couple successfully performed the ritual just minutes after Harry had given them the Pensieve memory.
Saturday finally rolled around and Harry, Hermione, Ron and Luna met in the Great Hall before heading out.
“What kind of supplies should we bring?” Ron asked.
“Well, I have all the notes on ward detection and breaking that we’ve been taking all week,” Hermione announced.
“I brought a number of healing potions as a precaution,” Luna added.
“And the Shield ritual we performed should protect us,” Harry concluded.
Harry was about to suggest that the group should get going when he was interrupted. As he opened his mouth to speak, Su Li (the exotic beauty from Ravenclaw) threw her arms around Harry’s neck and planted a very deep tongue kiss on our hero. Harry stood there in shock; he had never even said a single word to the pretty witch and now here she was shoving her tongue into his mouth for some unknown reason.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” demanded Hermione.
In response to the brunette witch, Su released Harry... and repeated the same act she had performed with Harry on Hermione. Harry watched in utter awe and fascination as Su wrapped her arms around Hermione and kissed the witch soulfully. Hermione’s eyes bulged in surprise as the Asian witch forced her tongue into her mouth. And speaking of “bulging”; the sight of two very pretty witches kissing passionately (even though one witch was “passionate” while the other was stunned) awakened ‘Harry, Jr.’. The raven haired wizard’s jaw dropped open as all the blood rushed out of his upper head and ran to his lower one.
“I thought Su Li was dating Zacharias Smith,” Luna commented.
“Eeep,” Ron muttered in response. Even though Ron was no longer attracted to Hermione, it was still a common reaction for blokes to become transfixed by two pretty witches kissing.
After what seemed like an eternity, Su finally broke her kiss. With eyes shimmering with happiness, Su said to Hermione; “Thank you.”
She turned to Harry and repeated he expression of gratitude before trotting off to Zacharias who was standing in the entrance of the Great Hall. When Su reached the wizard, Zacharias gave Harry a “thumbs up” signal before the couple ran off into the castle.
“That was weird,” Hermione said aloud.
“Yeah... weird,” Harry muttered while trying to ignore the image of his girlfriend being kissed by another witch. This was a difficult image to ignore seeing how it was very entertaining and was etched into his brain. Also, ‘Harry, Jr.’ was demanding that Hermione should kiss Luna now for more entertainment.
“Why did she do that?” Hermione asked.
“Hermione, did you enjoy that?” Luna inquired.
“What makes you ask?” the brunette witch returned.
“Your lips are quite puffy,” the blonde pointed out.
“Well... I have to admit she’s a good kisser,” Hermione responded with a saucy smile.
And that smile sent Harry over the edge. He grabbed his girlfriend’s hand and walked very briskly out of the Great Hall.
“You’re really eager to get this Horcrux, aren’t you,” Hermione commented as Harry half dragged her.
“What Horcrux?” asked Harry as he led Hermione into a nearby broom closet.
What followed next was an evolved sort of “quickie”. The couple didn’t even undress fully; all Harry did was open his trousers and lowered Hermione’s knickers enough to allow him access to her flower. You see, the standard “quickie” only consist of rapid intercourse and usually doesn’t allow such niceties as “foreplay” or the mood-killing “talking.” But Harry wasn’t inconsiderate to his girlfriend’s feelings; he was thoughtful enough to go down on Hermione for a bit before leaning her against the wall and shagging her rotten.
A few minutes later, the satisfied (and tousled) pair of Harry and Hermione came staggering out of the closet to find a satisfied (and tousled) looking Luna and Ron waiting for them. Clearly, Ron and Luna had copied Harry and Hermione’s actions.
“You should kiss girls more often, Hermione,” Luna suggested. “The boys seem to like it.”
Serendipitously, both Ron and Harry began to push their respective lovers toward each other, silently urging them to kiss. It was as if both wizards had subconsciously thought that when Luna suggested that Hermione should kiss witches more often what she really meant to say was “I’d like to kiss you, Hermione.”
“Harry James Potter, we have more important things to do,” Hermione scolded.
‘More important than seeing two witches snog?’ his mind asked silently.
“We have to go destroy Voldemort’s Horcrux,” Hermione said.
“Fine,” Harry grumbled.
***
The four friends took the Knight Bus to London and the orphanage where Tom was raised. The moment they got off the bus, Luna and Hermione began waving their wands in intricate motions. Each witch was performing various detection charms in order to locate the hidden entrance and any wards or traps.
A few minutes later, they found the entrance on the north side of the building, hidden behind several concealing charms. Thanks to the witches various charms, they discovered that someone needed to sacrifice a bit of blood to gain entrance - much like Dumbledore had done at the cave.
Harry conjured a simple knife and cut a small gash in his left palm. He smeared his blood on the bricks and a doorway suddenly appeared in front of them. A loud creaking noise emanated from the door’s hinges as it slowly opened on its own.
Cautiously, the four friends entered the dark doorway. Their only light was from the light spilling in from the out side and Ron and Harry’s wand tips. Luna and Hermione waved their wands as they walked down the dark corrid
or, checking for traps.
“Hold up,” Hermione announced and everyone stopped moving. “There’s something here,” she said and pointed at the floor a few feet in front of the group.
The two witches worked in tandem as they waved and spun their wands at the floor.
“It’s a tripping jinx,” Luna stated and a yellow line appeared on the floor. Obviously, the line marked where the jinx was located.
“A tripping jinx,” Ron said dubiously. “I thought it would be something dangerous.”
“Actually it is very dangerous,” Hermione added as she waved her wand once more. The floor just beyond the yellow line shimmered for a second before disappearing. A six foot wide section had been cut into the ground creating a pit. Harry could see some very large and nasty spikes jutting up from the floor. It was clear that if they had walked down the corridor and had not noticed the tripping jinx, they would have fallen into the pit and impaled themselves on the spikes. Even the Shields around them would not have protected them.
Hermione perform an anti-tripping charm on the yellow line to cancel out the jinx while Harry conjured a wide plank across the pit. The raven haired wizard stepped on the plank and led the way over the pit. Once all four friends were on the other side, they came to a door.
The witches began waving their wand once more. Every once in a while, one of them would announce that they had found a trap and then disable it. At one point, Hermione found a nasty hex called “The Flesh Melter”. She had to consult one of the books she had brought along before she could successfully disable the trap. All in all, Luna and Hermione had to deal with seven traps and wards placed on the door.
After the wards and traps had been disabled, Harry opened the door to reveal a long stairway that led down into the ground. As the foursome (no, not that type of foursome - there will be no partner swapping in this story so don’t get your hopes up) traveled down the stairs, the witches busied themselves by constantly checking for traps.
After walking down for a few minutes, Luna asked “I am curious Harry, why didn’t the Headmaster show you how to detect wards or traps when you two went to that cave? I understand that you had private lessons with him all year long. Why didn’t he teach you anything about such things?””