Waiting on the Sidelines

by Scott, Ginger

  Hey, you up?

  I stared at it for a minute or two before replying. I wasn’t sure why I was hesitating, but something about it felt like I was hiding something from Sean.

  Yep. Wide awake. What’s up?

  I held the phone in my hand, willing a response to pop up on my screen.

  Just feeling a little … blah. Can you talk?

  I took a deep breath.

  Sure.

  And instantly my phone vibrated with his call. I let out a heavy sigh and settled into my pillow. “Hey, what’s going on?” I asked.

  “Hey. Thanks for talking. I know it’s super late. I just wanted to say thanks, you know, for earlier?”

  He didn’t seem drunk. I wondered if he had left Tatum at the party early. “Sure. You know, we’re friends, and I care about you a lot,” I cringed hearing the words come out of my mouth. I felt stupid for saying them, half because of how pompous and insincere they always sound and half because I cared about him more than a lot.

  “Thanks,” he said, with a deep sigh, almost like he was letting a weight off his shoulders. “I had to take Tatum home early. She was pretty drunk. I only had a beer or two.”

  “You drove?” I said, curiously. “You know, you can get in trouble for that, too, mister. You still have two weeks.”

  He laughed a little. “Yeah, I know. My dad was going to be out all night and I figured it was safer if I was in charge of getting people home safely, and my dad doesn’t really care. I’ve been driving since I was 12.”

  The image of a young Reed pulling cars into one of his dad’s dealerships amused me. Realizing the awkward silence, I filled it. “Speaking of… what are you doing for your birthday?”

  He let out a little groan. “Uhg. Tatum wants to take me out to dinner in the city and then we might stay at one of the resorts. Her parents have a ton of time shares.”

  I flinched a little at the thought of him and Tatum alone in a hotel room. I didn’t know what to say and didn’t have it in me to mask my reaction very well. “oh,” I said, a little deflated by it and shaken at how advanced they were.

  “I don’t really like to make a big deal of birthdays,” he said.

  “You’re turning 16. Come on, Reed. It’s a big deal. Maybe not for boys, but for us girls? It’s a big deal. We play ‘sweet 16’ when we’re little girls. It’s a thing,” I explained, trying to move on mentally from the thought of he and Tatum playing honeymoon together.

  “Well, I’ll remember that for your birthday then,” he said, laughing a little.

  “Damn straight you will,” I joked.

  “Hey, thanks for talking. I feel a little better. I better go to bed. I’ve got films in the morning,” he said.

  “Yeah, I’ve got practice. I’m varsity now, thanks to your girlfriend, you know?” I said, a bit reluctant to give Tatum credit, though she did deserve a little.

  “That’s right. Congrats – I hear you’re pretty strong at that net. I’ll have to come check out a game,” he said, my heart stopping at the thought of him watching me. I’m sure I would make a fool of myself. Pulling back to reality, I reminded myself of my boyfriend.

  “I’m sure Tatum would love to show off for you. You and Sean should come to one of the Tuesday games when you’re out of practice early,” I said, trying to bring us back to normal.

  “Yeah, we should. And she totally would – Tatum’s a star, that’s for sure. But if I go, I’m team Nolan,” he said, leaving it at that. “Good night, Noles.”

  “Good night.”

  Noles. It felt special hearing him say it. I laid there holding my phone to my chest, my head swirling with my conversation that borderlined on personal, but never quite got there. I wanted to call him again, right then. But I knew that was a bad idea. So I closed my eyes and let sleep take me over.

  8. Two of Me

  Two weeks later, Reed made good on his promise. It was our toughest game of the year and Sean and Reed were making their way up the bleachers as we were stretching and getting ready for warm ups. I studied Tatum as she stretched with a little extra sexiness in front of them. I tried to mimic her toe-touch, stretching my arms down to touch the ground, but I didn’t have the same grace she did. I just looked uncomfortable, and I was pretty sure my knees were bent, making it more of a squat.

  I rolled my eyes at myself and grabbed a ball to warm up with one of the other girls on the team, Jaden. We started passing the ball back and forth and setting each other. I was pretty proud of myself for not making any huge blunders up to this point. I looked over at Tatum who was truly enjoying putting on the show. She was talented without doubt, but she had the ability to turn on an extra little showmanship when she knew she was being watched.

  When the game started, I caught a glimpse of Sean and Reed. Both of them gave me a thumbs up and I gave one back, laughing a little at our overly obvious secret signal. I had worked my way into a starting position and was glad that the boys didn’t come to only see me ride the bench. The game flew by and we ended up winning in two straight games to take the match. I even managed a block in one of the last points to really impress my audience of two.

  After the game, Reed and Sean were waiting in the lobby as Tatum and I left the locker room. “Hey, nice block, hops,” Reed teased as I walked up to them. “Seriously, nice game Noles. You’re so much stronger this year.”

  Done with my compliments, Tatum wove her arm through Reed’s and led him out the door. I turned to Sean who was beaming at me. “My girl’s bad ass,” he joked, putting his arm around me as we left the gym.

  Sean drove me home and we spent a little time on the front porch before I went inside for the night. My dad wasn’t too hip on having boys inside unless they planned on sitting in the living room with him and watching the game. After an hour or so, Sean kissed me goodnight and took off.

  As soon as I got to my room I pulled out my phone to see if I had a text from Reed. My heart lifted when I did.

  Seriously, nice game. Hops ;-p

  I smiled and wrote back a quick ‘thanks.’

  Sean and Reed ended up coming to a two more games, the last one on Reed’s birthday. Reed and I had been texting every night after practice for the last two weeks, about the stress of his upcoming games and my stress of fitting in on a team full of seniors. I was excited to see him after the game because I had found the perfect birthday present for him. I didn’t tell Sean about it, afraid he would be jealous. He probably wouldn’t, but I felt a pang of worry nonetheless.

  We won our game easily that night, playing one of our rival schools in a lower division. Their team was mostly underclassmen and they really didn’t know how to defend against our constant barrage of attacks.

  I hurried through my shower and ran out to find Sean and Reed in the lobby before Tatum could make her way out there. I was nervous about sneaking Reed his gift and didn’t want to miss my opportunity. As I met them in the lobby, I gave Sean a quick kiss and then looked at Reed. “Hey, I have one of your history papers that I meant to give you earlier. It has some questions on it and I didn’t want you to miss an assignment,” I said in my most believable voice possible. Reed looked at me strangely but went along with it. “OK, thanks.”

  “Sean, I’ll be right back. Let me just give this to him before I forget,” I said, willing Reed to join me out the door. Thankfully he followed.

  We walked to the main corridor by the lockers quickly, almost jogging. When Reed caught up he smirked, “what’s this all about? There’s no paper.”

  “I know, I totally don’t know why I made that up, sorry,” I confessed, still hurrying. Intrigued, Reed followed.

  “I have a birthday present for you, but I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I know you don’t like ‘big deals’,” I said.

  I reached into my locker and pulled out the small box that I stuffed in there before our game and handed it to Reed. I watched carefully as he looked up at me and smiled, his hands working on peeling back the paper. I was
instantly irritated at myself for wrapping it. It was taking too long. Finally, he slid the box out and pulled back the lid. A huge smile filled his face as he looked up at me.

  “Where the hell did you find this?” he said, pulling the small felt patch shaped like the state of Arizona from the tissue paper.

  “OK, don’t judge, promise?” I said with a serious tone. I don’t know why I was so nervous about this.

  “Of course,” he said, holding it in his hand and his eyes wide and happy.

  “Goodwill,” I said, waiting for him to make a comment about shopping at Goodwill, something which Tatum would do. When he didn’t I continued. “I go there with my mom sometimes to find good deals and the last time we were there I found this old letterman jacket from Coolidge High School. The jacket was pretty beat up, so they gave it to me for $5. I really just wanted the patch. That was your dad’s year, right? Didn’t he win state in 1976?”

  “Yeah,” Reed swallowed. He looked up at me and then back at the patch again, reaching his arm out to pull me in for a hug. “Thanks, Nolan. This was really nice.”

  “I just thought you’d like it,” I said, my heart pounding out of my chest at both being in his arms again and at the thought of Sean and Tatum seeing me there. And just then, he kissed the top of my head.

  We froze for a few seconds, though it felt like minutes. A line was crossed, however small, and we both felt it. I knew I had to be the first to break it, but I fought against my heart to do so. “Happy birthday, Reed,” I said backing out of his arms and looking down. “Hey, we should hurry. Don’t want Tatum freaking out,” I kidded, though not entirely.

  “Oh, right,” he said, his eyes holding mine just a little longer than normal.

  We ran back to the parking lot and found Tatum and Sean just walking out of the gym doors. Never one for quiet and simple, Tatum squealed Reed’s name and came skipping over. I saw that he had shoved the patch in his pocket long before she saw it, and part of me was pleased that he didn’t want her to cheapen it with one of her tasteless remarks.

  We all piled into Reed’s Jeep, which he still wasn’t technically licensed for. They dropped me off first, and Sean smacked my ass as I leapt out of the Jeep, whistling as I ran up my driveway and entered my house.

  “That Sean with you?” my dad said, as I came in.

  “Yeah, sort of. Well, Reed and Sean,” I responded, rubbing my rear a little embarrassed by the swat and catcall Sean gave me.

  “Big game this Friday. Reed feel ready?” my dad asked, one thing on his mind – football.

  “I think so,” I said quickly and turned to head to my room down the hall. My mom stopped me on her way out of the laundry room.

  “Did Reed like the patch?” she whispered. My grin giving away a little too much.

  “Good… careful, ok?” she said.

  “OK,” I said, with a bit of an eye roll.

  I shut my door and pulled out my phone to wait for my text from Reed. Hours passed and I was starting to think I wouldn’t hear from him. Sean called first just to say good night. I was a little quick to get him off the phone, but thought he bought my studying excuse. I was about to give up and take my shower and call it a night when my phone vibrated.

  “Hello?” I said, quietly.

  “Hey, sorry. Did I wake you?” Reed said.

  “No, I was up. I was just waiting…” I stopped short and decided not to finish.

  After a short moment of silence, Reed continued. “Thanks for my present. Seriously, that’s maybe the most thoughtful thing anyone ever gave me,” he said.

  “Well, it’s not a Jeep,” I laughed, self-effacing humor always my go-to.

  “No, it’s not,” he said, without a hint of sarcasm. “Thank you. It meant a lot.”

  “You’re welcome,” I said. “I’m glad you like it. Happy birthday, Reed.”

  “Good night, Nolan,” he said, lingering on the phone just a bit before hanging up.

  I was in trouble.

  9. Not Really

  Reed spent his birthday weekend with Tatum in the city, and I spent the weekend casting evil spells into the air then shaking my head at my own ridiculous thoughts. Imagine my surprise when I heard from Reed Sunday afternoon and he told me that he and Tatum spent the entire night and next day vomiting from food poisoning. I felt strangely guilty for my apparent witchcraft abilities.

  While Reed and I continued to talk and text almost nightly, the conversations always remained platonic. Admittedly, I never attempted to take them anywhere beyond our friendship. But neither did Reed. I found myself pulling out Reed’s letter before bed to remind myself of the butterflies he could make me feel. Still buzzing from my almost pseudo-intimate moment with Reed weeks before, I oozed school spirit as I prepped myself for Friday’s final regular season football game. I even volunteered to work the grill with Sienna and some of the other members of the band and student council for the Big Bear Tailgate Party.

  This year’s fest was full of extra promise – the Bears were looking to go undefeated. Oddly enough, the last time the school did that was under the leadership of the older Johnson. Reed was undoubtedly feeling extra pressure from the situation.

  Sienna and I arrived to the main parking lot at 4 p.m. We were charged with cleaning the grill and getting enough hot dogs and burgers grilled by the time 40 hungry football players and even more boosters showed up for dinner by 5. We were starting to panic when I saw Sean’s truck pull into the parking lot, followed shortly after by Reed’s Jeep. The boys walked over with their jerseys slung over their shoulders over their gray practice shirts, long purple shorts and flip flops. There was something so mature in their walk and the way they confidently moved toward us.

  “Hey, Noles. Thought you could use some extra hands,” Sean said, coming up to me and kissing me on my cheek. I blushed when he did and caught myself sneaking a look at Reed to see if he noticed, hoping he didn’t. I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt like I should hide my relationship with Sean from him, like it would hurt him to see us together. Or perhaps, more the truth, that it would damage whatever sparks I was imagining between Reed and me.

  The boys were an enormous help, taking over the grilling and getting most of the burgers and dogs started and well on their way to being done by the time the first fans were arriving. I plated a dinner up for each of them and covered it in plastic wrap so they could head into the locker room to join the other players before coming out for dinner.

  The entire team came out at 5:30 to a roaring crowd. Coach announced each of their names to whistles along with small bits of highlights from the season. Reed, of course, was saved for the end. When he made his way to the front of the crowd and climbed up the makeshift stage the student council had built for the party, the parking lot was filled with the thunderous sound of the entire town of Coolidge pounding fists on picnic tables. I saw the look of fear flash across his face briefly, but he was fast to tuck it away – ever the responsible pillar of pride for this community. I knew he took on this role with sincerity, and he truly felt responsible for delivering for his friends, his neighbors, his father and himself.

  I stood on top of a picnic table in the back with Sienna to cheer for him loudly, and his half smile back at me stole my breath. He pulled his hat from his head and ran his fingers through his hair, slightly embarrassed by the lingering standing ovation from the crowd. When he put his hat back on, he kept his eyes low and looked up from beneath with a bit of a devious look to his face. Pausing, he held the mic in his hand while the crowd quieted down and waiting for just one word from their anointed one. Biting the tip of his tongue, he finally relented to a full blown grin and gave them what they wanted.

  “We own this thing – let’s do this, Bears!” he shouted and the crowd responded with more pounding and screaming. I was in awe.

  The team headed for the locker room to gear up and get ready to take the field for warm-ups. The rest of the crowd lingered until they opened the gates for seating at 6:45.
I handled clean up for the grill on my own so Sienna could head in for band warm ups. Sarah sat at a table with her sister and Tatum nearby. I was a little irritated that she didn’t offer to help me, but I also knew she wouldn’t be much help anyhow. Sarah and manual labor didn’t mix well.

  I was wiping down the tables and putting all of the leftover buns and condiments in a box when I noticed someone picking up a rag and wiping down the tables with me.

  “You grill a pretty mean burger, young lady,” Buck said, a toothpick hanging from the side of his mouth. He was wearing a golden shirt with a purple tie and a deep purple suit jacket. On anyone else this outfit would have seemed gaudy, but it was perfect on Buck. He was a force to be reckoned with, and if the man wanted to wear a purple jacket, by God there wasn’t anyone that was going to tell him it was a bad idea.

  He pulled his jacket off and draped it over my folding chair, then rolled up his sleeves to help me take apart the grill. I smiled at him and inside wondered at his amazing kindness. I wanted to have a meaningful conversation in the worst way, but I couldn’t seem to find the words, so instead, in my nervousness, I began to hum “Brown-eyed Girl” by Van Morrison.

  “You know, I sing a mean Karaoke of that song. How do you know it, isn’t it a little old for you?” he winked.

  “Oh, well, my family says I have an old soul,” I said, smiling and ringing out my wash cloth with a little flair.

  Buck chuckled and continued to pack everything away with me while I hummed, every now and again humming along. I understood why he was so successful. The man had charisma, yes. But he also had that certain special quality that made you want him to like you, to embrace you and take you in as one of his friends. Even as a teenager I felt honored just having this small, tiny thing in common with him. I was running on a sort of high when I looked back over to Sarah and locked eyes with Tatum, who did not look pleased to see me getting along so well with Buck.

  In seconds, Tatum was picking up a towel helping clean off the spots on the grill lid. I noticed that, while Buck welcomed her with a “hey there, sugar,” he also wasn’t humming and whistling anymore. And I felt a small victory at that.