Dear Diamond

by Walls, Stephie

  His fingers tugged at the fabric of my panties between my thighs as he tried to move it to the side and gain entrance. I managed to get a knee into his stomach, but all that earned me was a slap across the face that whipped my head to the side.

  There was a knock, a pounding the others hadn’t noticed, and I begged any deity that would listen to force that person through the door. For once in my life, a higher power listened to my plea. My eyes flew open when the breeze from the door swinging wildly brushed my cheeks. I hadn’t even had time to blink or clear the tears from my eyes when Ryker yanked the perpetrator off me, and I sank to the floor in a disheveled mess.

  I pulled the tattered bits of my top around my chest, but without standing, I couldn’t get my pants up. With my arms wrapped around my knees, I hugged my thighs against me and rocked. I refused to watch fists fly. The sounds of bone cracking on bone were enough for me to know Ryker had come to my rescue. Again.

  It might have been seconds or possibly minutes. I didn’t have any idea how long the brawl lasted. I’d managed to scoot into a corner and shield myself from whatever went on around me. It occurred to me that I no longer heard the sounds of sex, skin slapping against skin, my mother’s trashy moans. All that was audible were grunts, fists pounding, and strings of curse words a mile long.

  When the dust settled, it wasn’t my own screams that pierced my ears—it was those of my mother. I lifted my head from the ball I’d tucked myself into, and Ma hovered over me as shrill as a banshee and naked as the day was long. She didn’t care that she stood in nothing but the skin God gave her in front of three men and me. Her only concern was what Ryker had done.

  “What is wrong with you? Why would you bring a man like that into our home?” she ranted.

  I stared at her in disbelief, mouth agape as I swiped at the tears that stained my cheeks. “A man like that?” At first, my words were nothing more than a whisper, and then the rage hit. “A man like that?” I pushed to my feet and brought my jeans up my thighs as I rose. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Hot tears streamed down my flushed cheeks. I glanced around to notice the guy Ma had been with was nowhere to be seen, and the one who’d messed with me cowered in a pile on the floor, protecting his head.

  The door remained wide open, and Ryker’s chest heaved with each breath he inhaled and exhaled. The crimson that stole what little uninked skin he had bordered on purple versus red. I didn’t know who he was madder at, the man on the floor or me for having run off. Either way, he’d stopped something from happening that I never would have recovered from.

  Ma trembled as she started to cry. “You don’t understand, Nicole.” She shook her head as she tried to explain. “I owe them…”

  I didn’t want to hear it. Everything I’d been through in the last couple of weeks was because she owed someone something, and I was tired of cleaning up her messes and paying off her debts. She thought nothing of letting me give my body to strangers on a stage, but I’d be damned if I’d let someone take payment in the form of sex. There was little I had to offer of myself, and that was one thing I’d never let go of willingly.

  I clutched the pieces of my shirt in front of me, and I tried to reason with a drug addict. “You need help, Ma. This”—I waved my hand around—“isn’t normal.” I couldn’t have stopped the tears if I’d wanted to. “Do you have any idea how close he came…” My mind wouldn’t let me complete the thought much less the sentence.

  Ryker moved between Ma and me, handing me my jacket. I dropped it to the floor and reached for him with both hands, not caring that my breasts were exposed and tattered clothes hung from my arms. I didn’t deserve his comfort—not after the crap I’d pulled—but God, I hoped like hell he didn’t deny me. Ryker’s arms wrapped around my back, and he pulled me to his chest, covering what would otherwise be bare. My skin felt raw against his shirt, and his belt buckle dug into my stomach, but I was safe. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, which was more than I could say for my broken mother.

  Once I’d cried all the tears my eyes would form, Ryker leaned down, placing his lips to my ear. “Get your shit, babe. All of it.” There was no room for discussion in his tone. He’d given an order, and I didn’t dare disobey…not this time. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and I inhaled the scent of lemons before letting him go.

  I felt the weight of his stare as he tracked my movement down the hall, and just before I stepped into my bedroom, I made eye contact with a man who should have scared the shit out of me. His eyes were narrowed and stormy and his jaw set in a hard line, but somehow, I found security in his broodiness. I held his stare for a beat, and the connection I’d felt to him on the stage—before I’d even known his name—wrapped me up like a warm blanket. I didn’t wait for him to tell me again to get moving and disappeared into my room.

  Ryker didn’t try to keep his voice down as he kicked Ralph out, nor did he quietly close the door when he slammed it. And as he chastised my mother for her life choices, I noted the affinity in his words. He reamed her for what had just happened and then told her to put some clothes on. My mother was a stunning woman who didn’t look her age. A blind man would have been turned on by her beauty, yet there was no doubt in my mind that Ryker hadn’t let his eyes drift past her chin. I’d bet money he was embarrassed for her, and him telling her to get dressed was for her benefit, not to keep his mind from wandering.

  As I gathered my things into the few bags I had, I heard Ma move quietly down the narrow hall and then her door close softly behind her. I wondered if she had any idea what had just happened, or if she was too lost in a drug-induced euphoria to realize her daughter had nearly been raped while she watched. Her indifference would leave scars that likely wouldn’t heal, but right now, I had to hold on to the fact that I didn’t have any physical damage to accompany the emotional shitstorm I’d just faced.

  “Babe?” His question from the door startled me.

  I spun around, clutching my chest. “Yeah?”

  “We need to get out of here. The Union won’t be far behind the guys who just left.”

  The implication hurt. I didn’t want to leave my mom in the eye of the storm, but she wouldn’t go with me, and Ryker wouldn’t stay. My line of sight shifted from the soft-brown eyes that held my heart to the closed door behind him that concealed the only person I’d ever loved.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I admitted.

  He swallowed hard, holding firm against the doorway. “Nothing you can do but get out. If your mom wants help, she’ll have to ask for it. Right now, she doesn’t want it.”

  That belief hit harder than the man I’d tried to fight off. My mother had chosen to be under the thumb of the very gang she’d spent my entire life warning me away from. She’d fallen victim to the lure of the promised lifestyle bangers promoted. She’d lost herself in substances that would never provide her with the love she so desperately wanted and needed. Tabitha Wilson was a shell of the mother I’d grown up loving. And for that, I had to let her go. “I know.”

  Ryker stepped up to me and lifted my chin with his fingers. “You’ve done all you can do, Nikki. I left my number on the counter. She has resources if she wants to use them, but right now, my concern is you. Being here is not safe.” He bent down and sweetly touched his lips to mine. He didn’t try to deepen the kiss or take advantage of the fact that I was essentially half naked. “I’m going to take these down to the SUV. Change your shirt and let’s get out of here.”

  I nodded, but before he could go, I grabbed his hand. I must have looked like an idiot standing there with my boobs exposed for the world to see. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  With one last quick peck, he murmured against my lips, “Always.” Then he patted my ass and walked out.

  There wasn’t much to take, and I’d loaded up my clothes in a few short minutes after putting on a bra and sweater. Ryker didn’t need the amount of time he’d taken to put my bags in the car, and I assumed he’d given me a couple minutes to deal with M
a.

  I wrapped my knuckles on her door. She didn’t answer, not that I expected her to. “Ma, I’m leaving.” I didn’t have a clue what to say or how to say it. My heart ached, knowing I was saying goodbye for what could be the final time. “If you need me, I’ll do anything I can to help. You know how to reach me.” My fingers splayed open on the wood, and I tipped my forehead to the door. No amount of prayers or wishing would bring her out. She’d have to hit rock bottom on her own. “Love you.”

  Nothing came from the other side. I adjusted the strap on my shoulder and found Ryker standing just outside the apartment in the breezeway when I locked the door. He took my bag and my hand to walk me down the stairs. Ryker didn’t speak or try to comfort me with anything other than his thumb moving across the top of my hand. Now that the imminent danger had passed, I could only imagine just how angry he was. Speaking would only bring out that conversation, and we weren’t in a place to be open about the events of the evening. I also wasn’t in a hurry to have him tell me he was right.

  He clicked the alarm on the SUV and then opened the back door, putting the last of my things in the back seat with the others he’d already brought down. His bike was parked next to us, and I dreaded the idea of driving to his place alone. I stepped aside when he opened the driver’s door, and when he offered his hand to help me behind the wheel, I took it willingly.

  I closed my eyes when he pressed his lips to my temple, but when I opened them, I saw the wrath I’d face when we got back to his apartment.

  “Don’t stop on the way.”

  When I nodded, he closed me inside the vehicle. I turned the key in the ignition and waited for him to mount his bike. There was no question I’d be leading the way back as I was sure he wouldn’t trust me to do as I was told after all that had happened today. I deserved that, even though it stung.

  Ryker threw his leg over the seat and pulled the strap on his helmet to tighten it. Just before he put on his glasses, he tossed me a bone. His lip turned up in the smile he rarely shared, and he winked. My heart swelled at the thought that maybe, just maybe, I hadn’t ruined everything.

  15

  Ryker

  I needed more than a ten-minute ride to clear my head. Leaving the Warehouse, I hadn’t been able to shake Jesse’s words or what I’d implied in claiming Nikki. It was more than just getting her out of the current situation. I never wanted her in danger again. I didn’t even want the stench of the Union to rub off on her, and the only way I could ensure that was by having her at my side.

  But I’d stayed clear of relationships with women my entire life. Not because I batted for the other team—hell no. If the day ever came where one won me over, the game of life in Dacon ended. I had too many connections to the Silvanos, and any female in my life would be tethered by those ties as well. It was a greater burden than a help. Yet from the moment I’d laid eyes on her, I couldn’t shake the need to protect her. She’d fought it. Hell, she was still fighting that shit until I had shown up at her apartment tonight.

  If I’d had to give an account of what took place once I had knocked on the door and beyond me seeing that fucker with his hands on her or her clothes hanging from her body, I couldn’t have done it. The various shades of red that colored my vision and darkened my mind were all I could recall. The pain of beating the shit out of the guy radiated through my knuckles and hands as physical reminders, but I hadn’t felt an ounce of it while it happened. Besides that, my only thought had been protecting what was mine…at any cost. And whether Nikki was ready to admit it or not, she was just that. I’d claimed her to get her out of the shit with U21, but in the back of my mind, I’d wanted her, too. She was my Camilla. But I’d never do the sleazy shit Jesse thought was acceptable in any relationship I entered into and certainly not with a ring on my finger.

  Now, with the wind beating me to a pulp behind the handlebars and the cold stinging my fingers, I didn’t have a clue what I’d say once I had her safe in my home. She was young—too young—and a bit immature. The only proposition I had for her was likely more than she’d care to commit to. But I didn’t have any other options. All I had to offer Nikki was myself, and from the outside, that didn’t appear to be all that great of a prize. Yet, the one person who she should have been able to count on, regardless of what happened in her life, had just flaked out on her.

  My head pounded with all that weighed on my mind, my fists hurt, and my heart would be a tattered mess if she left me. She hadn’t wanted any of this. She had begged me to let her deal with it on her own, and I couldn’t imagine letting go. Although, I didn’t want her to stay simply because she had no options, either.

  My stomach growled with a reminder that I hadn’t eaten since lunch, and the very thing I’d wanted to avoid after work now stared me in the face once I got home. I couldn’t call Nikki from the bike to have her pull over, and I was afraid I’d freak her out by flashing my lights at her after the night she’d had. I wasn’t going back out for dinner once I got home. Irritation won out over my budding romance with the diamond in front of me. It didn’t matter how much she sparkled, I couldn’t think much less talk until I fed the beast inside me.

  After parking, I grabbed her bags from the back seat while she slid out of the front. In a less than gentlemanly fashion, I’d made it to the apartment by the time she’d closed the SUV door. I’d started to irritate myself with all the huffing and blowing I did. No one was around to hear it. The door banged against the wall when I pushed it open with my foot. Nikki had gotten the message that I was in a foul mood. She trailed inside behind me but didn’t follow me into the bedroom when I tossed her bags onto the floor by the bed. It wasn’t until I returned to the kitchen and started washing my hands that she finally spoke.

  “Ryker…” My name on her lips nearly had me undone.

  I dried my hands on a dish towel and glanced up. “Babe, don’t do that.” I shook my head, afraid if I spoke it would only serve to make the situation worse.

  Her eyes had pooled with tears, and the blue of her irises reflected into them like the ocean. It wrecked me, and she knew it. “Please don’t be mad.” In a daring attempt to further her apology, she rounded the corner in the kitchen and ducked under my arm.

  Nikki managed to wedge herself into the six inches of space between me and the sink, and with my hands planted firmly on the counter, I caged her in. “I’m sorry.” Her lashes met, and the pools turned into streams that cascaded down her cheeks.

  Every fiber of my being wanted to be mad—not to get off on it or show my control over Nikki, but to illustrate the seriousness of the choices she’d made today. From the moment she had left the apartment without so much as a courtesy call, her decision had had a ripple effect that touched more people than just her. I didn’t give a shit about the assholes in her apartment or her mom, but I did care about the two of us. Picturing that man’s hands on her blinded me with rage. The very notion of what could have happened, of how far out of control the situation could have gotten had I not shown up at precisely that moment—it gutted me. My stomach churned, thinking about Nikki’s choices being stolen from her.

  “Do you have any idea how close I was to not being there in time?” I shook my head to ward off the notion.

  She moistened her lips with her tongue and then pulled her lip between her teeth to chew on it. Her eyes were wide and frightened as she searched my face.

  Maybe if I understood her thought process, then I could work backward into an explanation that eased my mind. “Babe, what were you thinking?” I pleaded for an answer.

  Nikki dropped her gaze to something I couldn’t see standing this close to her, but I didn’t want to back up. She was flush against me with no wiggle room, and the heat from her body soothed my physical aches of the day away. “I was mad.”

  I didn’t attempt to stop the chuckle that floated over her head. I knew she wasn’t done, but she’d paused long enough that anyone else might have believed that to be her explanation. There was more
coming, and I shouldn’t have laughed. I kissed the top of her head and rested my chin there. “I’m sorry. Go on.”

  “The gang controls everything about this area. You know that. I might not be as old as you are, but we had the same mission. Get out of Dacon without becoming affiliated with the Union. Whether you’re an inducted member or not, you’re friends with the Silvanos. That connection scares me.” She let out an exaggerated sigh, and her shoulders sank. “There was no doubt you’d come when Jesse called. I wanted you there. But as soon as you told them we were together, part of me was elated, and part of me died. All I could think about was a life connected to this kind of shit. I panicked.” Nikki shrugged and finally made eye contact again. “I have a bad habit of blowing my top and going off half-cocked.”

  “I can see that.” I tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. I loved the innocence that washed over her expression every time I did it as if she’d never been cared for tenderly and wanted to stay in the moment for eternity. “We both know that’s not safe around here.”

  “Ryker, I keep my head down. When I get ticked, I stomp around my apartment or load too many dishes into the industrial washer at the restaurant. My outbursts are never public, and even if they were, they’d never grab anyone’s attention. I’m a nobody. A Wallflower. Until my mom got involved with Jesse’s crew, I didn’t even register on anyone’s radar.”

  I cupped her jaw and kissed her forehead. “You’ve never been a nobody, and unless you’ve surrounded yourself with people who are blind, it isn’t possible for you to go unnoticed. You may not have noticed anyone noticing you, but babe, everyone sees you.”

  She rolled her eyes. “My point is that no one ever bothered me, and if I screwed up, it was on me. My actions never had any repercussions for anyone else. I’ve kept to myself, been a loner, just to be able to escape this place without any ties. Relationships are like anchors in most people’s lives, but in mine, they’re dead weight that will cause me to sink and, eventually, drown.”