The Saddler Boys

by Fiona Palmer

  ‘Hey, little dude. You hungry?’ she said, shaking him gently.

  He opened his eyes but they were blank.

  ‘Come on, you need to eat or at least drink something.’ She piled it up beside him and went to sit on the bed, hoping he might eat if she wasn’t watching.

  Man, what had she done wrong? Was this kid just different? He did seem a little strange but she’d just put that down to him being shy.

  As she went back outside for a smoke, she noticed he hadn’t touched anything. The way they were going, Billy was going to win this round. Simone wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep this up. Is this what being a parent was all about? If it was, she wasn’t sure her nerves could take it. Just as well she’d bought another two packets of cigarettes. With a sigh, she opened her next can and took a big drink. It was going to be a long night.

  Chapter 34

  THE following morning Nat woke up feeling like she had a massive hangover. Her eyes were so puffy she could hardly see out of them, her head pounded from dehydration and her mouth was like a desert. And the kicker was that she was supposed to go to Perth today. Gary was expecting her but she couldn’t leave, not with Billy gone. She had to call Gary and say she couldn’t make it, but how would he react when he heard it was because of Drew and Billy? Would he jump to conclusions or would he be understanding? It was the last thing she felt like doing so she put the call off, and rang Drew instead.

  ‘Natty?’

  ‘Hey, Drew, any news?’

  She heard him sigh heavily. ‘No, I was going to ask you the same thing.’ He groaned. ‘I fucking hate this. I feel so useless. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t even think straight. If it wasn’t for Kim and Matt I doubt I could even operate. I just see Billy’s face, his smile, and wonder if I’ll ever see it again. I even hear his laugh and think he’s right behind me. It leaves me devastated each time I turn and it’s not him.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Drew. I wish I could tell you good news. I feel so awful. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.’ Tears sprang up and Nat felt herself going to pieces again. ‘I feel like I’ve failed you,’ she croaked. If she didn’t get the words out now, she never would.

  ‘Oh, Natty. Don’t . . . I . . .’ he started. ‘Hang on.’

  Kim’s voice replaced Drew’s. ‘Nat? It’s Kim. Drew just has to answer more questions for the police. Don’t worry, we’re taking good care of him.’ Kim sounded tired too.

  ‘Thanks, Kim. Please keep me posted if you can.’ They hung up and Nat stared at her phone while silent tears fell. What had he been about to say? Would he ever forgive her?

  After a shower she forced herself to go to the shop to collect her mail, and buy lots of chocolate for comfort. As if chocolate could make her feel better. She wanted to go driving around looking for Billy, or at least camp out at the police station for news. She was useless and it was infuriating.

  At the shop she got out and walked inside, oblivious to the creases in her shirt, to her messy hair and puffy face. She was worse than what the cat dragged in but it didn’t matter, nothing mattered without Billy.

  ‘Hi, Natalie, how are . . . Oh, are you okay?’ Jess stopped chewing her gum long enough to drop her mouth open in shock.

  Nat nodded. ‘Can I get my mail, please, Jess?’

  ‘Um, sure.’

  Nat took the two bills and then walked around the shop, but the one thing she wanted she couldn’t buy. How to Find a Missing Kid: Complete Kit or Finding a Child for Dummies.

  ‘Oh, there ya are, lovie,’ said Ida, who came from the private section of the shop. She waddled when she walked but she exuded warmth and love. ‘Oh, pet, come here. I just heard all about it.’

  Why was Nat not surprised? How much Ida knew she wasn’t sure, and she wasn’t about to ask either.

  Ida wrapped her soft arms around her and Nat could do nothing but fight the tears that threatened to fall. She wanted her mum, but her mum wouldn’t understand. What she needed was Uncle Kent’s arms around her. He’d brush her hair and rub her back, just like he always did when she was devastated over anything, from boyfriend break-ups to Jason pulling the heads off her Barbie dolls.

  ‘Is this why you were asking about the car yesterday?’ asked Ida, now holding her at arm’s length.

  Nat nodded. ‘Can you keep asking the locals if they saw it? Maybe we can find which way out of town it went.’

  ‘I can do better than that, lovie. I just saw it go past when I put the wheelie bin by the road.’

  What? Was it possible? Nat double-checked that Ida had seen the exact make, model and colour.

  ‘Yep, that was it. Headed north out of town.’

  Nat’s mind was sparking like cut electricity lines. Was it really Simone? Could she be headed back to Drew’s place? Would Billy be with her? ‘Thanks, Ida, you’re amazing. I have to go.’

  Without waiting for a goodbye, Nat ran from the shop to her car, throwing her mail across the seat. She drove to Drew’s with her stomach riding up in her throat, hardly able to breathe. Her phone taunted her; she wanted to call Drew, but she didn’t want to get his hopes up. This wasn’t a sure thing yet. She’d hate to make him feel worse.

  The dragon at Drew’s gate seemed to guard it like a knight in armour and she wished it was real so it could chomp Simone into a million pieces, or at least flame-grill her. At the house she was instantly upset to see no sign of a car. Damn.

  Movement caught her eye and her heart skipped a beat, but it was only Turbo bounding towards her from the car shed near the house. She got out to pat him, not worrying about dog hair or the dust prints he left on her clothes when he tried to jump up. ‘Hey, Turbo. Did they forget about you in the rush?’ She wondered if he was hungry. ‘Come on, then.’

  She walked up to the sheds where his kennel was, Turbo trotting beside her with a hopeful expression, tongue flopping out of his mouth. He seemed so excited. Would he still be happy if he knew his playmate was gone?

  They drew closer to Turbo’s kennel, and Nat pulled up short when something crossed her path. Billy!

  ‘I can’t find my dad,’ sobbed Billy. His face and eyes were redder than Nat’s, and tears and snot mixed together with dirt from his hands. And he smelt like urine.

  ‘Oh my god, Billy.’ Nat dropped to her knees and pulled him to her. He sagged against her and they both sobbed silently. ‘Oh, my boy. Where have you been?’ she said softly while running her fingers through his hair soothingly. Slowly Billy began to calm to just the odd hiccup and sniff. ‘You’re safe now. I’m here.’ She rocked him against her, ignoring the mess he was leaving on her shirt and the wetness of his pants.

  ‘Would you like to go inside and have a warm shower and I’ll make us a Milo?’

  ‘I want my dad,’ he said, threatening to cry again.

  His words squeezed her heart. Whatever had he been through? ‘Dad’s not far away. He went to Perth to look for you but he’ll come right back when he knows you’re here. Is that okay? Can you wait here with me until then?’

  He nodded eventually but she could tell he wouldn’t be right again until he had Drew. Poor kid looked so weak and exhausted.

  Nat didn’t want to push him for details about what had happened for fear it would upset him. He would open up when he was ready, and probably not until Drew was back and he felt safe again.

  ‘Let’s call him now, shall we? He’d love to hear your voice.’

  Billy nodded emphatically, and Nat dialled Drew’s phone number. She was a little shocked to hear Kim’s voice.

  ‘Hi, Nat. What’s up?’

  Did Drew not want to speak to her again? Was he angry with her for losing Billy? Hopefully this news would at least help him forgive her over time.

  ‘Hi, Kim. Is Drew close by?’

  ‘Yeah, we’re just about to visit Simone’s mum, if she still lives there.’ Kim sounded tired yet determined.

  ‘I have Billy here, he’s back home,’ Nat said quickly, not wanting to keep them waiting on goo
d news.

  ‘You have Billy?’ squeaked Kim.

  The phone made a funny sound and then she heard Drew’s voice. ‘You have Billy?’ he practically yelled down the phone. She could hear all the emotion contained in that one question.

  ‘Yes, Drew, he’s here. We’re at your place. I’ll put him on.’

  Nat wriggled her nose at the urine smell as she handed her phone to Billy. Her knees were sore but she didn’t stand up. She wanted to be as close to Billy as possible.

  ‘Dad?’ said Billy. His face lit up as he heard his father’s voice and she could only imagine just how happy Drew would be at this moment. If only she could see his face.

  Billy nodded lots, shrugged his shoulders and said very little. Nat had a feeling he was a bit traumatised and didn’t want to speak about what had happened. She hopped it didn’t leave any lasting scars.

  ‘Dad wants to speak to you,’ he said, handing the phone back after a while.

  ‘Drew?’

  ‘Hi, Nat. Has he said anything to you about what happened?’

  ‘No, nothing. It will come. Maybe when you get home.’

  ‘We’re going to notify the police and head straight back. They may want to talk to Billy too. Matt is calling Lozzy, so she’ll be there shortly. Are you right to watch him till then?’

  Nat felt a little offended at the question, like she was being quickly replaced. She couldn’t help feeling she was being punished. ‘Of course. I’ll get him in the shower.’

  ‘Shower, why?’

  ‘I’ll tell you later,’ she said, wary of Billy eavesdropping.

  ‘Nat, how did you find him? What happened?’

  Nat told him the story: Ida at the shop, finding Turbo and then Billy. ‘I’m guessing she brought him back,’ she said, and she saw Billy’s eyes drop to the ground.

  ‘We’ll find out more soon enough. I’m just glad he’s home.’ He sighed like someone had just lifted a truck from his shoulders. ‘Right now I’m hoping the police can get Simone and bring her in for questioning.’

  ‘It’s only going to help your case.’ Uncle Kent would have a field day with this.

  ‘That’s what I’m hoping. All right, we’re going to get moving so I can get home to my boy. We might pass you on the road,’ he said. ‘Thanks, Natty, for being there.’

  The use of her nickname and the gentle tone in his words made her cup the phone closer to her ear. ‘It’s the least I could do. I still feel really bad,’ she admitted.

  ‘We’ll talk about it later, hey? Matt said Lozzy’s left now. Give Billy a hug from me. See ya.’

  ‘I will. Bye, Drew.’ She lingered over his words for a minute before the smell of Billy brought her back to reality.

  ‘Okay, Dad’s on his way home. Aunty Loz is coming over, so let’s get you in the shower.’

  She let Billy undress and didn’t touch his dirty clothes in case they were needed for evidence. She scooped them into a plastic garbage bag and left them on the table for Drew.

  ‘Natty, don’t leave,’ Billy begged from behind the shower curtain.

  ‘I’m still right here. You make sure you wash properly,’ she said, trying to be normal. He needed routine and stability.

  He was towelling off when she heard Lauren pull up.

  ‘Can you get dressed while I go see Lozzy?’

  The water dropped from his hair as he nodded.

  ‘Good, then we’ll make a nice hot chocolate and see if Dad has any of those wafer biscuits you like.’

  Lauren ran into the house like a woman on a mission. She saw Nat’s happy face and pulled her into a hug. ‘Oh, thank god. He’s really here?’

  ‘Yep, just getting dressed. He hasn’t said anything yet and I haven’t wanted to push him. I’ll leave that for Drew, I think. And he’ll have to talk to the police, no doubt,’ she said in rushed whispers.

  ‘Yeah, good plan. I’ll see if he wants to come home and play with Seth and Mallory. Might take his mind off things.’ Lauren pressed her hand against her forehead.

  Nat told her about the clothes on the table so she could pass it on to Drew.

  ‘Jesus, I wonder what happened. Billy sometimes does that when he gets really distressed,’ said Lauren. ‘I can only imagine how awful it was for him.’ They talked as they made the Milo in a travel mug and got biscuits ready.

  ‘Aunty Loz,’ cried Billy as he ran to her.

  Lauren picked him up and squeezed the life out of him, her eyes glistening with tears. ‘Oh, my Billy boy, it’s so good to see you.’ She glanced at Nat, and they shared an understanding smile.

  Eventually she put him down. ‘Wanna come home and play with the kids until Dad gets back?’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said noncommittally. He really just wanted his dad. ‘Can I have my Milo first?’

  ‘Yeah, of course,’ Nat said.

  After his Milo and about eight biscuits, Lauren put her hand on Billy’s shoulder. ‘Say goodbye to Natty. She’s off to Perth now.’

  It was Nat’s turn for the tight hug. He smelt shower-fresh, and tucked into her arms perfectly. Someone was looking out for them all.

  Lauren and Billy drove off and Nat went home to pack for Perth, feeling much better than when she’d woken up. She might smell slightly and have snot down the front of her shirt, but she’d wear it gladly, because it reminded her that Billy was really home.

  Chapter 35

  NAT sat on Gary’s balcony, a hot coffee cupped in her hands, gazing out over the city of Perth. Cars moved along the freeway like busy ants, their lights on as the afternoon grew dark from the cloud cover. She had to admit, she loved this view. And it was even better when Gary was at work and she could appreciate it without that tiny niggle in the back of her mind. It had been a week and a half of nothing but normality with Gary, as if the whole thing had never happened. She’d stuck to her promise to give him a second chance, and he had been a perfect gentleman. But the tiny niggle persisted. It was fear, she knew. Fear that the violent man may reappear.

  He was at work during the days but Nat kept busy making plans for the next school term. And Alisha kept dragging her off for coffee. Just this morning she’d rocked up and begged for Nat’s help in picking some seats for her boutique. They’d had a great time trying to find that perfect piece that would complement her shop and give it extra class. Nat was happy that she’d spotted the white leather chair for her friend. Plus it was nice to get out of Gary’s home; his masculine stamp was on everything from the dark towels and bedspreads to the minimal, modern furniture and the lack of personal items. It wasn’t her home. They had talked about buying a home with more rooms and space for children but Gary wanted to wait until after they were married.

  For a moment she wished she was back with Henny and Penny, who she’d left at home alone. She’d let them have the run of her backyard, and Lauren had promised to check on them before she left on holidays. Henny had become quite tame, and would even rest on Nat’s lap, letting her stroke her soft feathers. If only Henny was here now . . . she could use some therapeutic chook time.

  Her dad was busy with work and her mum was busy with salon appointments, clubs and charity events. Not that she could talk to them about what had happened in Lake Biddy with Billy. They’d only use it as another black mark against the town, a reason she should come back to Perth. No one understood and she was finding it hard to cope with her feelings about Drew and Billy. The only person she could talk to was Uncle Kent, and they hadn’t had a chance to catch up properly. They had seen each other at her parents’ place for dinner but it had been too hard to talk privately with him, especially with Jason monopolising his time.

  Her first few days back in the city had been the worst. She felt like she’d been torn away from Billy and everything that had happened. Like she’d run away from them right when they needed support. After moping around Gary’s apartment, gorging on food and coffee for two days, she eventually rang Lauren to chat and see how Billy was doing.

  ‘You should just
call Drew,’ she’d said.

  ‘I can’t.’ He had to call her first, or at least text. And he’d done neither. Even though they’d seemed to part amicably, Nat felt a huge ocean churning between them.

  ‘He doesn’t hold you responsible, Nat,’ said Lauren for the second time.

  Yet Nat held herself responsible. Maybe she needed to forgive herself before Drew could? But she didn’t want to let herself off that easily. The guilt ate her up whenever she had a quiet moment.

  ‘Has Billy said much?’

  ‘Not a lot. Hey, I gotta go, Nat. We’re off soon and Matt is stomping around like a bear with a sore head because the car still isn’t packed. We’ll have a good natter when we all get back.’

  Damn it. Nat had a feeling Lauren was trying to make her call Drew herself. Maybe Kim would tell her.

  To call Drew or not to call Drew? Nat had gone with the latter but even now she fought with the notion of calling him. Her fingers itched to leave the warm coffee cup and reach for her phone. But she was scared. What if he didn’t want to talk to her? What if Gary found out she’d called him?

  Her phone rang again and she jumped at it.

  ‘Oh, hi, Uncle Kent,’ she said with a sigh.

  ‘Sorry, pet. Did I get you at a bad time?’

  ‘No, I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind at the moment.’

  ‘Well, how about you come around to dinner tonight? I’m making a roast. It’s time we caught up properly,’ he said. ‘I don’t like the thought of you wasting away at Gary’s.’

  ‘I’d love to. Need a hand with dinner?’

  ‘No, pet, it’s all under control. Just come at six. Can’t wait to see you.’

  He made a kiss sound into the phone before he hung up. Nat smiled in anticipation.

  When it was time to go to her uncle’s place, she rang Gary.

  ‘Hi, honey, how are you going?’

  ‘Not that good. I’ll be home late. Have tea without me, babe.’

  ‘Actually Uncle Kent has invited me over for dinner. I’m sure you’re welcome too, if you finish up early.’