by Ariana Rose
“It is! Miss Rebecca conferenced me in from New York. Congratulations, Alexandra!”
The voice I’ve missed for months was on the other end. Camryn Price. She is the mentor of a lifetime. I was lucky enough to attend one of her seminars as a freshman at MCAD. It was like she was speaking just to me. “Let them hear your voice. If you have something to say, put it out there with no fear and no apologies.”
I got up the courage that day to speak with her and we clicked on so many levels. She not only made herself my cheerleader, but she loves me like a daughter and I let her. When I need her, she’s always there, and now apparently, even when I didn’t realize I did.
“Cam… it’s like you always said. It would be fate when it happened. Did you have anything to do with this?” I ask.
“No, love. I didn’t. But what you did… This fanfiction genre suited you to a tee. You’ve always had a flare for the supernatural. Now it’s up to you what you will become. You just have to believe it.”
It’s not about believing. It’s about standing up for what I know I need to do, and what’s right for me for once. Hunter is what will stand in my way.
“I’m scared,” I confess. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Alexandra, many would kill for this victory you’ve achieved, but I also have a cherry for the sundae to sweeten this already incredible offer.”
“Cherry? What do you mean?” I ask. “Let’s start at the beginning. What’s the prize?”
“Your ideas will be turned into a script for television drama, and I have a job for you. Well, a job possibility. It will be up to you to shine in an interview, but I know that won’t be a problem.”
“Camryn, what did you do?”
“Well, I just signed a new guest writer contract on an episodic television show being filmed in the Atlanta area.” She pauses. “It’s Jordan’s.”
I laugh. “I bet he’s just thrilled with that. How is that going to work? Ex meets ex, Nash versus Price. It sounds like a horrible episode of Jerry Springer or something. Since when are you on speaking terms again?”
“We began speaking when the ratings took a dip and they needed my pen at any cost. Sweetheart, he ran off his PA. I made it a condition of me coming to work with him that you get an interview. This is your brass ring. You have to take it.”
I sit in silence for what feels like a long time. She starts describing the job to me, what it will be like, the things I need to know about Jordan—good and bad—that I need to be prepared for. My head is spinning like a tornado with multiple vortices in a thousand directions.
“Cam…I’m so grateful. You know how grateful I am, but I don’t…”
“Lex, you can’t say no! Don’t you dare!” Rebecca scolds.
“Rebecca, let me.” Camryn pauses. “Alexandra, I need you to listen to me… really listen. You have every tool in your arsenal to make this work. I will be here to support and guide you in any way I can. Get to Atlanta. Take this job and get your foot in the door. Once you have that foothold, you can show them what you’ve done here. Once they see these ideas, they can’t deny your talent and ability, so there is no telling how fast you’ll fly. I know that you don’t want to leave your father or Hunter, but love…it’s time to be a bit selfish.”
I sniff a bit. “You know that’s not who I am.” After a pause and some coaxing to speak again, I say, “I need to think about it. It’s a huge step for me.”
“I know it is, sweetheart. Yes, you can think about it, but I really do need to know by the end of the week. If you can’t get ahold of me, Rebecca will know how.”
“Damn right, I will!” Rebecca exclaims.
“I have to go, Alexandra,” Camryn says. “You know… you know I will love you no matter what you decide. Your mom would have been so proud, and I know Colin is.”
“Daddy reminds me all the time. I think I will always be his Princess.”
“Well, my hope is that your tiara transfers locations.” Her smile transmits across the many miles.
“I love you, Camryn.” I needed her to know that.
“I love you too, Alexandra…goodbye.”
I sit motionless for a while as the tornadoes still spin. I need to stop them, but I can’t. Rebecca breaks the silence.
“Don’t think this to death. You know this is what you want. Figure out a way. I will start looking for a place for you and Hunter down here. If it ends up being just you, you can stay with me. You won’t be alone.”
“Becs, I have a lot to consider, and…and conversations to have.”
“If that ring you wear means anything, Hunter will see this like we do, and he will sacrifice for once.”
Sacrifice… that is a word I know everything about and he knows nothing.
***
I finally finished my physical therapy today, and the doctors have cleared me to return to the studio. All the broken bones have healed, and I’m only down a portion of my spleen. My left shoulder surgery went well, and the rehab has given me back my range of motion. There are two things that still remain. The nerve damage to my lower half is slow. Walking is at its normal gate finally, but my ability to fully function as a man is neither mentally or physically a possibility.
Not that it matters. I read through the script and I don’t even comprehend the pages. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to be there. I don’t want anything without her.
“Julian, would you come into my office, please?”
I reluctantly get up off the chaise in the library and set my script down, following the bark into his office.
“Yes, Father?”
That title rolls around in my mouth like vinegar would. It’s sick to even still call him than because he’s not done anything in years to deserve that affection.
He addresses me, but his eyes never leave his laptop. “Julian, you haven’t been leaving the house except for the doctor’s office or the mandatory meetings in studio for months.” The keys continue to click beneath his fingers.
“The most important thing in my life is gone. What the hell do you expect? I was…am in love with her. She was going to be my wife.” My voice grows louder. “Are you fucking kidding?! Did you think I would just pick up and move on? You aren’t that stupid!” I shout, finally snapping.
He looks up from his laptop, his eyes boring into me like the constant dagger I feel in my heart. “I would check your tone, boy. What I expect is for you to keep moving forward. We all have duties to perform.”
“Duties?!” I’d laugh if his choice of words weren’t so sick. “I’m going to work as I’m medically able to, Father. I’m doing as I’m told.” I mock his tone. “Your precious family reputation is intact.”
He pounds his fist with such force to the desk top Mom’s picture collapses, face down. “Your mouth is not needed nor required right now, only your ears. Davis and I have been talking.” He strolls to my side of the desk, towering over me like he usually does to get me to do his will. I puff out my chest, but I can feel my body begin to shake. I’d love nothing more than to take a swing at this monster disguised as a man, but I know if I do, it will only make it worse for my mother. If I don’t take his anger, he will direct it at her. So, I opt for slowly sinking into his guest chair.
“While we understand the grief you and they are still under, for our business deal to continue to move forward, we will all have to make sacrifices. I have readjusted our merger timeline, he’s getting a new player ready, and you will have to agree to our new terms.” He sits on the edge of his desk, folding his hands in his lap.
“What?! What are you saying?” I run my hands through my hair. “What would your business and political bullshit possibly have to do with me?”
Father leans over with his hands on either side of my chair. “Your ‘relationship’ with Elaine, while a love story for you, was mutually beneficial for both of our families, son. The unforeseen impact was immeasurable. This was something that neither he nor I expected. So, Elaine’s death, while tragic,
leaves us with a missing piece of the puzzle to our deal.”
I look up at this cold calculating person who resembles my father but now to me is nothing short of a miserable robot. “She was more than a puzzle piece! For fuck’s sake! She was my life!”
He rolls his eyes at me. “Be that as it may, we need to move forward, thus your new role. It has been decided that you and Quinn will now have to fill that space.”
“Quinn? Are you saying you want me to have some sort of relationship with Quinn?” I look up, my hands in still my hair. “That’s Lainey’s sister. Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? Not to mention disrespectful. I won’t have anything to do with this. I refuse!”
“There is no want, Julian……you will.” He slowly begins pacing. “You two will continue to appear for a while as the grieving sister and boyfriend.”
“Fiancé!” I growl.
He raises his hand to slap me, but I immediately step back out of his reach. “I warned you about your tone, son! I wouldn’t advise it.” He lowers his hand as I fold back into my seat, then readjusts his suitcoat. “As I was saying, you and she will appear as though you are continuing to console each other through this difficult time. It will seem harmless enough. Then, on a schedule her father and I deem appropriate, you two will begin dating. When filming resumes, we have made arrangements for Quinn’s role on your show to go from guest status to regular.”
“Arrangements? She’s never shown a desire for work let alone the hard work Lainey did, what I do, a day in her life. You mean to say you bought her way up as Nora, don’t you?”
“See it how you wish, Julian. You two will be working closer together. You will be seen in public together until such time has passed where you can, as the world would see it, tastefully be shown to them as a couple.”
“You’re expecting me to fall in love with and marry my fiancée’s sister… just like that.”
“Yes, Julian. That will be your role. Your terms to play.”
I rise from my seat again, more defiant and disgusted than ever. “And if I don’t?”
He places a hand on my shoulder. “This has political implications for me. Monetary implications for Davis. You know I know people. You know the Davises know even more people, especially in your industry. If you wish to play on your little show and make sure all your supposed friends continue to be employed, you will do as you’re told. You don’t want to push me, Julian. Trust me on that.” His words are laced to illicit true fear.
I brush Father’s hand off my shoulder, looking at him like a stranger. “You’re an absolute fuck!”
A sweeter voice begins to fill this sickening space. “Am I interrupting something, Jack? Julian?” Mother asks.
“No, Mom. I’m more than done.” I kiss her cheek as I pass by. “I love you.”
“Julian! Come back here!” I hear him bellow as I keep walking.
“Jack, please…” she pleads.
“Susan, you’d better try and talk some sense into your son before he destroys decades of my hard work.”
“Jack, I wonder sometimes who you are.”
I watch from the top of the stairs, just in case I need to protect her. He ignores her and sits back at his desk, seamlessly slipping back into work mode. Mom leaves his office, closing the door, and looks up at me. I put out my hand for her to come to me. My mother is the only thing that has held me together at all. When I first woke up, it was her face I saw. She filled in the blanks. She has held me every time I cried. She’s talked me through every nightmare. We’ve never been closer than we are now.
She reaches the top of the stairs. “Julian…”
“Shhhh,” I say. “Not here.” I take her hand, leading her into my room. “Mom, I have to get out of this house. I can’t take his shit anymore. I know it’s going to be unbearable, but I’m going back to Midtown, back to the condo.”
“Do you think you can? Who will help you with the dreams? Darling, please don’t.”
“Mom, living in the memories will be easier than dealing with him. I’m not strong enough for that right now. He’s talking crazy about deals and Mr. Davis and Quinn.”
My mother cuts me off. “He finally told you. I tried to stop this madness. I don’t know how anymore. I will still do what I can. You know how much I love you, don’t you?”
“Mom, I’ve never once in my life questioned your love and support. The only thing I do question is, how do you still love him?”
“Love is complicated, darling. You don’t know the man I married and the man I fell in love with. He was vibrant, kind, and he did know how to love. It’s almost as if, once he got a larger taste of success, it began to alter him until there wasn’t much left I recognize. I keep hoping that if I love him enough, my Jack will return. I’m not willing to give up yet.” She gives me a small smile. “Julian, will you do something for me?”
“I’d do anything for you, Mom. What do you need?”
“Stand in front of this mirror.”
I look at her, confused, but comply. I don’t like looking at myself. I don’t like what I see. “What am I looking for, Mom?”
“You ask why I love him. You. You are why I love him. He gave me my most precious gift. I love him because when I see you, I see that man he used to be. You are your father’s son.”
Those words turn my stomach in six directions. “I’m nothing like him. If anything, I am you.” I pull her into my arms. “Will you be all right here, alone with him? Do I need to worry?”
“No, darling. I know how to navigate. I’ll be safe, I promise.”
“I’m going to talk to my landlord and let him know I’m coming back as soon as possible.”
“Do you want me to go first and pack her things? I know Quinn and their father haven’t been there.”
I answer quickly, “I don’t want anyone touching her things but me. No one knew her like I did. I will handle it alone.”
Alone.
I used to be fine with that word. Now the word is the worst of words, the worst of feelings…the worst of everything.
TONIGHT IS A big night. Hunter is being honored for his promotion to partner. Coincidently, he and my dad just came through on a huge settlement they were working on together. Things couldn’t be better for him. I still haven’t been able to talk about the phone call from Camryn and Rebecca and my big opportunity. There hasn’t been the right time, and just when I thought there might be, he kept going on about tonight. I know my time is running short to accept, so after the event, when we are back to the apartment and settled, that’s when I’ll talk to him.
The party tonight is at the Day Block. It’s a short walk, on a beautiful night, from our place near the river. It’s a historical building dressed in nearly all brick, with a balcony that overlooks everything modern around us. It’s the perfect blend of old and new. The party is going to be black-tie affair. Hunter picked out my dress, my hairstyle, and even my jewelry. I had to look a certain way for him. It was like I couldn’t be trusted to look the way he wanted. I was the perfect almost trophy wife. I was the next jewel in his crown. Marrying the Senior partner’s daughter… how much sweeter could things be?
I look down at my hand as I’m finishing with the last stroke of my lip brush. I still don’t know how to feel. I watched my parents’ marriage. It was always about mutual trust, admiration, and respect. I don’t have any of those things, but I still try to make things work and be hopeful that with this ring, we will finally be partners and my dreams will matter as much as his.
***
I am the perfect date for these events. I’ve been to these things for as long as I can remember. My dad always made sure I knew how to talk to adults. After Mom died, I was always his date of choice. I could do his bowties in my sleep and with my photographic memory, give him little hints when I could tell he needed them. His colleagues and staff were very kind and always seemed to be impressed with me, unless they were just humoring him. I scan the room. It seems to be all the usual people. It w
as a mix of my dad’s friends, some social climbers, and some plus ones. The room is nearly always set the same. A string quartet, trays of finger foods that leave a body starving, and the alcohol nearly always flowing to excess. This is the part Hunter has no problem partaking in. He’s making the rounds with the same two stories when Connor Baldwin comes to find me. Connor and I grew up together. He’s the son of one of my dad’s closest friends and the Will to my Grace.
Deciding a bit of fresh air is in order, we find a spot on the balcony, and I pull my wrap tight. Connor being Connor takes his jacket off and wraps it around me instead.
“Thanks, Con.” I take his pinky and link it with mine.
“You look awesome tonight, Lex! David is going to be pissed he didn’t see you in this gown,” he says.
“Well if he wasn’t wandering all over New York getting ready for the bridal shows for next month, he’d have seen me,” I chide.
“He’s said he’s all set for killing your dress when you finally set a date.”
“You should talk, Con! When are you and David going to make it official? Seriously?! Haven’t you two been stalling long enough?”
“You can’t rush perfection!” He laughs. “By the way, perfection appears May fifth. We set a date. We decided after I accepted my associate position from Colin that we would do it before Spring fashion week activities kick off in the fall for him. We needed it to be right for both of us.”
I can’t help but think this is how it should be. I give him a huge hug. “I’m beyond thrilled for you, you know that, right? I will be front and center because you know how much I love a happy ending.”
That’s when I feel it. Glancing over, I see Hunter’s eyes are fixated on me from a dark corner of the room and I freeze in Connor’s arms. Stepping back, I pull his jacket from my shoulders and hand it back to him. “From the look I’m getting, Hunter is ready to go. Keep me posted, okay?”
“You bet. Before you wander off”—he pulls out his cell— “I need a selfie to send to David. Ready?”
“Sure.” I fake a smile because I can see the anger radiating from Hunter like rings of fire. “Click away.”