Night at the Museum

by Michael Anthony Steele

  The group moved down the corridor, passing the entrances to many amazing exhibits. Larry paid them little mind. Instead, his attention stayed focused on the tiny blue dot that represented Nick’s phone. As the group came to an intersection of four corridors, Larry studied the phone to see in which direction the blue dot moved.

  “Okay, take a right here,” said Larry.

  A burst of laughter erupted behind him. “Take a right here,” repeated Lancelot. He chuckled. “The gift of laughter. Thank you, my friend.”

  Larry turned back and glared at Lancelot. “I said, ‘take a right here.’”

  Lancelot grinned and nodded. “It was the way you said it.”

  Larry shook his head and went back to tracking Dexter. They followed the blue dot until it led them through a large archway and into a giant atrium. Larry lost focus on the phone as he took in the amazing sight before him. The enormous space was filled with newly awakened exhibits from all over the world. Japanese bronze heron statures soared above them. They glided just under the high glass ceiling. A stone lion licked its paw and wiped its head. It looked like a giant kitten giving itself a bath. Two huge, Assyrian lamassu tussled in the corner. The lamassu were mythical creatures with lion bodies, wings, and human heads with long beards. The strange animals wrestled like puppies as they pounced on each other and rolled across the floor. An armored horse trotted by in one direction while Persian peacock sculptures strutted by, glittering with gemstones.

  Larry’s eyes darted back to the blue dot on his phone. He led them across the atrium, following Dexter’s trail.

  Lancelot strode next to Larry. “First quest?” asked the knight.

  “Not exactly,” said Larry.

  “Do you always put the monkey in charge?” asked Lancelot.

  Larry shook his head. “He’s not in charge, we’re just following him.”

  “That’s what being in charge means,” Lancelot explained. “I thought you were going to Egypt.”

  Larry frowned. “We are. But we have to do this first.”

  Lancelot chuckled. “That’s not the way a quest works, my friend. A quest is only one thing. It’s not ... find the Holy Grail and a monkey.”

  “Yeah, well ... my guys are missing and Dexter’s going to find them,” said Larry.

  “How long have you known them?” asked Lancelot. “The missing ones. The little trolls?”

  Larry scowled. “They’re not trolls. They’re miniatures. They’re my friends.”

  “Friends fall by the wayside,” said Lancelot. “The weak perish. Happens on every quest. That’s why you have armies instead of just ... two people.”

  “Look, the reason I’m going to Egypt is to save my friends,” said Larry. “So it’s not two things. It’s the same thing.”

  “So, what’s the quest?” asked Lancelot. He rubbed his hands together. “Gold? Flaming sword? Fountain of Youth?”

  “Magic tablet,” replied Larry.

  “Hmm,” Lancelot nodded knowingly. “And where is this magic tablet you seek? Does it reside in the great and vast unknown beyond hope and dream?”

  “Nope. Right there.” Larry jutted a thumb over his shoulder. “That thing Ahk is holding.”

  Lancelot leaned closer. “Shouldn’t be hard to take it from him,” the knight whispered. “He seems well toned and lean, but weak.”

  “No, I’m not trying to get it. I’m trying to fix it,” Larry explained. “Something’s wrong with it.” He shook his head. “You know what? It’s really kind of complicated.”

  Lancelot shrugged. “It might be less complicated if you stop following a chimpanzee.”

  “He’s not a chimpanzee,” said Larry. “He’s a capuchin.” The blue dot stopped on the screen and Larry stopped, as well. The others filed passed him gazing at all the living exhibits around them. Lancelot moved to Teddy.

  “The fool seems agitated,” murmured Lancelot.

  Larry shook his head in disgust but kept an eye on the blue dot.

  “That’s often his way,” Teddy replied. “But he’s no fool, I assure you. Lawrence has been our leader and guardian for many years now.”

  “Is it true what he says?” the knight asked Ahkmenrah. “The tablet you carry is magic?”

  “It is indeed,” replied the young pharaoh. He pointed at their surroundings. “Everything you see around you has come to life tonight for the very first time. All because of this tablet.”

  Lancelot ran his gloved fingers over the tablet’s tiles. “Amazing.” He looked up at the exhibits around them. “Then ... they’re not real?”

  “Once the tablet brings them to life, they’re as real as any of us,” Teddy explained.

  “Yes, but we’re real people. They’re just ... things. And they don’t even know?” Lancelot laughed. “How pathetic! They must be unbelievably stupid!”

  Teddy gave a sympathetic smile. “It can be confusing at first.”

  Lancelot waved at a nearby frog statue as it hopped by. “Hello, frog! Keep hopping! You’re real!” He stifled a laugh and rolled his eyes.

  Ahkmenrah opened his mouth to speak but Teddy took the pharaoh’s arm. The former president shook his head ever so slightly. Larry could tell that Teddy didn’t think it was the best time to tell Lancelot the entire truth—that the knight also owed his newfound life to the magic of the tablet. Larry agreed. And he sure wouldn’t be the one to shatter the knight’s fantasy. The news was always better coming from fellow museum exhibits rather than from him. Besides, first things first. They had to focus on tracking Dexter.

  Larry turned his attention back to his phone. The dot moved away from the center of the screen in a different direction. Larry looked up, following its path. He saw the entrance of another part of the museum before him.

  “Looks like we’ll have to cut through Asia,” Larry told the others.

  He began walking toward the new wing when Lancelot stepped in front of him, blocking his path. The knight drew his sword.

  “You should have told me the truth,” said Lancelot.

  Larry took a step back, bracing himself for battle. But then Lancelot put the tip of his sword to the ground and knelt before it.

  “A fool gives birth to a hero. Wondrous indeed!” He looked up and gazed into Larry’s eyes. “You carry a treasure more precious than all the world’s gold. My soul, my heart, and my steel are at your command until your quest is complete. I shall not leave your side until you have safely arrived in Egypt.” He bowed his head.

  Larry glanced around at the others. Teddy shrugged.

  Larry tentatively patted the knight on the head. “Okay.” Lancelot grasped Larry’s hand and pressed it to his lips for a long kiss. This isn’t weird at all, thought Larry.

  Octavius peered over the edge of a deep shaft on the ductwork floor. He and Jedediah had been traveling for what seemed like miles to their tiny legs. They hadn’t found a way out of the heating system until now. Unfortunately, the only way out seemed to be a dark shaft leading straight down. It was an endless pit that disappeared into utter darkness.

  When they had originally fallen through the first vent, the two miniatures were blown through the ducts in a whirlwind. They had been stuck on a lint-covered air filter until the wind inexplicably stopped. The miniatures had tried to retrace their steps but they heard the monstrous footsteps of something in the ductworks with them. They had run from the unseen beast hoping to stay away from whatever danger it possessed.

  Jed leaned over to gaze into the dark vent with Octavius. “Can’t see much. We could jump down and hope for the best.”

  Octavius frowned. “We have no idea what’s down there.”

  Just then, the echoing footsteps returned. The entire metal tunnel vibrated beneath their feet as the creature drew near.

  “No idea what’s up here either,” said Jedediah.

  The footfalls sounded like thunder. They turned to see a dark shape round a corner several feet away. Then the creature gave the most peculiar roar.

&n
bsp; Hi-yah!

  “Aaaaghhh!” screamed Jedediah and Octavius. Without another word between them, they leaped into the shadowy pit before them.

  They fell for a long time in total darkness. Then light grew around them as they rapidly approached another slatted vent cover. Both the tiny cowboy and miniature Roman commander slipped between the blades and were suddenly bathed in bright light. Octavius squinted, trying to get a bearing on their whereabouts. Before he could make out anything, they landed on something hard. They tumbled to the ground.

  As they got to their feet, Octavius’ eyes slowly adjusted to the light. He took in their new surroundings. They had landed on a normal-sized brick street. It was a normal size for them, anyway. Stone buildings lined the road and large structures spread out as far as the eye could see. Unbelievably, Jed and Octavius stood in the center of a deserted city—a city that was just the right size.

  Octavius recognized the architecture at once. “This is a Roman city,” he said. “I can feel the familiar pull of history in its very foundation.”

  Jed tilted back his cowboy hat and glanced around. “Where the heck is everybody?”

  The two walked along the empty streets. They peeked in doorways and looked through windows, but there wasn’t another soul about. The place was utterly deserted.

  Octavius furrowed his brow. “This town looks familiar,” he said. “I could swear I’ve seen it before.”

  The street ended at a barrier of thick glass. It turned out that they stood inside a miniature display. It was similar to the ones in the diorama room in their museum back in New York.

  Octavius put his hands on the glass and looked down. The display was labeled with a small plaque below. Perhaps he could find out where they were. The writing was upside down and difficult to read. “Iiepmop,” read Octavius. He thought for a moment. “Hmm ... doesn’t ring a bell.”

  On the other side of the glass, near their display, a large marble bust sat atop a stone pillar. The sculpture was the head and shoulders of an ancient Roman man. He stared at them with wide eyes. The man moved his mouth, speaking to them, but Octavius couldn’t hear through the thick glass.

  “What’s that, citizen?” Octavius asked. “I’m having trouble hearing you.”

  The bust repeated what it had said but they still couldn’t make out the muffled words.

  “Still not understanding ya, pally!” said Jedediah.

  The bust opened his mouth wide as he spoke, as if he were shouting. He seemed to be repeating one word over and over again.

  Jed pointed to the gallery floor. “Hey, look!” Several Roman miniatures ran across the room, away from the Roman city display. They screamed and pointed back to the empty city. “Why are they stampedin’ like that?”

  Octavius banged on the glass and shouted at them. “Hello! What are you doing? Come back to Iiepmop!” He spread his arms wide. “There’s plenty of room!”

  Jed scratched his head and looked at the plaque below. “Iiepmop ... are you sure you read that right, amigo?”

  Octavius checked the plaque again and realized that he had made a mistake. Just as it came to him that he had read the name backwards, the ground shook beneath their feet. Octavius and Jedediah tried to stay balanced as they slowly turned to see the giant mountain on the other side of the city. The top of the mountain exploded and streams of red hot lava poured down its sides. The molten rock began to fill the city itself.

  “Oh. Right ...” said Octavius.

  The name of the volcano was Mount Vesuvius. The city that it destroyed in ancient times was called Pompeii. It was the name the bust across the gallery had been repeating. It was the name of the doomed city in which Jed and Octavius stood at that very moment.

  Larry led the group into the Asia wing of the museum. The walls were lined with beautiful Chinese scroll paintings. Because of the magic tablet, each of them was alive with activity. Ornately painted waves crashed upon picturesque shores. Goldfish with flowing fins swam through crystal-clear ponds. Brightly feathered birds whistled from snowy treetops. The group spread out to take in the magical sights around them. Teddy took Sacajawea’s hand. They smiled at each other as they strolled through their beautiful surroundings.

  Up ahead, Lancelot pointed to Nick’s arm. “I see you have the name of a lady on your arm. Along with a mysterious series of numbers.”

  Nick laughed and rubbed his arm. “Andrea, yeah.”

  “Are those Druidic cryptograms?” asked the knight.

  Nick shook his head. “Nope. It’s basically just her cell number.”

  Lancelot grinned. “Ah, so this Lady Andrea is your Guinevere.” He pulled the embroidered scarf from his gauntlet. “My lady gave me a favor as well. On Joust Day.” He held the silk scarf to his nose, closed his eyes, and breathed deeply. He opened his eyes and smiled. “Arthur was not pleased.” He leaned close to Nick. “That’s the real reason he sent me in search of the Grail. He hoped I’d never return.” He straightened. “And I am bound not to. Not until I find it.”

  The knight tucked the scarf back into his metal glove. “Does anyone stand between you and your lady love?”

  Nick glanced back at his father. Larry pretended to study his phone and not to be eavesdropping on his son. Of course, he had just admitted to tracking his son’s phone. At this point, what could a little eavesdropping hurt?

  “Yeah, no ...” Nick began. “I mean ... my dad kind of messed things up when he came home early the other night.”

  Lancelot held up a finger. “Let no man stand between you and your destiny.”

  “Destiny might be overstating it,” replied Nick. “I mean ... we just have calculus together. But yeah ... I hear you.”

  Larry frowned. He wasn’t sure the mythical knight was such a good role model for Nick.

  When the group reached the other side of the gallery, they came across several Buddha sculptures. Many of the peaceful statues sat on carved cushions, their eyes shut, in deep meditation. Other Buddha sculptures smiled and waved at the group. A particularly large Buddha, near the exit, put a finger to his lips and shushed the new arrivals.

  Larry heeded the warning and stopped. The Buddha kept his finger to his lips while he pointed at the open doorway. Larry didn’t know what he was indicating and was about to step through when a tiny golden creature stepped out from behind the Buddha’s display. The living figurine had the torso of a man with the head and legs of a bird. Its tiny talons clicked on the marble floor as it scurried forward.

  “Oh. Hey, little guy,” said Larry. “Just passing through.”

  “It’s Garuda from Tibet,” explained Teddy. “A charming fellow, representative of wisdom as well as a protector from mythical serpents. I had to carry one of them down Mt. Kailash after I lost a wager with a monk.”

  Larry started walking again but the Garuda statue moved forward, blocking his path. Larry stepped to the left and the statue did the same. Larry sidestepped to the right and the Garuda blocked his way again.

  “You know what? Fun game,” said Larry. “But I don’t have time right now.”

  The Garuda shrugged its feathered shoulders and stepped aside to let them pass. The group cautiously moved through the doorway. They rounded a corner and spotted what the tiny protector was trying to protect them from.

  A humongous bronze snake was coiled in the center of the gallery. Its snout was barely visible and its eyes were closed. Its giant body slowly inflated and deflated as it snored loudly.

  Lancelot’s face lit up. “A dragon!”

  Larry pulled everyone back behind a large pillar. He craned his neck as he peeked out to read the plaque beside the sleeping beast.

  “It’s not a dragon,” Larry whispered. “It’s ... Xiangliu. A mythical snake demon.”

  “Well, it looks like a dragon,” said Lancelot. “I say we kill it.”

  “It’s asleep,” said Larry.

  The knight thought a moment. “Right. Not very sporting to kill it in its sleep.” He snapped his finger
s. “Let’s wake it up, and then kill it.” He put a hand on his sword. “I will go first and I shall take the boy.”

  Larry shook his head. “No, you’re not taking the boy.”

  “Why not?” asked Lancelot.

  “Because he’s ... a boy,” replied Larry. “And we don’t need to kill it.”

  “Do you want him to stay a boy forever?” asked Lancelot. He gave a thoughtful look. “Larry, there comes a time when everyone must slay his own dragon.”

  “That’s a figure of speech,” said Larry.

  Lancelot grinned. “Not where I come from.”

  Larry waved his arms. “We’re not slaying anything. We’re going around.” He held up his phone. “We have to go now or we might lose the signal. Now shush!”

  Slowly and quietly, the group crept out from behind the pillar. They moved around the sleeping demon, only stopping when the beast snorted and twitched in its sleep. Once it had settled down again, the group inched by. They were almost clear when an emerald light shined into Larry’s eyes. He glanced back and saw that the tablet was glowing green again.

  “No, no, no ...” whispered Larry.

  Teddy’s eyes went wide and he shot a finger into the air. “Ask not what your country can do for you!” He said in a perfect, but very loud, John F. Kennedy voice. “Ask what you can do for your country!”

  “Teddy!” said Larry.

  He moved back to quiet Teddy but stopped at Sacajawea. She stared straight ahead. She was stone-faced, as if in a trance. Larry waved his hands in front of her face.

  “Sac, you there?” he asked.

  Before he could investigate further, a piercing scream erupted from Attila. The once-fierce Hun warlord cowered and pointed just over Larry’s shoulder. Larry turned to see the Xiangliu fully awake and coiled, ready to strike. And as if that weren’t bad enough, the snake demon turned out to have not one but nine fierce heads.

  CHAPTER 6

  Larry craned his neck up at the towering bronze demon. “That’s a lot of heads.” Each terrifying head hissed and bared two long fangs.

  Lancelot pointed at the demon and smiled at Larry. “There. Now we can kill it!” He drew his sword. “Come on, there’s enough heads for all of us! Four and a half each, if it’s just me and the boy.” He turned to Larry’s son. “Have you ever used a blade?”