by Ariana Rose
***
I head down the elevator and break through the back door, into the sun. Puppies, puppies everywhere! I need one. Yet another thing Hunter wouldn’t let me have. I had to leave Toby behind with Daddy now not only once but twice. It killed me to do it, but he’s getting up there in age and this trip might have been more than he could have handled. I miss him every day, but it also gives Daddy someone to love on since I’m not with him. I make a mental note as I settle in the grass to stretch, to Skype Dad and Toby tonight, and then find the nearest shelter after my meet and greet on set tomorrow. My body begins to scream at me. I never realized how much stress and sadness is physically inside me. I think I need to welcome every ache or pain. It means I’m getting better.
I look around to set on a course for my first run in my new city. I gaze up the gentle rise and see all the kids playing…swinging, hanging by their knees doing penny drops, simply running and chasing. Then their laughter hits me. I find I’m laughing because they are. That’s when I know. I’m safe. I’m finally starting to feel whole again.
I punch in the code, unlocking my iPod. It’s my oldest friend. He and I have been through it all together. The good times…dancing with my dad to Dion and the Belmonts while we created our latest dish in the kitchen, to Etta James and Otis Redding when I really miss my mom, the various boy bands that Shana, Rebecca, and I jam to. Then there were the bad times. The endless nights awake and alone, even in Hunter’s presence, when I was trying desperately to figure out what to do and needing to break free.
I’m scanning for my perfect playlist and that’s when I see it. Shana left me a one full of powerful women just to let me know she’s here even when she’s not. The music makes me smile. She knew it would. Since Mom died, she’s been one of my biggest cheerleaders. Whether in person or from eleven hundred miles away, she’s going to help me succeed, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
I get to my feet and try to figure out how to not make a total fool of myself. I’ve noticed from my studies of the traffic patterns down here that the newbies like me should stay to the outside. I start out in a slow trot and my mind begins to wander. Lap one… How will tomorrow go? Lap two… Will I know what to do? Lap three… Will I fit in? Will they like me? The sounds of the music and the questions in my head both grow louder and mingle together. So loud, in fact, I don’t hear the four-legged freight train that takes my legs out from under me. I hit the gravel track with a pop. Shit! I roll my body away into the grass, groaning as I go. I try and figure out if I can get up, let alone breathe.
“Holy shit! Are you all right?” A man’s voice and figure block out the sun while I’m being licked to death by the most adorable chocolate lab. The husk to his voice grips my soul.
I try to shield my eyes, so I can see the face that belongs to this voice. “Honestly?” I try to take a full breath. “I’m not sure. I got…I got tangled in the leash. I didn’t hit my head.”
“Don’t move too much. Can you sit up?”
“I think so.” The sun is still blocked by his body. His hand comes down and takes mine. His other hand is warm on my back, guiding me up slowly. This sweet dog whines and lays his head in my lap. I can’t help but smile. “I think he’s sorry.”
“You have no idea how sorry I am,” he says. “Do you live nearby? Can I call someone for you?”
Finally, I can see him. A chiseled jawline, with just a bit more than a five o’clock shadow, and a black ball cap pulled down, hiding his eyes. Did I get the air knocked out of me by the fall, or him?
“No, don’t…I mean…No, you don’t have to call anyone. I can get home on my own, thanks.” He helps me slowly to my feet. My right ankle starts to give, and I end up in his arms. I look up into his steel blue eyes and I’m completely hypnotized. I feel like I haven’t spoken a coherent thought. “Well, this isn’t awkward or anything.”
He smiles. “What? I’m used to having my dog knock people over and picking them up. Last week, it was that guy over there.” He points to the obvious bodybuilder doing pullups on a near high bar, and we both laugh. “Let’s face it, you’re not able to walk on it. May I help you to your car?”
“I don’t have a car here. I…I live nearby. If you just get me to that bench up the hill, I’ll hang out for a bit, then get myself home.”
“At least let me sit on the bench with you, so I don’t feel like a total ass.”
“You’re not an ass,” I assure him. “Just someone who needs lessons on leash holding.”
“My dog plows you over and you’re trying to make me feel better?” He shakes his head. “Do you have a name? Unless you’d prefer ‘hey you.’”
We laugh a little more, and it distracts me from the pain of my ankle, which is now the size of an orange. “It’s Alexandra. But fair’s fair. What’s the name of the tornado that ran me over?” I rub the dog’s ears like I do Toby’s.
“His name is Diesel,” he says.
“Well hello, Diesel.” I put my hand out and he drops his paw in mine. “Wow, smart dog.”
“Smart, but left his manners at home.”
“He sure did. Do you have a name, unless you just want to stick with Diesel’s Dad?”
He smiles again, and wow! For the first time, I really focus on it. It’s seriously the most perfect smile. I swear if the sun wasn’t shining, he’d be able to create enough light with it alone. “Julian…my name is Julian.”
“Nice to meet you both.” I don’t know what it is. But I feel this pull. It’s like magnets. You push them around and they push away until you flip one over and then there is no pulling them apart. That’s what I feel. I don’t like it; it scares me. I need to get away. “I… I think this will be okay. I can get back to my place.”
I try to stand on my own, but the pain on my face must have told him the truth.
“I can tell that even if you resided within a hundred feet, you wouldn’t make it half that right now. Let me carry you back, or at least use me as a crutch.”
“That’s okay. I’ll manage.” His charm will only get him so far. “I don’t make habits of being carried by strangers.”
“Look…here’s my cell. Press nine-one-one if you feel unsafe. I won’t hurt you. Trust me. Trust Diesel. Please, Alexandra?”
I stare into his eyes. I want to say no. I need to say no, but something is telling me to trust him. “Don’t make me regret this, Julian.”
***
Before I let her say another word, I scoop her up in my arms. She’s light as a feather. Her curves are so delicate, yet I can tell she has a strength to her. Her arms sling around my neck. It’s unsettling yet comfortable. I haven’t been this close in…
I try and snap myself back. “I’ll have you home in no time. You just have to do me two favors.”
She gives me another smile, even though I know how much pain she’s in. “What’s that, since you’re doing so well.”
“A sense of humor? I’d forgotten what that looks like on beautiful female.” Did I just make a pass at her? What the fuck am I doing? I’m not ready. “First, I need you to hold Diesel’s leash.” Her hand weaves with mine as she takes the leash.
“And second?”
“Yes, second… let me make this up to you somehow?” I don’t know what I’m doing or saying.
She tentatively responds, “Get me up to my apartment, find me an ice pack, then we’ll talk. I live just up the rise over there. It’s the five-story with the green roof border.”
She lives in the shadow of my building. “I’ll just count this as my workout for the day.”
We make a bit of conversation on our walk, mostly small talk. She is impressed with the weather. She mentions being from the north. I knew it instantly; I like hearing her accent. I keep the questions solely on her. Every time she tries to turn the conversation to me, I volley right back into her court. She doesn’t seem to recognize me, and I want to keep it that way.
She awkwardly gets her key in the security door and pops it open. I’ve
held her for what seems like forever, but I don’t want to put her down. She loses Diesel’s leash and he’s off tearing around the hallway. He’s got boundless energy. I shake my head while she giggles.
“Maybe Tornado or Hurricane would have been a better name for him?” she jokes.
I smile. “I’ll take it under advisement.”
This is becoming too easy and honestly, disarming. I can’t allow this to go any farther. I’ve gotten too flirtatious with her already. How could I do that? How did I do that? It’s not right.
We get to her door, and I immediately switch to all business. “Can you get the door? Where would you like to be? Chair? Couch? Bed?”
As soon as my smile leaves, so does hers. She’s instantly affected by my mood. It’s another in a stretch of dick moves today. She simply responds, “The couch is fine. Really, you’ve done enough. I’ll be okay.”
I’ve hurt her even more than Diesel did. Dammit! I hardly hear her response as I prop a pillow under her foot.
“I’ll grab that ice pack for you.” I enter the kitchen. I can feel the walls closing in. She must hear me struggling in the freezer because she calls out, “Try in the door.”
I look around her place quickly. It’s soft and warm. Everything about it invites you in. It reminds me of… I can’t go there. I finally return to her, giving the ice pack a good crunch with my hands, then wrap it around her ankle. I can’t think of anything to say but, “How’s that?”
“Cold,” she responds, trying to get me to smile. When I don’t, she adds, “I think I’m good.”
My head turns toward the breeze that kicks in to the room. “What is that smell?” I recognize it instantly, but I’m hope I’m not right.
“Oh…it’s lilacs. They’re my favorite flower…well, and color, really. I need to have them around. It reminds me of home.”
My face instantly falls and the light in her eyes leaves. My heart is pounding fiercely. I feel caged.
“Well, again… I’m sorry about your accident.” I quickly gather Diesel’s leash. “We’ll leave you be.”
“Thank you for bringing me home.” Her once full and witty voice is now small and quiet. Diesel nudges her hand, for one last pet it seems, and she’s all too happy to do it. Diesel doesn’t do this with just anyone. The only one he’s responded to like this was Lainey.
I respond, “You’re welcome. Come on boy, let’s go.” My voice is even more cold and stern than it’s been. I set my fingers on the brim of my hat, like I’m tipping it but not quite. “Goodbye, Alexandra.”
Before she can get another word out, let alone a goodbye, Diesel and I leave. We get outside, and I turn back to look up at her apartment. What just happened? She thought my dog was the tornado. Why do I feel like the one that was just mowed down?
***
After about an hour, the ice pack has finally numbed my ankle enough to help with the swelling. I know it should hurt but it doesn’t; at least not right now. I grab my journal and try to recount what just happened, but I keep drawing little hearts over and over again. What am I, twelve? It was his eyes. I don’t think I could forget them if I tried. I think I may have counted every eyelash. I’ve seen those eyes before, only a different color. I see them when I look in the mirror. They hide something. I’m not sure what yet, or if I ever will.
What if I never see him again?
I swore I wouldn’t do this. Love isn’t meant for me. Like isn’t even meant for me at this point. Hunter beat that out of me, both literally and figuratively. But I can’t ignore this feeling of longing, this hole I have now inside me. One second, his dog was plowing me over; the next, we were trading snarky comments like we’d known each other all our lives, and then he was gone. It was like a lifetime in less than an hour.
I swear I know him. He’s got one of those faces you can’t, won’t, and don’t forget. His smile was first. But once he knew I was actually hurt, a switch seemed to flip. He was so caring and gentle. Is he that way with every stranger? I’m not used to any of those things from any man other than my father. I need to find him. I need to see him, if for no other reason than to say thank you once more.
My train of thought, if you can call it that, is interrupted by a knock at the door. “It’s open, Becs!” I holler.
Her keys hit the counter and a glorious smell of Chinese food hits me. “Lex? Your dinner has arrived, as well as your ace wrap and pain meds. How is it I leave you alone for less than twenty-four hours and you’re already in trouble.”
“Wait, what?” I ask.
“Your foot. What did you think I was talking about?”
“Nothing.” I toss my journal to the floor. “I’m just obsessing now over tomorrow. Not only am I still sleep deprived and learning the city, but now this. Three strikes and you’re out. Thanks for coming when I called.”
“You’re clumsy as shit but you’ll be fine. Have you tried to walk on it since your Prince Charming rescued the damsel in distress?”
I laugh a bit. “And you say I’m dramatic! No, I haven’t. Will you help me up, so I can check it out?” I swing my legs together and sit up.
Her hand slides under my arm. “Don’t put your full weight on it at first. Just test it.”
“I’ve got it, Nurse Betty.” I get centered on my feet. “It’s tender as hell but I think if I keep icing it and wrap it, I’ll make it. Did that sound convincing?” I give her a pitiful pout.
She rolls her eyes. “You need to just look at this as a talking point on day one. It will make great copy. Hell, pitch it as a scene idea for the show.”
“Yeah, because anything the new girl says, especially on her first day will be taken as gold.” With a sigh, I beg, “Can we just devour this food and forget about today?”
Rebecca helps me back into my chair before beginning to open our feast. “If you think I’m going to let this go without details, you’re crazy!”
“You’re like a dog with a bone, aren’t you? Like I told you on the phone, and for those in the back, long story short, I was running, his dog took me out at the knees. We laughed about it and joked a bit, Prince Charming brought me back here, his mood turned on a dime, and he left. There’s not much else to it. That’s the story, for better or worse.”
She crosses her arms. “You’re such a damn liar! What is this?” She plops my open journal down in front of me, like it’s Exhibit A. “Hearts all over the page.”
I quickly slam it shut. “He was super funny, super stunning, and had the sweetest dog ever. I’m not ready to know any more about him than that. Can we change the subject now, please, nosy?”
She wrinkles her nose at me. “Fine…fine.”
I spy my full plate. “Mmmm! I want that! So, tell me all I need to know for tomorrow. I know I’m going to have to sort the players for myself but tell me a bit about the atmosphere. I haven’t had time to watch all the tapes they sent me.”
Rebecca nearly melts down. “Lex! That should have been your first job after unpacking. Jordan is huge on being overprepared. He’s obsessive about it. Camryn should have warned you. He will crucify you if you aren’t, like, six steps ahead of his brain. Which, honestly, can be a hot mess.”
“Maybe we should get a bottle of wine out then. What am I thinking? How am I going to do this job?”
“Lex, you’re going to be fine. I wasn’t trying to freak you out, but you need to watch all the tapes. Tell you what, where are they? I will watch the rest with you and give you the inside scoop. That way, you’ll only be two steps behind. Better?”
“Yes, so much.” I shake my head with a little laugh. “I’d really appreciate the gossip. The clips are already in the DVD player, if you want to get it rolling.”
“You bet, Nerd.” She winks.
“God, don’t start that shit already. Off office hours only!”
“Fine! It’s not like they won’t know eventually,” she snarks.
I toss a fortune cookie at her. “Just play the damn tape.”
I focus on
my food and prop my ankle back up. It really is better. I’ll enjoy my hobble for a little bit because at least it will be a reminder that he was real. I flip my journal back open with the black ribbon to the entry I was working on for today and the hearts catch my eye. I set my plate down and I write Diesel around one of them. Then, I write Julian around another. My mind bounces back to the same inner monologue from earlier. I need to find him. I need to see him again. It’s at that point I hear a man’s voice in surround sound. It’s the same voice I heard a little more than an hour before. I look up at the screen, and there he is. There’s no hat pulled down to hide him but those eyes… I know those eyes intimately.
Rebecca is pointing at the screen. “Okay, we’ll start basic. This is…”
Before she can say it, I do. “Julian.”
“Yeah, Julian Stone. He’s our main hottie! He’s off the market though, according to my sources.”
“Off the market? As in, he has a girlfriend?” Fuck! Suddenly I’m no longer hungry.
“The tabloids and the gossip on set have him with his co-star, Quinn. She’s not in this scene but you can’t miss her. There is a whole story here, but I think I will wait on that for another day.”
I stare at his beautiful face unblocked by the sun, his hat, and his wild puppy. “I’d know that voice and those eyes anywhere.”
“Well, who wouldn’t. He’s hard to…” Her words stop. I don’t even notice until she’s screaming at me, in an ah-ha fashion. “No way! No fucking way! That look on your face! He’s Prince Charming?!” Rebecca cackles. “Well shit! This just got way more complicated.”
Complicated, disarming, interesting, and I won’t have to wonder if I will see him again. Tomorrow will be the day.
IT’S NOON, AND you’d think it was five already. I was up at five and out the door by six. It was a complete struggle fest since I’m still not moving very fast, but I can at least drive and be independent. I didn’t sleep very well, for all the reasons you’d expect. I was very nervous about today, and I was still replaying yesterday’s collision on constant repeat. I knew I’d likely see Julian today, which made me excited, but it also terrified me. Should I say anything? Maybe he didn’t see our interaction the way I did, which would make me a total idiot.