Chasing the Wild Sparks

by Alexander, Ren

  Rod and I run after him as fast as I can without me tripping in my heels.

  “Finn!” I yell, but he furiously rams the door and blows through it.

  Rod holds onto my arm to halt me. “Ricky said to meet him out back so that Finn’s getting into a cruiser doesn’t draw a crowd.”

  “Okay.” I hurriedly wobble and shout, “Finn, wait!” I shake Rod loose and catch up to Finn to throw my arms around his waist. He stops. “You can’t drive, Finn!”

  He snarls, “Becks, let go of me.”

  “No. I want you to stay here!” I hold onto him and walk around his body. He looks down at me. “Please, Finn. Don’t get in your car!” I beg.

  He shoves both hands into his hair. “I’m not going to drive. I needed to get out of there.” He sounds resigned. To what? Me?

  “Where are you going to go?”

  He shakes his head, his hands still buried there. “Don’t really care.”

  A white cruiser with blue lettering pulls into the lot and drives over to us. “Oh, fuck,” Finn drones. “Who called the cops? I didn’t do anything!”

  The door opens and Ricky gets out, smirking at Finn. Finn sighs heavily. He rubs his forehead with his fingers and closes his eyes as he bows his head.

  “Well, hello there, Miss Hadley.” Ricky pushes his hat up, causing his black hair to spring out haphazardly from underneath it, and for his brown eyes to glitter from the parking lot lights. He smiles at me as I hear the faint sound of dispatch talking. I’ve only seen him wearing his dark blue police uniform a few times. Much different from his camouflage, sporting gear, or blue jeans he’s usually wearing when I see him. Ricky nods his chin to my boyfriend next to me. “I see that my buddy, Finn, found you.”

  I mutter acerbically, “Yes. Thanks ever so much for your help in doing that.” He seems to not notice the strident tone of my voice.

  “Not a problem,” he answers me and then looks at Finn. “Hey, man. What happened? You look like you were run over by a bottle of Jack.”

  “Repeatedly,” Finn grumbles.

  Ricky turns to me. “Hadley, what the hell did you do to him? Didn’t you let him give you a Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against the Wall?”

  “Hilarious.”

  He snickers and then asks, “Did you break his heart? Is that why he was drinking?”

  “No.”

  “Yes,” Finn answers.

  Ricky looks back and forth at us, like he’s trying to solve a puzzle. “Interesting.” I peer at the ground so he can’t see my tears gathering strength. “It’s really not,” I say quietly. “It’s rather sad.”

  Finn slurs something under his breath, but I don’t look up from the ground.

  Bewildered, Ricky asks, “Why can’t you drive my boy home?”

  “I don’t have my car and I can’t drive a stick.” I raise my head as Ricky’s face lights up and he giggles.

  “That’s a shame, Wilder!” Stupid boys. He can’t even help himself. “What are you going to do with your car since Hadley can’t drive your stick?” He laughs again, irritating me even more.

  Finn sighs. “Don’t know.”

  I pivot and hold my hand out to Finn. “Give me your key.”

  He doggedly frowns. “You’re not driving my car. You’ll fuck it up since you don’t know how to drive it.”

  “I can pick it up later,” Ricky offers. “I don’t get off until six. I’ll need someone to pick me up from the precinct. I don’t know if you want to leave it here that long, though. If you talk to the manager, they might not have it towed.”

  I reason, “Ivan will take it for you, okay? Just give me your key.”

  Finn leers at me with a woozy grin. “You’ll have to come and get it.” He lifts his arms up so I can get to his pockets. Damn it.

  I glance at his pants. “Which pocket?”

  “I guess you’ll have to frisk me.” I sigh. Men. Drunken men, that is. I step over and standing behind him, I reach around his torso and pat the front of his pants pockets down.

  “Don’t grope him too much. I don’t want to have to arrest him for indecent exposure.” Shut up, Ricky.

  I peek at Ricky from under Finn’s arm. “Isn’t this your job?” I retort and fumble into Finn’s right pocket. He leans his hip towards my hand and I speedily remove the key before anything else can happen.

  Ricky laughs. “Damn, Finn! That’s not a good sign when your woman can’t wait to not touch you!”

  Finn mutters, “I’m used to it.” I wince at his remark. Why is he trying to hurt me so much? Even drunk, I didn’t think he would do that.

  “I now see why you were drinking,” Ricky says before talking into the small radio on his shoulder.

  A small crowd of people filter through the parking lot and observe us as they walk. From here, it probably looks like Finn is being arrested.

  “Can you just get him home? Ivan will bring his car over shortly after.”

  “Sure thing.” He opens the back door of his cruiser and Finn walks over to it. I follow him and pull his hand so he’ll look at me, but he doesn’t. I let go of him as he bends to sit down. Leaning forward, he props his elbows on his legs and hangs his head from his hands. Ricky shuts the door and turns to me.

  “What happened in there? Did you two really break up?”

  The damn tears flow freely now. I don’t need Finn’s BFF to witness this. I wipe them away and avoid looking at him. I’m sure I look just lovely with mascara all over my face. “I don’t know. He said some really horrible things to me.”

  “He was so worried about you, Hadley. When he called me from work, he was so agitated. He’s never been that upset about you before. You two are always happy.”

  “We used to be.” I feel like I’ve been stabbed multiple times.

  Ricky sighs and plunks his hand onto my shoulder. “What happened?”

  “He started doing shots. A lot of them.”

  “Just out of the blue? Did he tell you he was going to be drinking?”

  “No. I don’t think he was planning on drinking since he drove.” I sniff and fold my arms. “He went ballistic when he saw me dancing.”

  “Dancing? With another man?” He raises an eyebrow and gestures at me with his hand. “Dressed like this?”

  I look down and see that my skirt is still unbuttoned. Shit! I cross my ankles and nervously play with my hair. “I don’t usually dress like this, Ricky. You know that.”

  “I do, but I’m sure that drove Finn crazy to see you looking so… And hanging on someone else.” Slutty? Looking like a hooker?

  “I wasn’t hanging on strangers.”

  Ricky takes his flashlight out, shining it at Rod. I forgot he was still with me. I’m a horrible friend. He asks Rod, “Who might you be?”

  Rod moves from behind me. “Greg Rodwell. I’m friends with Hadley.”

  Ricky looks back at me and lowers his flashlight. “Is he the reason why Finn is so upset?”

  “Part of it.”

  Returning his flashlight to his belt, he puts his hands on his hips and unexpectedly asks, “Are you two seeing each other? Are you cheating on Finn, Hadley?”

  My eyes pop open. “No! I would never do that! Greg and I are coworkers and friends. That’s all!”

  “Then, why is he so…broken?” Ricky twists to look at Finn, who hasn’t moved from his hunched over position.

  “He thought we did break up earlier today.”

  Returning his attention to me, Ricky crosses his arms and glowers. “Thought?”

  I don’t want to get into this with Ricky, especially when Finn is sitting there possibly listening.

  I nod. “We had an argument about him not wanting to introduce me to people.”

  He cocks his head. “That’s how he wants it with you. It’s not to hurt you.”

  I glare at Ricky. His face is smooth and unshaven, unlike Finn’s. Ricky is a year younger than Finn and me. Everyone seems to be younger than me, except for Finn. “Yes, but it’s driving me c
razy! He keeps me a secret, Ricky!”

  “Finn’s always been a private person, even with his career choice.”

  “I know, but it’s like I don’t matter at all.”

  “You’re all he talks about. Becks this or Hadley that. It gets old!” He chuckles and rolls his eyes. Finn calls me Hadley, too? I haven’t heard him call me by my real name in three years, and I barely remember him ever saying it then, either. I want so much to hear him utter my name while making love to me, or saying wedding vows to me.

  I unexpectedly feel sick to my stomach.

  Ricky’s smile fades and he glances at Finn. “Something’s been bothering him lately.” He turns back to me and scrutinizes my face as I scrub away the tears. “I guess you two didn’t resolve it?”

  I sniff and tighten my arms around me. “No.” Ricky shakes his head and then adjusts his hat. I notice his wedding ring shine faintly from one of the parking lot lights and my heart squeezes. I’ll never see one of those on Finn’s finger, at least, one that I put there.

  Ricky blows out a huff of air and takes in the area around us before asking, “So, you’re not going to move in with him?” Oh, Finn has told his best friend about our personal conflicts, as well. How nice of him to not want me to do the same with mine.

  “No.”

  As if a light bulb came on over his head he says, “Oh. I get it now. That’s why he’s so upset. Finn never gets like this when he’s drunk. He’s a loveable, fun drunk. This isn’t like him.”

  “So you’re saying this is my fault?”

  He hesitates before answering candidly. “Sort of. I mean, he’s not a big drinker and this is the second time this weekend he’s been trashed.” So, he did get drunk Friday night.

  “And you think I’m driving him to drink?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t know, Hadley. He was pretty upset Friday night because of you.”

  “Why? He told me he was going out with you after working on your bikes.”

  Ricky closes the car door a little more and walks Rod and I further away, taking another glance at Finn, who still hasn’t moved. He says in a hushed voice, “He said you didn’t want to stay with him Friday night, or for him to stay with you. He feels like you don’t want him. He’s also worried because he thinks your love for him is conditional and that you only want him for a husband and a father, not just to love him…for him, and only Finn. You know how he feels about his family and their divorces. Hell, even mine irks him.” I can’t believe he feels like that!

  “I do love him!”

  Ricky nods. “Well, Friday he was like this, too, but not as pissed off. He was more depressed. “Hadley, he thinks you’re cheating on him.” He looks past me and says, “I shouldn’t have told you that. Shit.”

  “No! I’m not! I would never…”

  Ricky’s lips slant to the side. “Finn is afraid that since he can’t give you what you want, you’ll find it elsewhere.” I look at the car and Finn, who is like an arched statue. What’s he thinking, if he’s thinking about anything at all? Did he fall asleep? Does he even know I’m still here? Does he even give a damn?

  “Oh, my God,” I moan and put my hands over my face.

  “Just keep it between us that I told you that,” Ricky sourly mutters.

  I lower my hands and ask, “If I make him so miserable, why is he with me then?”

  “You don’t make him miserable, and I think you know why he’s with you.” I stare at Ricky as more tears well up. “Hadley, Finn is undeniably crazy about you, and he has been since meeting you at the hospital. I’m not stupid and neither is he. His meeting you is the best thing that has ever happened to him.”

  I need to get out of here.

  “Thanks for picking Finn up and taking him home.”

  He sighs and fixes his cap again. “Yep. I’ll always have his back. Just don’t be too hard on him when he sobers up. He really was worried about you tonight. You two will work it out, though. You always have before.”

  Ricky goes back to his car. Opening his door wider, he stands behind it, propping his arm on the frame and he angles his head down to Finn. “Alright, Wilder, buckle up. Let’s get you home.” Finn doesn’t seem to move.

  Dully, I watch Ricky pull out of the lot and then turn onto the road, watching as his tail lights disappear. I exhale as a sob escapes and I start to crumble. Rod catches me before I hit the ground and Morgan, finally allowed out of her car, runs over to me. She throws her arms around my body and cries with me.

  “Hadley, shhh. It’ll be okay,” Rod says as he helps me stand up with Morgan still clinging to me.

  “I lost him!” I cry.

  Morgan sniffs and states, “You’re better off.”

  “No!” I shout through my sobs. I clutch onto Rod and hug him, while Morgan stands behind me with her arms around my neck.

  Rod pats my back and says, “No, you didn’t. He’s just upset right now. Finn’s in love with you.”

  But this time, I don’t know if our love is enough.

  CHAPTER 16

  FINN

  “Finn!”

  I can’t take any more of this shit. I frankly don’t know what to do. My girlfriend doesn’t want to live with me. She actually said the fucking words to me, like it doesn’t even matter. Why should it? I won’t put a ring on that finger, so why should my feelings matter? They never do. Becks is caught up in the same riptide all little girls grow up to be sucked into. She wants the Prince Charming on the white horse offering her promises of a perfect wedding and a happily ever-after.

  Fuck that shit. It doesn’t happen.

  Too bad most of them are made up of ugly dresses, fake smiles, temporary vows and a shitty ever-after.

  “Finn, wait!”

  Wait? For what? You to change your fucking mind? She’ll never concede to moving in with me. Shit. I’ll be waiting around until I’m dead in the ground, just like she won’t change her mind about wanting the white wedding with me being the fill-in groom.

  Fuck that, too.

  Any guy would probably do. Why is she hell-bent on dragging me to the altar? That’s all women want. They want the wedding, but not the marriage that follows. Becks would then soon crash from her wedding high and be left with what? Just me and a marriage she doesn’t want. I’ll be stuck with a fucking broken heart and empty pockets after she divorces my ass.

  Maybe it’s the booze talking.

  Do I think she’d really do that to me? I don’t know. I don’t want to find out, either.

  Therefore, if she thinks I’m going to change my mind about marriage, she has another thing coming. She’ll be waiting a long time for me to ever do an about-face on that fucking subject. What is it that marriage does to couples? Why is it so wrong for me to not want to lose the only woman I’ve ever loved? Isn’t it rather honorable of me to want to hold onto her? It seems like she wants to throw it all away. I thought we were in love. I know I am.

  Or am I fucking kidding myself with that, too?

  Arms wrap around my stomach and try to stop me from walking. They don’t, but I stop anyway. “Becks, let go of me.”

  “No. I want you to stay here!” She keeps her hands on my body—like she’s afraid of me bolting and as if she’d actually be able to stop me—while she travels to the front of me.

  “Please, Finn. Don’t get in your car!” I may be drunk, but I’m not a fucking idiot.

  Apathetic to the dismal situation that is my life, my hands automatically furrow into my hair in exasperation. “I’m not going to drive. I needed to get out of there.” I needed to get away from you.

  “Where are you going to go?”

  “Don’t really care.” I hear a car approaching and I look to see a city cop pulling up in a white Charger alongside us. “Oh, fuck. Who called the cops? I didn’t do anything!” This won’t look good for me at work if I get my ass arrested! Shit!

  The driver’s door opens and Ricky climbs out. Thank God. I sigh in relief, but then realize that he’ll perpetually
ride my ass for a long time about this. I just want this fucking night to be over. I drop my head and rub my forehead in frustrated respite.

  “Well, hello there, Miss Hadley.” Ricky Tesco, the only man I trust to look after Becks when I can’t, even though he’s a notorious player and ladies’ man. He’s put his whoring tendencies to bed, so to speak, since remarrying this time, but when he’s not married, he’s fucking any woman who gives him a second glance. He ruined his first marriage when Nina caught him cheating on her. What a dumbass. Ricky and I had a huge fight about him doing that. I’m not even sure why he got married again, yet he did fall for Shay, which was surprising.

  Ricky is 32 years-old, an inch taller than me and of Mexican descent, though he can’t speak a word of Spanish. I doubt he even knows what language Mexicans speak, bless his heart. His father’s parents were from Mexico, but his parents are both American. Ricky hates being alone, yet he seems happier when he’s a swinging single; although, I prefer him married, ironically, because he’s not on my jock trying to get me to go barhopping with him like he does when he’s single. Ricky and I used to go when we were both single; however, he always had to pick the bars where the women recognized me, which he then complained about because they were only interested in me. We attempted to go far away enough where he wouldn’t be recognized as a cop, but his jurisdiction isn’t as big as my viewing area. He had also wanted to stay away from dive bars because the women were of debatable quality there. What the hell? He was looking for a fast fuck, not a ripe melon. I usually functioned as his DD and wingman, since none of the women we encountered turned my head or piqued my interest. When Becks and I first started dating, Ricky used to tell me that I could help myself to the friends and that he wouldn’t breathe a word to her. No thanks. His taste in women is vastly different than mine. Plus, I would never cheat on my Becks. I couldn’t do that to her, even if she’d never find out. I’d know. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

  “I see my buddy, Finn, found you.” I look up when he mentions my name and he smirks at me. Thanks, Captain Obvious.