Waiting on the Sidelines

by Scott, Ginger

  Buck helped wheel the grill back into the storage area and headed to the stands to take his spot amid the many reporters and scouts who had come to see his boy pull off the amazing. And Reed did not disappoint.

  The score wasn’t proof of his performance, the Bears winning 14-7. But every yard, every point and every small spark that helped recharge the team was thanks to something inspiring Reed did on the field. I was amazed by his ability, but even more so, his ability to lead. He was years older than his age on that field.

  When the game was over, Reed stayed out on the field for nearly 45 minutes talking to the local newspaper reporters and two TV stations from Tucson and Phoenix that covered the game. I hung out by the gates with Sarah and Sienna for a bit, my eyes dancing between Reed on the field and Tatum, who was sitting in the snack bar window holding court with the underclassmen (all my classmates) who were listening to her talk about Reed and how amazing their relationship was. I wanted to shove her from her perch and tell her how vapid she was, and how fake her entire relationship was, how she didn’t really know Reed at all. But, I knew I needed Tatum to like me, or at least tolerate me. And I knew, at the end of the day, she knew what his lips felt like. While I, well, I might have some nice texts and a letter that was falling apart on the folds tucked away in my bedroom.

  Reed was finally leaving the field, walking over with his jersey off and his pads exposed, his helmet dangling from his hand. Our smiles met each other and I wanted to run to him and tell him how proud I was. Throw my arms around him. Have him swing me around in circles while I kissed him. I was getting carried away, but my fantasy was delicious. I was just about to walk over to meet him at the track when my legs were swept out from under me and I was slung over someone’s shoulder and carried towards the field.

  Part of what I liked about being Sean’s girlfriend was how much he loved showing his affection, for everyone to see. But for some reason, I only wanted him to stop at this moment. I felt like he had stopped my heart from leaping, if just for a moment, and I resented him for stealing this from me.

  I slapped at his back and begged him to put me down and then I found myself on the ground, in the end zone. He started tickling me. I couldn’t help but laugh, even though inside I was desperately wanting to rewind. I looked over to where Reed was standing, staring at us and our amateur wrestling match. For a moment, he seemed conflicted and then he let out the faintest smile and shook his head as he turned and continued over to Tatum, picking her up and twirling her around while she squealed. Of course she squealed. It was the most awful sound in the world. He carried her all the way up the ramp to the locker room where he planted her on her feet and told her to wait for him, throwing his jersey to her. She instantly put it on.

  I lay there, on the grass, while Sean looked at me. “I played that game for you, you know,” Sean said. I barely registered what he said, but knew enough to make eye contact with him, smile and tell him he did it for everyone, also knowing he had nothing to do with that win at all. The boy who did was in the locker room, getting ready to take home another girl, and my heart was breaking.

  10. Action, Reaction

  Coolidge rode the wave of their newly minted state championship all the way through the holidays. And Reed’s popularity and statewide notoriety climbed to new levels. He was only 16, but he was already being heavily recruited. I know his heart belonged to Tucson – the tradition of his father and, while he didn’t care for him much, his brother. Despite this, he was being courted by schools from California, Illinois, Texas, Florida and Michigan.

  We talked regularly, though never for long, and the focus was always on his college recruitments, football plans for next season and school. Tatum and Sean were merely brought up when we would tell one another to say hi to the other. There was an air of tension, but I couldn’t explain it.

  School was starting back after the holiday break and the buzz was the upcoming winter dance. Sienna, Sarah and I all volunteered to decorate the gym. We were excited about it but didn’t really have much of a choice either as it was Tatum’s committee and she was bent on putting us to work.

  We had cut hundreds of snowflakes from these sheets of sparkly blue and silver paper that Sienna had picked up from a specialty store in the city. It took us more than three hours to string each one up and tack it to the ceiling. But the final effect was well worth the effort when Tatum switched off the lights and flicked on the glowing disco ball she had ordered to hang from the middle of the gymnasium. The flakes flickered and fluttered above us as the slight breeze from the air system caused them to sway. It seemed as if snow was falling here in the middle of the desert. We were pleased.

  We had a little more than an hour to head home and prep ourselves for the dance. I was spending the night at Sarah’s and had brought my clothes over to her house to get ready. I had one dress that would work. I had been hanging on to it for two years – my mom and I found it on a clearance rack at the big mall in Tucson when I was graduating from eighth grade and at the time it didn’t quite fit me yet, my boobs not quite able to fill the top. It had a flirty and flowing silver and blue skirt that swayed just above my knees and a form-fitting glittery top that hugged my midsection and accentuated my small but mighty bust. Soft quarter sleeves cupped my shoulders to keep everything in place.

  I slipped the dress on in Sarah’s room while she was finishing up her make up in the bathroom. I was twirling to try to see the zipper on the back when Sarah entered behind me, her hand on her chin and her head turned sideways as if she was studying me for an art class.

  “What?” I finally broke.

  “Nothing,” she said, unconvincingly. “It’s just… It’s just that something’s, I don’t know. Just not quite right?”

  She started to turn me around slowly, still studying. Finally, she clapped her hands together, her face showing her mind clearly made up.

  “Do you trust me?” she asked. I wasn’t sure. The truth was, I trusted her with my life, but not necessarily with my outfit.

  “Uh, I guess so… what are you going to do?” I waited nervously as she dug in one of her drawers. I gasped a little when I realized she was now holding scissors.

  “Close your eyes. I don’t want you freaking out on me,” she said. I obeyed, holding my breath and scared as hell. Please don’t cut my hair, please don’t cut my hair. I was at first relieved when I felt Sarah pulling on the seams of my sleeves. Then clarity sat in and I realized she was altering my dress, and taking away the only thing holding it up.

  “Sarah!” I screamed, pulling away a little. She grabbed my arm with a hard jerk.

  “Nolan, for the love of god, just trust me. OK?” she was frustrated.

  I relented and waited, still closing my eyes for fear of how this would all turn out. In a few minutes she ordered me to open my eyes. I stood, staring at her, blinking. I was petrified to move for fear that my dress would fall to my ankles. There was no bra underneath as I didn’t own one that would hide appropriately under the cut.

  “Oh damn, Nolan. You look hot,” she said, backing away to admire her work.

  Fearful still, I slowly turned to face her mirror. I caught my breath when I realized she was right. What was more, I could actually move without losing the cloth that was hugging my body. My bare shoulders curved from the top of the dress, bronzed from my many hours outside running in preparation for the next track season. My neck looked long and … kissable.

  “We need to put your hair up, like this,” she continued, holding most of my hair on the top of my head but letting a few strands fall down my shoulders. I just nodded and let her have her way. Make up, perfume, butterfly clips – whatever she wanted to do. I had never felt more confident than when Sarah was complete with my mini makeover.

  I was meeting Sean at the dance. Sarah was working on landing the attention of a senior named Marcus. I was pretty sure she would have success as she slipped on her black strappy heals to match her tight black dress with spaghetti straps at the
top. Her hair was straight and fell down her back, her eyes deep and smoky. She may have “jazzed me up,” but she looked downright sexy.

  We walked into the gym and found Sienna standing in a corner by the entrance. My sweet, uncomfortable friend was my solace. I scooted over to her side and put my head on her shoulder. She turned and teased me with a whistle and pawed at me like a cat. I giggled, a little flattered by her compliment.

  The dance floor was empty as the mostly freshmen gathered at the dance early sat at the tables picking at cookies and downing paper cups of punch. We picked a table near the dance floor and piled our purses in the middle of the table. Then our fearless leader Sarah led Sienna and me to the middle of the floor, directly under the disco ball that was in full spin. The DJ was playing a hip-hop song that I sort of knew, and Sarah was moving to the music like a girl in the singer’s music video. Sienna and I swayed next to her, always the awkward ones.

  Giggling and tossing her long hair over one shoulder, Sarah grabbed both of us by the hands. “Girls, we’ve gotta work on your moves. Here, follow me,” she said, showing us some simple moves that helped us look a little less like wallflowers. By the second song, we had it down, and Sienna and I were laughing, our arms over our heads while we moved to the heavy base thumping from the nearby speaker.

  I jumped a little when I felt a pair of hands slide over my hips, but relaxed when I smelled Sean’s familiar cologne as his chin grazed over my bare shoulders and his lips found my neck.

  “You, are downright hot,” he said, turning me to face him and pulling me in with both hands on my face.

  I blushed when I pulled away to look him in the eyes, his smirk slightly sinister. Truth be told, I was enjoying the attention my new look was getting.

  “You like?” I said, twirling a little and showing of my bare back and legs. I could get used to this confidence thing.

  “Oh, I like…” Sean said, pulling me closer just as a slow song was starting. I nestled my face into his shoulder and neck and took in a deep breath. There was something comforting in his smell, like my grandfather’s wood shop up north. His hair was still a little wet from his shower. He was wearing a black V-neck sweater that accentuated his muscles and showed off his wide upper body. His worn jeans bunched at his feet, his brown leather shoes barely showing. I closed my eyes for a few seconds while we rocked back and forth, willing myself to fall in love. But when I opened my eyes and looked at the couple talking to the faculty chaperones at the door, I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to talk my heart into leaping from my chest the way it did when I saw Reed.

  He didn’t see me at first. His hand was gently placed on Tatum’s lower back. She had a short, deep blue, silk dress on that swayed on her lower back, showing off her bare shoulder blades – always finding a way to one-up me, I thought.

  Reed was joking with one of the football coaches that was helping host the dance. He shook coach’s hand and turned to enter the gym with Tatum leading the way. Reed dragged behind a bit, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, almost as if he was willing himself to endure this dance. Sarah and Calley had stopped Tatum to admire her dress and Reed kept walking, saying something to her over his shoulder as he held her purse and looked for our table that Sarah had pointed out. He turned and started walking towards it when he froze and locked his eyes on me.

  My throat closed. I turned my head in a little to face Sean, but kept my eyes locked on Reed, pretty sure he couldn’t tell I was staring at him. He walked slowly to the table, his focus shifting back and forth from his destination to me. Deep down, I knew this was what I had hoped was the result of Sarah’s great work. And I was pretty sure this was her goal, too.

  Sean and I circled around, and whenever Sean’s hands rubbed my back or played with my hair, Reed winced a little. His facial expression was caught somewhere between curiosity and sadness. Even as Tatum and the other girls joined him at the table, he continued to steal glances at me.

  The song finished and I told Sean I was thirsty, so we walked back to our table. Determined to find those butterflies that I felt months ago, I searched my brain for a way to make Reed react. When Sean left our group for drinks, I let my guard go and reached for Reed’s shoulder, using him to balance myself so I could adjust the strap on my shoe. I felt the heat from his stare as I finished and tossed the ringlets of hair Sarah strategically let fall on my shoulders out of my eyes and gave Reed a “hello” smile.

  “Hey…” he said, softly, looking down and swallowing.

  “Hey, was wondering when you guys would get here,” I said, forcing my most confident self to push forward with an air of disinterest.

  “Oh, uh… yeah. Tatum’s… well, she’s slow. She takes forever to get ready,” he said, looking back at her on the dance floor then back to me, now with shock and surprise in his eyes. Sitting down, he looked at the floor again and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. Then he stood up, unable to settle. He was nervous, and it was the most pleasant surprise of my life.

  “So, uh… whataya say?” he said, tilting his head to the dance floor.

  I looked back to Sean, who was deep in conversation with some of the guys from the team. Strong self, you can do this, Nolan. “Sure!” I said, taking his hand and leading him out to the dance floor.

  Reed stood there stiffly at first while I danced in front of him, holding my arms over my head while my hips swayed and my hair flirted with my chin and shoulders. He started to relax and I even saw a smirk start to form in the side of his mouth as he watched me, looking at me like he did in my dreams.

  When the song faded into a slow song, I started to turn back to our table, but Reed stopped me, grabbing the tips of my fingers and willing me towards him. His smile was stronger. He was turning on the Johnson charm.

  “Sean won’t mind. I bet Tatum will force him to dance, you know, just to show me a lesson,” Reed rolled his eyes.

  I laughed, though my gut clenched a little at the thought of Tatum teaching me a lesson.

  It was a country song, one that my dad listened to all the time. I knew the words and focused on them to keep my legs from buckling under me as Reed pulled my hand in to his chest and put his warm hand flat against my lower back. This… was intimate.

  As we rocked to the music, I felt him looking down at my face, his superior height something I was ever so grateful for now. I forced my eyes to look to the side at other couples and caught a quick glimpse of Sean and Tatum dancing across the room. He was right.

  Unable to stand it, I looked up to try to sneak one look at him, but was caught immediately, his smile fast and captivating.

  “Noles, you look amazing tonight. Really,” he said, squeezing my hand a little as he held it even tighter to his chest.

  “Thanks,” I blushed, looking back up at him through my lashes, a move I learned from Sarah. “You clean up pretty good yourself, champ.” And… there I am.

  Reed chuckled a little, then stopped our movement for a moment, lifting my chin with his hand to look him in the eyes. “Stop it; you don’t know how to take a compliment. I mean it and I want you to hear me. You. Are. Beautiful.”

  I was done. I knew it the first time I saw him, but tonight solidified every stray emotion rattling in my body. I loved Reed Johnson, and I was pretty sure I always would. He pulled me back in to his chest and we danced in silence for the rest of the song. My eyes locked on the contour of his jaw line and chest, his chin tucked over my head. In my mind he was holding me as if he never wanted to let go.

  Reed guided me back to our table and my head was swirling, my mind trying to wrap itself around the words my ears just heard. My eyes were panicked and looking for Sean, and I worried about what I could ever say. And then one look pulled me right out of my fantasy. Tatum was sitting at our table, her long legs folded over one another and her eyes trained on mine like daggers. She was pissed. And I knew I was her target. She stood and came over to Reed, hooking her arm under his
and running her nose along his jaw to reclaim what was hers. But while Reed gave her his attention, he still shared it with me for the rest of the evening.

  And Tatum was furious.

  11. Untruths

  “Hey, I was thinking to kick off track season I would have a little sleepover, you know before the big meet? I thought maybe you, me and a few of the other girls could get together. It’d be fun. Let me know, ok?”

  I must have played Tatum’s voicemail over a hundred times trying to decipher the tone, get to the root of her plan, understand what she was up to. During the weeks after the winter formal, Tatum had been very short with me. She had also been very possessive of Reed’s time, making it near impossible for us to ever be alone together. I had grown nervous for a while that she was sabotaging my relationship with Sean after I’d seen her talking with him in his truck one morning, but despite my anxiety that he would dump me or cause a scene accusing me of cheating on him with his best friend, which I had not done, it never happened.

  Regardless, I knew I couldn’t trust her. But I also knew that I couldn’t alienate myself.

  I called Tatum back finally and left her a message confirming my Friday night attendance. It was the night before our first big weekend meet. The meet was at home, so we wouldn’t have to leave campus early for travel.

  I drove the trusty Olds to her house with my dad in the passenger seat. He was giving me some extra hours behind the wheel before I took my driving test. I was 16, but I wasn’t quite comfortable behind the wheel.

  He slid over in the seat as I got out and grabbed my bag and sleeping bag from the trunk. I knocked on Tatum’s door and she answered, revealing five other girls behind her. I didn’t know any of them very well – they were all juniors and seniors – but they were all nice to me during volleyball season and last year’s track season.