by Naomi Amanda
“It was a hit and run,” my grandfather answered because it was obvious she didn’t want to and I wasn’t about to let it go. “And I understand what you must be feeling right now-”
“I never even got to see her,” I cried. “I never got to tell her that I loved her-”
“She knew, honey.” Suddenly my grandmother was in front of me. “And she loved you just the same.”
“I’m too late,” I whispered. “I’m always too late.”
It took a while for me to calm down after hearing the news about my mother. And although I remembered nothing about the one year she took care of me, I missed her. It hurt a lot to know that she was gone and that I would never get to see her or that I’d never be able to tell her that I loved her. I also knew that it was going to be hard for me to move on with my life even though she had passed away a long time ago.
My grandmother made me another cup of hot chamomile tea to calm my nerves. Logan held my hand, tracing patterns on the inside of my palm and Laura stayed by my side, telling me that everything was going to be fine.
After all, I had never known my mother and she hadn’t been a part of my life while growing up. How could I miss her existence when she had never been there to begin with? Not that it had been her fault. It had been my father’s and Susan’s fault and I found myself hating them more than I ever had.
Chapter 24
Laura saved my grandparents numbers on my phone and told them that I’d keep in contact with them. I wanted to ask them more questions about my mom and what she was like but we hadn’t told them what was going on in my house and Laura thought it was time to leave. They even asked whether I wanted to stay with them but I only had a few months of high school left. And I knew I had to somehow get through them.
My fatigue got the best of me on the drive back home. Laura drove and Logan sat at the back, holding me as I slept. It was a wonder that I got any sleep but I knew better than to question it, especially after what I had been through.
I woke up hours later in the dark and unsure of where I was. I could hear Laura’s voice as she spoke to someone and I turned toward the sliver of light coming in from the door that wasn’t completely closed. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I realized that I was back in Logan’s bed.
“Yes, Mr. Fator,” she spoke and my eyes snapped open. “Chey is at my house. She’s sleeping but I’ll make sure she eats something.”
I listened as she spoke, my heart hammering in my chest. Had my father called? Had Susan told him that I had left the house without telling anyone? Had she told him about how she had beaten me up or had he found my blood on the floor? Did he even know that I was injured? Susan must have been losing her mind, wondering what I would have told everyone about the cuts and bruises.
“She’s going to be okay, you know?” I heard her and I knew she wasn’t talking to my father anymore. “Stop pacing. You’re driving me crazy.”
“I can’t not be worried, okay?” Logan retorted. “When she called me and when I saw her-” His voice cracked and I felt a lump rise in my throat. “I felt like my heart broke through my chest. I was so scared-”
I felt tears sting my eyes. I was breaking him, I could tell. I knew seeing the bruises on my body would send him over the edge but I put him through it anyway.
“I know, okay?” Laura’s voice was softer. “I’ve been friends with her for a long time and she never opened up about what Susan was doing to her. It’s only when you came into the picture that she started telling us things.”
“And her mom-” he choked out. “-she’s gone. When Chey needs her the most – she’s already gone.”
“She’s going to be okay, Logan.” Laura sounded exasperated. “If you’re going to fall apart, how are we going to keep her together?”
“I know, I know,” Logan said and I could still hear him pacing up and down. “I’m sorry.”
“And the varsity cheerleading competition is only a few weeks away.” Laura sighed. “How is she going to complete in that condition?”
“I don’t think she should,” Logan said, his voice softer.
My mind strayed to the conversation we had about colleges previously. Although Laura’s parents were well off and would not deprive her of the college of her choice, she had wanted to get the cheerleading scholarship. I had decided not to compete for it because I had my perfect grade point average which was an advantage for me. But the cheerleading scholarship was important to her, especially because she wanted to go to NYU.
I knew she was more worried about people finding out about the abuse I was going through if I was too injured to cheer. But I couldn’t help but feel guilty that our team wouldn’t be able to compete if we were one person short. Then she wouldn’t be able to get her scholarship.
So I slipped out of bed, wincing as pain shot through my ankle and half-dragged myself to the door.
“I’ll be fine by then,” I said, making sure my voice was loud and clear.
As soon as I was standing in the hallway, Laura turned to look at me and Logan stopped pacing. The concern was evident on their faces but I tried not to let myself get affected by it. They were always going to worry so I had to try my best to show them that I was okay. That I would be okay.
“Chey, go back to bed,” Laura told me and Logan slipped an arm around me to hold me up.
“I’ll be fine by the competition date,” I repeated. “My ankle will recover in a few days. It’s just a small sprain or something. It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore.”
“Shut up,” she deadpanned. “You’re not competing like this.”
“Don’t make my decisions for me,” I snapped, my voice sharper than I intended but I needed to stand my ground.
Hurt flashed in her eyes and I instantly regretted my words. Logan let out a breath that tickled my neck.
“Sorry,” I murmured. “But I can compete. I’ll be able to walk in a few days. I’ll sit out for a week of practice and then I’ll catch up.”
Her eyes softened and she opened her mouth as if she was going to argue but then shut it, nodding. She knew I was stubborn. She knew I wasn’t going to listen, that’s why she agreed so I had to show her that I would be okay.
“I’ll go get you something to eat,” she told me and headed downstairs, leaving me alone with Logan.
“Let’s get you back to bed now,” Logan stepped in but I stopped him from carrying me.
“Please don’t treat me like I’m a patient or someone who’s broken,” I whispered, catching him off guard. “I heard you guys talk and I think I can handle a few more months of Susan. It hurts that I never got to see my mother but I-”
I choked on the clogged feeling in my throat as tears burned my eyes. I thought I could be strong about my mother but it hurt. It hurt so damn much. I had no memory of her since she had only taken care of me for one year and Susan had made sure she was out of my life after that. But how could I not grieve for the mother who had given birth to me and wished the best for me?
I felt Logan’s arms come around me and he pulled me to his chest. My tears escaped, soaking into the fabric of his shirt and I slipped my hands around his back, burying my face in his chest. He stroked my hair with one hand without saying anything. And when he pulled away, he looked into my eyes with such intensity, it made warmth spread through my body.
“I’m sorry about your mom, Chey,” he told me. “I know that it’s been so hard for you – keeping up your grades, working hard for the scholarship, taking care of Cody and dealing with Susan. And I know hearing this news about your mother feels like the last straw.”
I stared at him, wondering what he was getting at but I didn’t open my mouth. He didn’t seem like he was done with whatever he had to say.
“But I think your mom wanted the best for you.” He cupped my cheek with one hand and wiped away my tears. “She wanted you to live your life to the fullest. So you need to do that, okay? It’s time to fight for what you deserve. It’s time to start living.”
I nodded, warmth filling into my empty chest, sending goosebumps all over my body. My heavy head felt lighter and I felt the pain fall away, just a little. He cradled my head, watching my expression change until he dipped his head forward, pressing his lips to mine. And then the butterflies were back in full power, sending tingles of electricity through my body.
Logan took me downstairs after that so we could get something to eat. We found Laura on the couch, her face buried in her hands and I felt my stomach drop again. I hadn’t thought about how hard it must have been for her to keep my secret hidden from her parents since they treated me like their own daughter.
“Laur,” I whispered, making her look up.
Her hands fell away and her eyes snapped up to mine. Her expression of worry was still not gone.
“Why did you come down?” she asked me, forcing me to sit on the couch. “I was going to bring something up.”
“When? At Christmas?” I joked but her expression didn’t lighten. So I cleared my throat. “I was hungry and we were wondering where you were.”
“Sorry, I just needed a minute.” She rubbed her eyes.
She looked exhausted and I felt terrible. Logan and she had driven three hours to and from my grandparents’ house. They hadn’t gotten any sleep in the car either and I hadn’t even thought about how tired they both probably were.
“I’m sorry, Laur,” I whispered and she looked at me. “For worrying you so much and for making you keep all this from your parents. I know it’s hard.”
“Stop it.” She groaned. “I just want you to recover quickly, okay? I want to be done with high school and just go somewhere far away to a place where that psycho can’t hurt you.”
“And I love you for that.” I took her hands in mine. “Thank you for always being there-” I looked up at Logan. “-both of you.”
“About your mom-” Laura started and I shook my head, making her stop.
“Let’s not talk about her, okay?” I didn’t try to conceal the shake in my voice. “I miss the idea of her and it hurts to know that she’s gone before I could meet her. But she just wanted me to live a good life and I think I owe it to her to keep fighting for it.”
Laura smiled, pulling me into a long hug. While she hugged me, Logan went into the kitchen and came back with the picture of my mom and my white envelope in his hand.
I felt my heart skip a beat and I pulled away from Laura, taking them from Logan. I had completely forgotten about the letter from Columbia University. He looked at me like he expected me to open it.
“This-” I held up the white envelope. “-is either a rejection letter or an acceptance letter.”
Laura’s eyes widened in shock and I felt guilt wash over me. Logan looked a little surprised but recovered quickly, his expression impassive again. I should have told them. I felt like a horrible friend for not telling them.
“I’m sorry for not telling you guys,” I whispered. “I just had a dream of opening the letter with you guys and then Susan went and ruined it and-”
“Where did you apply?” Laura asked, cutting me off.
“Columbia University,” I told her sheepishly. “It was always my first choice and then you talked about going to NYU and I thought that it was perfect and-”
“Oh my God! Open it!” Laura exclaimed and I couldn’t help but smile at her excitement.
Even with Laura’s excitement that had rubbed off on me and Logan who seemed to be more alert now, I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. I opened the envelope and pulled the letter out. I slowly unfolded the letter, Laura bouncing beside me as if she couldn’t wait any longer.
I let my eyes scan the lines of the letter, my heart in my throat and my stomach in knots, the words slowly making sense. I felt warmth spread through me, rising up my neck and up to my nose and cheeks. Then I felt my emotions bubble up and I opened my mouth and squealed.
“I made it!” I cried with happiness. “I made it. I got in. They want me – they accepted me!”
Laura jumped up, doing her own little happy dance since my legs hurt too much to do so. I grabbed Logan by the collar and pulled his lips to mine. When I pulled away, he was laughing. He jumped to his feet and pulled me up, supporting me so I could do my happy dance with the two of them.
Later that night, we celebrated with peperoni pizza, soda pop and a strawberry cheesecake that Laura’s parent’s sent over when she called to tell them the news. So when we went to sleep, we were full of junk food and happiness for my acceptance to the college of my dreams. And I was surrounded in the warmth of both of them as they slept on either sides of me, holding me and inhibiting the nightmares from plaguing my sleep.
Chapter 25
Laura made sure that I stayed at her house for a week, forcing me to lie in bed for most of the days until school started so my leg could heal. I would have gotten bored had I not been keeping in touch with my new-found grandparents. They had been texting me constantly since I had left New York, asking me whether I had reached safely. So I texted them back, telling them that we had gotten back in one piece.
They seemed to enjoy getting to know me and honestly, I kind of liked it, too. They had missed out on my entire childhood so they had a lot of questions and even though I had secrets that I couldn’t tell them, I still had a lot to tell them. I told them about my friends and my grades and the college of my dreams. I told them about Cody and how my father had become mayor. I even told them about Logan being my boyfriend, if they hadn’t already suspected it.
And the one thing that kept me hanging on was the fact that they told me about my mother. They answered all the questions I had about her. They told me stories about her, how she was as a child, her likes and dislikes. They even told me about how the three of them had taken care of me for a year. They explained how much they all missed me and cried for me when my mom had asked my father to be a part of my life and Susan cut them out. And I promised to keep in touch and meet them whenever I could, especially because I’d be attending Columbia University.
By the time school had started, I could walk on my own, feeling the least amount of pain. And Laura made sure to teach me how to cover up my cuts and bruises with her make-up. And it was easier to control the random crashes of emotion whenever I thought about my mother. Talking to my grandparents really seemed to help with that. Talking to them and hearing things about her made me feel like I had known her. And by the end of the week, I moved back home. My father evaded me as much as he could, pretending like nothing had happened, probably because Susan hadn’t told him what she had done to me. Cody seemed to stay out of my way, too, but mostly only when Susan was around. And Susan tried her best to ignore my existence, probably because she was afraid that I’d tell my father. Or maybe he had told her to stay away from me. I wasn’t sure but I didn’t question it. If she was staying away from me then it was a good thing, especially since I had to hide my contact with my mother’s parents. But that didn’t mean I could escape her venomous glare every time I was in her vicinity.
I stayed out of cheerleading practice for a week and a half, watching from the sidelines with Logan. I wanted to join them because I hated sitting around but I didn’t want to say anything. The main reason I didn’t speak up was because I had promised Laura that I’d give my leg time to heal. Plus, she had lied to coach and to the team, including Ava and Marika that I had twisted my ankle and fallen down the stairs at home. I was glad that she had cleared it out so I didn’t have to make up excuses or repeat everything to Ava and Marika again. I kind of didn’t want anyone else to know so I was grateful.
Laura gave me the green light when the varsity competition was a week away. I had already learned the cheer since I had spent all my time watching them. And it didn’t take long for me to catch up with the dance steps since Marika was a great teacher. The stunts were a little hard to do even though my ankle had healed but I never voiced the pain. I had worried everyone enough.
“Call me before you go to bed,” Laura to
ld me the night before the big day. “I think I need a pep-talk before I sleep. We can put Marika and Ava on conference as well.”
She had dropped me back home after practice and even walked me to my door. I laughed and promised that I would call her at night. She waited for me to open the door to get in.
I prayed that Susan wouldn’t be in the living room. She hated it when my friends didn’t just drop me in the driveway and drive off. But maybe she wouldn’t say anything. Or better yet, maybe she wouldn’t be at home since she had multiple kitty-parties to attend now that she was the mayor’s wife.
“Okay, see you tomorrow.” She grinned. “It’s going to be amazing!”
She waited until I was inside the house and waving at her before she happily bounced down the stairs and to her car. I felt relief at the sight of her excitement. It meant that I had succeeded in making her believe that I was okay.
I watched until she had gotten into her car, driving off before I closed the door and turned around. I stopped, frozen as Susan stood in front of me, so close that we were nose to nose. It was evident from her eyes that she had seen Laura walk me to the door and she was pissed even though Laura hadn’t stepped foot inside the house.
“I thought I made it clear that you are to leave your friends in the driveway unless you’ve asked me prior,” she snapped and I tried to step back but my back collided with the front door.
“She didn’t see anything,” I said quickly, swallowing my fear. “She didn’t even come in-”
“You think I haven’t been watching you?” she asked and I felt my palms get sweaty. “I might have eluded you for these past few days but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been watching you. I see you sneak around with your friends. I hear about you getting friendly with Kendall’s son. I’m just waiting for him to drop you when he realizes what a slut you are.”
I felt myself flinch at her words even though I knew they weren’t true. She didn’t know anything about Logan – or even me for that matter. She didn’t know that Logan knew every part of me but stuck by my side anyway. She didn’t know that he had already told me he loved me and I had done the same. She didn’t know what kind of a person he was. And she sure as hell didn’t know what kind of a person I was, even though she had lived with me all my life.