Night at the Museum

by Michael Anthony Steele

  “Only in World of Warcraft,” Nick replied.

  Lancelot grinned and pulled a dagger from his belt. He tossed it to Nick who barely caught it by the handle.

  “Nick, stay back!” warned Larry.

  “Come!” said Lancelot. He rushed toward the demon. He swung his long blade at the striking heads.

  “Whoah!” Nick winced and moved back as one of the heads snapped at him.

  Lancelot spun around and brought his blade down at the head striking at Nick. The sword bounced off the bronze serpent’s neck with a loud CLANG!

  “Ha!” Lancelot beamed. “I love a challenge!”

  Larry felt something wrap around his leg. He was sure it was one of the snake heads. But when he looked down, he saw that it was only Attila. The warlord was curled up in terror as his arms squeezed Larry’s leg tightly.

  “Attila, what’s going on with you, man?” asked Larry. “Get it together.”

  Larry pried himself away from the Hun just as one of the heads zipped his way. He leaped aside and noticed all of his other friends were out of action. The malfunctioning tablet affected each of them differently. Sacajawea was still frozen in place, Ahkmenrah shuffled around, muttering to himself, and Teddy continued to channel other United States presidents.

  “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!” Teddy shouted in a Franklin Delano Roosevelt voice.

  Larry kicked his flashlight out of its holster and caught it in midair. He backhanded a snake head as it came at him. The head continued to attack, but Larry fended away each strike with the butt of his flashlight.

  During the battle, Larry chanced a glance at Teddy. The former president was so wrapped up in his other personas that he didn’t see one of the demon heads coming at him. Larry struck his own demon head once more before he holstered his light. He ran to Teddy and tackled him to the ground. The serpent’s long fangs missed them by inches.

  Teddy looked up at Larry and smiled. “Brownie, you’re doin’ a heckuva job,” he said in the voice of George W. Bush.

  Jedediah and Octavius raced down the streets of Pompeii. Hot lava flowed behind them as hot ash rained down upon them. Every time they turned down a side street, they met yet another wall of the molten rock. They kept running, but they seemed to be surrounded by lava at every turn.

  Jedediah glanced around. “By the beard of Jupiter, there is no escape,” the cowboy said in Octavius’ voice. “Two noble warriors die this night.”

  “Last round-up, kemosabe,” agreed Octavius, speaking in Jed’s voice. “Time to slap on the barbecue sauce!”

  The two miniatures skid to a stop and stared at each other in confusion.

  Jed poked a finger at Octavius’ armored chest. The tiny cowboy continued to speak with Octavius’ voice. “You sandal-footed serpent! Why have you absconded with my elocution?”

  Octavius shrugged. “I ain’t got the faintest doggone idea’r.”

  Lancelot and Nick fought the snake demon back-to-back. Larry wasn’t worried about the knight; it was obvious that Lancelot was merely toying with the striking heads. Nick, on the other hand, was fighting for his life. The boy swung the dagger frantically, keeping the attacking heads at bay. Larry had to admit that the young boy was holding his own. Larry was both terrified for his son and proud of him at the same time. Unfortunately, there was no way Lancelot and Nick could hold out forever. They were outnumbered: nine—terrifying demon snake heads, that is—to two.

  Larry looked around for anything he could use as a weapon. Occasionally, one of the snake heads would break off from the main battle and strike at the night guard. So far, the best he could do was try to bat it away with a fake torch off the wall. The plastic piece merely bounced off the bronze snake and didn’t even phase it.

  Luckily, Larry spotted something on the wall he thought he could use—a first-aid station. He ducked under another striking head as he dashed for the wall. He slid to a stop and threw open the panel. He spotted what he’d hoped was inside. Larry pressed a button on the device and snatched up its two paddles. He had found an emergency defibrillator. The apparatus was designed to give a shock to someone undergoing a heart attack. The electric current it produced was usually used to restore a patient’s heartbeat to its natural rhythm. Larry hoped it would have a different effect on a bronze snake demon.

  An electronic whine filled the air as the machine powered up. With a paddle in each hand, Larry threw himself into the fray. He leaped over one striking head, then ducked under two more. He had to get to the main body. More importantly, he hoped the cables connecting the paddles to the defibrillator would reach. They stretched taut as he slid to a stop beside the giant serpentine demon.

  “Clear!” shouted Larry.

  He pressed the paddles onto the bronze scales and activated the device. Electricity crackled through Xiangliu’s metal body. The snake demon jerked, spasmed, and then froze in place. Larry dropped the paddles and rolled clear as the beast toppled over, clanging to the floor.

  “These things really do save lives, ” said Larry as he held the paddles in the air.

  “You deprived us of the death blow!” said Lancelot. He pointed at Larry. “Next time ... no sorcery!” He strode over to Nick and put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “You fought bravely. Next time we shall drink dragon’s blood from the victor’s cup!”

  “That was amazing!” said Nick. He handed the dagger back to the knight. “And a little terrifying!”

  Lancelot slid the blade back into its sheath. “You are a man now,” he said. “From this day forward, you choose your own path. And let no one tell you otherwise.”

  Larry watched as Nick and Lancelot exchanged a handshake. Maybe the knight was right. Maybe Nick was old enough to choose his own path. Honestly, Larry didn’t know what to think. He was still Nick’s dad and he still thought it was his job to protect him. A moan from the others caught Larry’s attention. He had almost forgotten that there were others that needed his protection, too.

  Larry hopped over a lifeless snake head and joined the other members of the group. Attila staggered to his feet. Ahkmenrah shook his head. Sacajawea was moving again. And Teddy was massaging a sore jaw.

  “Talk to me, guys,” said Larry. “How are you doing?”

  Teddy sighed. “It’s passed for now.”

  Ahkmenrah moved aside one of the large snake heads. Underneath was Larry’s cell phone. It was smashed.

  “How are we going to find them now?” asked Ahkmenrah.

  “Uhm, Lawrence?” asked Teddy.

  Larry looked over at Teddy. The twenty-sixth president held up a gloved hand. It was frozen stiff, having completely reverted back to its original wax form. Attila reached a hand up to his face. Although he was still alive, his face was rigid and more wax-like, as well.

  “I fear we’ve turned a corner,” said Teddy.

  Larry looked at the tablet in the pharaoh’s hands. The green stain had spread further.

  “We’re running out of time,” said Larry. “We’ll have to find Dex and the guys later. We have to get to Egypt now.”

  “Shouldn’t we keep looking for Jed and Octavius?” asked Nick.

  “Nick is right,” agreed Lancelot. “A true knight never shirks his duties.”

  Larry sighed. “Thanks for the input, but if we don’t get to Egypt soon, we won’t be able to save anybody.”

  Lancelot nodded. “Then this way, my friends.”

  The group followed the knight out of the Asia wing and into a long corridor. Larry didn’t know how close they were to their goal, but he knew they had to get there fast. It was his job to protect his friends and he felt as if he was letting them down. Then again, it was his job to protect someone else, too. Larry fell back to walk with his son.

  “Hey, Nick,” Larry whispered. “When I tell you to stay back, I mean stay back.”

  Nick rolled his eyes. “Right. Because I’m the boy.”

  Larry shook his head. “Because I’m your dad. And it’s my job to keep yo
u safe. Whether you like it or not.”

  Nick tightened his lips. Then he opened his mouth ready to reply when Lancelot interrupted him.

  “Walk with me, Nicholas,” said the knight.

  Nick shook his head and walked away from his father. He ran ahead to join Lancelot at the front of the line.

  Larry didn’t get it. Why couldn’t his son realize that everything that Larry did, everything, was for his son’s own good? He didn’t want his son to make the same mistakes that he had made, much less be torn apart by a nine-headed snake demon. What was so difficult to understand? It seemed like the more Larry tried to protect Nick, the further it drove him away. He wondered if all sons felt that way about their fathers.

  Larry moved to walk with Ahkmenrah. “Hey, Ahk. When you were growing up, did you and your dad ever butt heads?”

  “All the time.” Ahkmenrah laughed. “He was a proud man. He never saw me as an equal. Even after I became pharaoh, he never trusted me with the secrets of the tablet.”

  “How did you work it out?” asked Larry.

  Ahkmenrah shrugged. “I had him buried alive with a thousand scorpions.”

  “What?” asked Larry.

  Ahkmenrah grinned. “I’m joking, Larry. A little Egyptian humor.” The young pharaoh’s smile faded. “No, the truth is ... we didn’t work it out. All these years, I’ve been arguing with him in my head, trying to sort it out. Thinking about what I’d say to him if I ever got the chance. Guessing what he’d say to me.”

  “Does that help?” asked Larry.

  Ahkmenrah shook his head. “Not really.” The pharaoh shrugged. “I honestly don’t know how it will be, seeing each other again.”

  Octavius pressed his back against the wall but there was nowhere else to go. He and Jedediah had run through the streets of Pompeii, always just a few steps in front of the torrent of hot lava. But once they had run into the main square, it was too late. The red-hot liquid slowly made its way toward them from every street, every direction. They were surrounded and had no hope for escape.

  At least I’ll meet my end on Roman soil, thought Octavius. Sort of.

  The lava crept closer from all around. Any second, the molten rock would engulf them, turning them to cinders.

  Suddenly, there was a loud banging sound above them. The two miniatures looked up to see the heating vent in the ceiling above them. It vibrated as something tried to break through. Then the vent cover flew away and a familiar face appeared. It was Dexter!

  The monkey swung down from above and landed atop a tall building. He stood upright and carefully strode across the rooftops. He stopped on the roof above them, taking in the scene. He looked at Jedediah and Octavius and grinned. It was clear the monkey had a plan. Octavius cringed when he realized just what that plan was.

  “He wouldn’t,” said Jedediah.

  Octavius closed his eyes. “He must.”

  Octavius and Jedediah were suddenly drenched in warm liquid. The torrent covered them and the lava mere inches away from their feet. The loud hiss of steam erupted as the molten rock was cooled by the liquid. Octavius opened his eyes to see a wall of black rock surrounding them. The lava had cooled and become solid once more. Dexter had saved them. He had saved them ... by peeing on them.

  Jedediah wiped his face and grinned up at the monkey. “I’m both disgusted and grateful, you magnificent simian god.”

  Octavius shook his head. “We shall never speak of what happened here today.”

  CHAPTER 7

  Larry took the lead when he spotted a sign pointing to the Egyptian wing. As leaders went, Lancelot had seemed preoccupied anyway. He and Nick had been talking and laughing the entire trip from Asia.

  Larry had hoped that this would be a bonding trip for him and his son. Instead, it was turning out to be a bonding trip for his son and a mythical figure from the Middle Ages. They were now best buddies just because the knight had let Nick wield a dagger and battle some snake demon. It was crazy. And it was reckless, as far as Larry was concerned. He bet that if Lancelot were real and had kids, those kids probably wouldn’t survive past the age of three ... five tops. The knight knew nothing about being a father. Frankly, Larry couldn’t wait to get rid of him.

  They turned a corner and the large entrance to the Egyptian wing loomed above. A stone arch framed the dark passage beyond.

  “This is it,” said Larry. He turned and gave Lancelot a wave. “Well, we’re here. Lancelot, thanks for all the help. I think we’re good.”

  “Perhaps I should accompany you in,” said Lancelot.

  “No thanks, we can take it from here.” Larry held up his hands. “You have your own quest and everything. The Holy Grail isn’t going to find itself.”

  Lancelot nodded reluctantly then stepped forward. He grasped Larry’s arm. “Larry, keeper of the magic tablet, I shall never forget your bravery. Nor your jests.” He held up a hand to the others. “Until we meet again, my friends.”

  Larry nodded. “Goodbye.”

  Lancelot turned to leave. After taking two steps, he turned and struck a dramatic pose. “I shall not say goodbye. For I know that someday our paths will cross once more. Like threads in the vast and glorious tapestry of life, our destinies are intertwined.”

  Larry stared at the knight for a moment, making sure he was finished. “Okay, see ya.” He turned and led the others through the entrance of the Egyptian wing.

  The gallery was dimly lit, with focal lights shining on artifacts in glass cases. Small statues of half-human, half-beast creatures stared at them as they walked by. Slabs of stone were displayed showing Egyptian hieroglyphics come to life. Like the paintings in other parts of the museum, the stone carvings of cats, birds, and ancient Egyptians moved over the stones as if they were a living movie. As Larry and the group moved deeper into the wing, they saw bigger living statues moving about. A large sphinx loped by. A few men with the heads of jackals and cranes milled about. Then things got really creepy. Several sarcophagi lined the passage around them. The ornate coffins stood on end and their lids slowly opened. Ancient mummies shambled out of each of them. The bandaged corpses lumbered toward the group.

  Ahkmenrah handed the tablet to Larry. Then the young pharaoh stepped ahead and greeted the mummies. “Friends! Long time!” He shook the dry hand of a nearby mummy. “Imhotep, how are you?” He hugged another. “Ramses!”

  Ahkmenrah stopped at a sarcophagus decorated with a painting of a beautiful woman. “It can’t be! Is that?” he asked. The lid swung open and a female mummy slowly stepped out. Her bandages weren’t as tattered as the rest and they clung tightly to her slender form. Once out of the sarcophagus, she slinked over to the group.

  “Larry, meet Cleopatra,” said Ahkmenrah. “Luminous beauty of the Fertile Crescent.”

  “Wow. Cleopatra,” said Larry. “Hi.”

  The woman slowly unwrapped the bandages from her head. She revealed two beautiful brown eyes. Cleopatra had been known for her beauty and now Larry was going to meet her in person. Unfortunately, as she unwound the strips of cloth from the rest of her face, she revealed the usual cracked and withered face of someone who’s been dead for thousands of years. Larry tried not to recoil in horror as she leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek.

  “Nice ... to meet you,” said Larry. Her dry lips planted a kiss on one cheek and then moved to the other side of his face. “Okay. Two cheeks,” said Larry, still trying not to run away in terror. “European style. Okay ... we have to get going ... thanks.”

  They moved deeper into the exhibit and came across an entire ancient tomb rebuilt inside the gallery. Three thick, stone walls were adorned in hieroglyphics and two ornate sarcophagi lay side by side in the middle of the reconstructed room.

  Ahkmenrah spread his arms wide and sighed. “I haven’t seen these walls in many a moon.”

  “Ahkmen!” said a woman’s voice.

  The group turned to see an ornately dressed Egyptian couple emerge from the shadows. The woman had dark hair, dar
k eyes, and wore a long thin gown with golden stitching. The shorter man wore a golden tunic and headpiece similar to that of Ahkmenrah. He held a tall, golden staff.

  “Mother!” said Ahkmenrah. The woman ran over and hugged her son. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

  Ahkmenrah released his mother and turned toward the man. “Father.”

  The man paused a bit awkwardly for a moment, then strode over to the young pharaoh. The older man wrapped his arms around his son and embraced him deeply. “Welcome home, my son.”

  Larry smiled as he watched the reunion. He glanced over at Nick and saw that his son was smiling, too. Nick’s eyes caught Larry’s and the boy’s smile disappeared.

  “I want you to meet my friends,” said Ahkmenrah. He led the couple over to the group.

  “I am Merenkahre, Pharaoh of the Nile and Father of the Son of the Sun,” said Ahkmenrah’s father.

  “And I am Shepseheret, the Glittering Jewel of the Nine Kingdoms,” said Ahkmenrah’s mother.

  Larry gave a small wave. “Hi. I’m Larry.”

  “Guardian of Brooklyn,” finished Ahkmenrah.

  Larry leaned toward the young pharaoh. “I actually live in Manhattan now,” he whispered.

  Ahkmenrah winced. “I know. But it doesn’t sound as cool.”

  Larry stepped closer to Merenkahre. “Listen, I need to talk to you about the tablet.”

  The man stiffened. “You are speaking to a Pharaoh. Kiss my staff.” He leaned the head of the staff toward Larry’s face.

  Larry politely moved it out of the way. “I’ll pass.”

  Merenkahre glowered. “You will show respect. I am the descendant of Ra, the Sun God.”

  “Okay, I don’t worship Ra, actually, so ...” Larry began.

  “The Egyptian Gods are the only true Gods,” interrupted Ahkmenrah’s father.

  “Yeah, we try to stay open-minded,” replied Larry. He jutted a thumb over his shoulder “Attila worships a sort of goat-god thing, so ... we don’t judge. I’m part Irish-Catholic, part Jewish ...”