Falling Under

by Lauren Dane

  Caught up in the sight of her walking away, Duke leaned against Asa’s doorway for a few moments more.

  “Let’s head to the showroom now that you’re done staring at Carmella’s ass,” Asa called as he headed the opposite direction.

  Duke caught up with his friend. “I’ll never be done staring at Carm’s ass. It’s fucking perfect. It’ll be perfect when she’s ninety.”

  “I told her love made you sideways.”

  Duke snorted. “I saw it happen to you. I’ve seen it happen to other people. I figured it was like, only amplified. Super-like. But it’s …” He broke off, trying to find a way to express it. “It’s different than anything I’ve ever felt. She’s everything. I’m all about it.”

  Asa tipped his chin in agreement. “Settles down all that stormy shit inside me.”

  Yes. Exactly.

  CHAPTER

  Twenty-eight

  He came out of the meeting with a new client and the possibility of a collaboration to enter a build contest at a major show the following year.

  But no call from his parents.

  They had another appointment to follow, but he had enough time to call his mom before then and ended up leaving a voicemail. Then he tried his sister and got the same.

  “No calls?” he asked Carmella when he stopped by her office.

  “Not yet. I’ve had the phone with me at all times so I haven’t missed anything. Have you tried calling them? Maybe they got caught up in dealing with stuff and haven’t had the chance to call yet. You know how it can be sometimes.”

  “I figured that might be it. I tried my parents and my sister and got voicemail on everyone.”

  “The waiting room at my mom’s doctor’s office makes you turn off cell phones. Some hospitals do.”

  He let go of some of the fear. “I should have come to you earlier. Okay, that all makes sense. We’re getting ready to go back into the next meeting. I just wanted to check.”

  It wasn’t until he’d come out of the next meeting and called his mother again that someone finally answered.

  “What’s going on?” he asked the moment she picked up.

  “We’ve been dealing with the medical staff and the police for hours,” his mother said.

  “Police? About the accident?” Jesus, had it been Danny’s fault?

  “They’re saying it might have been a suicide attempt. Which is nonsense, of course. It was a traffic accident for goodness’ sake.”

  “Mom, is Danny out of surgery? Is he all right?” First things first.

  “He got out about three hours ago. He’s in recovery.”

  Duke blew out a breath. “And he’ll be all right?”

  “They think so. He’ll be in ICU for at least the next few days.”

  “Now, what’s this about the cops and this being a suicide?”

  “Ever since he got out of rehab the last time, he’s had a rough go of it.”

  “Rehab? Danny was in rehab? The last time? It was more than once?” Why didn’t anyone tell him anything?

  “He didn’t want it to be broadcast. He was embarrassed. His job is very stressful and he used alcohol to cope. They said he also had trouble with that crystal meth, but Danny said it was just liquor.”

  Meth might explain why his brother could keep up with the insane demands of his life. And then couldn’t anymore, apparently.

  “I’m coming down tonight. I’ll grab a hotel near the hospital when I get in. I’ll text you my hotel information when I arrive if it’s too late.”

  “Why on earth would you do that? Duke, you can’t do anything. He can’t see anyone even if he was conscious, which he isn’t. Come down for Thanksgiving and bring your friend.”

  “You’re going to need help with all that. With getting Danny help. Was he intoxicated when he got into the accident?”

  “He ran off the road on the coast. Right off an embankment. If he’d been just a mile further, he’d have gone off a cliff and into the ocean. Your father is sure it’s just that the roads were slick. Sand blows over them sometimes. Your brother did not try to kill himself and he’d never drive drunk.”

  Looked like maybe Danny wasn’t the only one in denial.

  “Thank god he’s going to be all right. But he’s going to have to deal with a lot of stuff when he starts to recover. I can help with all that.”

  “We have people for that sort of thing, Duke. Professionals. Stay in Seattle. Right now there’s nothing you can do. It’s just going to upset him more if you come. He’ll be ashamed to have you see him like that.”

  “Mom, what the heck is happening down there? Why would Danny be ashamed for me to see him? The addiction stuff? He’s trying to get help. I love him.”

  “I’m going to have your father call you in a little while. Don’t make reservations you can’t cancel until then. I need to go. I love you.”

  He looked at his phone, utterly thrown for a loop.

  “Everything all right?” Mick asked as he approached.

  “I don’t know. My brother is out of surgery but he’ll be in ICU for the next few days.”

  Asa joined them. “Mick and I have it handled. You’re good, but you’re not the only mechanic we have. If Carmella can’t take you to the airport, I will.”

  “I’m not going just yet.”

  “What? Why not?” Mick asked.

  “They don’t want me down there just now.”

  Both his friends got very quiet as they tried to figure out what to say.

  “Right? I’m confused about it myself. She said my dad would call.” But she’d said that earlier. Danny had been out of surgery for hours and no one even texted him just a few lines? His sister wasn’t even there and she couldn’t have taken a moment to let him know what was going on?

  “Go home, Duke. It’s already four thirty. Get some rest. If you do go down there, you’ll need the sleep now.” Mick squeezed his shoulder.

  “I need to go for a ride.”

  He grabbed his Windbreaker and helmet, stopping by Carmella’s office. “I’m going for a ride. I’ll have my phone with me if anyone calls here looking for me.”

  She stood, walking to him. “No word yet?”

  “I just got off the phone with my mother. I need to get the hell out of here. My brother is out of surgery. That’s pretty much it at this point.” He kissed her cheek as he moved past her. “No fights for me tonight. Sorry about that.”

  Her gaze took him in carefully. Missing nothing. But she didn’t push him for more. “Go. Ride awhile. I’ll leave the kitchen light on until I go to sleep.”

  Glad he had a bike at work, he headed out, grateful the rain had leveled off and the late afternoon was dry. The roar and throaty growl of his engine drowned out all but the thoughts in his head as he drove north.

  Carmella took her mother’s stuff to her that evening after work rather than get up earlier the next morning to do it.

  She unlocked, not caring whether or not her parents liked it, though she did knock and call out. Boxes were stacked against the walls and half the place had been packed up.

  “Hello?”

  Virgie came out. “Why are you here?”

  Carmella held up the bag. “What’s going on?”

  Virgie snatched the bag from Carmella’s hand. “We’re moving to Eastern Washington. We leave the day after tomorrow. Your father has a job offer in Spokane. He got permission to move there for it. I’m going with him. You don’t own the things in this house, so I’m taking those.”

  “You’re going to move across the state? When were you planning to tell me?”

  “It’s not your business, Carmella. You can’t run my life anymore. I’m tired of you making all my choices. I’ll take care of my own pills. My own medical needs.”

  “Do you have a doctor there? A place to live?”

  “This isn’t your business. You won’t accept your father? We won’t accept you. I don’t need you to do all this for me. It just holds me back.”

  �
�Excuse me? I hold you back? Can’t you see he’s filling your head with lies?” Carmella asked her mother.

  “I have to wait around for you to feed me. For you to bring my medication. I’m a grown-up and you treat me like a child. Let me make my own choices! My own mistakes.”

  Carmella was at a low point, her filters threadbare. “And when he starts gambling again? Or decides a kick and a punch is how he needs to deal with stress?”

  “If you can’t be happy for me, I don’t want you around. In fact, I want you to sell this house and give me my fair share.”

  Carmella laughed bitterly. “What fair share? I used up my entire savings to pull this house out of foreclosure. If I sell it, we’ll be lucky to cover closing costs. There’s no secret pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, Mom. There’s me, saving your ass over and over. Because I think you’re worth it. You think about that for a while, why don’t you?”

  “Give me control over my medication. I demand it.”

  Carmella heaved a sigh. “Mom …”

  “I’m a grown-up. Respect me enough to let me make my own mistakes. I need to transfer my prescriptions to my new house. You can’t come all the way to Spokane every three days to deliver it. I don’t want you to. I want you to let us live our lives.”

  “He hits you. How can you expect me to let that happen?”

  “Because I’m asking you to. And because you don’t get a say in my life. You don’t understand anything. You don’t know how to love anyone. You can be alone, all right. But I don’t want to be alone. All I’ve ever wanted was Steven. That’s it. I won’t let him go now that I’ve got him.”

  Carmella walked out, not knowing what to do, but knowing she sure wasn’t going to figure it out there.

  Duke hadn’t returned home yet when she got back. Carmella grabbed Ginger and her leash and they headed off for a walk around the lake.

  She’d gotten home, done her laundry, made dinner, and had settled in bed reading when she heard the sound of his car pulling up next door.

  Carmella wanted to rush over to see how everything was, but she didn’t know if she had the right just yet. Or even more important, she wasn’t sure that’s what he needed.

  Hell, she didn’t even know what she needed. So she’d wait, hoping Duke saw her light and made his way over.

  Duke had driven around for hours until his father had finally called. Then he’d driven around for a few more hours, dropped his bike off, and grabbed his car to come home.

  And as he sat there in his driveway, all he wanted was to see her kitchen light on.

  She opened her front door just a few minutes later. Ginger gave him a friendly bark, hopped around until he’d given her some attention as he came in.

  “Hi there. Want some tea? I just had a cup so the water is still hot.”

  He went into her arms and she hugged him, snuggling into his body and being there.

  “Tea is good.”

  “Come on then.” She took his hand and led him to the kitchen. “Want some toast or a peanut butter sandwich?”

  He settled at her kitchen table and the dog flopped over his feet.

  “I have strawberry jelly even.”

  “Made me an offer I can’t refuse.”

  “Sure. Everyone can be jealous at my PBJ skills.”

  He let the rest of his agitation go as she moved about her kitchen efficiently, dropping off a cup of tea and then a sandwich she’d even cut into triangles.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked as she joined him.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know.”

  “Whatever you decide.”

  She didn’t push.

  “How was your night?” he asked.

  “I’m not sure if I want to talk about it either.” She snorted.

  “What’s going on, gorgeous?”

  “My mom dropped a bomb tonight. She’s moving to Spokane with Steven. This week. She told me to sell the house and give her a fair share.” This time her snort was derisive. “Maybe it is my fault for doing everything for her. But Jesus, how can she pretend like there would be anything left? She had the house paid off and then took out a second mortgage and nearly lost it. I spent my entire savings—that I was going to use on my own house—to save her and she just took it as her due. And now she thinks I did it to steal from her. I’m furious that she’d say such a thing. But so sad she’d actually think it.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t around when this all came down.” He’d been out licking his wounds and she’d needed him.

  “Sometimes you need to handle your own stuff before you can deal with anyone else’s.”

  “That’s true, Carm. So why don’t you try it?’

  “Do you know the cost if she fails?”

  The anguish in her tone tore at him.

  “She’s an adult woman. You can’t get her committed. She won’t leave him. What can you do? Huh? If you keep pushing, it’s not like she’ll change her mind. You’ll just push her away even further. At least at this point when she fucks up, she knows she’s got you.”

  “She’s got no one. My uncle is done with her. I’m terrified.”

  He got up and moved to her, pulling her into his arms.

  “I’m sorry. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind,” she said, face buried in his chest.

  “I don’t accept your apology. Whatever she does isn’t yours to feel sorry about. You’re a good thing on my mind. They’re saying my brother tried to kill himself.” Once he got it out, he felt better.

  She pulled away so she could see into his face. “Oh my god.”

  They sat back down and he stuck close to her this time. “My dad finally called me a few hours ago. Danny isn’t conscious yet but they say it’s not unusual for his level of injury.”

  “Suicide? Has he been dealing with depression or any other type of illness? I didn’t get the sense that this was even a thought with your siblings.”

  He scrubbed his hands over his face and then drank some tea. “I’ve been trying to make sense of it for the last few hours. I found out stuff today and I still don’t know what to do with it all.”

  She got up, grabbed a bottle of tequila from above the fridge, and brought it back with a shot glass.

  “I have a counteroffer,” he said.

  “Does it involve your penis?”

  Love washed through him, taking away the heaviness in his head. His heart would take longer, but she was there. She was his and she made things better.

  “It always eventually involves my penis when we’re talking about anything to do with you. I was going to suggest I finish this sandwich and then we take this to the bedroom. I can tell you out here, but I’d rather have you in my arms.”

  “I accept those terms. Finish up your sandwich.”

  She said the last as he shoved the last of the PBJ she’d made him into his face. He waggled his brows at her as he finished chewing and then cleared his dishes. Ginger trotted along behind them, settling into her bed as Carmella climbed into hers.

  He stripped down to his boxers and got in beside her, sighing as she snuggled against him.

  “My brother’s been to rehab three times. All three times for alcohol and the last two were for meth as well. His health is a wreck because of his high-stress job, made even more stressful because he’s been high all the time. His girlfriend dumped him because she got sick of his shit and because he got someone else pregnant and she’s now seven months along. Danny has been paying her condo rent and medical care.” He sighed and sat up enough to swallow the shot she’d poured for him.

  “I knew none of this. I only heard that he’d broken off his engagement when I spoke to my mother last week. She moved out so at least he has a place to live, but he’s going to lose his job. My dad says they’re trying to work out a deal that Danny goes to rehab and then gets to keep the job. But I feel like maybe the job is part of why he’s so fucked? But what do I know? Because I don’t know my brother and I had no idea he was in so much trouble. Thi
s has been going on for six years on and off. How the hell did I never even notice?”

  “I’m so sorry. I hurt for you. For him and your family.”

  That last bit clicked into place for him. The thing he’d driven around and never quite grasped. Until right then.

  “You are and you do. Thank you. For being genuine. And for trusting me. They don’t.”

  “They don’t trust you?”

  He shook his head. “If they trusted me, I’d have known this stuff. They would have told me. One of them at least. But I moved away a long time ago and they didn’t miss me that much. They love me, of course. But they don’t know me and they don’t miss my presence. And I have to own the fact that I never made the effort either. In all the times I’ve seen them in the last six years, I never noticed anything wrong. I thought my kid brother had his shit straight and was a huge success. But he was hurting and I didn’t see.”

  She shifted so they were looking at each other. The last few times they’d shared, it had been dark, or they’d been facing away from each other. This time she looked him straight in the eyes.

  Carmella didn’t need to say anything. He understood. She wanted him to know she accepted him. That he could say anything to her and it would be safe.

  “They have a different family than the one I had. I talked about that a little before.”

  “So you feel like you don’t belong.” Not a question.

  He nodded. “They’re my family. My parents love me and want me to be happy. I wasn’t abused. They worked hard to give me and my brother and sister a better future. And they did.”

  “You don’t have to qualify your feelings with all this positive stuff. It’s just me. Feel whatever you need to feel.”

  He sighed, pausing to kiss her. “I wish you could be this wise with yourself.”

  Carmella said, “Me too. It’s easier to give advice than to take it. I think you know this.”

  Bull’s-eye. “Anyway, I drove around tonight and I thought long and hard about everything. And there was something just out of my reach. I have parents and siblings. They’re a family I’m part of. But I don’t belong there. I wanted to help my brother. I wanted to be there for my parents. I offered multiple times and they’re just not interested. Not because they’re mad at me. But because they don’t need me.”