…The waitress arrived at their booth with the check, and together they walked to the front counter as Michael paid the bill. They left the coffee shop two friends, arm in arm, with a special bond in the making. Michael suggested they take a stroll through the park to discuss and plan their next move together. Rosalie wholeheartedly accepted, proudly hanging onto Michael’s arm, surrendering herself totally to his guidance and protection.
As Rosalie and Michael headed towards the park, Michael gently pressed down on Rosalie’s hand which was tightly wrapped around his arm, to let her know everything will be okay. With a curious smile on his face, Michael looked down at Rosalie and asked, “What would Franco say right now if he found the two of us walking arm in arm like this?” Rosalie quickly responded, “Do I look worried? We’re friends Michael and I really don’t care if we run into Franco right now. To him I’m a ‘crazy lady’ and Franco is much more interested, along with my friend Maria, in proving that to me. So he’s found a friend and partner in Maria, and I’ve found that in you.” Michael smiled at Rosalie’s strong response and said, “Good girl. I admire your spunk. Keep strong like that and you will come out the winner.” Michael gave Rosalie a quick kiss on the forehead as he led her down the street and into the park.
They continued walking until they reached the doggie playground. At Michael’s request, they sat on the park bench facing the happy dogs and their owners. They eagerly watched as the many dogs, big and small, wild and calm, happily pranced about chasing one another with bright eyes and wagging tails. This prompted Rosalie to ask how Edgar was doing. Michael said Edgar was doing just fine and he plans on taking him here to the doggie playground later on during their evening walk. Rosalie said that sounded like a terrific plan and added that she wished she could join them. Michael agreed, saying that he wished she could join them as well, but that he understood her circumstances. He knew that she needed to be home for Franco. Rosalie corrected Michael and said that she didn’t need to be home for Franco, she needed to be home for herself so she could work through her problems. She admitted to Michael that all she thinks about are those voices. She said those voices have taken over her life, adding that she finds herself waiting to hear them so that she is not caught off guard and frightened by surprise. “Sometimes it’s one voice, sometimes it’s multiple voices,” she said, choking back tears. “It scares me so much to go home Michael,” she added, “especially when I’m alone in the house, because that’s when the voices start up again. They summon me to the cellar, whisper in unison, moan in anguish. Oh Michael, how can I fight this when I don’t even know what I’m fighting. All I know is the voices are real, I am not imagining them. For some reason, they are after me.”
Michael, clearly concerned for Rosalie, offered to walk Rosalie home this afternoon and escort her right into the house. He offered to stay awhile, and promised to leave before Franco got home. He wanted to be with Rosalie in case she hears those voices - not to question her, but to support her claims and ease her fears and to understand what is happening to her. Michael is very much convinced something strange may be going on here. He felt he knew enough about who Rosalie was as a person, that to doubt what she is claiming would not be an option for him. Rosalie appreciated his concern, his trust and his offer to stay with her awhile, but she told Michael that it wouldn’t be a good idea right now. She didn’t want to risk Michael and Franco getting into an altercation over Michael being at the house. Rosalie explained to Michael in a most pleasant and honest way that it’s still Franco’s home too, and Franco would have the right to say something to Michael if he saw him there. Not that Rosalie cared much about what Franco would have to say, but she didn’t want to fuel the fire by giving Franco another reason to distrust her judgment and, more importantly, she didn’t want Michael to be in the middle of their feud. Although Michael respected Rosalie’s wishes and understood them completely, he did stress to her the importance of them discussing the next step in figuring out what’s going on with those voices as soon as possible. Rosalie nodded in agreement with one great confident smile. Michael was on her side and that felt so good.
Michael then reminded Rosalie about her latest mystery novel that she just recently mailed out to the publisher, stating that he just can’t get the thought out of his head about the two very close friends, exactly like Rosalie and her friend Maria, who lived together in a Victorian mansion by the sea, where one friend betrayed the other by seducing her boyfriend, among other things. Rosalie looked up into Michael’s large, inquisitive green eyes and asked if he was insinuating that Maria may possibly be connected to all that’s happening with her. Michael didn’t even try to deny that. He simply responded that the possibility exists that Maria may be trying to use the issue of Rosalie hearing voices as a way to get closer to Franco, suggesting that Maria may want to come between Rosalie and Franco by comforting Franco during this difficult time. Michael added that Maria could be setting the stage perfectly by suggesting that Rosalie see her psychiatrist and sign herself into a mental facility for evaluation. - “Rosalie, you are not a stupid girl,” he said sharply. “I can’t imagine you not even considering that Maria may be part of the problem here.”
Rosalie was so confused at this point, but she did confess to Michael that she certainly has considered the fact that Maria may possibly be part of the problem. She hated having to admit that and the thought of it sickens her to death. She cried, “Maria and I are like sisters. Do you know how hard this is for me to think anything else Michael? I can’t fathom the thought of Maria betraying me with Franco.” Rosalie embarrassingly told Michael that she actually did confront Maria about this yesterday when Maria visited the apartment. She continued, that Maria left the apartment very upset knowing that Rosalie felt Maria was going after Franco. Rosalie went on to explain that Maria now thinks this is all part of Rosalie’s mental anguish and denied having any feelings for Franco. Rosalie then told Michael that dear old Millie next door, her wonderful angel, actually felt the same way Michael did about Maria. Millie did not trust Maria either and she makes no bones about that. Millie continually warned Rosalie to be wary of Maria. Rosalie confided to Michael that this hurts her deeply, but she herself feels that there may be some truth to this.
Michael, in a comforting gesture, looked straight into Rosalie’s sad but beautiful eyes, and gently rubbed her shoulders with both of his hands as they faced each other. He then asked if Maria had ever seen or read Rosalie’s manuscript about the two friends who lived in the mansion by the sea? Rosalie responded that she believes she discussed the storyline with Maria in the past because Maria loved hearing about Rosalie’s writing. Michael said to Rosalie, “Well then, this may sound strange, but I believe this is a perfect example of ‘life imitating art’ sweet girl.” He suggested that maybe Maria is the crazy one and her friendship is not an honest one. He told Rosalie that the first thing she needs to do is take a good look at Maria and keep an eye on her. He asked if Rosalie had ever heard the saying “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”? Rosalie nodded that she had heard that saying and considered that good advice. Michael then added, in defense of Franco, that perhaps Franco may not even be aware of Maria’s intentions of coming between Franco and Rosalie. He could be a victim here as well. Rosalie gave Michael a friendly kiss on the cheek and said, “You are such a great person Michael, giving Franco the benefit of the doubt. I admire you for trying to see all sides of this mess, and I thank you for it.” Michael put his arm around Rosalie’s shoulder and held her close to him and assured her that he is not pinning any medals on Franco, but he’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt since Rosalie chose him as a boyfriend and he trusted Rosalie’s judgment. Rosalie, shyly looking away from Michael and staring straight ahead at the barking dogs in the doggie playground, simply said, “You’re too good to be true Michael.” Michael, also staring straight ahead into the doggie playground, responded, “No, I’m not too good to be true Rosalie. I have my faults also and I’m certa
inly not an angel by any stretch of the imagination. I just care about you and I want to help you in the best and fairest way possible. You deserve that.” Rosalie got up from her seat on the park bench and faced Michael as he remained seated, telling him she truly wished she could stay longer, but she really needed to head home and face what awaits her at the apartment. She added that she will definitely consider Maria’s role in all of this and watch her closely. Rosalie promised Michael that she would call him if anything new develops. Michael stood up from his seat on the bench, grabbed Rosalie’s elbow and walked her a few feet in the direction towards her home. He repeated to her, “Call me no matter what time it is Rosalie.” She nodded, then grasped his hand quickly, giving it a squeeze before she went on her way.
…Before long Rosalie was standing at her front door, anxious and apprehensive about going in. As usual, she feared yet wanted those voice(s) to call out to her. Once she opend the front door and made her way up to the apartment, she knew the waiting would begin. This is what her life has been reduced to. Waiting…waiting…waiting…for the horror of someone or something dead set on tormenting her. Why? That was the question she would ask herself. Franco and Maria, the only support system Rosalie grew to rely on over the years, have taken their own stance on things; and now that support system has dissipated overnight. Rosalie thought to herself, thank God for Millie – and thank God for dearest Michael. Michael was a long-lost friend who reentered her life at just the right time. Fate was truly on her side.
…Trying to go about her business as if everything was normal, Rosalie turned the computer on and decided to do some online shopping. Whenever Rosalie was agitated, anxious or just overwhelmed, it seemed shopping was the cure; almost better than xanax, and even better than sex lately. Shopping was the “go to” savior for whatever was ailing Rosalie. She shopped for the next hour or so looking for snow boots and a new full-length “Down” coat so she could prepare herself for the approaching winter months. She loved to shop, but she hated the winter. So new boots and a new coat were in order. Yet she wouldn’t think of moving to a warmer climate. Rosalie had a love/hate relationship with New York, the East Coast and the change of seasons. She hated adjusting to change, especially the weather; but New York was “home” and pretty much her “comfort zone”. It was mostly her attachment to Brooklyn and the happy memories of her childhood that kept her here. It was Christmas in New York that warmed her heart. It was the “familiar” that gave her comfort. It was the four seasons that added variety to her life and gave her the chance to shop some more to buy new clothing, accordingly; which was a fair trade-off considering the fact that she hated the change. It was also her love for Franco that enhanced her love for Brooklyn. So even though the cold harsh New York winters arrived on cue each and every year, they often times turned into winter wonderlands for Rosalie as she welcomed them with Franco by her side. There were long walks in the glistening snow, and cozy nights of sharing hot cocoa. There were visits to the city to take in the gorgeous Christmas displays in the Department Store windows, and romantic rides in horse-drawn carriages through Central Park, like tourists. Rosalie and Franco were native New Yorkers. They were true Brooklynites and true soul mates…once upon a time anyway. Now it’s just her attachment to her past that keeps her here, her past before Franco. Franco now represents deep sadness and sudden betrayal to Rosalie, feelings that eat at her heart and tear at her soul.
The loneliness that has become her constant companion these days seems to be smothering the life out of Rosalie, leaving her to fend for herself as she fights off unknown demons without the love and support of Franco any longer. What if she hadn’t run into Michael? What if she didn’t have the support of dear Millie? Where would she be? Would she overdose on xanax in order to end it all and get rid of that pain? The thought of Franco finding her lifeless body on the bed when he arrived home, and then feeling terribly guilty about his lack of support during her time of need, crossed Rosalie’s mind a couple of times. That thought brought comfort and solemn vindication to her in a weird sort of way. However, that would be the coward’s way out and Rosalie knew she wasn’t a coward. Or was she? Rosalie was very much afraid of dying yet, paradoxically, she was afraid of living as well; especially now. She would never take her own life, but she doesn’t know how to live life through the chaos that surrounds her. However, she now has Michael and Millie to live for. Rosalie decided to stop these awful thoughts and just count her blessings. Together she and Michael will figure this out. He promised he would see her through this. Millie would too. So Rosalie hit the “check-out” button, purchased her items, printed out her confirmation sheet and turned off the computer.
…She suddenly felt a severe bout of hunger in her stomach. She wanted to eat something, and she wanted it now. It was an emotional sort of hunger where her nerves were getting the best of her. She was losing control and hunger seemed to be something she could satisfy at the moment, something she could control at the moment. She also knew that if she didn’t go into the kitchen to make something to eat, she just might be tempted to pop a handful of xanax and end it all by mistake, in a rash decision. That thought kept tugging at her brain. “No!” she reminded herself. “That’s the coward’s way out, and I am not a coward. I will not do this to Michael. I can’t do this to him. He would blame himself for not pushing to stay with me today…and I can’t do this to Millie. It would break her heart. Besides, she needs me since her daughter lives down south. I have to stick around. I don’t have the nerve to do it anyway, so I guess I am a coward either way.”
…Searching the fridge madly, Rosalie decided on an omelet. She took out the eggs, cheese, bell peppers, onions, bread – anything and everything she could find; but something was missing, she thought. Then Rosalie remembered she had some turkey bacon in the freezer, so she took that out as well. Her stomach was smiling now and it saved Rosalie from committing suicide today. Her hunger strangely redirected her to living life, not death. So Rosalie threw herself into making that omelet, almost as if she were creating the cure for cancer; feeling like a mad scientist in the process and looking like one too. She chopped, she cut, she beat, she mixed, she sniffed, she tasted; she was totally focused on doing it well and doing it right. She decided to use half a dozen eggs so there would be leftovers for Franco. Crazy, right? Well, she just couldn’t help herself. Rosalie still felt connected to Franco even if that connection was weak. Yes, things were going badly between them, but Rosalie wouldn’t think of cooking something up for herself and leaving Franco with nothing to eat for dinner. This was what Rosalie was all about; this was the essence of who she was. Despite all that was happening between them, she saw past that right now, living in the moment. Rosalie felt that Franco was still a hard worker contributing to the household and she would never intentionally mistreat him. Having him walk into an empty kitchen would be one thing, but having him walk into an empty kitchen after a hard day’s work with the lingering aromas of cooked food in the air and no dinner on the table, well that would be another. It would be selfish, spiteful and hurtful; and Rosalie would not let that happen. This bothered her more than thinking about taking her own life. So she continued to prepare a large omelet for both of them. Only this time she would eat first and leave the rest on the stove for Franco. She wasn’t quite ready to go back to playing house, acting like everything was okay, because it wasn’t; but she was fine with leaving something on the stove for Franco to eat since it saved her from feeling guilty. She had enough feelings to deal with, and she didn’t need to feel guilt on top of everything else.
Rosalie was visibly shaken, while fighting to remain calm. She was in panic mode and it was evident she was not herself. Her movements were awkward, her facial expressions were highlighted by sadness, her fingers were trembling, her mouth was dry, her lips were quivering, her breathing was heavy and her mind was unsettled. She was not in a very good “place” right now. Rosalie seemed worse than ever, yet fixated on cooking up her masterpiece.
> As she frantically moved about the kitchen, nervously engrossed in making that omelet, and seemingly possessed by madness, she almost forgot about the voices. Had she escaped those voices tonight? Or had they escaped her mind? Were they ever really there, or were they all in her head? Regardless…they were back again! Whether in her head or down that cellar, they were there! Yes they were, gradually invading Rosalie’s being, stripping away whatever was left of the bit of self-control she fought to hang on to, and pushing her way back into a world of insanity. Right on cue! She was alone as usual, and the voices knew it. She could hear that one eerie voice calling out to her, “Rosalie! Come Rosalie! Come to the cellar! We’re waiting to see you Rosalie! We need you Rosalie! We want you Rosalie!”…and then came those muffled voices again echoing in her ears in unison. She was unable to figure out what they were saying, but they were speaking to her. Rosalie tried with all her might to brave the torment, but her knees grew weak, her entire body started to shake, and her eyes just filled with tears. She was frightened to the bone, chilled and broken beyond repair. Again, she was questioning her own sanity, even though she knew deep down in her heart she was not crazy and she was not hearing things in her head. Something or someone is doing this to her and whoever or whatever it is, lives down in her cellar. How can she prove that? She was too frightened to go down to that cellar to see what was going on. Her legs couldn’t carry her down there if she tried. They were weakened by fear and she was unable to walk straight. She asked herself, “How in the world am I going to prove to Franco and Maria that I am not crazy when I can’t even prove it to myself? Why are they never around when this is happening to me?”
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