Fighting to Save US

by Sarah Stevens

“Thanks, Mom.”

  “Anytime. Would you like some breakfast?”

  “Just toast will be good. Thanks again, Mom.”

  “What do you have planned for today?”

  “I think I’ll go over to The Java and see Kat and James before I run up to my apartment. I need to check things out and make sure the place is still standing. Then I have a pre-op appointment to go over everything for tomorrow at three. I need to get out of here for a little while before I am stuck again.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Mike rumbles. He’s a good guy but I don’t see why he’s still here.

  I shrug. “Okay, be ready in about an hour.”

  I eat my toast, grab my coffee, and head back to my room to undress and wrap my casted arm so I can take a shower. As I'm wrapped in a towel, I try to do the best I can with my hair and makeup with one hand. I decide not to push my luck too much, though. I put some eyeliner, mascara, and a little bit of concealer on. I need to try to hide the dark circles I have from lack of sleep and crying. I add a swipe of lip gloss on my lips and I'm done. I leave my hair down after I blow dry it, leaving it just a little bit damp to keep some curl in it. As I start to get dressed, my mom comes knocking on the door and pokes her head in.

  “Bren, you have a visitor.”

  “Who is it?”

  “Jackson’s here, and he isn’t alone.”

  “What do you mean he isn’t alone? Who’s with him?”

  She doesn’t say a word, but with the look on her face I can tell I may not like her answer. “Is it Max?”

  “Yes,” is all she says and then walks all the way into the room. She wraps her arms around me and says, “I can tell him to leave if that is what you want. I will tell you, though, he looks a whole lot worse than you do. I think you should hear him out before you decide what to do.”

  “I’ll be out in a minute. Let me catch my breath.”

  “Okay, sweetie, I’ll let them know.” She walks out the door and closes it softly behind her.

  I take a few deep breaths, and I’m still a nervous wreck. After everything, why is he here now? Does he feel sorry for me? After a few minutes, I pull myself together, walk out into the living room, and find no one there. Then I turn toward the kitchen. Everyone is quietly chatting with a cup of coffee in front of them. My mom notices me enter behind the men and gives me an encouraging look as I make my way further into the kitchen.

  “Morning,” is all I can think to say. Jackson immediately stands up and embraces me in a huge bear hug.

  Whispering in my ear, he says, “Hear him out.” As he pulls back, he kisses my cheek. Max is sitting there staring at me, and I see a quick flash of anger in his eyes as he spots my arm in a cast. He says nothing as he looks me over from head to toe. I see an array of different emotions pass in his eyes, but the one I see the strongest is love. I’m either going to be the smartest girl here, which means walk away from him and moving on, or I’m going to be the stupidest girl and take him back.

  Finally, he speaks. “Hi, Bren,” He sounds so defeated, and it makes wonder what look I have on my face that would make him feel that way already. “Can we talk? In private?”

  I look at my mom and then to Jackson. They both give me an encouraging nod followed by a we-will-be-right-here-if-you-need-us look.

  “Sure, come back to my room, and we can talk.”

  He slowly rises and grabs something off the counter before following me back to my room. I walk in and quickly turn around to face him. I muster all my courage and strength not to run into his arms, instead saying, “What do you want?”

  “I’m sorry. I failed you, I hurt you, and I don’t deserve a damn thing from you. I told you once I was a coward, and I proved to you again that I really am. I should’ve never left you at the hospital.” He hangs his head a little lower before he continues. “Bren, I love you, and because I love you, I was scared. No, that’s not right—I was terrified for you. Because of me, you were in that hospital bed, because of me you could have died. God, Bren, if I had lost you because of my past, I would have never recovered.” I stand there stone-faced, listening as he takes a tentative step toward me, and then another when I don’t back away. Face to face, he takes my cheeks in his hands and looks straight into my eyes.

  “Bren, I love you so much, and I hate myself for walking away from you. I wish I knew what I could do to make you see how much I love you. I’m sorrier than you will ever know. I promise not to run away from you again, and I promise to be here for you every step of the way with your cancer. I promise to never leave your side, and to take care of you. I made sure that the threat was gone before I came to you. There is no more hiding. There is only you.”

  Tears are starting to fall down my cheeks as he wipes them away with his thumb. I can’t breathe, and I take a couple of steps back, away from him.

  “Max, you left without a word, and when I woke up, not knowing what happened, Jackson was the only one in the room. You were the only one I needed, and you were nowhere to be found. I get it, you were scared for me because of the active threat, but you just left me. No one knew where you were, and that scared me. The man I love left me and disappeared. Not a word from you to anyone. The only way I knew you were alive was because of the gifts you sent, but I needed you.” I sit on the edge of my bed and sob. Max works his way closer and soon is down on his knees in front me, wiping away my tears again as he wraps his strong arms around me.

  “I am so sorry. God, Bren, it killed me to walk away from you. I thought it was the right thing to do, to keep them away from you, but I see now I was wrong. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m sorry for everything.”

  He kisses my forehead, then my cheeks and eyelids. He brushes more tears away and just holds on to me. When he pulls back from me and I look into his eyes, I see his love and regret staring me in the face.

  Taking his face in my hands, I ask, “Do you promise not to leave me again? No more running. If something is going on, you come and talk to me no matter what?”

  “I promise you with everything that I am that I will never walk away from you again. I will talk to you about everything.”

  “I love you, Max, you know I do, with all my heart, but this hurt runs deep. How do I know you can handle the surgery, the treatments, me losing my hair?”

  “Bren, I love you with everything that I am. I want to be by your side. I want to take care of you, and I want to be the one that you cry on at night when you feel like everything is falling apart. I want to fight this cancer with you. I have been a coward for far too long, and now it’s my time to prove to you I mean what I say. Please, I’m begging you—let me back in.”

  “Max, I swear to all that is holy that if you fuck up one more time, it will be the end of us. One more chance is all you have, and next time Jackson will do more than right hook your face for me.” I run a finger across the bruise that has formed under his eye.

  “I promise you, Bren. I promise you everything.” Then he takes possession of my lips, and we fall back against my bed and explore each other a little while before someone lightly knocks on the door.

  “Everything okay in there?” Jackson asks through the door.

  I sit up, straighten myself, and tell him to come in.

  “Everything’s good, Jackson. Thank you for bringing him here today.” I get up, walk over to him, and give him a hug and kiss on the cheek. “I promised if he ever fucked up again that you would give him more than your right hook for me.”

  “You bet I will. Last chance, brother.”

  The boys walk out into the kitchen while I excuse myself to freshen up. I look like a hot mess with my blotchy face, but I earned it.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Max

  I am literally on cloud nine as Jackson and I make our way back to the kitchen where Mike and Tina are sitting.

  “Well, how did it go in there? I was starting to worry, so I sent Jackson to check on you,” Tina asks as we take a seat.

  “I have my girl back,
as long as I don’t make any more mistakes like I have before.”

  “Are you sure you are ready for tomorrow and what lies before us?”

  “I promised Bren that I will be here every step of the way, from surgery, to taking care of her, or being a shoulder to cry on. I can’t lose her again, and I’m a stupid coward to have walked away in the first place. I get your concern, Tina, but I’m promising not only Bren but you as well—I’m here for the long haul.”

  I see a tear start to form in her eye as I speak. When I’m done with my speech to her, I go around the island to hug her. “I swear to you with all that I am I will not disappoint Bren or her family again.”

  “Thank you, Max. Thank you for coming back, and thank you for wanting to be here for my daughter.” She kisses my cheek and takes a step away from me. I quickly understand why, as Bren is making her way down the hallway and right into my arms.

  “I brought you something as an I’m sorry gift since I’m the worst person in the world.”

  I reach into my pocket and pull out the small, square, Tiffany-blue box that I’ve had sitting on my dresser for weeks now. When she sees the blue, I hear her gasp as her hand flies to her mouth. I quickly interject, “It’s not what you’re thinking in that pretty head of yours, so you can calm down a bit.” I wink at her and open the box so she can see it.

  Inside the box holds a rose-gold heart keychain with a small diamond in the middle and my apartment key attached. “I've wanted you to have a key to my apartment long before everything happened. I know it's too soon to move in together, but I wanted you to know you're always welcome in my apartment anytime. It is as much yours as it is mine.”

  “Thank you, Max, this means a lot to me.” Her arms go up around my neck as she stretches up on her tiptoes and gives me a quick kiss before she takes a step back.

  I was so anxious this morning that I couldn’t wait until the time Jackson told me to come up here, so we left at seven instead. Jackson wasn’t surprised at all; he was more surprised that I didn’t want to take off last night. I was literally shaking in my boots as we pulled up to Bren’s parents’ house. I felt a little bit better when I was welcomed by Tina instead of having things thrown at me. Maybe it was because I looked pathetic, with the bruise under my eye from the right hook I took last night and the bloodshot eyes from little to no sleep over the past few weeks. When I saw Bren walk into the kitchen and welcome Jackson with ease and open arms, I must admit it stung a little. She barely looked in my direction. I finally found my voice to say hi, expecting her to ignore me, but thankfully she didn’t and was willing to talk to me.

  Once again, I let my demons out and beg for her forgiveness. Bren is mine again, and that makes me the happiest guy around, at least until the conversation flows into reality. A little bit of my light fades as Bren starts to talk about her appointment today and her surgery tomorrow. I hope I can fulfill my promise to her and her mom by not freaking out again when it comes to dealing with the battle of Bren’s life.

  I push all the negative thoughts to the side and pull Bren onto my lap as we sit at the island and discuss the surgery.

  “I have an appointment this afternoon for pre-op at three. Mike was going to go with me, but would you take me instead?” She looks into my eyes to gauge my reaction to the conversation.

  “I will take you wherever you need to go. I meant what I said; I am here for you every step of the way, no matter what.”

  “Okay, I was just getting ready to run by The Java when you boys showed up, then check on my apartment. I haven’t been there in a couple of weeks. I’m sure it is dusty and disgusting.”

  “If you’re ready, we can go now. I should probably check in on my place too.” She goes to her room to get her purse. “Jackson, do you want to join us and see Kat and James while you’re here?”

  “I'll follow you with Mike, so I can talk with him on the ride over. I want to keep him here a little while longer, just to make sure everything is settled with the Calluci family. I want to make sure he's filled in and updated before I head back to Boston. And, I need to get back to Boston this afternoon, so I'll leave from there.”

  “Sounds good. We’ll meet you at The Java then. Thank you again for everything. Without you in my life, I wouldn’t be here.”

  “Not a problem,” he says as we shake hands and give each other a man hug. Bren quickly returns with her purse, and we walk out the front door.

  “Hey, Mike!” I call. “If it's all good with Jackson, why don't you go back to Boston with him this afternoon and then bring my car back up here later? We'll be good with Bren's rental car for now.” I look at Jackson. “I've got things here for a few days, bro. We'll be at the hospital starting tomorrow anyway.”

  “Sounds like a plan. Takes one worry off my hands since Mike can use your car for a few days. Although, he may have to bunk with you after he gets back.”

  “We will get it figured out in a few days. Right now let’s get to The Java. I am in need of some really damn good coffee. It’s been way too long.”

  We all laugh as we get into the cars and head over to The Java. Since we live in the building next door, we all park in the alley behind the building and enter through the back door of The Java, since we know the owner and all.

  “What the hell is going on?” we hear James yell from the front as we enter. His face goes from alarmed to relieved when he sees us.

  “Just coming by for a visit, got a problem with it?” I laugh and he comes in for a man hug.

  “It has been too long, brother. Glad to see you back.” With a hushed voice, he continues. “Is everything okay with you and Bren? I see that she finally has a smile on her face. Seems like the first time in a few weeks.”

  “We worked it out as much as we can for one conversation. I have a lot of proving to do, but she took me back. I promised her and her mom that I won’t run again and that I can deal with what is about to happen over the next couple months. Do me a favor and make sure I keep that promise?”

  “That’s a promise I can make. I want you both to be happy, but I know this won’t be easy for you. If you ever need to talk, vent, or even yell, just let me know. I’ve got your back.”

  “Thanks, I needed to hear that.”

  As we turn to walk out into the coffee shop, Kat suddenly plows into me and attaches herself to my midsection.

  “Well, hello to you too,” I say as everyone starts to laugh. “Did you miss me or something?”

  “Don’t you ever disappear again! You hear me, you asshole?”

  “Noted. I missed you too, K. Where’s Steph? I’ve missed her too.”

  I look up over Kat’s head to see that Bren is holding Steph in her arms. I notice that tears are starting to form in her eyes and with three long strides I’m right beside her. “What’s wrong, babe?”

  “Nothing, I’ve just missed her.”

  “Now tell me the real reason for the tears in your eyes. You can’t fool me, babe.”

  “I've missed so much of her life these last few months, because I was selfish. I didn't know if I could ever have a child of my own, because of the cancer, and it hurt to see her precious little face. I let my own demons get in the way of being the best auntie in the world, like I promised I would be. Kat understands why I stayed away now, but I feel awful for staying away. It still hurts not knowing if I will ever have my own baby, but that’s not her fault.”

  “Babe, let’s get through your surgery and treatments first, then we can worry about you having my child.” I can’t help the smile I plaster on my face.

  “Confident much? How do you know we will even make it that far?”

  “I made a promise to you that I intend to keep. I will always be here by your side. You are it for me, and there is no one else that could ever fill your shoes. I will fight till the end for you to be by my side. We will fight this cancer together, and, in the end, we will live happily ever after, just like they do in fairytales.”

  I lean down and kiss her lips
for a heartbeat, then pull away. Everyone is staring at us when I look up.

  “What are you all looking at?”

  They quickly divert their attention elsewhere. We grab our coffee and sit for a while and catch up. It feels amazing to be back in this family and know that I have love from everyone, including the beautiful girl by my side.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Bren

  Time passes too quickly, and I suddenly realize Max and I have to go. My appointment is in two hours, and we still need to go check both apartments and make sure they are in one piece. I hand a sleeping Steph to her mom and say my goodbyes to everyone with Max by my side. He takes my hand as we walk up to our apartments. I have no idea what kind of mess I have left behind, and to be honest I am kind of embarrassed to even open the door with Max standing next to me.

  “Um, can you give me a minute to make sure it isn’t trashed? I can’t remember how I left it the last time I was here.”

  “You don’t need to worry how it looks; I don’t care. If it is a mess, we will clean it up together, and then we’ll go over to my place and see what we find there.”

  “Fine.” I open the door and am shocked to see that it’s spotless—no dust and not a thing out of place. “Did you do this?”

  “Not directly, but I may have had Kat find someone to get the place cleaned up for you. You have a lot going on, and I didn’t want you to have to worry about this place being clean or wasting any time cleaning it. I’m here to make life as easy as possible for you, especially right now.”

  “Thank you,” I say as I rise on my toes and kiss him. Although, this time a little peck isn’t enough for me. I wrap my arms around his neck, and his arms go around me, grabbing a hold of my ass as he lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and hold on for dear life as he swipes his tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss. He starts to walk us back toward my bedroom when he stops, breaking the kiss.