Dear Diamond

by Walls, Stephie

  Every sentiment she uttered rang true in my own life, only I hadn’t been smart enough to keep everyone at bay. My tie to Chase ended up completely derailing me, and I’d never been able to get back on track. However, I still wanted the same things Nikki did.

  “I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful for what you did, Ryker. It just meant more to me than it did to you.” She’d managed to get my attention with that statement.

  “How so?” This time, I pulled back, making certain she could see the dismay in my expression.

  Nikki swallowed and took her time before saying anything else. “You’re safe here. The Silvanos will always have your back. But now that I’m on their radar, if I do anything to you, or you discard me…it won’t be so easy for me to recover.”

  I couldn’t tell what exactly she meant by that. The only thing I knew with any certainty was that I was hungry and tired, and I had to be at work in the morning. This wasn’t the time to have this conversation, especially when I couldn’t offer her anything more than my hand. Hell, I didn’t even have a couch for her to sit on or a TV to watch. I wasn’t some sought-after prize. I was a convicted felon covered in tattoos and piercings—not exactly the guy you want to take home to Mom.

  “You don’t have anything to worry about, Nikki.” For tonight, she would just have to trust me on that.

  She chewed on her lip and stared at me as if she were waiting for an explanation for my belief.

  “We can talk tomorrow, but I need food and sleep.”

  “Okay.”

  Nikki hopped up onto the counter and watched in silence while I made us both salads. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I didn’t have the energy for an elaborate meal, and Nikki didn’t complain. Once I had them both dressed, I handed her two plates and grabbed a seat on the counter next to her, taking mine so she could eat.

  I shoveled a forkful of spinach into my mouth and talked around it. “I guess I could use some furniture, huh?” I glanced around at the empty space. It had never bothered me before Nikki arrived. Now it didn’t seem like a home, just a box I slept in. And she deserved more. Better.

  “You’re a bit of a minimalist.” Her eyes sparkled when she smiled, but there was no judgment there. If the lack of things in my apartment bothered her, she didn’t say anything. “It suits you.”

  That probably wasn’t a compliment, but I took it as one. Maybe next weekend I could convince her to go with me to pick out a few things…if I could convince her to stay.

  Throughout our meal, Nikki hadn’t felt the need for idle chatter. I loved that she didn’t talk to fill a void and only spoke when she actually had something to say. It was one of my biggest pet peeves with people in general, but women specifically—they’d talk when silence would do better. I’d never liked the sound of my own voice enough to want to hear it drone on with no purpose.

  She slid off the counter once she’d taken her last bite, rinsed her plate, and then stuck it in the dishwasher. I followed, repeating the same steps. Standing so close to her, I could smell my shampoo in her hair and the fresh scent of my soap on her skin. Her eyelids were heavy, as were my own. We stared at each other for what would have been an awkward moment with anyone else. With Nikki, that heated exchange was more potent than an hour’s worth of conversation. The intensity I’d seen that first night on stage at Swank hadn’t dissipated, although the rage and the anger no longer pilfered through. In her own way, she expressed contentment.

  Nikki turned toward the bedroom. Her hips swayed with sex appeal and grace—an odd combination—that left me entranced. It was a methodical gait that ratcheted up my ever-growing desire with each step she took. Although, after tonight, I worried that any sexual advance wouldn’t be welcomed. I could not, however, stop myself from catching up to her in the hall, wrapping my arms around her shoulders, and walking to the bedroom with my body pressed to hers. She didn’t flinch or even hesitate. Nikki put her hands on my forearms and kept moving as if we’d done this a thousand times. I could only hope there would be nine hundred and ninety-nine more times to add to this memory. If there were, that would mean she’d taken my bait and never bailed. But that was a lot to expect from a nineteen-year-old.

  I let her go so she could rifle through her clothes to find what she looked for, and I stepped into my closet to change. I had to maintain my self-control once I stepped out. She’d put on the shortest sleep shorts and a barely there tank top. The shorts highlighted the crease beneath her ass while the tank top accentuated her pebbled nipples and hinted at the fullness of her breasts from the side.

  “What?” The lost look in her eyes was sweet.

  I hadn’t meant to groan out loud, but I figured it was better than pitching a tent and Nikki worrying over whether or not I planned to mal her in bed after the asshole in her apartment dared to touch her. I’d offer whatever comfort she needed, although I was fairly certain she wouldn’t find solace in my dick balls-deep in her pussy. I groaned again and closed my eyes to calm myself down. If that didn’t work, I’d have to resort to a cold shower.

  “Why do you keep making that noise?”

  My eyes popped open to find Nikki with her hand on her hip, head cocked to the side, and an eyebrow quirked. God, she had it all wrong. Prepared to be offended, she waited for me to answer.

  I crossed my arms over my bare chest and spread my legs to solidify my stance in front of her. I licked my lips and grazed her entire body—from head to toe—with my appraisal. “Outfits like that are sinful, and you should be ashamed.” My tone kept my meaning from being misconstrued.

  She looked down and then glanced over her shoulder, turning in a circle to make sure I got the full view. Just as her back faced me, she arched her spine, tilting her ass in the air. Nikki finished her circle and winked at me. Then, when she got to the edge of the bed, she leaned over with an exaggeration in her bend, not only fully exposing that crease under her ass, but the pink lace panties underneath peeked out as well.

  I popped her butt playfully, causing her to yelp, just as I launched myself across the mattress onto my side of the bed. My side. That thought gave me pause. That would imply there was a his and her side. Yet in spite of the implications of commitment, that notion didn’t freak me out. And watching Nikki climb under the blankets next to me didn’t send me into a panic. I lost myself for a minute in the thought of getting to see her make that same move every night.

  By the time she’d gotten comfortable, I realized neither of us had turned off the overhead light. I tossed the blankets back and threw my feet on the floor.

  “Where are you going?” She sat straight up, fear lining her wrinkled brow.

  I pointed up. “To turn off the light.”

  Her chest rose with more exaggeration than it had earlier, and it was more noticeable once she’d lain back down…even in the dark. No sooner had I gotten back in bed than she’d wrapped her leg over mine and draped her arm across my chest. Her head was nestled into the crook of my neck. I seized the opportunity to pull her closer, securing her to my side with a hand on her hip. In no time, her breathing evened out, and she’d drifted off to sleep.

  * * *

  The buzz of my alarm continued in my dream until I realized I wasn’t asleep. I just didn’t want to get up. I’d slept like the dead for what little time I’d actually logged. I silenced my alarm and peered down my nose at the dead weight settled on my chest. Neither Nikki nor I had moved all night. Her hair flowed over my arm and spilled onto the mattress, and her tank top had ridden up, exposing the skin on her waist.

  I wished I had the time to stop and explore all the milky flesh that taunted me, but as it was, I would be late if I didn’t get going. I managed to slide my body out from under the goddess in my bed without waking her. Even with dark hair, she looked like an angel as peacefully as she slept. The urge to touch her, to make sure she wasn’t a figment of my imagination, was strong, so I settled for a kiss to her forehead. She rolled to her back, and I felt like a pervert watching her tits move
with her. The swell spilled out the sides, and at the hint of a nipple, I adjusted the morning wood in my shorts and forced myself to leave the room.

  I hadn’t bothered with a shower last night, but there was no way I’d make it through today without one. While I stood under the spray, I made myself late rubbing one out to the dirty fantasies I had of things I wanted to do to the woman in my bed. I skipped breakfast to enjoy the relaxing after effects of a self-fulfilled orgasm. By the time I was ready to leave, I checked on Nikki one last time.

  She slept peacefully in my room. I covered her with a blanket, kissed her lips with the gentlest of pecks to keep from rousing her, and whispered goodbye. I left a note on the counter to tell her what time I’d be home, along with the keys to the SUV in case she wanted to go anywhere. I stopped before putting a heart next to my name, and nearly slapped myself when I considered an X and O instead. I was turning into a pussy faster than I recognized what was happening. This girl not only had me twisted like a pretzel, but she had my senses tied in knots and me wanting to do shit I’d never done…not even in middle school. In the end, I opted for just my name and a request for her to call or text me if she left the apartment.

  I didn’t hear from her all day, but I didn’t call her, either. She didn’t need to feel like she had a keeper or someone to answer to. Nikki had done an okay job of taking care of herself, up until her mom decided to get stupid. I had to have a little faith that she’d keep doing that. The truth was, I had no doubt that she’d take care of herself; in fact, as the day drew on, that was exactly what I worried about. Nikki was resourceful. She didn’t need me to be her saving grace, and she sure as fuck didn’t need a knight in shining armor. Her silence didn’t necessarily mean anything, even though it could mean everything.

  “What’s got your face all pinched up like a puckered asshole?” Chase Silvano had a way with words.

  I hit my head on the hood of the truck I worked on at the sound of the prick’s voice. “Oh, so you do remember how to get in touch with me?” There was nothing jovial in my tone.

  “Don’t give me shit about this little twat you’re chasing. You know how things go. Family first.” He pulled on the retractable hose that hung overhead, and I slapped his arm to get him to leave the damn thing alone.

  I wiped my hands on an oily rag, wondering why I’d bothered. “Yeah, silly me. I thought we were family. You know, based on the time I did in the pen for your family?”

  Chase had the worst case of ADD of anyone I’d ever seen. Even as an adult, he’d never outgrown the need to touch everything and fidget constantly, but his inability to focus on damn near anything drove me insane. “You picked a girl over an alliance, Ryker. What did you expect me to do?” He twirled a ratchet between his fingers.

  I grabbed my tool and slammed it on my bench. “I don’t know. How about the courtesy of a phone call or a text that echoed that sentiment? You know, just a heads-up. Or hell, you could have told me it wasn’t your problem and asked if I wanted to get a beer.” I snatched the socket wrench he spun in circles like a child and threw it into a pile of tools I hadn’t put away.

  The clamor got his attention, and he held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. What’s got you so upset anyhow? You’ve never given a shit about a pussy, and you sure as fuck haven’t attached a name or a claim to one.”

  He was right. I hadn’t. My expectation for him to understand that—since I hadn’t ever done it and did it now—ought to illustrate the importance of this particular female. Then I remembered who I was talking to. Chase had cheated on his wife the night before they got married. “Just forget it.” I didn’t have the energy to discuss any of this with my best friend.

  Chase leaned against my tool chest. I sensed him following me around my bay, although he never moved. “Man, you need to get yourself right before she gets you hurt.”

  That one comment had me seeing red. I hadn’t intended to blow off steam or scrape off my best friend, but I was done. “You’re right.” I sucked on my teeth, contemplating what I needed to say before I let a word that I couldn’t take back slip past my lips. I tossed the rag onto my toolbox and rested my hands on my hips. “But it’s not her that I’m worried about. It’s my association with the Union that puts Nikki and me in jeopardy every day.”

  He laughed, and his face crumpled in confusion. “You’re not a member.”

  “Nope, but I’ve sure as hell paid the same price without any of the benefits.”

  Chase stood, straightening his spine. His eyes were wide with my implication. “What are you trying to say, Ryker?”

  “There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that I let you flail—”

  He shook his head. “I told you; that’s family. It doesn’t have anything to do with you and me.”

  “And I’ve always treated you like family. When it mattered, when it was time for you to stand strong, you fucking caved, man. I don’t have a need for that shit in my life.”

  “You’re gonna end a lifelong friendship over a girl?”

  That was just it. I wasn’t ending it over Nikki. I ended it because it didn’t exist in the manner I needed it to. I’d sacrificed, and he’d taken. There was no give and take. Just like everything the Union did—they received. “Nah, man. It’s not over her. It was your decision to cop out like a pussy. That’s on you, not my girl.” It rolled off my tongue like I’d been saying it for years…my girl.

  Chase tipped his chin and pursed his lips. He drew in his brow, wrinkling his forehead. “Give me a call when you get your shit straight. You need to take out the trash before you end up in a dumpster with it.”

  I folded my arms over my chest and waited for him to leave. There was no point in responding to his threat. Friends or not, the Union wouldn’t touch me unless I did something to warrant it. Chase knew it, and so did I.

  There should have been a hole or a weight, an emptiness that accompanied his departure, yet somehow, I was lighter than I had been in years.

  16

  Nikki

  I jumped up and down, fanning the dish towel as close to the smoke detector as I could. What had started off as a sweet gesture had quickly morphed into a kitchen nightmare. At this point, I prayed the shrill beep stopped before the fire department arrived. I’d opened the door and continued to try to get the acrid-smoke smell to dissipate, but thus far, I hadn’t been successful. A thick fog hovered in the air, and I coughed with every other breath I took. With no furniture to speak of, coupled with my height deficiency, it was difficult to get near the contraption on the ceiling to get it to shut up.

  “Nikki!” Ryker’s voice erupted into the frenzy just as the front door slammed shut behind him. “What the hell?” The anger on his face shattered the final shred of composure I’d held onto. His pinched brows and cerise cheeks spoke volumes that I didn’t want to hear.

  My shoulders slumped as tears dripped from my chin. “I can’t—”

  “Babe, why does it smell like burnt ass in here? Where did all the smoke come from?”

  Ryker moved the recliner under the smoke detector, climbed into the seat, and then popped the battery out. When he hopped down, he took the towel from my hand and tossed it onto the counter. I covered my face with my palms, and my shoulders shook as I cried. Words didn’t come with the hiccups. When Ryker’s laugh swelled around me, I dropped my hands to stare at him. He had no idea what I’d been through tonight, trying to do something special for him, something to apologize for yesterday, something to tell him I didn’t always think of myself.

  He continued to smile, grabbed my shoulder, and slid an arm around me. When he pulled me to his chest, he chuckled again. “Don’t cry.” And he soothed my disappointment by rubbing my back and tracing my spine. “Tell me what happened.”

  I pulled away enough to look into his eyes. “I tried to make you dinner. I swear, I don’t normally burn anything. I got distracted.” It was hard to believe since there was literally nothing in the apartment to divert my a
ttention, not even a shiny penny. “And somehow, the bread ignited into flames in the oven.” I spoke fast and knew I rambled, but the humor that danced in his irises kept me going. I’d take that over irritation any day. “I put out the fire, but I can’t get rid of the smoke, and I couldn’t reach the damn detector to turn it off. An emergency response unit showing up would be the icing on the cake…”

  “You didn’t try to make a cake too, did you?”

  I swatted at his chest and furrowed my brow. “That’s not funny. I’m not a bad cook.” I really wasn’t. I might not be as talented as Ryker, but I’d managed not to starve over the last few years.

  “The cloud in the apartment begs to differ.” His laughter warmed my heart, even if it was at my expense. Ryker rarely cracked a smile, but when he did, it lit up a room…even through a dense haze of burnt garlic bread that stung my eyes.

  With the horrid beeping now stopped, I stepped away from Ryker and went to the front door where I used it as a giant fan to try to air out the apartment. “I wanted to do something nice for you.”

  “After the day I’ve had, I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect ending. I needed the laugh.”

  I probably should have taken offense to that, but instead, I smirked and gave him the bird. I was more concerned about what had made his day so bad that coming home to an apartment nearly set on fire was more appealing. “Did something happen at work?” I gave up on getting the smoke out. The temperatures outside were below freezing, and now, so was the living room.

  Ryker proceeded to the kitchen and turned off the stove where I had spaghetti sauce simmering. I’d trapped the bread in the oven before he’d arrived—the evidence now smoldered behind closed glass—and I’d never started the water for the noodles. There was only so much I could take. I could laugh at the yeast blaze, but my feelings were hurt that he wasn’t even willing to try what I’d made for him. I didn’t care that smoked spaghetti didn’t appeal to anyone, regardless of the fact that it was only the bread that had been decimated. I fought the tears that welled in my eyes and swatted at those that fell, hoping to catch them before he turned around, but he caught me.