Night at the Museum

by Michael Anthony Steele

“Nick!” shouted Larry.

  The creature shook its head and Nick flew across the room. The backpack ripped open and the gold tablet flew out. It spun across the floor as Nick tumbled in the other direction.

  “I’m okay!” said Nick. He got to his feet and scrambled in the tablet’s direction.

  “Get back!” Larry ordered.

  “I got it!” Nick didn’t listen. He had only made it a couple of steps before the dinosaur looked his way. Nick froze.

  “Get back!” repeated Larry. “I’m serious!”

  Nick slowly backed away as the skeletal beast lowered its head. It was ready to charge. It was ready to attack Larry’s son.

  Acting quickly, Larry stepped forward and waved his arms above his head. “Hey, buddy! Over here! You and me!”

  The triceratops turned its head toward Larry and snorted. Larry kept waving until the dinosaur turned its entire body to face him. Larry inched over to a nearby display and hefted a mace off the wall. The medieval weapon had a long wooden handle with a studded iron ball on one end.

  “You don’t want to fetch?” asked Larry, brandishing the heavy weapon with both hands. “Fetch on this!”

  “What does that even mean?” asked Nick.

  The giant skeleton growled as it lumbered over to Larry. The night guard swung the mace in front of him, trying to keep the beast back. With shocking speed, the dinosaur darted its head forward and bit the mace. The wooden handle snapped in half. Larry was left with a short stick while the business end of the weapon fell through the skeleton’s open jawbones. The spiked ball clattered to the floor.

  Before Larry could think of what to do next, the triceratops pushed forward. It pinned Larry against a suit of armor against a wall. The horn on the skeleton’s snout was inches from Larry’s face as the creature snapped at him. The dinosaur’s two long horns dug into the wall on either side of the armor. Luckily, the horns were just long enough to keep the beast from being able to bite Larry. Frustrated, the triceratops let out another terrifying roar.

  ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAR!

  “Need some help, friend?” asked a muffled voice behind him.

  Larry squirmed to look over his shoulder. The voice sounded as if it came from the suit of armor.

  “Duck!” ordered the voice.

  Larry did as he was told, and the suit of armor sprung into action. The knight raised his right arm, bringing up a gleaming broadsword. The heavy blade slammed against the triceratops’ snout. The dinosaur staggered back, stunned.

  Larry took the opening and leaped from between the knight and dinosaur. As soon as he was clear, the knight stepped forward, raising his sword for another blow. This time, the triceratops was ready. It cocked its head and parried the blow with one of its long horns. This didn’t deter the knight. The sparkling suit of armor spun around and whipped his shining blade at the beast. The skeleton blocked this blow as well, but it took a step back from its new opponent.

  Larry joined Nick and the others as they watched the amazing duel. As big as the dinosaur was, the knight was fearless. His sword was a blur as he easily deflected blows from the creature’s horns and snapping jaws. The behemoth jerked his head as it stabbed and slashed at its armored foe.

  The dinosaur growled in frustration as it took several steps back. One of its clawed feet pawed at the ground as it lowered its head. It was about to charge. As soon as the beast lumbered forward, the knight charged as well. Then, just before the two were going to collide, the armored figure dropped to his knees and leaned back. He skidded along the floor, beneath the dinosaur. The knight slashed at the skeleton’s front legs, knocking them out from under it. The creature grunted as it slid, head first, toward Larry and the others. It stopped just inches short of them, and the knight got to his feet behind it.

  The ground shook as the triceratops clambered to its feet. It spun to face the knight and its long bony tail came around.

  “Look out!” warned Larry.

  Everyone was fast enough to duck under the tail—everyone but Attila. The bones slammed into his chest and sent him flying across the room.

  As the knight and dinosaur continued their battle, Larry ran over to Attila. The Hun was stunned but okay. Being a warlord, Attila could take such a powerful blow. Being a wax mannequin, even better.

  Larry was about to help Attila to his feet when the dinosaur swung around again. This time, Attila escaped in time, lying back down as the bones came around. Larry sprang up and the tail passed between himself and Attila. They both grunted as Larry came down hard on the Hun. Larry glanced over his shoulder to see the tail rise high into the air. He and Attila screamed in unison as it swung back toward them. Gripping each other in a bear hug, the two rolled away just as the bony tail slammed against the ground.

  Larry and Attila scrambled to their feet as the knight and dinosaur continued to battle. Then the brave knight did something quite uncharacteristic of a brave knight; he ran away. He sprinted across the large room with the triceratops galloping after him. Larry frowned, glancing at Attila. The Hun warlord shrugged his shoulders.

  The armored knight headed straight for an exit at the other end of the gallery. Then, at the last minute, he veered to the left and ran toward a large marble column. Not slowing down, he ran up the pillar, pushed off, and spun around in midair. He slid down the dinosaur’s bony back just before the beast crashed into the pillar. The knight twirled his sword as he casually strode back toward Larry and the others.

  “Now things get interesting,” said the knight.

  Behind him, the dinosaur wobbled on its feet. It shook its head and glanced around, looking for its foe. It spotted the knight and spun its bony body around. The beast lowered its head and charged at the knight.

  Larry pointed over the knight’s shoulder. “Uh, you may want to ... turn around.”

  When the knight reached Larry, he handed over his sword. “Hold this, would you?”

  Larry took the broadsword’s handle and the heavy blade clanged against the floor. The knight chuckled and turned at the last minute to face the dinosaur. The armored man reared back and punched the beast square on the snout. The enormous skeleton slammed to a stop as if hitting a brick wall. It let out a whimper before whirling around and running away.

  “Okay, that was actually very cool,” said Nick.

  The knight stepped over to the golden tablet on the floor. He snatched it up, examined it, and walked it back to Larry. He handed it over.

  “Thanks,” said Larry, taking the tablet. He handed the knight his sword. “That was ... amazing.”

  The knight sheathed his sword and unbuckled the side of his helmet. He slowly pulled it off his head. Silken blonde locks of hair fluttered free. The man had gleaming blue eyes and wore a neatly trimmed beard. “Sir Lancelot,” he said. “At your service.”

  “The Sir Lancelot?” Teddy’s eyes widened. “Of Camelot?”

  Lancelot flashed a gleaming white smile. “Is there another?”

  “I read about you as boy,” said Teddy. His own wide grin appeared. “Lancelot, King Arthur, Guinevere, the Knights of the Round Table!”

  Larry stared at Teddy. He had never seen the man so starstruck before.

  Teddy beamed. “Everything I know about bravery, honor, and chivalry, I learned from you.”

  The knight gave a small bow. “You’re welcome.”

  Teddy rushed forward to shake the knight’s hand. “Theodore Roosevelt. President of the United States of America.”

  “Ahkmenrah. Fourth King of the Four Kings,” said the pharaoh. “We are in your debt.”

  Attila stepped forward and pounded his chest with one fist. “Attila. Dahkmor harash.”

  Lancelot grinned at the Hun but shook his head. “I have no idea what that means.”

  Sacajawea stepped forward. “I am Sacajawea.”

  The knight gave a deep bow, then gently took one of Sacajawea’s hands. “These are perilous lands. This is no place for the fairer sex.”

  Sacajawea raised
an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

  Lancelot gestured at his surroundings. “A woman is far too delicate for such an adventure.”

  Sacajawea jerked her hand from his grasp. “When I walked three thousand miles through uncharted wilderness, in moccasins, with a baby strapped to my back ... we ran out of food and had to eat candles.” She nodded. “I think I’ll be okay.”

  Lancelot chuckled. “Worry not, my lady.” He gestured to the others. “There are brave men here to protect you.”

  Sacajawea rolled her eyes. “Lucky me.” She was about to say more but Teddy took her hand and smiled nervously.

  Dexter marched up to the knight and chirped. “That’s Dexter,” said Larry.

  The knight bent low to see the monkey. As the man’s face drew close, Dexter raised a little monkey hand, ready to slap.

  “Dex,” warned Larry. “Good behavior!”

  Instead of slapping the knight’s face (the monkey’s usual way of making a first impression), Dexter lowered his paw and gave a deep bow. He ended it with an elaborate flourish of his other paw. Lancelot chuckled and stood upright.

  “Okay,” said Larry with a frown. He wasn’t expecting the monkey to act civilized for a change. He shook his head and looked back at the knight. “I’m Larry, and this is my son, Nick.”

  Lancelot gave Nick a curt bow. “You have a noble face, Nick.”

  “Oh ... thanks,” said Nick.

  Lancelot studied Larry’s face and pointed at him. “And you ... you remind me of a man I knew at Camelot.”

  “Oh yeah?” Larry smiled. “One of the ... Knights of the Round Table?”

  Lancelot shook his head. “Erik. Our fool.”

  Larry frowned.

  Lancelot’s smile widened and he addressed the others. “The funniest fool I ever met. He was so good that he didn’t even have to say anything. He’d just walk into the room and you’d begin to laugh.”

  The knight turned back to Larry, examined his face some more, and then burst into laughter. Larry shook his head.

  “You have what he had,” said the Knight between guffaws. “The gift! You could be a fool. If you get one of those funny little hats. You know? With the bells?”

  Larry sighed and nodded. “Yes.”

  Lancelot’s eyes widened. “Yes,” he repeated and roared with laughter once more. He glanced at the others. “Did I tell you? He has the gift!” He doubled over and bellowed then took a deep breath. “He does what seems like nothing. A deadpan, expressionless reaction. Limp-faced almost.” He pointed to Larry’s deadpan, expressionless reaction. “And yet it’s funny! Just like Erik!”

  Larry nodded. “Thank you. Okay.”

  Lancelot snorted with laughter and waved for Larry to stop. The knight pulled a long silk scarf from the cuff of one gauntlet and blotted the tears from his eyes. The scarf was decorated with beautiful embroidery. Stitched on the scarf was the image of a mighty castle surrounded by peaceful woodlands.

  Lancelot held up the design. “Ah, Camelot!” He turned to the others. “I left it long ago. And someday, I shall return. To its mighty towers. To King Arthur and Queen Guinevere.” He sniffed the scarf. “Sweet, kind, fair, and beauteous Guinevere.”

  Teddy leaned forward and whispered into Larry’s ear. “Lancelot was the subject of many legends, but one thread runs through them all ... he was deeply in love with King Arthur’s wife, Guinevere.”

  Larry frowned. “Why are you telling me this?”

  Teddy shrugged. “I assumed you might be unfamiliar with this information.”

  Larry opened his mouth to tell him that everybody was familiar with that information. He stopped himself and patted Teddy on the shoulder. “You were right. Thank you.”

  Lancelot stuffed the scarf back into his gauntlet. “But I am sworn not to return until I have completed my quest.” He struck a noble pose and raised one finger high above his head. “I must find ... the Holy Grail!”

  Larry glanced at the others then back at Lancelot. “Well, good luck with that.” He gave the knight a wave. “Thank you very much for the assist. That was impressive. We’re just trying to get to Egypt.” He pointed to the doorway. “So ... that way?”

  Lancelot’s eyes widened. “I will lead you!”

  Larry held up a hand. “No, no. It’s okay”

  Lancelot unsheathed his sword and gave it a twirl. “There is a strange magic in the air and dangerous beasts are afoot. I follow the code of chivalry. The duty of a true knight is to protect and care for those in need.” He marched toward the exit. “We’re off!”

  “I guess he’s coming with us,” said Larry. “Okay, cool. Nick, Teddy, Dex ...” he glanced around. “Where are Jed and Octavius?”

  Everyone began scanning the floor. Attila patted the fur brim of his hat. He frowned. “Bor doshala!”

  They were gone.

  CHAPTER 5

  Larry led the way as they backtracked to the Hall of the Hunt. The museum was huge and his miniature friends were ... miniature. He worried that they wouldn’t be able to spot them in this strange new environment.

  “They must have fallen out when we were running,” said Teddy.

  “Octavius!” called Ahkmenrah.

  “Jedediah!” called Teddy.

  Sacajawea knelt and examined the debris strewn across the floor. An expert tracker, she quickly picked up their trail. “Ah! They fell and rolled this way.” She leaned closer. “Then ... they vanished.” She glanced around until her eyes fell upon a rectangular heating vent on the floor. Larry knelt beside her and examined the vent. Its long blades were just far apart enough for the little miniatures to fit through. To confirm this, Sacajawea reached down and plucked a tiny piece of red fabric snagged on one of the blades. She held it up to Larry. It was Octavius’ cape.

  Larry leaned toward the vent. “Jed! Octavius!” There was no reply.

  “They won’t last long in those heating vents, Lawrence,” said Teddy.

  Larry hopped up and scanned the area. He spotted what he was looking for and ran over to the wall. He punched a few buttons on the heating control panel. “And ... shutting down.” The soft hum of the museum’s heating system faded to silence.

  Attila crouched down and put his face next to the vent. “Koolaskadiah! Bchactavious!” He turned his head to listen for a response. He waited for a moment and then shook his head. “Moskasheeloo.”

  Larry joined Attila beside the vent. He pulled off the bladed cover. “Okay. They could be anywhere between here and the intake vent.” He turned to the capuchin. “Dex, you’re going in.”

  The little monkey chattered angrily and shook his head.

  Larry sighed. “Listen to me, Dexter. I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye. We’ve had our tussles. But this is bigger than us.” He pointed to the open vent. “Those little guys are out there. They’re alone, they’re scared, and they’re cold.”

  “They’re in a heating vent, Dad,” said Nick.

  Larry shot a frustrated look up at Nick. Then he turned back to Dexter. “Even worse. They’re alone, scared ... and hot.”

  Dexter lowered his head.

  Larry put a hand on the monkey’s shoulder. “Come on, buddy. You’re their best shot.”

  Dexter gave a nervous smile and nodded his head.

  “Great,” said Larry. He reached a hand up to Nick. “I need your phone. For Dex.”

  Nick raised an eyebrow. “Okay ... why not your phone?”

  “Nick,” said Larry.

  Lancelot shook his head. “I don’t understand one thing that is going on here.”

  “Neither do I,” agreed Nick. He reluctantly dug into his pocket.

  Teddy leaned in. “Lawrence, Dexter’s a clever monkey, but I don’t think he can make a phone call.”

  Larry shook his head. “He doesn’t need to. I’m set up to track Nick’s phone.”

  Nick examined his phone. “Wait, what? You track my phone?”

  “Yeah, Nick,” Larry replied. “I’m your dad, I’m looki
ng out for you.”

  Nick glowered at him. “Spying on someone is not the same thing as looking out for someone.”

  “I was worried about you,” explained Larry. “Worried about you ... socially.”

  “Why?” asked Nick.

  Larry nodded. “Every night I’d check up on you. You never went anywhere.” Larry rolled his eyes. “Obviously it makes a lot more sense now.”

  Nick thrust out the phone. “Wow. Okay, here ... keep it. I don’t want it anymore.”

  Larry took the phone and moved to a shattered display case. He pulled a couple of strips of fabric from the display and tied them around the phone. He crouched beside Dexter and glanced back up at Nick. “Any last-minute texts you want to send? iChat? gChat? snapChat?”

  Nick crossed his arms. “No, I’m good.”

  “Okay, because it’s going on the monkey’s back,” said Larry. He tied the phone around Dexter’s shoulders. When Larry was done, Dexter wore the phone like a tiny backpack.

  “All right, Dex,” said Larry. “Bring them home, buddy. Down the hole.”

  Dexter gave Larry a quick salute and then hopped into the open vent. The monkey crawled out of sight. A faint hi-yah! echoed through the vent as Nick’s phone received a text message.

  Larry fished out his phone from his pocket and pulled up the tracking app. At once, his screen displayed a tiny blue dot, representing Nick’s phone. The dot moved slowly away from the center of the screen.

  Larry led the way as he followed the direction of the dot on his screen. The others stayed close while Nick grumpily brought up the rear.

  Sacajawea fell into step beside Larry. “The great Shoshone trackers learned to think like the animal,” she said. “So they could know where it went even when they lost its trail.”

  Larry nodded at the phone. “Yeah, also the blue dot thing helps.”

  Sacajawea glanced back at Nick. “It’s a difficult age. But it’s good that he’s here. A journey teaches many things. I’ll never regret having my son with me on my travels.”

  Larry glanced up. “Yeah? You think he learned something?”

  “Of course not, he was a baby,” replied Sacajawea. Then she smiled at him “But I learned a great deal.”