Missing Grace

by S. L. Scott

  She shook her head. “I’m not ready for that.” After placing her hand on his leg, she said, “I wish this was easier. I’m not sure what to do.” Looking around, she didn’t simply see the happy lives that once lived here, she could feel it. She wanted to embrace that life, wanted to feel like he made her feel now, but more. Greedily, she wished she could stay and relish the life hers was becoming. “I don’t know that I have a right to make any decisions regarding it. You’ve paid for years. You kept this place like a shrine to our love. How could I bear to let it go?”

  “I don’t want to get rid of it either. I might not have been back in years, but being here now, it does feel good to be back, especially with you.”

  Grace smiled at the lovely man beside her. He was generous in all aspects of his life. “So maybe we wait to make any decisions regarding it and maybe, if you don’t mind, I can stay here?” She started talking faster, nervous for some reason. “I want to come back to Seattle as soon as I can, but I’ll have no job or money. I know it’s a lot to ask, to ask you to continue paying for it, but maybe my parents can help—”

  “Grace, this place is yours. Of course, you can stay here.”

  “I feel bad about the money. You’ve already spent so much.”

  “Don’t worry about money. I haven’t told you much about me because I was anxious to share your life with you, but I’m okay—financially—so you don’t have to worry about money. You never will.”

  Her nerves dissipated, but her feelings continued to grow. Rubbing his leg, she asked, “What do you do?”

  He chuckled. “It feels so weird to be telling you this, because in my head, you already know. I’m an architect. I’ve had some of my designs featured in Architectural Digest, won awards, and built in Chicago under the ecological division of our company, which I helped develop. The recognition and success of the program has earned me a junior partnership at the firm I work for. It’s a large firm with offices around the world, including Seattle and Chicago. I transferred when you disappeared. I can transfer back. I’ve been in talks for a promotion on the West Coast.”

  “The Pacific Northwest by chance?”

  “Seattle or San Francisco. I can have my pick of either city.”

  The mood shifted between them.

  Environmentally aware.

  Thoughtful.

  Passionate.

  His lips were as irresistible as he was. Hoping to catch a few moments of Ben and herself surrounded by their stuff, feeling this close, almost like time had turned back the clocks, she kissed him and then stood up. “Come with me.” He followed without question as she led him into the bedroom. Sitting on the right side of the bed, she asked, “Which side did I sleep on?”

  He smiled. “The side you chose.”

  “Lie with me, Ben.” Without hesitation he did. Once he was settled, she said, “The other day I remembered you asking me to marry you.”

  His eyes went wide as he turned his head to look at her. “Really?”

  “Well, it was only a flash, but I remembered.”

  “Did you feel happy when you remembered that, Grace? Because when you said yes, it was the best day of my life.”

  “Yes, Ben. It was so brief, but I felt joy.”

  Taking her hand in his, they lay, staring at the ceiling. The connection was growing, building, securing, bonding. She whispered, “I loved you, too. You’ve got to know I never would have left you if I had a choice.”

  “I know that now. Deep down, I always did. That’s why I never gave up.” He leaned over and kissed her. Lying there together again brought the past into the present. In that moment, Grace was Grace, and she was Ben’s again.

  26

  Ben Edwards

  Ben maneuvered closer, turning on his side. Their mouths were mere inches apart as his chest touched hers with each intake of breath.

  He wanted to get lost in his Grace again, to feel her in the peace of their home, their souls at ease. He knew he shouldn’t, but he wanted. How he wanted. After all he had gone through, surely he deserved to be a little selfish. He wanted to touch her in the ways he used to and for her to touch him that way too.

  He kissed her, and she accepted him back into her world by wrapping her arms around him. Her taking control was like a defibrillator to the heart, bringing him back to life. He angled himself on top of her, using his knees to nudge her legs apart to accommodate his body. He was glad she was wearing the soft pants that fit snugly to her because even through his jeans, he could feel her heat.

  With his arms on either side of her face, he pulled back from the kiss, and just looked at her. She was beautiful and that beauty made the words lump in his throat, and emotions welled inside his chest. He couldn’t look at her any longer without breaking down completely. His mind betrayed what his body so desperately wanted, so he dropped his head into the curve of her neck and took a slow and steady breath.

  Words weren’t needed. Chest to chest. Cheek to cheek. They could feel each other’s hearts pounding, anxious to find their rightful owner once again. It felt so good to be back in their apartment, in their bed, and in each other’s arms.

  It had been hell living through the day-in-and-day-out brokenness for so long. The not knowing. The distress. The misery. He hated that his mind drifted again to the darkness. Always knowing what he needed, she whispered, “Life for me was easier in a way. I didn’t know what I was missing. This life was unknown. If it were taken away from me now, I’d unquestionably mourn the loss. This is better than I used to imagine. My family. The love. You. Maybe I feel selfish.”

  “You aren’t.”

  “You’ve shown me more through your emotions than you ever needed to through words. I need to do the same. Can I show you how much I care about you?”

  She moved her middle against his to encourage him to come back to her—to their moment—and let everything else fade away except for them. She moved against him so he knew what she wanted.

  Ben looked up at her and sought something deep within her eyes. Finding what he needed, he finally kissed her again, hard and deep as his pelvis tilted down and rubbed shamelessly against her center. “Tell me what you need, Grace.”

  “You. Only you.” They both moaned in unison and suddenly there was a flurry of hands and knees and legs trying to find purchase, trying to find their resolution.

  Ben gripped her face as Grace’s hands tugged at his hair, their pelvises moving against each other seeking relief within the intensity of their attraction. It was always there, this gravitational pull between them. They were seeking asylum within its magnetism.

  When Ben’s hands started sliding down her body, she arched, needing to be closer to him, so close that she uttered, “Being with you won’t be enough.” With her head tilted back and her breasts tilted up, she groaned, “I want to be one with you, Ben.”

  Fuck! This woman would end him with her perfection. Ben slipped one arm under her back, holding her in that position as he ground his erection into her even harder. Seeing her wonderful neck exposed and open to him, he couldn’t resist. Ben leaned forward, and as he tasted the delicate skin of Grace’s neck, his mind roared possessively. This was his Grace. His. She was his.

  The only thing left nagging him as they tried to lose themselves in each other was Barnes.

  They needed to talk. He wanted this woman beneath him more than he wanted anything, and yet, his moral code wouldn’t allow it. He slowed his movements as Grace did too, and soon their lips and bodies stopped altogether.

  When she looked into his eyes, he could tell she knew. He knew he couldn’t hide behind a lie. Not to her. “You want to stop?” she asked incredulously. “Now?”

  “It pains me to stop, but I promise you. Our time is coming.” He adjusted himself as he rolled off her and flopped onto his back. He threw his forearm over his eyes and growled, “Fuck!”

  Startled, Grace instantly sat up and rubbed his arm. “It’s all right, Ben. I understand.” Oh fuck. She can’t think I�
�m rejecting her.

  “I want you. Please don’t think I don’t. I just can’t be with you like this. You don’t have his ring on your finger, but he’s here, haunting us. Things aren’t settled between you two.” He lifted his head and looked at her. “I love you, Grace. I want you,” he repeated. “I want you so much.”

  “I know. I know you do, and I do, too. I may not remember everything about us, but knowing you now makes me want you just as much. We’ll be together. I want that, but you’re right. I ran. I left when he was at work.”

  “You didn’t tell him?”

  “He would have tried to stop me.”

  “There is so much wrong with that statement, I don’t even know where to begin.” The sheet twisted in his fisted hands.

  “Please don’t be mad at me.”

  He sat up and pulled her into his arms. My Grace. My Grace. My Grace. Holding her again was heaven, and he whispered, “I could never be mad at you for being here. You’re with me. I have no right to ask more of you, though I want to.”

  “You don’t have to ask. Things will be handled as soon as we’re back. That is a promise I can give you.”

  He cupped her face and then kissed her forehead. He worried about how she would feel, but he needed her to know before they returned to Chicago. “I need to tell you something, and I hope it doesn’t upset you, but I need you to know that I think, no, I know . . . Hunter knew who you were, and he kept it from you. He lied, Grace. He’s still lying to you.”

  A sharp intake was followed by a jagged exhale. She looked at him, biting her lower lip and then said, “I should have told you at the airport, but I found proof of that before I left. You’re right, he lied about my identity.”

  “You’ve known since Friday and didn’t tell me?”

  “I rushed to the airport, afraid I’d miss the flight, and then I saw you, standing there. Your arms weren’t spread, but I ran to you like they were wide open for me.”

  “They were, even if not physically.”

  “I didn’t want to ruin it.”

  “His lies wouldn’t have ruined anything, but it will change everything.”

  “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I didn’t trust in—”

  “In us?”

  She closed her eyes but then sat up and looked at him. “I believe in us. I just didn’t know how to handle what I’d found. My world was in turmoil, Ben. I felt so betrayed and even more confused. But when I saw you . . . I knew I needed to be held in your arms.”

  “Do you trust me now?”

  “I do. So much. You’ve done everything for me, and you’ve done it with me in mind, always putting me first. Thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, Grace,.”

  “I do. I also need to show you something.” Grace climbed off the bed, and Ben followed her into the living room. “But promise me you’ll let me handle Hunter.”

  Ben crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. She was asking too much. He had already planned a confrontation of his own. Whatever proof she had to share would just add fuel to the raging fire. “I can’t agree to that.”

  Grace leaned forward and placed her hands on his chest. “Please trust me. I need you to.”

  When he uncrossed his arms, he rubbed hers. “I do trust you, Grace, but Barnes . . . I don’t know how he’ll react, and I worry about your safety.”

  “I know how to handle him. Please don’t worry about me.”

  “Don’t worry about you? That’s all I’ve done for three years now. And for the thirteen before that. I don’t know how not to worry about you and now you’re asking me to let you confront Barnes on your own? He’s a lying monster who stole your life away—”

  “I know all this now. I just think I should handle this on my own. I don’t think it would look good if he believed I was ending things with him to be with you. He won’t be happy it’s over, but I don’t think he’ll hurt me.”

  “What do you mean you don’t think he’ll hurt you? That’s all he’s done since knowing you, baby.”

  “I saw him at his maddest, and he didn’t touch me.”

  Ben’s arms went out. “Oh wow, give the man an award for not abusing you when he was mad. What the fuck, Grace? You actually expect me to let you go alone? We should call the cops.”

  “No. Please, Ben. I know this is a lot to ask. I know we’ve all lost because of him, but please. I need answers and . . .” She paused, needing to gather strength. “He’s the only one who has the answers I need, so please. I’m going to give you something when we return to Chicago. I don’t want you to worry, but I want you to hold on to it for me. It’s important, and I need to put it somewhere safe.”

  “If I’m not supposed to worry, why do you need to put it somewhere safe? Is this the proof you were talking about?”

  “Yes, but it’s upsetting.” She stopped, the words seemed to be trapped on her tongue as she looked at him. He could see her need to say more, but he didn’t know how to coax the words from her, so he waited. She finally added, “I think it’s just better if we wait until we are in Chicago to deal with it.”

  He didn’t want to agree, but he could feel himself giving in to her request. He would always give in to her, even now when he had to go against his gut. “All right.” Ben took her hand and kissed it before kissing her mouth, languidly.

  His gut told him to hold on to her, to never let her go. But he had no right to stop her. So he deepened the kiss and placed the key to the apartment in her hand. “You’ll always have a safe place to call home.” It will be me. Forever.

  27

  Grace Stevens

  They boarded their flight just shy of two hours later and sat quietly, hands grasped tightly together.

  Ben fell asleep, exhausted from the last few days, and Grace watched him. God, he was incredibly good-looking. This handsome man had been in love with her since she was ten, and the thought made her warm inside, the love overwhelming. He searched for three years and never stopped caring about her. His heart was as attractive as his face and she eased back, relaxing into the leather seat, feeling the comfort of his lifelong dedication in the way their hands were held between them. Even in his sleep, he was protective and considerate. She loved it. She might even love him. It felt too soon to say it, but the feeling was blooming inside with each moment she spent with him. She couldn’t compare her feelings toward Ben with those toward Hunter. Ben’s love was . . . pure. Real.

  The rest of the flight was relatively quiet. Grace wanted to stretch her legs so she got up to use the restroom at the back of the plane since the one upfront was occupied. While she washed her hands in the miniscule lavatory, the plane shifted violently and knocked her against the door. Another bout of turbulence sent her arms out to break the hit she was about to take, but it caused her to hit the mirror abruptly, the impact momentarily dazing her. Fortunately, the mirror didn’t break, but her head hurt from the blow.

  As Grace opened the door, she held her head, putting pressure on the spot that now pounded. She looked up and saw Ben racing down the narrow aisle, fear covering his previously peaceful, sleepy expression. The plane jolted again and a flight attendant urged him to return to his seat. He didn’t. He continued until he reached Grace. Grabbing her, he pushed his back to the cabin wall just behind the last row of seats. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure? Why are you holding your head like that?”

  An attendant touched his arm, and said, “Sir, I need you to return to your seat.”

  “I’ll go back to my seat when I find out if—” he stopped and looked into Grace’s eyes, “my girlfriend is all right.” He may not have known what to call her, but Grace knew that Ben had staked a solid claim on her heart already. “Can’t you see she hit her head in the damn bathroom?”

  The attendant turned toward Grace and seemed to change her tone completely. “Are you all right? Do you need ice?”

  Grace shook her head just slightly befor
e replying, “I’ll be fine. Ben, let’s go back to the seats.” She hated making a fuss and truly she felt fine except for the developing headache. She had Ibuprofen in her purse that she would take when the turbulence passed. The rest of the ride was smooth and thankfully, the pain subsided.

  When Ben and Grace were waiting for taxis, their luggage in tow, he took her hand and said, “I don’t like you doing this alone.” His tone was as firm as his hold on her.

  “Ben, I have to do this face to face. He still loves me, so I owe him that much.”

  “He stole your life away from you.”

  “He carried me from the scene of the accident to the hospital because an ambulance would have taken too long. I might have died if he hadn’t.”

  “I’m struggling to trust him, Grace. I want to support you, be there for you.”

  “I understand that, Ben. I get it, but I need answers that only he can give me, and I don’t believe he will speak freely if you’re there.” She remembered the box and flyers and dug them out of her purse. “Will you hold these for me?”

  “What are they?” he asked taking the items from her.

  “Please don’t open them until you get home,” she said, wrapping her hands around his. “Promise me you won’t.”

  His eyes went to the package, and then back to hers. “You’re asking a lot of me, Grace.”

  “I’m asking for your help, Ben. I need it.”

  “You’re not asking me to trust him, are you?”

  “No. I’m asking you to trust me.”

  “I do.”

  “Go to your apartment and wait for me.” She moved closer to him. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

  “Where are you going to sleep tonight?”

  Grace looked up at him, unsure of what was going to happen once she confronted Hunter, sleep being the least of her concerns right now, but she could understand why Ben was asking. She had no money, and once things were ended with Hunter, he would cut off her credit cards before she could reach the lobby. “With you. I’ll have nowhere else to go.”